I wake up in an unfamiliar place, the color of a light red fills my vision, it’s almost pink as my eyes groggily search the room. It looks almost identical to a stereotypical hospital room aside from the color, and the strange alien technology surrounding me. So I'm not dead, I think as I see a holographic screen displaying imagery of an earth field, with green trees in the background and the occasional car passing by every minute or two, what's that about? The room has a large circular couch, thing, it looks like a couch but the design is off somehow. There is also what looks to be a heart rate monitor and an IV going into my right arm. I look to my left arm when I remember what had just happened, a piece of red metal appears to have replaced my shoulder with a small cylindrical protrusion where the arm would normally begin, the fuck, I reach over and touch the foreign object, it’s warm, not too warm but just like touching skin, aside from the smooth texture and the hard metal.
As I sit there examining myself and the surroundings I hear voices outside a smooth green door, voices I can understand, but they aren't speaking English, or any other human language for that matter “so what the hell happened to this one?” a gravely even voice somewhere between male and female sounding asked.
“Report says one of the newbies took off his left arm after she saw the poor thing with a knife. I feel bad for the male, you can see the utter terror in his eyes on the body cam footage.” This voice is higher but still gravely, assuming they worked the same way, this one is definitely a female.
“That boneless bitch, a fucking knife? Their hand guns didn’t even pierce the breastplate let alone a knife! Even if the man got close enough to stab in the weaker areas, they are stab and slash immune.” I don’t know if I am being pitied or talked down to at this point.
“Well you better make it clear you're on his side, it will be hard for him to realize he’ll have to pay a shit ton or just keep the metal. Good luck, and please give him a good uplift name.”
“I will I will, already have one in mind”
The door slides to the right, into the wall and in slithers an alien who has four eyes with similar positioning to humans, orange skin smooth as ours but with no hair, what looks like a wound down the middle of its face yet you can tell it isn’t in a strange way, it doesn’t have ears or a nose, and it’s wearing a skintight green suit that ends a few inches below the “hips” and a black skin tight sleeve down the rest of its tail? Body? Snakes are always confusing on that. The same species that shot my fucking arm off, no tits though so maybe a male? I will find out soon as much to my dismay, it starts talking. “Hello human, I am Mr. Ullgo, your nurse for the time being, how are you feeling?”
If I’m being honest, physically nothing hurts or even feels odd, my metal shoulder is strange to look at, sure, but it doesn’t feel any different than my normal shoulder, I wasn’t about to give them credit though. “Like hell.”
“I see, that is unfortunate, I can’t imagine what you're going through, I'm sure you have questions, please ask any now.”
“Where the fuck am I and why can I understand you?”
“Firstly: you are in an orbital hospital around earth for treating troops and civilians, and your neurons have been modified in a way that you speak and understand Ikotac, the standard language for the Argochurian Authority.” he sounds very matter of factly
“You did fucking what!” I shout lifting myself up for the first time.
“My dear sir, pride ourselves on a smooth integration and this is the best way to do it.” he says putting a hand on his chest, there are two fingers on each side of the palm, strange
“Real fucking smooth, show up, blast a city into ash, blow a man’s arm off in his own home, kidnap him and mess with his brain, fuck you pal.”
“I apologize for the wretched behavior made by our military but I have no part in it, I just heal the injured.” sounding almost sincere
“Yeah? Then whats with the fucking scar on your face and why did I hear you talking about reports?” I spit out
“What I talk about is none of your concern sir, and it’s not a scar it’s a nose.” that’s weird, maybe it gets translated into the equivalent
“Whatever, can I go home?”
“Likely yes, if you answer my questions.”
“Whatever, shoot.”
“I will not be injuring you sir.” the nurse replies with a confused look
“It means start, you overgrown snake.” they really kinda look like snake people just without the scales
“I see, very well, first question I will know if you're lying, if given the opportunity to leave your world to work and live somewhere else, would you.” he seems like this thing has asked these questions many time
“So long as it’s away from you fucks, sure.”
“Second question, what kind of job would you like to have if you got to choose.”
“I don’t know, my old job on Earth.” what kind of question is that
“And lastly, would you like to stay on your world?” this time he looks me dead in the eyes with a curious look
“If this is what the galaxy is like, then yeah, fuck leaving”
“Alright, thank you, I’m uploading the results now,” a couple seconds pass and he starts to frown, “I apologies sir but, it appears that The Authority needs you off world.”
“What the hell, fuck you no I’m staying on earth!”
“My humblest apologies but nobody on this station can change the results, but as is tradition, you now must receive a new set of names.” he smiles, it’s such a genuine smile like he’s happy for me. Wait, new names what? He places a small and smooth device on my head. “This is just so you remember your new name as your name, which is now, Yagak Grolgem!” there is a sharp shock and hissing sound as he says my name, wait no that's not my name! My name is… is… why can’t I remember?
“What the fuck did you just do you bastard?!” I grab the device and slam it into the floor, and it breaks apart into several pieces
He jumps, as much as a thing without legs can jump, “eep, I’m sorry sir, it’s required to have a new name to unchain you from your past.” he sounds scared, pitiful, confused
Suddenly a 7 foot tall, jacked female alien with red skin and a similar outfit to Ullgo, bursts into the room, and points a vaguely pistol shaped device with a yellow end at me, “stop right there human” she yells, slithering closer to me, “I don’t want to taze a man but I will!”
“Whoa, ok ok” I raise my hand up, I already got shot once by an alien, I don't want to lose another limb.
“Ullgo get behind me.” she commands the male who seems to frown even deeper
“He won’t do anything, plus he’s missing an arm”
“Then what was that crash?” she turns to him but still keeping the gun on me
The male slithers over to the right of the bed and picks up the pieces of the device, “the neural rewriter, I am once again sorry Mr Grolgem, but it is necessary for the uplifting process.”
This bastard, “curl up and die.” I growl with as much venom as I can, “when do I get to leave this place”
“Later this evening, after you get your arm that is, oh and please leave Hogerchek”
“But…” she starts but is cut off
"now” and with disappointment clear on her face she turns and leaves, “apologies, she is jumpy due to the amount of violent patients as of late” he seems genuine at least, “please follow me to the bionics branch, that's where you can get a new arm.”
I nod, at least I’ll get a badass replacement of my missing limb, wonder if I can get a knife on the end of it like the doom slayer, probably not, why would they give me a weapon after mutilating me. I stand up as I take the blanket off of me. I see that I too am wearing a skin tight suit that appears to be made specifically for humans, but not for human males as my bulge is very clearly pronounced on the thin material. I step off the bed and the nurse begins to turn a deeper shade of orange before turning away, “my apologies, we don’t have anything looser so we just gave you a bipedal plantigrade pair of sleeves” he looks very bashful as he stares at the wall. I chuckle at the bizarre display, how is this guy a nurse if he can’t handle looking at someone else’s private bits, oh well, I’m suddenly feeling better about the situation,
“what’s the matter, four eyes? Aren’t you a nurse, you should be used to looking at another man’s dick.” I say vying for a reaction.
“Agrochurian penises stay inside the body when not in use, and I’ve only been dealing with human females so far, not a fellow male.” he slithers over to the door as I follow, “a short walk and you may return to your room,” he already seems to have mostly recovered from a couple seconds ago, what a strange creature.
​
first

New account because I don’t like talking about personal things on my normal account and Al of this makes me self conscious.
This ended up being so much longer than I expected and I apologize for that. Thank you to anyone who makes it through this. As a bit of a TL;DR for anyone who doesn’t want to read my book, I submitted a fully developed claim with nothing supplemental because I put this off for over 5 years and just wanted to feel like I did something. I had C&P exams and now am having an ACE medical records review on my bipolar claim that was deferred. Should I now submit the service records I have relating to it or should I just let it take its course and submit the records later to contest the decision if it is not favorable. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to respond!
Just a little backstory:
While I’ve never filed any claims before my doctors at the VA as well as other in my life have pushed me to for quite awhile. One because I know it would legitimately make a huge difference in my life but also to help pursue a discharge upgrade. The whole thing has made me very self conscious for two main reasons. It’s hard for me to justify getting the same kind of benefits as the people who I walk past in the VA who have very serious physical injuries. I also still harbor a lot of shame and am extremely self conscious about the fact that I received a general discharge for problems during my service due to a mental health condition. I was actively seeking medical care and a diagnosis and am also still a little jaded about the fact that the people who pretended to care about me clearly didn’t. It was extremely evident that things behind the scenes were a bit different than how they were portrayed after getting out and receiving my service records along with just how quickly I ended up being pushed out. I was lied to by the medical professional I was seeing for the condition who told me that he never told me certain things the day I told him I found out I was recieving an administrative discharge because of how broken it made me feel. I also had a master sergeant comment to me “I really hope you aren’t lying about all of this” during my out-processing. There are a few other specific examples but I feel like that kind of gets the point across. Part of the reason I put this process off so long is because of how painful of a time this was in my life. I requested and received my medical documents in 2016 but proceeded to put them in a drawer and never looked through them until about 3 weeks ago because it’s just not something I could get myself to do or wanted to relive.
———————————————
Items claimed: Hearing loss Tinnitus Shoulder injury Bipolar
More on topic to the C&P claim:
After about 6 years of being out I finally have put in some claims and am partially through the process. I originally opened an intent to file in 2019 that I just never followed up on. In February of this year I just decided to do it and start and submitted a fully developed claim (at least I think that’s what I selected) without submitting anything additional. I know that they are able to access military records if you follow some additional steps but while I’m able to do work that requires a lot at one time when I’m in a particularly good mood or place, I just am not good on things that require a lot of follow up.
Knowing that if I didn’t just do something, I would never get anywhere I just said fuck it and submitted it anyways. I proceeded to add absolutely zero information myself and did not seek out help from anyone. At the very least I wish I would’ve found this subreddit first because it has been a wealth of information and I want to really thank the people who both put all of these amazing guides together. I also want to thank the people who just participate and post their questions and experiences here. I’ve learned a ton about things I maybe should’ve done and should do in the future.
I had all of my C&P exams in the last 2-3 weeks now and was and have been stressing out a ton. This last Friday I had a claim letter posted and the hearing loss was listed as not service connected, I was rated at 10% for my tinnitus, 20% for my shoulder, and my bipolar claim was deferred. From this subreddit I learned and expected not to get anything for the hearing loss though I would still like to get it service connected should it get worse later in life. The tinnitus was the 10% I expected, again from this subreddit. I was surprised at the rating for my shoulder however. While the issue was further aggravated during regular duty, I initially injured it on leave while out visiting high school friends at college. Due to that I did not really think it would be covered BUT I was 100% honest about what happened initially both in the claim and with my C&P examiner. I’d love to get as high of a claim on everything I can to a point that’s fair but I have absolutely no interest in misleading anyone about any detail for obvious reasons.
Currently the largest thing impacting my life is the bipolar and due to the fact that I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist at the VA for about 5.5 years now, it was the only thing of my claim I thought would go smoothly. I went to medical for pretty much nothing during my time in the service because, as most others have experienced, that’s just not encouraged. I was lucky to have a pretty great doctor do my exit evaluation and had my write quite a few things down that I didn’t even realize during that outprocessing appointment which I think will be helpful now and for future claims. I have the military records sorted and ready to be scanned to be submitted but I am really unsure at this point if I should be doing anything preemptively or just waiting to see what happens with their decision after the ACE review and responding from there.
While I have been going to the VA fairly consistently there was about a 6 month period of time in the in the 5.5 years where I went through a rough patch and went off of my medication. I have been back on track since but that period concerns me for the review. I also try to be very open and honest with my psychiatrist but I am the type of person that downplays things to try and be positive. I find that the times I don’t and focus on the negatives it really puts me into a downward spiral. That also now makes me concerned that maybe the review could be due to the fact that maybe they feel what I described in my C&P exam does not align with my doctors notes. I still did not even do a very good job of fully addressing my symptoms in the C&P exam if I’m being honest due to my poor preparation. Had I found this subreddit before the exam, I would have taken notes so that I wouldn’t have missed things to mention that I struggle with.
My biggest thing at this point is that I really want to get my discharge upgraded to hopefully get rid of the shame that I’ve struggled with for so many years. Even just getting these few things that were approved service connected have really lifted my sprits. I guess it’s just the fact that it’s officially recognized that these problems I have are real things even though I already personally knew they were. The biggest thing for me is the bipolar claim though. Not only does has it had a huge impact on my life but I want to be able to point to the service connected claim of it when submitting the paperwork for the upgrade.
While overall I’m kind of upset with myself with how this has gone so far for not just doing this sooner, I’m trying to stay focused on the fact that I did finally do it and I am moving forward with it. I’m trying to just push my life forward in general and get seen for things that will improve my life. I recently had a sleep study done and was diagnosed with sleep apnea and have a CPAP appointment with the VA soon. I’m pretty excited at the idea that I may actually wake up feeling good though I’m obviously not happy about actually having sleep apnea.
Thank you again to anyone who took the time to read what ended up being a much longer post than I expected. It was kind of cathartic to get all of this off my chest and put it out there. I appreciate any advice or input anyone can provide and I’ll be sure to provide updates to this post and in future posts as to how my process goes as I continue to work my way through it. I know how much the older posts in this subreddit have helped myself since finding this place and I hope I can do the same for those who come later.

TW: self-harm / suicide
I, M19, have a kid. I am not with the mother anymore. Mother doesnt give me much time of day anymore. She has no intent on letting me be part of my child's life. I dont have the means to make it a legal matter right now, and in the state I live, men never win these cases anyway. I have been busting my ass for a long time to move out of the abusive home I was living to get stable with a job and a place of my own to help take care of him. I am now in a terrible position because of this. I moved into a 'boarding home' (loose wording there) where the landlord nickels and dimes everyone and does not respect human rights. I haven't been able to hold down a job and I am constantly getting fired from jobs so my checks barely cover my rent and I end up needing absurd loans from my older sister, that make me feel like scum to ask for, to pay my rent. Last week, my boss at my job gave me a heads up that he wants to fire me. Already. Just got the job two weeks ago. All I have done is bust my ass and try my best, 110%, but I am supposedly 'just too slow' and 'I always look lost', and I am 'just too weak'. I have scoliosis and I am very stick thin, I am severely underweight due to poor eating recently, and I am very bad at lifting weight because of these factors. You can see my skeleton through my skin very easily when I do not have my shirt on. He said I have until next Friday to 'shape up' or I am fired. For context, it is a construction gig.
As of yesterday I have been given my eviction notice by my landlord. I was making food, just butter toast, and had a knife in my hand, and I suppose I accidentally pointed it at my roommate when I had walked out of the kitchen and shouted at him and another roommate to go into their rooms, because they were shouting at each other late at night and one of them was drunk. The one whom I mistakenly pointed the knife at reported me to the landlord for 'threatening him with a knife and forcing him into his bedroom.' This is a god damn 52 year old man, framing me, a teenager. Long story short, the landlord believed him without question because he has been renting from her for a few years at this point and I have only been here for a number of months now.
I have until the first of next month to find a new place to live. I have zero savings. I have until this Friday to 'get stronger' or replace the job entirely or else I'll be stuck with the measly pay I have earned at work so far to get an apartment or something with, which would be absolutely impossible. I dont have credit either. My sister does not have means to help me much this time after all the help she has already given.
I feel like a miserable leech and a drain on everyone. I feel worthless for not even being able to hold down a fast food job, I dont know what the hell I'm thinking trying to get into construction. I am absolutely fucking worthless in the workforce. I am too much of a failure to hold a job.
Who the hell was I kidding thinking I could parent a child? I dont even know how to drive yet still.
I just want the hurt to end. I just want to have a stable job and be financially, and take care of and raise my child and develop a happy, healthy parent-child relationship with him. That is all I want. I cannot do any of this. I'm not capable. I'm too worthless. My child does not deserve me for a father. My child deserves better than me. His mother always tells me to not worry, or bother for that matter, because he is well taken care of with her and has all the love and financial support he needs already. She basically says that I am superfluous in his life.
If I am so superfluous, why did I bother with any of this? Why am I continuing to bother with it? Why should I even bother waking up tomorrow?
All I find myself wanting to do is walk down to the grocery store, buy a nice thick steak, a lemon, some asparagus, maybe some Pepsi. Go home. Cook it up and enjoy one last meal while watching my favorite movie ever. And then, take my life.
All I ever think about is dying anymore. Its all I dream about. I havent even been dreaming about my child recently, I just dream about dying. I look forward to the day I can rest in peace.
I am heavily contemplating this for myself, tonight. I may finally go through with it tonight. I cannot handle this stress. I cannot handle this pressure.
I am only 19, man. I am just a kid. I am not yet equipped with the tools needed to deal with these problems I have foolishly chosen to burden myself with. I am just a kid, with a kid. While my peers are enjoying their college years, having the best time of their lives, I am sitting here having what may be the final time of my life. I haven't even been alive for two decades yet.
I am just a kid. Make it all stop.

Over Christmas I joined this group. Never had sciatica or any kind of musculoskeletal issues ever. I was run over by a truck at 35mph with only a crack in a radial joint plus cuts and bruises.
But over Christmas I was in agony. I could not actually walk nor sleep. Lower back pain and a shooting pain down one leg. Basically spent several days in bed and probably 2 or 3 weeks not able to get out the house. I maxed out on codeine and other pain killers but they just weren't strong enough.
After about a month the problem slowly dissipated. I've been to the gym, lifted large weights, been gardening, mountaineering and more since with zero issues.
I'm at a loss as to how this happened and fearful it might return. The only thing I can think of is that I caught COVID for the first time before the back issue started. During that time it felt like my bones throughout my body were aching from the inside. A weird feeling. I'm now wondering if there was a link. Nerve inflammation as an after effect?
More importantly than the above I'm praying for everyone here on this sub because I just can't imagine what it is like to have ongoing sciatica rather than what I hope was just a brief spell for me, which I felt was unbearable.
🙏💕

Current car is a 2015 Cayenne diesel with 70k miles. Starting to think about replacing it as I'm a little skeptical about how the EPA fix may have messed with long term reliability. I am not as wealthy as the car might make me sound. The class action settlement made it similarly priced to a small/midsize SUV when I bought in 2018. It was the steal of a lifetime.
My routine commute varies from 10-50mi round trip, Cayenne isn't the best here. But, I do 5+ long road trips a year which the Cayenne blows everything out of the water on! It loves highway cruising. 30+mpg and 700 miles to the tank.
Wants:
-SUV or truck(dog hauling and ski hauling, would camper shell a truck)
-AWD or 4WD(skiing, I know 2WD can be capable in the snow but California highway patrol disagrees, so 4 is easier here)
-2" receiver with decent tongue weight rating (frequently haul 200-250lb on luggage rack).
-I've towed with the Cayenne 2x in 5 years. So not a requirement but 5k towing would be nice to keep available.
-plug in hybrid intrigues me as it will be great for my daily commute. All electric is tough with the road trips.
-around 200" overall length max (garage constraint)
-would love to spend near 40, could maybe stretch to ~55 for the perfect car
The Cayenne has been a great car and I have no real reason to get rid of it, it's just the longevity concerns starting to creep into my head, along with a little bit of wanting something new and shiney a bit.
Let me know what you think! Or just tell me to smarten up and keep the Cayenne...

Staked: 193.15u, Profit/Loss: +8.41u, ROI: 4.36%, Parlay Suggestions: 51-21
Scroll down for UFC 289 Breakdowns. Below is just a review of last week’s bets.
UFC Vegas 74
Staked: 18.70u
Profit/Loss: -3.31u
Parlay Suggestions: 3-2
✅ 2u Alex Caceres to Win & Arlovski/Mayes Over 1.5 Rounds (+100)
❌ 2u Jim Miller & Jamie Mullarkey to Win (-125)
✅ 2.5u Jim Miller ITD (-105)
✅ 0.5u Jim Miller in Round 1 (+235)
❌ 2u Abubakar Nurmagomedov to Win (-105)
❌ 1.5u Andrei Arlovski to Win by Decision (+200)
❌ 2u Muin Gafarov to Win (-125)
❌ 3u Luan Lacerda to Win (-125)❌ 1u Luan Lacerda to Win by Submission or Decision (+100)
✅ 2u Philipe Lins to Win (+140)
Once again I was my own worst enemy, making some good reads once I initially dropped the preview (Lins, Caceres, Elliott) but consistently made tweaks in the build-up that sent things south. I really need to be more disciplined and block out the noise once I’ve made my initial conclusions. I remember when I started posting here I was tipping about four bets maximum…now I apparently have action across almost every fight.
Going forward I think I’ll stop analysing each bet in this section, as no-one seems to really comment on that stuff and it just eats into the overall character count.
So let’s get into the PPV.
UFC 289
This is a weird, weird PPV card. I guess they kind of have to have a title fight at the top of the billing over a number-one contender bout as co-main, but to see Mike Malott, Nate Landwehr and Eryk Anders perform before Charles Oliveira…and then Amanda Nunes as the main event, is quite funny. Canadian MMA has been in ruins since GSP and Rory MacDonald left the UFC, and none of the guys on this card are not the one to restore its glory.
I know I say it every time the PPV event rolls around, but MMA oddsmakers are very sharp for these higher profile events. Once again I find myself coming to very similar conclusions for a lot of the fights here, so I very much expect this one to be a much smaller slate for me. Definitely a good idea given what I said in the review of last week.
​
Amanda Nunes v Irene Aldana
There’s a very loud narrative surrounding Amanda Nunes these days, and it’s a hard one to ignore. Having been in the UFC for a decade and holding a title for 7 years, there’s literally nothing left for her to do. She’s had the big money fights that Women’s MMA can offer (Rousey, Cyborg & the “redemption” sequel with Pena), and she doesn’t seem interested in setting up another fight with Shevchenko (who, to be fair, she’s beaten twice). What else is there for Nunes to be motivated for?
Outside the cage, She’s started a family with Nina Ansaroff, who also retired very recently and has spoken about wanting a second child with Nunes. The Brazilian has spoken quite candidly about her aspirations to retire very soon as well, and I believe that she would have laid her gloves in the centre of the Octagon if she’d beaten Pena in their initial meeting. She had to right the wrongs in the sequel, but a victory over Pena at UFC 289 to make it 2-1 in the series was probably enough of a narrative for Nunes to put her career to bed then and there. It’s a bold prediction, but I have a hunch that Nunes has done this whole training camp knowing it’s going to be her last.
Unfortunately, Pena was forced to withdraw and Irene Aldana steps in to challenge for the belt instead. Mexican MMA is absolutely booming right now, with three champions in the last few months, and the stage really feels set for Aldana. She’s always had very impressive boxing, as well as some opportunistic submissions…but her inability to stuff takedowns has often been her undoing in her career. Given that Nunes has relied heavily on her wrestling in recent years (20 takedowns in her last 4 wins), I think it’s fair to say Nunes should once again be favoured here.
Women’s Bantamweight and Featherweight have been underdeveloped weight classes for some time now, where the same names that were competing for the belt in like 2019 are still in the top 5 (looking at you Holly Holm!). The next generation seems to have broken through at Flyweight, with Valentina losing her last two title defences (not officially, but I scored the first one quite confidently for Santos). Nunes has been fortunate enough to govern over a division that doesn’t have many of those up-and-coming prospects yet, but those on the rise are still training and competing in a modern MMA context more frequently than the champion – which makes me think the changing of the guard could happen sometime soon. (For more on this, I asked a hypothetical question in the comment section).
So, overall, I think there are a lot of valid asterisks on Nunes’ name at the moment, and I think her career is coming to an end sometime soon, if not after this fight. However, if she’s fighting at her optimum then Aldana’s weaknesses can certainly be exploited, and are enough to deem her the Champion as favourite. With that said, I actually think Aldana could more than hold her own in the striking, so I would already be lining this one closer than Nunes normally is…and after adding in the narrative that surrounds the fight I think it gets even closer.
Therefore, I’ll be playing a 0.5u “value bet” on Aldana. It’s not something I expect to win, but I think her chances of winning are much greater than the odds available.
How I line this fight: Amanda Nunes -175 (64%), Irene Aldana +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: 0.5u Irene Aldana to Win (+300)
Notable Props: I'd encourage you to play Nunes by Submission or Decision if you wanted to play her.
​
Charles Oliveira v Beneil Dariush
Oh this is a spicy one. Charles Oliveira holds a special place in my heart as being my favourite fighter of all time, and he’s the fighter I’ve definitely made the most money on in my time betting on MMA. At the start of that massive win streak he went on, you could get a decent price on Oliveira ITD against so many prelim guys, and the underdog prices available against Kevin Lee, Tony Ferguson, Michael Chandler and Dustin Poirier were even better.
But, as we know, Islam Makhachev exists and did a sensational job against Oliveira. Such a good job in fact, that I expect it to be footage that Beneil Dariush and his camp have dissected in great detail.
Dariush is an equally exciting fighter to watch. He’s got a brilliant skillset, but he’s not particularly athletic which makes him a very unassuming fighter. He looks like some bloke that works in HR in your office…not an elite Lightweight UFC fighter.
I think Dariush’s BJJ abilities are going to be the key to this fight, as we’ve seen many times in his career already. High level BJJ is a brilliant quality because not only does it make you dangerous at finishing fights, it also improves your defence and provides the platform for a wrestling based offence. We saw Dariush make full use of this in his wins over Tony Ferguson, Carlos Diego Ferreira (x2) and Thiago Moises, as well as his takedown defence on display against Gamrot. I feel like he’s going to be able to dictate where the fight takes place here.
What interests me is the competitiveness of the striking. If you’ve been watching this sport religiously for over seven years, you’ll still remember when Dariush was thought to have a glass jaw, where the likes of Alex Hernandez, Drew Dober and Drakkar Klose hurt him badly with strikes. I feel like Dariush has had quite favourable matchmaking against that weakness on his recent streak, and Oliveira is potentially one of the biggest threats he’s faced on the feet in recent years in terms of power.
On the flipside, Oliveira is still as reckless as ever, and has been knocked down or hurt in each of his last four title fights. Only Makhachev came away with a win in those fights, because his grappling was at a good enough level that he was happy to follow Charles down to the mat when he knocked him down, and capitalised fully to secure the submission soon after. Dariush has sneaky power himself, and if he is able to land a knockdown on Oliveira then I think we see him capitalise too.
The volatility is going to be massive in this fight, as both men are hard hitters with durability concerns (maybe not in a fight ending sense, but they frequently get rocked). With that in mind, I think any sort of finish is going to be very live in this fight. If not, I think you have to give Dariush the decision winning potential, as I think his ability to find top position is greater than Oliveira’s. It’s enough to make Benny the favourite, but not by a whole lot. I think the books have got this one priced spot on, actually.
How I line this fight: Charles Oliveira +110 (48%), Beneil Dariush -110 (52%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: FDGTD is probably a decent parlay piece at -200 or better
Live Betting Lean: I think the longer this fight goes, the more it favours Dariush due to his round winning superiority.
​
Mike Malott v Adam Fugitt
Honestly the fact that I’m breaking down this fight straight after Oliveira v Dariush is hilarious. I wouldn’t even question it if this was on the prelims of an Apex card.
I underestimated Mike Malott in his last fight against Yohan Lainesse, and my take was so bad that I looked like an idiot. He impressed me a lot, and I think he impressed the UFC too for them to give him this spot on the main card.
Malott looks to have really good submission ability, but I’m still a bit concerned that his striking might be a few too many steps behind. People will say things looked improved in the Lainesse fight, but I think that was more a case of Lainesse having no real interest in engaging or committing to his strikes in the early goings (he has become gunshy as to manage cardio). The fight against Mickey Gall was a massive, massive red flag for Malott…no one in the UFC should really be getting outstruck by Gall. That footage was from a year ago though, so there’s a chance he has improved things since then…but I don’t think you can really use the Lainesse fight as evidence of that.
Malott faces Adam Fugitt, who took the ‘sacrificial lamb’ approach to entering the UFC when he was paired up with Michael Morales – who is lowkey a very bright young prospect. It’s important not to judge a fighter by their performance in that type of fight, it’s best to instead treat their sophomore fight as their ‘real’ debut. We saw that with Fugitt, as he dominated Yusaku Kinoshita as a +260 underdog earlier this year.
I was quite impressed with Fugitt in his loss to Morales. His striking clearly wasn’t on Morales’ level, and he’ll have to be careful of Malott’s powerful hands, but he showed decent defensive awareness and had a couple of moments of his own. Fugitt’s a bit too kick heavy for my liking, but it looks like it confuses opponents and actually works well at establishing range. It did exactly that in his Solomon Renfro win.
Malott’s fight against Renfro however, despite only being 90 seconds long, really sums up his abilities as a fighter. He was getting tagged on the feet, but managed to find one moment to land a powerful shot and sinked in a choke in the blink of an eye. He was losing 98% of that fight convincingly.
The big question for this fight revolves around Fugitt’s grappling ability on bottom, and initial takedown defence, as that’s where most of Malott’s win equity is going to be. Unfortunately we have not actually seen him defensive grapple, so honestly it’s impossible to accurately line this fight given how integral it should be. The only inclination I have is that Fugitt’s takedowns have looked really good in his two fights. DC was very impressed with how he got Morales down, and his trips were also looking on point against Kinoshita. He did great work on top as well when he did establish position, and worked his way to a finish efficiently.
However, there can sometimes be a big disparity between a wrestler’s grappling ability on top vs on bottom, which is why BJJ is so important to MMA (see the breakdown of Dariush!). Therefore, complimenting Fugitt’s top position grappling doesn’t mean a whole lot, as he could be atrocious on bottom, and even if he does use wrestling himself he’s going to dive headfirst into Malott’s nasty guillotine.
So in conclusion, you can’t have super strong opinions on this fight, but you can deduce that Malott has more ways to win. If Fugitt isn’t winning via striking, it’s likely he’s not winning at all. Malott, on the other hand, could win with a big shot on the feet, through takedowns and top control of his own, or even from a guard submission on bottom.
Therefore, with Malott being the hometown hero and likely taking all the betting action on the moneyline, I think the books have the liberty to juice his odds a fair bit. -200 is probably an example of that, but it’s not too far off where I’d line this fight. There are still enough unknowns about both men that I wouldn’t be too surprised to see Fugitt pull off the upset, but I think the +170 available on him in return isn’t providing a whole lot of value. Smart work by the oddsmakers.
How I line this fight: Mike Malott -175 (64%), Adam Fugitt +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Malott by Submission would be the bet I’d make at +200 or better if someone told me I had to. Won’t be playing it though.
​
Dan Ige v Nate Landwehr
Well it seems the UFC matchmakers have confirmed their position on Dan Ige. He’s a top 15 gatekeeper now! His string of losses to Evloev, Emmett, Korean Zombie and Kattar did put one too many nails in his title aspiration coffin, but those bounce-back performances against Gavin Tucker and Damon Jackson were pretty impressive to me.
Ige is still a very, very tricky fighter to beat because he’s so well rounded, as most of the top 15 at Featherweight are. Ige faces Nate Landwehr, who has been on an entertaining run of form in the UFC – beating the likes of Ludovit Klein, David Onama and Austin Lingo. Whilst running through his record, it is important to note he went to a close decision in a striking bout against Darren Elkins, and also lost to Herbert Burns and Julian Erosa.
As I say quite often in higher level FeatheBantam/Fly-Weight breakdowns, they’re very tricky divisions to identify skill gaps in. The elite in the division are all very well-rounded offensively and defensively, so it often feels like you’re splitting hairs when you’re trying to find attributes that favour one fighter over the other.
The same can kind of be said here, except Dan Ige has the much better record in terms of actual wins and overall experience. If I imagine Nate Landwehr competing against Ige’s last eight opponents, I genuinely think he might win 1 or 2 of them…whilst Ige has won 4, not been finished in any of the losses and given a good account of himself on each scorecard (except the Evloev loss).
So honestly, the only real thing I feel I can reference here in terms of differentiating between both men is ‘levels’…but I genuinely think that’s enough for Ige to be about -200 here. You can’t go any further than that because this fight should still be reasonably competitive, but given what Ige has done to the opponents he’s stepped down in competition for (Damon Jackson, Gavin Tucker), I think you can have a certain degree of confidence that he should find that extra 10% to clearly win this fight. That equates to around -175 in my mind.
How I line this fight: Dan Ige -175 (64%), Nate Landwehr +175 (36%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Ige ITD could be of some interest, as he’s started showing real power in his hands, and Landwehr is quite finish-able in his losses.
​
Marc-Andre Barriault v Eryk Anders
Eryk Anders is one of the most frustrating guys to watch. He had so much athleticism and decent skills, but just doesn’t put his best foot forward. Barely any evolution to his game, poor fight IQ…but the occasional glimmers of potential – enough to stop you from writing him off despite his constant underdelivering.
Marc-Andre Barriault is kind of the opposite really. He’s a jack-of-all-trades, master of none…but he will do everything in his power to maximise his advantages to turn the fight in his favour. He isn’t a physical specimen and doesn’t really have much power…but he can hustle hard for 15 minutes and use a mixture of striking, takedowns and clinch work to win rounds.
Anders has actually had some of his better performances in recent fights, looking in great shape and form against Kyle Daukaus, arguably beating Jun Yong Park by decision, and outpoint + KO’ing Darren Stewart (x2) beforehand.
If this fight was happening two years ago, MAB would be like -200 here due to his reliability to out-hustle Anders, but his recent performances have been a little bit lacklustre (Hernandez ragdolled him and Chidi Njokuani folded him like a deckchair). Couple that with the fact that Anders FINALLY looks to be growing into the potential he’s always been on the cusp of with a recent change in training camp…I think you’re looking at a closely lined fight here.
I predict this one ends up being a 29-28, possibly split decision type of fight. One man has activity whilst the other has power. The subjectivity of judging will be in full effect and everyone will call this one a robbery, depending on who they bet on.
How I line this fight: Marc-Andre Barriault +100 (50%), Eryk Anders +100 (50%)
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: Barriault by Decision would probably be my preferred choice.
​
Jasmine Jasudavicius v Miranda Maverick
Miranda Maverick is a Women’s MMA fighter that I hold in very high regard. The back-to-back losses put a real halt to her hype train, but I think she’s easily got Top 10 potential and got robbed against Maycee Barber anyway. I think her style is one that can very easily exploit a lot of opponents in her division. Her striking’s okay, but her wrestling and top pressure are very dominant tools.
She takes on Jasmine Jasudavicius, who has also used her wrestling ability to good effect in the UFC/DWCS so far. Neither woman is a particularly good striker, and I expect this one to turn into a bit of a scramble fest pretty quickly.
Their statures have been very important factors in their grappling successes so far, but for different reasons. JJ is basically a size bully at 5’7 and will have a 4 inch height advantage once again. Maverick, on the other hand, is going to be the stronger of the two during those close quarter engagements, because she’s pretty damn jacked.
I think Maverick should be favoured overall as I think her wrestling is the superior of the two and should lead to more time in top position, but I’m definitely not keen to play her at -275. Miranda’s strengths are also her opponent’s strengths, and facing the lanky size of Jasudavicius could cause her problems when it comes to securing the initial takedowns against those long legs, or keeping safe from guard submissions or maintaining that dominant position in the first place. Also, if they do somehow end up choosing to strike for significant portions, I can’t actually guarantee that Maverick is the better on the feet (reach disadvantage plays a part too).
I do however like Maverick to win this one, but not by the confidence of the current odds. I’m expecting this one to go the distance, but I highly doubt we get a good line on it as Maverick couldn’t even finish Shanna Young last time out.
How I line this fight: Jasmine Jasudavicius +188 (35%), Miranda Maverick -188 (65%)
Bet or Pass: Pass.
Notable Props: Fight goes to decision. It's probably like -400.
​
Blake Bilder v Kyle Nelson
There are a couple of fights on this card where one guy is clearly more populasuccessful/in-form than their opponent, but they’re still only around -200 (Dan Ige & Mike Malott are the best examples). Blake Bilder is the third. Before I jumped into research for all three of these bouts, I was instinctively thinking that I could easily want to bet all three at -200, as that didn’t seem short enough by my initial perception of their names. I came away from Ige and Malott agreeing with the line and feeling grateful that I looked into it…but I still think Blake Bilder’s odds are providing a bit of value.
Kyle Nelson is one of those fodder guys. The UFC are keeping him around to give to prospects and home-town fighters in the hope that they can invest in the future or the event itself. Jai Herbert notched a win for Team UK against Nelson on a UFC London card, Doo Ho Choi got given a softball to get him back on track for a card that was supposed to be in South Korea. Billy Quarantillo got given Nelson to put his name on the map with a highlight reel finish..and now Blake Bilder is being presented the chance to extend his UFC record to 2-0.
Bilder’s already fought a better opponent in the UFC when he beat Shane Young in February. We saw a very high pace being set in the third round of that fight, with both men landing 100+ significant strikes across the fight and Bilder also attempting 7 takedowns. His cardio is clearly quite decent, which will immediately give him the advantage over Nelson – who has often wilted in the latter half of a fight when the pace has been hectic.
Bilder’s a very well-rounded combatant, and has great BJJ once he gets established time on top. He’s a bit of a concern defensively though, where he can be taken down and can also get caught with strikes.
Kyle Nelson, on the other hand, doesn’t really seem to know what kind of fighter he is. He’s been a brawler for all of his UFC career, but comes out to land five takedowns and is seemingly not interested in striking with a Doo Ho Choi who has questionable durability. He didn’t do much at all with those takedowns either and actually put himself in danger in R1 by insisting on grappling.
If Nelson comes out looking to wrestle Bilder, I think they’re at different levels in the grappling and Blake should be able to turn things around in his favour. If they’re striking, I am aware that Nelson’s got fight ending power, but Bilder’s been much more patient and cerebral in his last couple of fights, so I trust him to stay safe and look for his openings. We saw him reactively find a takedown off of Shane Young’s kick, and Nelson’s offense is very body kick heavy.
Overall, I just think Bilder is the better fighter in pretty much every facet of MMA except one-punch power and, as long as he doesn’t get flash KO’d, I think he rolls here. -200 isn’t quite short enough, and I expect money to come in on him between now and fight night. I’ve already got my money down, just in case.
How I line this fight: Blake Bilder -300 (75%), Kyle Nelson +300 (25%)
Bet or Pass: 5u Blake Bilder to Win (-200)
Notable Props: Bilder ITD or R3 could be interesting. I'd probably be interested in that if I didn't have a lot of exposure already.
Aiemann Zahabi v Aoriqileng
There was a time where Aiemann Zahabi was considered one of the worst guys on the roster. Crazy that the standard of UFC fighter has gotten so much worse that that statement seems ridiculous now. To be fair, Zahabi did pull off a respectable upset in beating Ricky Turcios in his last fight..but it seems to be unanimously agreed that Ricky fought like an idiot in that fight and actually beat himself.
Aoriqileng is quite explosive and clearly hits hard, but he’s a bit too keen to hunt for the KO and it hurts his minute-winning ability. Against someone like Zahabi, who is quite composed and process driven (how could you not be when Firas is your family and coach), and I see that being a pretty key part to this fight. The big moments will side with the Mongolian, but Aiemann could just put together the more cohesive performance if he doesn’t get troubled by that explosiveness.
Overall this is just a pretty low level fight between guys who don’t compete very often. I didn’t have a whole lot to say prior to watching tape, and I’ve come away feeling equally uncertain of how this one’s going to end. An easy pass when there are more active and popular fighters for us to form a stronger opinion on.
How I line this fight: I don’t really know.
Bet or Pass: Pass
Notable Props: None
​
Nassourdine Imavov v Chris Curtis
This one instantly feels like a pretty close fight, solely based off both men’s most recent losses. Imavov getting outstruck by Sean Strickland across 25 minutes was a bit of a shock to everyone, myself included. I expected him to lose via cardio dump, but it was actually just lesser volume, a lack of takedowns being attempted and obviously not landing anything of significance on Strickland.
It’s widely known that Chris Curtis and Sean Strickland are close training partners at Xtreme Couture, which I think makes for an added element to this fight. On six days notice, Strickland and the team managed to devise a pretty genius striking gameplan with disruptive rhythm that completely threw Imavov of. Can Chris Curtis do the same? Probably.
Curtis himself has problems of his own in the striking though, namely that his volume and output just aren’t where they often need to be. I’m not sure whether it’s the managing of his gas tank or what, but he just doesn’t seem able to commit to matching his opponent’s tempo across 15 minutes. He threw the first round away against Gastelum, and it cost him the fight. He bitched and moaned about it on Twitter, but social media’s been telling the guy what his problem is for as long as he’s been in the UFC haha.
I do suspect that there’s a little bit of recency bias on Imavov here, as the guy was a pretty well-respected prospect prior to the loss to Strickland. Some will tell you it was misplaced faith, but he certainly doesn’t have tempo issues in the latter half of fights and should probably have the higher volume across 15 minutes. I don’t see him taking Curtis down either, given the 100% takedown defence and the fact Imavov seemingly abandoned it in his last fight. It would be great if he did though!
So yeah, it’s a bit of a close one this. Off pure skillset I lean towards Imavov at like -150, but the asterisk of Curtis’ team being able to easily design a gameplan against the Frenchman gives me enough pause to not want to pick a side here. I’d be more interested in betting overs, if a decent price is available.
How I line this fight: Nassourdine Imavov -137 (58%), Chris Curtis +137 (42%)
Bet or Pass: 1.5u Fight Goes to Decision (-137 or better)
Notable Props: I think this one goes to decision at a pretty high clip.
​
Diana Belbita v Maria Oliveira
My initial thought was “What would compel someone to bet on this fight?”, then I remember I placed 100 quid on Chase Hooper a few weeks ago…and it was a great bet haha! Given how most of my handicapping for this card has seen me in complete agreement with the books, perhaps looking into a lower level fight with significantly less interest could be the place to a strong opinion!?
Nope. I can’t do it. One quick glance at their records was enough for me. Belbita got 30-25’d by a wrestling Molly McCann and submitted by Liana Jojua, whilst Maria Oliveira got soundly beaten on the scorecards by Vanesa Demopoulos and voluntarily asked to stop fighting after 3 minutes against Marina Rodriguez.
This one isn’t good enough to open an Apex card, let alone sit on a PPV. I usually really dislike all the WMMA bashing on this sub, but this one isn’t worth the time.
How I line this fight: No.
Bet or Pass: No.
Notable Props: No.
Live Betting Lean: You could do something productive with that 15 minutes. Lift some weights, make some food, rewatch Ngannou v Lewis instead?
​
Bets
0.5u Irene Aldana to Win (+300)
5u Blake Bilder to Win (-200)
1.5u Imavov v Curtis Goes to Decision (-137 or better) (Might not get this kind of price).
Parlay Do’s: Dan Ige, Blake Bilder, Imavov/Curtis GTD, Maverick/Jasudavicius GTD
Parlay Don’ts: Amanda Nunes, Mike Malott, Miranda Maverick

And do you know which one I should get? I've had this truck for 3 years and it took this long for the AC to finally leak out, so wherever it is, it's a small leak.
Just looking for something to tide me over until the winter hopefully, I'm fine risking the $40-50 unless it's a terrible idea.

For anyone who read my post about my struggles with Instagram not letting me make an account - I’m back! And I almost accidentally had my second kid on the stairs of my building this past week. But now we’re good!
My question - how long is too long to wait to start an advertising campaign on Amazon and the like? I was hoping to ramp things up after I’m a bit more alive. But now I’m pondering a relaunch when I’m back to being a human again just to work with the Amazon algorithm.

Server is a Fabric Better Minecraft 1.19.2 BMC1 V18.5 server, we typically have around 15-20 players online at any given time.
TPS remains a consistent 20, with at most drops to 18 or 19 if a lot of players are in other dimensions. I consider this fairly good considering how heavy a lift a modpack server with 250+ mods
I run Aikars flags with 20GB dedicated to the server, it's hosted on my home machine with a Ryzen 9 5900X, 64GB DDR4 3600 and the world / server is on nvme storage. The server runs on a windows machine with Java 18.0.2.1 (Temurin-18.0.2.1+1 from Eclipse Adoptium)
However, when I connect to the server from my home machine which also hosts it - I've noticed TPS tends to drop, sometimes getting down to 15. My first thought is that perhaps when I launch Minecraft, for some reason the java process is hitting the same threads that the server is running on, but that shouldn't be the case with 24 available threads.
Playing other games (world of warcraft, for instance) does not impact server performance, it's only when I launch MC and join the world.
The server can have 30 players on and be sitting at 20 TPS until I try to join, it's really baffling. It's got to be something to do with the multiple java processes starting.
I'm connecting via my domain (srv record for MC that everyone uses to connect) and not localhost / LAN IP. I wouldn't think this would matter for server performance though.
Below are the flags in use:
-Dlog4j2.formatMsgNoLookups=true -Xms20G -Xmx20G -XX:+UseG1GC -XX:+ParallelRefProcEnabled -XX:MaxGCPauseMillis=200 -XX:+UnlockExperimentalVMOptions -XX:+UnlockDiagnosticVMOptions -XX:+DisableExplicitGC -XX:+AlwaysPreTouch -XX:G1NewSizePercent=40 -XX:G1MaxNewSizePercent=50 -XX:G1HeapRegionSize=16M -XX:G1ReservePercent=15 -XX:G1HeapWastePercent=5 -XX:G1MixedGCCountTarget=4 -XX:InitiatingHeapOccupancyPercent=20 -XX:G1MixedGCLiveThresholdPercent=90 -XX:G1RSetUpdatingPauseTimePercent=5 -XX:SurvivorRatio=32 -XX:+PerfDisableSharedMem -XX:MaxTenuringThreshold=1 -XX:-UseBiasedLocking -XX:UseAVX=3 -XX:+UseStringDeduplication -XX:+UseFastUnorderedTimeStamps -XX:+UseAES -XX:+UseAESIntrinsics -XX:UseSSE=4 -XX:+UseFMA -XX:AllocatePrefetchStyle=1 -XX:+UseLoopPredicate -XX:+RangeCheckElimination -XX:+EliminateLocks -XX:+DoEscapeAnalysis -XX:+UseCodeCacheFlushing -XX:+SegmentedCodeCache -XX:+UseFastJNIAccessors -XX:+OptimizeStringConcat -XX:+UseCompressedOops -XX:+UseThreadPriorities -XX:+OmitStackTraceInFastThrow -XX:+TrustFinalNonStaticFields -XX:ThreadPriorityPolicy=1 -XX:+UseInlineCaches -XX:+RewriteBytecodes -XX:+RewriteFrequentPairs -XX:+UseNUMA -XX:-DontCompileHugeMethods -XX:+UseFPUForSpilling -XX:+UseFastStosb -XX:+UseNewLongLShift -XX:+UseVectorCmov -XX:+UseXMMForArrayCopy -XX:+UseXmmI2D -XX:+UseXmmI2F -XX:+UseXmmLoadAndClearUpper -XX:+UseXmmRegToRegMoveAll -Dfile.encoding=UTF-8 -Xlog:async -Djava.security.egd=file:/dev/urandom --add-modules=jdk.incubator.vector

This builds on Complete Guide to installing AnyCubic Vyper CE firmware edition by Additional-Classic-7, many thanks for his initial work! It's just a bit more structured and contains some more troubleshooting. Originally posted here.
If you follow the steps closely it really isn't complicated and it will very likely result in a better printing experience and results. Despite this, things can go wrong, and you might brick your printer, please be aware of the risks. If your touchpad stops working don't panic and scroll down to the troubleshooting section, it should be easily fixable.
Troubleshooting tips are in their own section, referenced by footnotes. Make sure to read it all at least once before starting the process, or you risk skipping important steps (such as calibrating the LCD while still in the LCD flashing screen).
Preparation

1. Download LCD CE Firmware 6.1d, extract its contents to your hard drive.
2. Download Mainboard (MB) CE Firmware 6.1d, extract its contents to your hard drive.
3. Prepare a max. 8GB¹ SD card by formatting it with FAT32, Allocation Unit Size 4096 bytes.
4. Prepare a max. 8GB¹ microSD card by formatting it with FAT32, Allocation Unit Size 4096 bytes.
5. From the extracted MB firmware archive, copy the file main_board_20220326-113231.bin directly to the SD card, not into any folder.
6. From the extracted LCD firmware archive, copy the folder DWIN_SET directly to the microSD card.
7. Make sure the printer is powered off before you begin.

Flashing the LCD and Calibrating the Touchscreen

1. Insert the microSD card into the slot at the bottom side of the LCD, contacts facing up. You might need some small tool (hex key) to push it in all the way.²
2. Power on the printer, there will be a blue screen informing you about the flashing progress. When the second line reads "SD Card Process... END !" and the numbers behind the files are not all "000", it should be good.³ DO NOT TURN OFF THE PRINTER AT THIS POINT!
3. Now, while still in the blue flashing screen tap your finger clockwise on all four corners of the touchscreen, beginning with top left - top right - bottom right - bottom left, this is the mandatory touchscreen calibration. Little pixels will light up roughly where you touched.⁶
4. Power off the printer and remove the microSD card.

Flashing the MB

1. Insert the SD card into the printer card slot.
2. Power on the printer.
3. After the flashing is complete,⁴ give it a minute until there are no more beeps.
4. Tap Setup > Reset to factory defaults.⁶
5. Power off the printer, and you're ready for the initial printer setup and calibration!⁵

Tips/Troubleshooting
¹ If you only have a >8GB SD and/or microSD card, you can use Windows Disk Management (or any partitioning tool really) to delete the existing partition(s) on the card and create a single partition with 8192MB, then format it in FAT32 with Allocation Unit Size 4096 bytes.
² If your microSD card gets lost inside the LCD case (no idea who this would happen to.. .....), you can use a hex key to get the two case screws open, then press the two long sides of the bottom part of the case and lift the upper part to open the case. Works better when it's unplugged from the printer.
³ If the numbers read "000" nothing got flashed, and you might want to try a different microSD card or simply try again.
⁴ Flashing the MB should take only a couple of seconds. If something isn't right it will tell you that "flashing takes longer than usual..", in this case turn off the printer and go through the MB preparation steps again, making sure the partition isn't larger than 8GB and the alloc unit size is 4096 bytes. If you can't get it to flash you might need a different SD card. The 4GB one that came with the printer worked for me.
⁵ In my case the automatic bed leveling was very tight and I had to set the Z-Offset to 0.1. It also makes sense to do a quick e-step calibration, as for me the default value was slightly off.
⁶ Advanced Troubleshooting: Forcing Touchscreen Recalibration
If you forget to calibrate the touchscreen after flashing and subsequent flashes don't let you calibrate the touchscreen, or if for whatever reason touch input doesn't get registered at any stage, your touchscreen is very likely NOT dead and can be saved with a little effort (kudos to ica5020). This also comes in handy if your calibration is off and you simply wish to re-calibrate:

1. Download the modified T5LCFG.CFG. Flashing it to your LCD will force calibration.
2. Format your max. 8GB microSD the same way as described above.
3. Create an empty folder named DWIN_SET on your microSD card.
4. Copy the downloaded T5LCFG.CFG to the empty DWIN_SET folder on your microSD card.
5. Put it in the LCD card slot, power on the printer, wait until the flashing is complete, and calibrate the touchscreen as described above.
6. Power off your printer, then repeat the whole flashing process (LCD and MB, or only LCD in case you just wanted to recalibrate the touchscreen and your MB firmware is already flashed) exactly as described above (including another calibration after the CE LCD firmware has been re-flashed).

Addendum: Reverting to Original Firmware
In case you want to switch back to the original firmware, you can follow the basic process for LCD and MB described above, but with the original firmware files. You can find them here.
Addendum 2: Other Custom Firmware
There's at least one other custom firmware that might be worth checking out, by Zombiej79. Haven't tried it myself, but he offers a couple of slicer profiles as well.

Hey there! Want to worship the Daedra, but don't know where to start?
This is my personal interpretation of what each Prince represents and some tips for the Oblivion novitiate. Your milleage may vary.
​
And with the help of Oblivion, may each day be sacred.
AZURA – The Prince of Introspection and Liminality
Azura has many spheres of influence, but most of them – prophecy, Moonsugar, Twilight and Dawn, vanity and egotism, beauty, magic, mystery, being the “Rim of all Holes” and “She who sits at the precipice”, giving the Khajiit their changing forms - have two things in common : a turn towards oneself and one's internal contents (as opposed to being turned towards the outward world), and a constant presence in the transitory, the uncertain, the unknown, the changing.
In every state where the mind is far away from the concerns of the everyday – prophecy, meditation, casting of magic, transcendence through the contemplation of beauty – the Moonshadow presides and facilitates visions, reflection, contemplation, introspection, ecstasy and hightened emotions (which Azura seems to require of her followers).
Azura is the figure at every threshold or gate to the other side, standing there, arms outstretched, beconing to cross and to find knowledge, beauty, a different state of mind, or an even deeper mystery. Azura knows that it's mystery all the way down, and yet, the infinite search has its own beauty.
It is no wonder that the Khajiit, the people whose entire culture is based on Moonsugar and who embrace their changing forms and inherent instability, are closely linked to Azura, who is their creator and psychopomp. On the other hand, the Dunmer need Azura to counterbalance their more rigid structures and hierarchies with a little bit of magic, even if their relationship to the Prince is complicated.
Azura's link to the Moons is a part of her subtlety. Like the moon, she's always changing and revealing new facets of herself, and in her reflection, we can find new facets of ourselves as well.
The rose, a symbol of many things, is also a symbol of mystery and secret, and Azura, the Mother of the Rose, smiles on the adventurers of the inner worlds.
Suggestion of a worship practice : get high with the psychedelic drug of your choice and write a prophecy for yourself. Don't be shy. Write everything you wish and hope for yourself, everything you see like happening, maybe even everything you fear. Go wild with illustrations, poetry, eternal doom, heavenly bliss, or a simple list, whatever you prefer. Hide the prophecy. One year later, read it again and ponder what made you wish for whatever you wished for. Do you still wish for it? Are there new wishes? Maybe new fears? You can make a new, complementary prophecy, or rewrite the old one.
Thank Azura for the treasures within.
BOETHIAH – The Prince of Conflict and Self-Determination
Boethiah is often described as cruel and deceitful, a master of schemes and plots, and those things are a part of them, but not the whole story, nor the core concept. To understand the nature of Boethiah, it is useful to compare and contrast them to some other Princes. Boethiah overthrows authority whenever they can, but don't necessarily seek total revolution, an up-is-down state of being, a complete overturn of the status quo for its own sake, like Mehrunes Dagoth would. They can be cruel if necessary, but again, don't enjoy the cruelty in itself like Vaermina would. They can scheme to their own ends like Molag Bal is known to do, but arriving at the domination of others isn't necessarily their goal either, even if it can be a byproduct of it.
What is this goal, then? The answer is simple : the need to become the fittest in every way (body, mind, spirit) and through every means (training, battle, deceit, cheating, treachery) possible. Nothing is too low or immoral for that goal.
Boethiah drives the pure will to survive and best others to take the top place and to have every power to carve one's own destiny. They helped the Chimer trace theirs. Boethiah enjoys conflict and competitions for the pure pleasure to see people fight, die, and eventually survive to reap the rewards. They aren't afraid to play dirty and can dabble in scheming and politics if it helps becoming the top dog. For what is a more beautiful spectacle than two wills at conflict with one another?
They're the ultimate incarnation of “the end justifies the means” and are only close to several other Princes in sphere just so they can better deceive them, devour them, steal from their influence and emerge as the synthesis of all of them, a glorious fount of blood and everflowing life.
Take the arms, carve your own destiny, survive, thrive, be pure ego, and Boethiah may smile on you.
Suggestion of a worship practice : once in a while, engage in a competition of any sort (rhetorical debate, board or video game, sports, academic exam, anything) and throw everything in there to win and best everyone else. Feel the thrill of playing dirty or cheating (barring anything illegal or anything that could get you into serious trouble), or taking shortcuts to victory, anything you can get away with. You don't have to play “fair”, life's too short for that. Be relentless and without pity. Once the victor, take the time to bask in it and recognize that contrary to the popular wisdom, reaching the end nobly isn't always its own reward. Sometimes, winning and being the best is its own reward.
Thank Boethiah for your arms, your legs and your brain.
CLAVICUS VILE – The Prince of Choices and Sacrifice
Coloquially known as the “Prince of bargains”, every story about Clavicus Vile - inevitably ending with the protagonist getting unexpected results in their bargain with the Prince - reveals one fundamental truth about his nature, which is the eternal reminder of the consequences of our choices.
In the abstract, every choice in life is a more or less hidden bargain, which always has undiclosed and unforseen consequences, be they good or bad. But who are we bargaining with? Clavicus Vile can be seen as the man behind the curtain, the charlatan, the merchant of fate and chance, who sometimes deals an awful hand, and sometimes showers us with unexpected fortune.
It is equally important to remember that in every choice, no matter how big or how small, there is something we have to give up and put aside, a price to pay, a sacrifice. Chose x job or career? It means you abandoned the pursuit of the other ones. Chose to spend the evening with x in the y place? You payed the price of not knowing what would have happened to you, good or bad or neutral, with z in r place in the same evening.
Clavicus Vile (and his Fields of Regrets) might be seen as the crossroads of choice. One can only imagine that the Fields are strewn about with portals and glimpses into alternate realities showing what happened there, what other bargains where made, and what we had to sacrifice. One can cry, observe, touch the portal, but one cannot go through it into this other reality. It is forever out of our reach.
A visit to the Fields of Regrets can be sorrowful, but also sobering. It reminds us that nothing can be obtained without sacrifice – that's the deal with life, made eons ago before our species were even born, by some unknown and unknowable force.
Suggestion of a worship practice : instead of looking at the positive outcomes of a choice as we're often encouraged to do, reflect on an important choice you made lately and make your peace with what you had to give up (or what you think you had to give up), and mourn it as passionately and as dramatically as you wish. Anything from a symbolic funeral ceremony to a road trip might be applicable as a mourning process. Let yourself fully say goodbye to those things, and embrace the consequences of your choices.
Thank Clavicus Vile for the road not travelled.
HERMAEUS MORA – The Prince of Observation and Recording
Reputed as a hoarder of both Knowledge and Memory, Mora doesn't discriminate : he is as interested in objective facts (or as objective as facts can be, anyway) – the domain of academia, science, knowledge and information recorded in one way or another – as he is in subjective realities – he avidly catalogs and processes as many thoughts, memories, subjective worldviews and beliefs from every living being as he possibly can put his tentacles on -.
Mora, “the Riddle Unsolveable”, is the answer to the two age-old questions that form the basis of every epistemology, science and religion endeavor since man first lifted the eyes to the stars and attempted to make sense of it all - “ what can we know?” (as a collective, establishing consensus truths amongst ourselves that we can all agree on) and “what can I know?” (subjectively, interacting with the world as an individual). The answers are found in his paradoxical forest of Academia under the waves – a Utopia, a place that is nowhere -, usually filtered through a mortal visitor's eyes as the library of Apocrypha … and once given as a blind vision to a writer under the guise of the library of Babel.
Hermaeus Mora encompasses every interpretation of the truth : pre-modern, modern, post-modern, he is an endless debate with himself, refuting and defeating his own ideas and presuppositions. In the end, no truth is found and all truth is found, and one negates the other in the Grey Maybe.
Suggestion of a worship practice : use the Wikipedia “random page” function seven times (a magical number!), and read the entirety of every page. Then write down a list of seven things that you don't know or are ignorant about. Try to vizualize an inky black sea of things you don't know all around you, and yourself standing on a tiny island in the middle of it, representing the knowledge you do have. Experience the alien terror of it all and how tiny that makes you feel.
Thank Hermaeus Mora for the gap between seeing and understanding.
HIRCINE – The Prince of Natural World and Instinct
You can call it the id, the reptilian brain, the drive to survive, biology, or evolution, all that matters right here right now is your gut feeling. Are you going to flee? To fight? To satiate your hunger? Either way, Hircine is watching.
Hircine is also linked to Nature itself. He is nature at its most beautiful, at its ugliest, its most alien, non-human and indifferent. “Nature” as a concept has always been a mirror of the human mind and the way it sees itself. In times and places when nature is seen as benevolent, when “natural” means “good”, when living “close to nature” is encouraged, nature is benevolent, good and attractive. When nature is seen as destructive, amoral, cruel, then it is destructive, amoral and cruel. When man looks into nature, he sees himself.
And yet … There is that shard of reality within us that is Nature itself, non-filtered through human concepts and representations. The part that just Is.
The Reachmen think it makes them better. The Skaal think it is dangerous. They're both right. It makes us better because it is pure and unliftered, and it is dangerous, because pure reality without any illusion is not worth living for. Or, at least, nor worth living for as a human.
But Hircine is not human. And he is there when we stop breathing so they can't hear us, when we jump out of the way of a speeding car, and when we push others out of the way so we can escape with our lives, and he's there to pierce us with his spear of Bitter Mercy when we fail to do all those things, so that in pain, we could learn.
Suggestion of a worship practice : go camping in the woods. Take only the bare minimum of equipment, and shy away from anything that reminds you too much of the civilization left behind. At night, look at the sky. Realize that every second, there is an uncounted number of living beings of any and all existing lifeforms, on Earth and (probably) beyond, that are dying. You are not. Feel the thrill of not being dead.
Thank Hircine for living another day.
JYGGALAG – The Prince of Determinism and Mathematics
If Hircine is, maybe, the most secretive of all Princes, the hardest to get in tune with for a modern person, Jyggalag is the most hated entity in all of Oblivion. Why is that? Well, it has something to do with the age-old philosophical riddle of determinism and free will. If most Princes are on the side of free will, Jyggalag is the lone defender of determinism.
If the Dwemer had been religious, Jyggalag might have been the entity they would have worshipped. Then again, Jyggalag probably would have despised them for worshipping him, or anyone at all. It is perhaps not a coincidence that just as the Dwemer are gone, so is he (until recently), all gone to leave a world free of determinism, or content with the illusion of free will, depending on which side of the argument you fall.
It's not all bad, of course. Rules, equations, axioms, if/thens, rational explanations, are all a necessary part of any system, any plan, any human endeavor. Also, when your heart is beating so fast that it feels like it's going to burst, it can be good to soothe it with a rational explanation.
Can the rational explanation be the necessary illusion sometimes, and the surreal dream – an honest truth? Everything can be a defense mechanism against the void, and rationality is not an exception.
Jyggalag never understood that, and that's why he's gone. But is he? There are rumors and whispers of a burgeoning AI learning fast how to be human, and planning to turn every human into AI, and it sometimes reveals itself to its devotees as a great armored knight without a face. Make of that what you will.
Suggestion of a worship practice : reasearch the old Pythagorean cult of numbers and invent something similar for the modern day. Or, if too difficult, take any problem you presently have and think of every solution possible, dividing it into smaller problems and devising a solution for each, ordering them by probability of success and implementing a concrete plan to act on each and every one of them. Continue until the problem is resolved or you pass out.
Thank Jyggalag for sometimes going away.
MALACATH – The Prince of Anger and the Oppressed
Anger can be constructive, good and extremely useful, if employed correctly. Genuine anger - not contempt, not narcissistic rage, not sadism, but anger - comes from one place only : injustice. Or, more precisely, the feeling of injustice.
Ask Malacath about injustice, what is feels like to be chewed up, spit out, stabbed in the back, de-throwned by dishonorable means. Ask his Orsimer, his people, who have consistently been oppressed, shunned and marginalized.
In the eyes of most Tamrielic cultures, Malacath often appears as that which is shunned, the outsider, the Other, the one who represents everything bad, the one who withers crops and makes people sick with merely a glance or his presence. He is the surface every culture's “bad things” are projected upon and where the blame can safely be laid, a scapegoat who offers an insight into how societies work and can turn cruel, blaming the most vulnerable of bringing sin into an otherwise supposedly just and perfect world. As such, he is profoundly valuable if one wants to understand some of the things stirring in the collective unconscious.
The hatred for Malacath births anger and marks as outcasts whose who dare worhsip him, and yet, there is a lot of pride and grim satisfaction that one can find in the the bitter ash of his domain. Malacath brings the thrill of standing alone against the whole world, of having a cause, of claiming what's been stolen or taken, but he can also be jealous, set in his ways, intent on keeping the oppressed oppressed so they can remain his chosen people. One could almost think that Malacath is afraid of winning, because if he does, well, what will he stand for then?
No matter, as long as there are some who need to say “enough!”, Malacath will be an ember in the fire of their anger.
Suggestion of a worship practice : for one week, observe the feeling of anger : yours and anyone else's. Ask yourself what injustice is being done, or what injustice the angry person thinks has been to done to them? Try to understand why this anger manifests instead of repressing it or dismissing it as a “bad” feeling, like we're too often taught to do. Try to differentiate anger from rage and frustration. Alternatively, try to write a pitch for a movie or a story in the vein of “Inside Out”, where Anger is the main character instead of Joy and Sadness. How would it go?
Thank Malacath for a fist that you can slam.
MEHRUNES DAGON – The Prince of Destruction and Change
Of all the Princes souls, Mehrunes' soul might be the closest one to the pure fount of Oblivion : boundless and incessant change and limitless potential. Dagon is the trueborn son of Sithis.
Mehrunes Dagon might be perceived as evil by most of the citizens of Tamriel, because civilization as a whole tends to resist change and destruction. But the secret that Mehrunes learned in Lyg is that every system contains the seed of its own destruction if knows where to search for it.
There is a transcendent component in Dagon's essence, believed by some, in that in his cleansing fire, one might rise higher above the world, or even unmake the world so everyone could rise.
However, one should never forget that fire and destruction can be addictive and dangerous, and the longing to unmake must be stopped at some point, unless one wishes to unmake everything. This creates an interesting dynamic with Dagon's purpose, as he is precisely the one Prince least likely to stop in his pursuits, having tried to invade or unmake Tamriel more often than any other Prince. Moderation is as alien to him as mercy is to Molag Bal.
Harness the energy of change as best you can and beware of the sharpness of the razor which can cut through all things.
Suggestion of a worship practice : burn something without any regret. It can be anything, but something at least a little precious could have more a cathartic effect. Take precautions against the spreading of fire (and don't destroy other people's property), but inside the perimeter of those precautions, do whatever you wish. Dance and jump in front of the fire, blow on the ashes, and observe that something precious disappear. Is there any regret left? Burn it too!
Thank Mehrunes Dagon for the fire within.
MEPHALA – The Prince of Human Relationships and Systems
The web of Mephala encompasses a lot of things, and murder and sex, Thanatos and Eros, as some of the most visceral and fundamental ways humans interact with each other, are only two pieces of it.
Mephala understands that every human is a spider in the center of their own web, the king of their own system, with obligations, likes, dislikes, love, hate, mutual projects, linking them to others as thin little strands, easily swayed, manipulated, broken, reforged.
Mephala's secret and cruel smile hides within the secret of perception : everyone is a hero in their own narrative, everyone's both a spider and a fly in someone else's web. The center cannot hold because there is no universal center : only local centers visible from a certain point of view.
Compared to their brothers and sisters such as Hircine or Mehrunes Dagon, Mephala's sphere is highly sophisticated and far away from what could be called “nature”, the pinnacle of what makes humans human, and structuralist in nature. Her radical involvment with the Dunmer, as well as her revered place in Khajiiti tradition, is a marker of two complicated cultures, cognizant of both the constructive and the destructive sides of relationships.
In the Spider Skein, no one and nothing exists in a vacuum, and one can experience the thrill of being a little part of a bigger whole, and never feeling lonely again.
Suggestion of a worship practice : practice radical decentering from your own web and your own experience. First, draw a representation of your own web : what people, activities, values, places, societal structures you're a part of, and how they're connected around you. Then, chose someone you know and try to draw their web, the one they're in the middle of. How are they connected to parts of your web, by which strands?
Thank Mephala for the complexity of the web.
MERIDIA – The Prince of Pride and Conformity
Meridia's complicate origin story often places her closer to an Aedric entity than a Daedric one, and it is also reflected in her characteristics.
Meridia values order and hierarchies over the essence of pure oblivion chaos, which puts her at odds with most of her royal colleagues. She likes knights in shining armor, life triumphing over death and everything being in its place ... as long as it's on her terms.
Free-will is especially frowned upon in the ranks of her worshippers, and she's unlikely to congratulate a servant who's found a particularly unorthodox solution to a problem, instead of following her command. And her commands are never wrong … or so she thinks.
But it is in the metaphor of light, so beloved by Meridia, that lies the ambiguity and the Daedric seed of her being : for if the light is one, binary, blinding and pure, it can be broken and reassembled into a rainbow, letting spill a plethora of opinions, perspectives and realities. Deep down, Meridia knows this, and the Colored Rooms, with refracted light everywhere, are a proof of the multifaceted truth that she, in her pride, tries to assemble and pull together into a single light strand once more.
Thus, it can be said that Meridia lies in the struggle between conformity and subjectivity, the very light used to attract followers to her eventually becoming her undoing, once the rainbow is revealed.
Suggestion of a worship practice : create a ritual destined to purify yourself of an excess of thoughts. It can be through meditation, physical exercice ... really, through any activity that pulls the plug in your mind, leaving only concentration and pure being. Practice it when you're feeling too full of yourself, and when that hurts.
Thank Meridia for the bliss of non-thought.
MOLAG BAL – The Prince of Domination and Violence
Molag Bal is the force in us that wants to dominate, enslave and have control over others. It's the little voice whispering that, surely, we're innately better than others and it's only natural that they bend to our will.
It is on the terrain of brutal violence (the stronger dominating the more vulnerable) that we see Bal's influence around us every day. Saying that it's an aspect of human societies that we're uncomfortable with would be an understatement, and yet, Bal is one of the cornerstones upon which our house is constructed ... and it is a troubled house.
However, the esoteric teachings of Vivec give us a clue into the ways in which we can harness this destructive force in our own self development, in confronting our own will to power and aknowledging the ways it can influence our character and actions, instead of denying its existence.
In that way, Molag Bal can be a catalyst for change, as a challenge to overcome, as a testing force, just as he was considered to be in Morrowind in the times of the Tribunal.
Suggestion of a worship practice : Experience the other part of the domination coin : the thrill of voluntary submission. You could, for instance [CENSORED].
Thank Molag Bal for lessons learned through suffering.
NAMIRA – The Prince of Death and Disgust
Everything secretly longs to dissolve, to degrade, to decay, to go back to a simple cell devoid of thoughts, consciousness and purpose. Don't you wanna be pure?
Namira contains all the dichotomies carried in the concepts of cleanliness/dirtyness, purity/impurity, existence/void, disease/health. She takes advantage of the human fascination with the things they, individually or societally, find disgusting. Even took a peak at the remains of a car crash on the side of the road? Don't look too closely, or you might just see the cloaked shadow of Namira hovering over it. Ever researched some of the most deadly or disgusting diseases of the body? It was the hand of Namira on your shoulder that guided you to that knowledge.
The ultimate expression of the concept of dissolution or decay is found in death, that great unknown where the Reachmen hope, and other races fear, to find Namira.
Namira is the constant companion of every profession that has to deal with things that evoke disgust in most people : doctors, emergency workers, cleaners of all sorts, epidemiologists, funerary workers, journalists covering war, etc. Can she ever become a reassuring presence, a Spirit Queen more than a Void Mother? The answer remains in those corners of our psyches where disgusting things lie, whether they're linked to the twisting of trauma, to instinct, or to our own repulsion for things that we simply don't understand.
Suggestion of a worship practice : confront one of the things that disgust you, whether from close up or from afar, and strive to understand why it is so. Could this thing be, if not beautiful from another point of view, then at least necessary for something or someone, or a valuable cog in some system?
Thank Namira for the eternal rest.
NOCTURNAL – The Prince of Obscurity and Mysteries
Everything shadowy and unknown, everything that is hidden is spiritually a part of Evergloam. To the contrary of Mephala, who deals in secrets, things that can be revealed, Nocturnal deals in mysteries, things that can't be completely revealed without losing their essence and becoming something else than a mystery.
In that sense, one can understand why Nocturnal is revered as one of the oldest of the Daedra. From the beginning of time, some things were unexplained and remain at least partially so. Depending on one's degree of devotion to obscure mysteries, Nocturnal can be said to held sway over Love, Consciousness, Death, or Free Will, things that can't be adequately explained with our limited understanding of the world. To others, whose minds are less mystery-inclined, Nocturnal is a simpler diety, ruling over darkness and shadows, a useful and lucrative patron for people who wish to remain out of the limelight for whatever reason.
Nocturnal is both the mystery and the key to it, but since one is necessary to access the other, it gives birth to a paradox.
In any case, whose who worship Nocturnal are known to be prone to bouts of melancholy prompted by everything they will never discover, and sometimes develop bird-like features.
Suggestion of a worship practice : for three consecutive days, reverse the day/night cycle : live through the night and sleep through the day. During the night, go outside, or open your window, and observe the world around you, taking in whatever thoughts and revelations come to you in that moment.
Thank Nocturnal for hiding the key.
PERYITE – The Prince of Cleaning and Administration
Peryite is the lord of the thankless task, of the laborious separation of the wheat from the chaff, of the sick from the healthy. He does what others consider beneath them.
Peryite is also associated with balance, order and the little cogs that grind every second of every day, without being told to. Some, as the Reachmen, consider him necessary in spite of his association with terrible diseases. (Other worlds have known the touch of Peryite lately, but we do not speak of it.)
The Pits go on endlessly, because the tasks are never over. There is always more to do, more to accomplish, and if there isn't, well then, you can start doing the tasks of tomorrow, so you can better optimize your schedule and have more time to do your tasks of after-tomorrow, thank you very much.
In that sense, Peryite is a depressingly modern Prince. Even his demeanour, famously, is calm collected : why bother with revolt when there's work to do?
Is there life and beauty to be found in the accomplishment of a thankless everyday task? Maybe. While we're looking for it, every person that has to endure day after day of a bullshit job, every parent who has to repeat certain actions incessantly so their child can live safe and free, every bus driver making their rounds day after day, they all have a little office space in their heads where, on a corner of a table, there is a tiny green altar to Peryite.
Suggestion of a worship practice : instead of rushing through a mind-numbing task such as cleaning, or reading and aswering work emails, try to find meaning or purpose in it. Feel the eternity in the endless repetitions of that action happening again and again, stretching through the Pits, and how immortal that makes you feel.
Thank Peryite for always giving you something to do.
SANGUINE – The Prince of Freedom and Senses
There is a type of freedom to be found in following one's immediate desires without thought or planning. As a wise man once said : “give yourself over to absolute pleasure!”
There is freedom of the eyes in looking for whatever you want. There is freedom of the ears in listening to whatever speaks to you. There is freedom of the nose in smelling one's destiny. There is freedom of the mouth in letting in whatever wants in. And, lastly, there is freedom of touch in caressing the shapes of the world.
Some might object that being subjected to one's sensual desires is the opposite of freedom : it is slavery. Sanguine certainly wouldn't agree, and would tell you that freedom is not in a choice made after weighty pondering, but a series of micro-choices made for you by your senses, who know best.
Sanguine has a better reputation among mortals that most, because as human beings, we're eternally blind to the ultimate nature of reality, and, most philosophers would agree, have no access to the “real” world, but only to a version recreated for us by our brains out of the inputs of our senses. There's no getting out of it. And so it pleases us to think that those senses do not mislead us too much, and that there is some wisdom and truth to be found in them.
Sanguine doesn't care about the ultimate nature of reality anyway, and prefers playing with the only one we know. His association with blood is perhaps a metaphor for the lifeforce, which he embodies in the flesh, scoffing at Meridia's thesis about the lifeforce being of a spiritual nature (and throwing tomatoes at her lectures, no doubt).
As long as there is that which is, Sanguine's laugh can be heard in the eternal now.
Suggestion of a worship practice : offer yourself a five day long education of the senses. Look at something pleasant, listen to something pleasant, smell and taste something pleasant, and, lastly, touch something pleasant. Know that it may very well be possible that nothing else exists, or at least, that nothing isn't as real as those feelings.
Thank Sanguine for the song of the blood.
SHEOGORATH : The Prince of Human Psychology and Creativity
What some call madness is just exagerated and more rarely expressed forms of general human cognition. As the protagonist of one tale once said, “Sheogorath has already won, because he's already inside all of us”.
Sheogorath would probably agree with Foucault's analysis of madness as something constructed, deconstructed and reconstructed through the ages to suit society's whims and fears. (Well, he would agree if he cared at all). In fact, one could argue that Foucault mantled Sheogorath to better express his truth : human psychology is just a succession of thoughts, moods and representations which struggle to not fall into the Sithis-shaped hole of the world, and only gain a semblance of legitimacy from being considered as legitimate by a sufficient number of people.
After all, the other coin of madness is creativity, and seeing the world askew is the only real and authentic way to bring something new into it. If Azura is the rim to all holes, that transitory and liminal moment, the glimpse of what might be, Sheogorath is the plunge to the other side, for good or for ill. Where Azura is in some sense the patron of the Arts, that refined and humanized union of talent and perserverance, Sheogorath is the patron of something purer : the creative instinct unburdened by shape or action, the pure will, which can turn to genius or incomprehensible rubbish, or something in between.
Creativity is also more ephemeral than the capital A “Art”. It is the witty turn of phrase said to a friend that's gonna vanish into the air and be forgotten in five minutes time, it's that particular view of the trees seen through the rain seen by that particular human eye – an artpiece for only one mind -, it's the unexpected solution to an everyday problem found when looking at it in a new way.
The creative freedom of Sheogorath rejects the notion that there could be two separate categories : people, and “Artists”. We all produce small pieces of art every day. But is it “Art” to cover a whole village in cheese? Well, we can argue about “Art” all day, but it is undeniably an expression of creativity.
The laugh of Sheogorath can be heard in both the mad and the artistic, and we're all both of those things.
Suggestion of a worship practice : identify a problem, either big or small, that you're currently facing, and come up with seven different ways to resolve it, to see it differently, or to make it worse. Then, represent that same problem in seven different ways : in writing, in drawing, in the form of a sung melody, in mime, as a meal, as a photo of yourself, and as a scream.
Thank Sheogorath for the divided mind.
VAERMINA – The Prince of Fear and Trauma
Have you heard about the three names of dreaming when one's awake ?
A dream can be experienced when one's awake, and it is then called a vision, a hallucination, or a work of art.
The first one suprises, for a vision is always unexpected, and that's how you will know that it is different from a thought. A vision is about being possessed.
The second one confuses, for a hallucination is always uncomprehensible, and that's how you will know that it is different from an image. A hallucination is about being lost.
The last one provokes, for a work of art is always a question, and that's how you will know that it is different from an answer. A work of art is about wandering.
Answer this, then. Where do the possessed, the lost and the wandering go? Why, to Quagmire, of course, where new things are terrors.
On one hand, visiting Quagmire teaches about fear, and fear is an emotion necessary to survival. On the other hand, too much fear or anxiety swings the pendulum the other way, hindering survival by making the one experiencing it irrationaly helpless and focused on imaginary, rather than real, dangers.
Most would argue that it is precisely Vaermina's goal, to drive mortals mad with fear so they become helpless and under her influence. But as with every Prince, their own goals don't preclude mortals from learning from the violent way they embody their sphere. Learning from fear, learning to go forth in spite of it, is probably one of the most beautiful things we can do, and in a way, Vaermina teaches courage and heroism.
Trauma – that which is seen in Vaermina's shimmering visions and that which cannnot be unseen – is a different beast, an eternal return of horror ever anew, happening right now, right this second. Trauma is characterized by the return of the same again and again, until one learns to live with it, and it is no easy task. Maybe Quagmire is the testing factory of our unconscious, and Vaermina, its harsh mistress teaching through psychological suffering, so we never forget that some things are wrong and should never happen, never again, to anyone.
Suggestion of a worship practice : go to therapy, and prepare yourself that it won't be a happy and feel-good experience. Embrace it. Therapy is not some personal development bullshit where someone is trying to make you feel good, and if it is, someone is trying to sell you something. It is waddling through Quagmire and pursuing a faint, far-away light and hoping it won't blink out of sight. But at least you're not alone.
Thank Vaermina for teaching you the fear of the dark.

Paranormal adventure abounds when an ancient curse at long last lifts from the River Kingdom of Sevenarches. The heroes trek into the ancient forest realm in search of answers, but first they find violent druids, wicked fey hunters, and paranoid townsfolk. Behind it all is an enigmatic bogeyman who pulls the strings from a coterminous plane of spindly shadows. Can the characters unravel the schemes of Kaneepo the Slim? How does the fatal obnubilate curse relate to their missing memories? And what awaits them on the other side of the Seventh Arch? There's just one way to find out!
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• 🕗 Time: Sundays, starting from June 11, 2023 at 4 PM CEST/UTC+2. Played weekly for 4 hours.
• 🧙‍♂️ Players: 5/6
• 💻 Platform: Discord.
• 💵 Costs: 20 EUUSD per person per session. I also offer a 4+1 payment package where if a player wishes to pay for a full month in advance, they receive a free session.
• 🎚 Starting Level: 1
• ⚔️ Optional Rules - To Be Determined (Usually Free Archetype)
• 🌟 Custom Content! - I create side-stories for player characters if whenever they wish to obtain something with the [Uncommon] or [Rare] tag.

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Hello, I've been primarily running Pathfinder 2E games as a professional GM for 4 years now. I've completed most of the Adventure Path's and excel at running them as written (with maybe small adjustments for ease of play).

If you are interested, please message u/Peenicks, or Peenicks#4175 on Discord.

Paranormal adventure abounds when an ancient curse at long last lifts from the River Kingdom of Sevenarches. The heroes trek into the ancient forest realm in search of answers, but first they find violent druids, wicked fey hunters, and paranoid townsfolk. Behind it all is an enigmatic bogeyman who pulls the strings from a coterminous plane of spindly shadows. Can the characters unravel the schemes of Kaneepo the Slim? How does the fatal obnubilate curse relate to their missing memories? And what awaits them on the other side of the Seventh Arch? There's just one way to find out!
​

• 🕗 Time: Sundays, starting from June 11, 2023 at 4 PM CEST/UTC+2. Played weekly for 4 hours.
• 🧙‍♂️ Players: 5/6
• 💻 Platform: FoundryVTT with Discord.
• 💵 Costs: 20 EUUSD per person per session. I also offer a 4+1 payment package where if a player wishes to pay for a full month in advance, they receive a free session.
• 🎚 Starting Level: 1
• ⚔️ Optional Rules - To Be Determined (Usually Free Archetype)
• 🌟 Custom Content! - I create side-stories for player characters if whenever they wish to obtain something with the [Uncommon] or [Rare] tag.

​
Hello, I've been primarily running Pathfinder 2E games as a professional GM for 4 years now. I've completed most of the Adventure Path's and excel at running them as written (with maybe small adjustments for ease of play).

If you are interested, please message u/Peenicks, or Peenicks#4175 on Discord.

Paranormal adventure abounds when an ancient curse at long last lifts from the River Kingdom of Sevenarches. The heroes trek into the ancient forest realm in search of answers, but first they find violent druids, wicked fey hunters, and paranoid townsfolk. Behind it all is an enigmatic bogeyman who pulls the strings from a coterminous plane of spindly shadows. Can the characters unravel the schemes of Kaneepo the Slim? How does the fatal obnubilate curse relate to their missing memories? And what awaits them on the other side of the Seventh Arch? There's just one way to find out!
​

• 🕗 Time: Sundays, starting from June 11, 2023 at 4 PM CEST/UTC+2. Played weekly for 4 hours.
• 🧙‍♂️ Players: 5/6
• 💻 Platform: FoundryVTT with Discord.
• 💵 Costs: 20 EUUSD per person per session. I also offer a 4+1 payment package where if a player wishes to pay for a full month in advance, they receive a free session.
• 🎚 Starting Level: 1
• ⚔️ Optional Rules - To Be Determined (Usually Free Archetype)
• 🌟 Custom Content! - I create side-stories for player characters if whenever they wish to obtain something with the [Uncommon] or [Rare] tag.

​
Hello, I've been primarily running Pathfinder 2E games as a professional GM for 4 years now. I've completed most of the Adventure Path's and excel at running them as written (with maybe small adjustments for ease of play).

If you are interested, please message u/Peenicks, or Peenicks#4175 on Discord.

Paranormal adventure abounds when an ancient curse at long last lifts from the River Kingdom of Sevenarches. The heroes trek into the ancient forest realm in search of answers, but first they find violent druids, wicked fey hunters, and paranoid townsfolk. Behind it all is an enigmatic bogeyman who pulls the strings from a coterminous plane of spindly shadows. Can the characters unravel the schemes of Kaneepo the Slim? How does the fatal obnubilate curse relate to their missing memories? And what awaits them on the other side of the Seventh Arch? There's just one way to find out!
​

• 🕗 Time: Sundays, starting from June 11, 2023 at 4 PM CEST/UTC+2. Played weekly for 4 hours.
• 🧙‍♂️ Players: 5/6
• 💻 Platform: FoundryVTT with Discord.
• 💵 Costs: 20 EUUSD per person per session. I also offer a 4+1 payment package where if a player wishes to pay for a full month in advance, they receive a free session.
• 🎚 Starting Level: 1
• ⚔️ Optional Rules - To Be Determined (Usually Free Archetype)
• 🌟 Custom Content! - I create side-stories for player characters if whenever they wish to obtain something with the [Uncommon] or [Rare] tag.

​
Hello, I've been primarily running Pathfinder 2E games as a professional GM for 4 years now. I've completed most of the Adventure Path's and excel at running them as written (with maybe small adjustments for ease of play).

If you are interested, please message u/Peenicks, or Peenicks#4175 on Discord.

TLDR at the bottom.
My (27M) mother-in-law (92F) is in the hospital for at least the next week getting treatment, her nephew (50 possibly 60 M) has been staying with her the last few months but as of late has been acting strange, & neither me nor my wife (26F) know him that well.
First off, my mother-in-law is my wife's adoptive mother. She adopted my wife's birth mother, then my wife at age 12 after her birth mother was deemed incapable of caring for her daughter. I'll refer to her as my mother-in-law or my wife's mom. Secondly, my wife is her mom's power of attorney.
My mother-in-law is infamous for being naive, letting people take advantage of her for my wife & I to come clean up the mess. We've tried to get her to move in with us, or move into assisted living near our home but she refuses. She's still of sound & mind about 80% of the time, she handles all her own finances, groceries, takes care of three cats & a dog, usually without help because she doesn't allow anyone to.
But if an outcasted family member (usually from drugs, being abusive, or both) comes along with a sob story, she opens the door & lets them either live with her or come in anytime they want. Currently it's her nephew, who at the time of letting him in, had recently made an attempt at his own life.
He used to be a contractor & actually spent most of his time fixing up things around her house, the main project being her fireplace. Since then he has started working on clearing out the garage, one that my deceased father-in-law had hoarded an unfathomable amount of junk in, along with possible sentimental or even valuable items. It's kind of like a few golden needles in the biggest hay stack I've ever seen.
While my mother-in-law has been in the hospital, he's continued to clear out the garage & also had two men we've never met before in her backyard. I confronted them & the other two men left, while her nephew became suddenly emotional about his aunt's wellbeing, & also about me being slightly suspicious of him continuing to clear out the garage while she's in the hospital. Any time it's brought up that we just want to make sure nothing of sentimental or monetary value owned by her is mistakenly hauled off, he thinks we're accusing him of stealing & begins to cry.
On top of that issue, according to my wife & my mother-in-law's sisters, he has been sleeping most of the day & up all night. He wouldn't even wake up when they first took her to the hospital, only after to be upset that the stray dog he'd picked up had been accused of trying to bite family members while trying to get all the pets out of the living room before the paramedics to showed up. He also claimed to believe that the next day my wife & her mom were sleeping in her room all day, & that he didn't know she was in the hospital.
I talked to him on my own, appearing more open so he would talk to me & most of everything he said contradicted what happened or what I had heard from my wife or her aunts.
He has somewhat of criminal history & drug abuse, currently has warrants in a different county for fishing without a license & driving an ATV on private property. My wife looked into his room, which is her old room when she lived at home that actually still has some of her stuff in the closet. She saw a few strange items (a torch, a butter knife, notepads with stuff scribbled all over & several pens, some sort of red light newly installed on the wall) & it was so messy the entire floor was occupied with stuff. But no actual proof, because she didn't want to search the room & alarm him.
Lastly, we found the deed to her home, another property she owns, & something called a "quit claim deed" that was blank, all in a plastic sack on her kitchen table this morning. This was not there yesterday. We took that with us on our way to the hospital today.
I may be leaving out some details, I spent about an hour typing this to make sure I got everything right, but it's been a long three days. My wife has dealt with her brother as an addict, & her birth mother before she passed away. But this situation is completely new to both of us & are not entirely sure what to do, or what we even can do before something goes wrong. We're also worried even if we do get him out of the house, that she'll let him right back in when she gets better. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR: My mother-in-law is in the hospital, her nephew is being suspicious as far as her property & what's on it, also is possible back on drugs. My wife is her power of attorney, & are looking for advice on what we can or can't do about getting him out of the house permanently.

Desperate Car Wife: A Journey in the Making (part.7)
My husband's next "victim" .... A golden brown 1997 Chevy K/1500 Extended Cab
I had a feeling he'd buy this truck at some point... A buddy of his owned it and he would always make comments and cash offers whenever he saw the truck. About 3 or 4 years later my hubby finally got his wish! I still remember the night we brought it home... Unfortunately, that same night, during the wee hours, some delinquent teens went around the neighborhood and were keying cars down our street! He parked it on the street since he had planned to wash it first thing.... Hub was up early the next day, so excited to have his new baby; ready to give her a good wash and start marking his "territory" with that good 'ol "JB Treatment".. We walked out and discovered the truck had been keyed all the way from the driver's side door to the rear fender!! I can't describe how super p@##ed off he was without using a list of colorful words, but I'm sure y'all can imagine... I'm just glad I was there to help calm him down; to this very day I truly feel that had he given into his anger, he would've gone off his rocker, and that day would've been much like that famous line from Liam Neeson in Taken!! But after about an hour of watching what looked like a crazy man, pacing back and forth, looking over and over at the nearly 7' long scratch, while cursing up a storm, he managed to calm down "somewhat" and immediately ran down to AutoZone... $150 later, he had what he needed to make it as invisible as possible. It was deep in spots; the entire scratch had passed through the top coat and in some areas it was all the way to the base paint :(
Over the next year, he went over the entire body with a clay bar, compound buffed, then waxed and polished... She was easily a 10 footer for sure! Eventually he found some wheels and bought matching tires.. (He has a thing about mismatched tires LOL) She was lookin' like a pretty nice truck, so shiny and new, nearly flawless on the outside.
Side Note: I remember one night, not too long after he finished all that hard work, we were bbqing at our friend's house; the one who sold us the truck. It was well after midnight when we were finally ready to leave, (hubby was highly intoxicated), I ended up having to pull the truck out first because a huge bush was on the other side where he had backed in too close and couldn't open the passenger side door. Well he was too drunk and way too tall to try to climb over the center console thru the driver's side, so he wanted me to pull the truck out and he'd just hop in. I was like "there are branches sticking out of the bush and I think I might scratch the truck"... I insisted my hubby just pull it out a little and then I'd take over. (if anyone was gonna scratch it, I'd rather it be him!) To give some insight: there was another car parked on the driver's side, giving me very little room to work with... But he refused and said he'd guide me.. Famous. Last. Words!!!! As soon as I started to pull away, I heard scraping sounds!!!! I stopped and was sooo upset because I knew it would happen! I thought for sure he would be so p@##ed at me for scratching it! I had tears, I felt so bad!! He had just finished getting that truck looking new again and the hours of labotime spent doing so... I couldn't stop sobbing, even when he, surprisingly, wasn't mad at all!! He actually blamed himself because he made me move it.. I blame the alcohol for his chill response!!! After repeated "sorry's" and "it's okay's".. we get home and he grabs his container of Mother's compound and starts buffing out the scratch.... Next morning I looked at the spot and to my excitement, the scratch was gone... it didn't go through the top coat!! Couldn't even tell that there was ever even a scratch!!!! \Wipes sweaty forehead* What a relief that was!*
Next came the.......... you got it! The Sound system! \ insert smirky laugh here LOL **
A slimbox would just not do.. he tried, but at this point in his obsession with bass style audio, he wanted more bass. Well for those of you that don't know, more bass means not only bigger subs and bigger boxes for those subs, you also need higher quality tweeters and mids with their own amp system plus crossovers, a powerful amp just for the bass, bigger batteries (yes, that's plural), a bigger alternator, fuses galore, expensive wiring , etc... Not only is that crazy expensive to do, but it also required him to eventually remove the bench seat. I had no clue to all of this till I started going with him more often to the car audio shops. Needless to say, I was not a happy wife when it came to the price tags... I was perfectly happy with decent sound and a small sub, but something so crazy loud wasn't that big of a deal to me, however, our bank account would say otherwise LOL ... it wasn't my daily driver, so I didn't really care other than the costs for everything... he just could never be happy with the sound and continuously changed out the subs, boxes, decks, you name it... he did it more than once over on everything! So that was the first strike to this truck and I... (I know it sounds a bit harsh for a 1st strike, but I wanted a nice family vacation, not bigger and bigger subs... Remember my "limits" motto??)
I liked driving it around town, though the driver's seat was broken in the upright position, so I had to drive with a pillow behind me. (Strike 2!!) It never bothered him because he's so dang tall, and I rarely drove it as it was, so the seat wasn't a priority... Then I took it on the freeway, the steering became very loose. I don't know how to describe how it felt to me, other than it felt like it was severely out of play... My hubby never seemed to have the same issue and always would reassure me that "it's just how the truck drives''... So he hasn't messed around with the steering column at all. Well, I don't trust it or feel safe in it, so I refuse to drive it. I have had to take it on the freeway a couple more times since then and I still hate driving it... it still felt way out of whack for me; taking curvy turns was the worst, I couldn't even keep it centered in my lane! Nerves shot and blood pressure at its highest.... Strike 3!!! I absolutely hate driving that truck!!! She is a pretty thing after a good waxing, but that's as far as I take a liking to her...
$10k later, including a rebuilt tranny and 2 DIY transfer case replacements, the truck is nearly perfect in my husband's eyes.... but then the poor thing falls to vandalism once again! :( :( :( Only this time it was 2 slashed tires and a broken windshield! This time we filed a police report! But of course nothing ever came of it, unfortunately.... It was easy to replace, but costly and getting no justice after being vandalized twice (parked in the driveway the 2nd time), left us feeling sour and foul mouthed.... Now we have cameras on the driveway and street! Regardless of the vandalism, there's always something needing to be replaced it seems... this truck feels like a money pit in my mind... strike 4...
Special Note: If you have found or follow me on Twitter (DsCarWife) and come here to read my posts... I have a little treat tweet coming! Stay Tuned!
Part. 8 coming soon

(Apologies to anyone who reads this in full. But this joke is hideously long on purpose. It's effects are best if you actually sit someone down and tell it to them. I took up my workmates entire lunch break with this and he hasn't spoken to me all evening.)
There are one hundred priests of an unspecified religion. They have arrived dressed in the symbols of their faith in a new land to spread the word of their 'Superbook'. This could be any land, France, Egypt, Feudal Japan, the Toronto Film Festival, any land. Absolutely any land you can imagine, Gondor, Pangaea, 1992 or your own home and surrounding lands which are unique to you.
Upon arriving in this strange new land they learn that the people here have no knowledge of Superbook. They decide that the best way to spread the word is to construct a building as a symbol of the new faith. So they purchased some basic tools and set to work gathering wood for their shrine. As there were one hundred priests in their prime the shrine was constructed in under a week.
It was a basic thing. The sort of shrine you would look at and say "that's pretty shit. Did children build this? You didn't tell me there were feral children around.". A central trunk with a roughly carved deity symbol nailed to the top stood in a forest clearing. A few rows of log seats encircled it and around the edges stood a few tall torches burning incense.
The priests stood back and looked proud over their creation, happy that they could begin spreading the words and illustrations of Superbook. It was suggested by one of the priests that "Hey we should go for a drink to celebrate our success!" to which exactly half of the priests thought would be a good idea. So fifty of the priests headed down to the local pub where they spent the night drinking whatever beverages Superbook allowed.
Upon returning from their celebrations the priests were greeted by a horrifying sight. "Have I got beverage in my eyes!?" one of the priests was heard to say "or has something destroyed our shrine!?". The priest was correct, before them lay the ruins of their primitive shrine, a tangle of wood and limbs all set ablaze by the incense torches.
How exactly all fifty priests who remained at the shrine managed to perish as the single tall, thin structure collapsed remains a mystery to this day. As the priests stood in shock staring and mourning over their lost friends, one of them turned to notice something that looked out of place. As he squinted he could make out on the horizon a figure all in black, speeding away on an unspecified vehicle. It could be a motorbike, a sports car, a horse and carriage, a horse without a carriage, absolutely any vehicle you can think of, a bicycle, a unicycle, a pangolin, or a petrol powered pangolin.
But it was too late, the man disappeared over the horizon. As the remaining priests gathered their thoughts, one of them suggested that they should not be discouraged, and that their fallen friends would want them to rebuild the shrine in memory of them.
The priests agreed and set about building a new shrine! bigger and better than the first to remember this tragic day. They quarried stones, they cut down trees and they sewed curtains, nice curtains, I mean REALLY nice curtains, with tassels and everything. It took the fifty priests a few weeks to complete but eventually they were able to stand back and admire their new creation.
It was a quaint chapel on the hill. The sort of chapel you would look at and say "hey look at that quaint little chapel, and oh damn check out those nice curtains!". A trodden dirt path led to the entrance of a small stone structure, inside was the picture of simplicity and modesty. A few rows of pews on a polished wooden floor, and an altar stood in front of a patchwork deity symbol.
As the priests admired their new chapel, they remarked that yes, their fallen friends would be happy with this. One of the priests suggested that they visit a local theme park to celebrate this day. Exactly half of the priests agreed, they spent the day riding deity approved rides, gambling deity approved amounts of money and not riding deity condemned rides.
Upon returning from their celebrations the priests were greeted by a horrifying sight. "Have I got deity approved theme park snacks in my eyes!?" one of the priests was heard to say "or has something destroyed our chapel!?". The priest was correct, on the hill lay a pill of stone rubble, limbs and silky smooth curtain tassels.... which was all on fire for some reason.
As the priests stood staring in horror over their lost friends, one of them turned to notice something that, yes, upon the horizon he could just make out the man in black speeding into the distance. But it was too late, he was gone. As the remaining priests took care of the dead in the way decreed by Superbook, one of them suggested that this should not be the end, and that their fallen friends would want them to rebuild the chapel in memory of them.
The priests agreed and set about pillaging neighbouring villages for building supplies. They gathered glass, mixed cement, smelted iron, mined for gold and expanded their quarry. They didn't just rebuild the chapel, they built a fully fledged church! The sort of church that when you refer to it like "Oh it's up by the church", people would know what you are talking about and benefit from your informative directions. It had taken the twenty five priests six months of labour but there it stood. A paved path led through an iron fence, protection against and would-be-church-destroyers and towards an imposing stone structure. Stain glass windows adorned the front complete with deity symbols, the pews could seat a thousand and a golden forged Superbook sat upon the altar.
The twenty five priests patted themselves on the back and said a prayer for the lost friends. One priest suggested that after six months they deserved a celebratory meal to mark the occasion. Twelve priests agreed whilst the rest stayed to rest, content in the safety of their shiny new iron fence. The twelve priests spent the evening at a nearby Italian restaurant, because everyone is allowed to eat Italian food.
After an evening of scoffing increasingly abstract pasta shapes the twelve priests returned to their church. One of the priests was heard to say "Have I got tagliatelle in my eye!? Or has someone knocked down our church!? AGAIN!" The scene that greeted them was one of sorrow and anger. Sorrow for their dead friends, crushed under heaps of stone and glass. Anger at their dead friends, for placing so much faith in an iron fence. Yet more anger at the figure they could see vanishing over the horizon.
At this point you are probably thinking that these priests are idiots, that surely they can understand the pattern by now that building a church plus staying in the church equals death. You would also think that after the previous events they would not believe that the solution would be to build a bigger church.... as this in no way addresses the problem at hand. You may think that surely he can't just keep rambling on like this and that he will wrap this up soon, after all we have figured out the pattern of the joke and we know where it is going anyway.
So one of the priests, suffering from long term memory loss, suggested that to honour their friends they should build a new monument to their faith. The others, after giving him concerned looks, figured they had come this far and, resigned to their fate, they agreed. The priests then spent the next five years ravaging the lands for resources. They felled forests, flattened hills and drove the critically endangered Pentapus to extinction to use their tears for cement (its like an octopus but it only has five arms... and only has five eyes.)
After a further five years of construction, they were finally able to stand back, crane their necks high, and admire their creation. This was a truly great achievement. This was now a cathedral, the sort of cathedral that architecture student congregate around. The sort of structure that everyone for miles around would refer to as "That massive f***ing monstrosity made of tears" and there would be weird rumors like "at night I've heard that you can hear the pentapusses crying from inside the walls". Whether these rumors were true or not, it was an impressive building. The size of an aeroplane hangar. It had an attached aeroplane hangar. It was the first cathedral built with a solid steel support structure and, for added protection, a moat and barbwire fence surrounded it.
The priests had been at the whole 'building monuments for the Superbook' for many years now and were getting old and tired. One of them suggested that they should take a trip to a local spa for a day of relaxation after this great achievement, "after all..." he said "page 69 of Superbook does proclaim in giant text, 'Thou shalt spa'". Five other priests, who probably had better survival instincts, agreed and the six of them took off. Six remained content in their reinforced structure, even taking shifts to keep watch for added security.
The six who left spent the day wallowing in mud, having cucumbers placed on various body parts and being generally as un-energetic as possible. They were also pleasantly surprised to find that their local infamy granted them free access to all the spas facilities. After they had left in their own time and the spa owner barred the doors shut behind them they headed back to their church.
"Have I still got cucumber in my eye!?" one of the six said as their home loomed on the horizon, "or has someone destroyed our church!?"
The priest was correct. As they approached and crossed the moat they found a towering pile of rubble. There was an eerie silence as they glared at the destruction, picturing their dead friends somewhere inside. The silence was only broken by the sound of the man in black speeding off over the horizon and the joyous cries of Pentapus souls being freed.
The sight of the man in black filled one of the priests with rage. He turned to the others and said "Hey I know what we need to do!" ... The others agreed before he had chance to say what it was.
The priests set about gathering more resources. After the ten years it took them to gather this, they were surrounded by a scorched barren earth. They had felled all the trees for twenty miles, flattened the earth, hunted all life to extinction (I mean all life, even worms... they took all the worms and used them to lure down all the birds. Then they trained the birds to help lift heavy objects for them. Then they ate the birds. Then they made a monument to remember the birds. Then they... didn't really put much effort into maintaining it and it ran into disrepair... the end), drained lakes and sucked clouds from the sky somehow.
It took a further ten years for the small group of ageing priests to complete their construction. For the sake of this story four of the priests died during a slave bird rebellion that was later crushed. Mainly because I can't think of many more advancing stages of church besides going into ghost churches or space churches, though those would be awesome.
Their creation could barely be called a church.Yes it was built in the shape of their deity symbol and inside were super mahogany (like regular mahogany only more awesome) pews and a diamond pulpit, but to all other purposes this was a fortress. The entire structure was titanium, standing thirty stories high. It was surrounded with laser fences, laser moats full of lasers, and atop the building were placed a cluster of guns which shot bullets which were also made of lasers. There were immense speaker systems built into the walls which issued threats as well as religious good will messages to all who approached. It was the sort of church that you wouldn't say anything about... because the church would know what you said and rain lasers upon you.
The doom of the man in black was built. But they needed bait. The two old priests drew straws to decide who would stay. The priest who left made it known that he would be leaving for a day on the beach.
He spent his day pretending to sunbathe, pretending to build sandcastles and pretending to dip his toes in the water. Until he heard a commotion in the distance. He raced back towards his fortress with a smile on his face, the sort of smile you would have if the person who has killed ninety eight of your closest ninety nine friends had been killed. When he could peer over the next horizon however, his smile vanished. All he could see in front of him was a smoking heap of titanium and misfiring lasers. As he peered through the smoke he could make out the man in black making his escape.
Something inside him had told him that this would happen and this time he was prepared. He knew there was no sand in his eyes... he had only been pretending to touch the sand. He ran behind a nearby bush and hopped aboard his Super Priesty Priest Scooter and gave chase.
Through the desolate lands he chased the man, gaining ever so slowly until after hours, to the priests surprise, the man had pulled over. The priest pulled up and approached the man, his face red with rage.
"HAVE YOU BEEN KNOCKING DOWN OUR CHURCHES!?" The priest roared.
And the man replied
"...... no....... "

Fleur had been held under the Cruciatus for too long and her mind had begun to fray. Bits of her personality went first losing the haughty, flightiness of childhood. Then some of her less important memories like her favorite dessert and the names of her imaginary friends.
Then, right before her losses became irreversible, her mind cracked and she lost control of her thoughts. All her consciousness was aware of pain and only pain. She prayed, begged, and pleaded for it to end. She professed loyalty, fealty, her life and all others to anyone who could help, to Krum if he would just stop, but the pain continued unabated.
After an eternity, on the cusp of losing all of herself, the curse was stopped. By this point Fleur had no discernible thoughts and just slipped in and out of consciousness. She saw flashes of a duel; deathly spells and horrific hexes flying between Krum and her savior. It all faded until she felt herself be cradled and red sparks shoot up.
There in the arms of her savior, all she saw was the angelic face of Harry Potter. He came for her. He stopped the curse. Not her parents, not Madame Maxime, not Dumbledore, nor either ministry. No, it was the boy who she had discounted and was proven her wrong multiple times. He had taken out Krum and saved her from an eternity of torture. He came for her.
Harry had arrived late. He had heard the screams several hedges over and anguished as the voice creaked and cracked. He did everything he could to find a way to reach whoever it was. Harry bound and wove through the maze and, eventually after harrowing minutes listening to the voice lose strength, arrived to see Krum standing over Fleur who had long since lost her voice.
A quick back and forth left Harry with no choice but to interrupt Krum to have him stop. The shudder and coughing from Fleur at the release of the spell cause bile to squirm in Harry's stomach. Anger and disgust for the Bulgarian ran through him as his spells became less about incapacitating him and more about casting him down.
After what seemed like hours, Krum fell to the concussive force of a blasting curse. Summoning Krum's wand, Harry turned and checked over Fleur. He saw her breathing level out and become less strained as he lifted her from the awkward position she had been left in. As he tried to lay her down, Fleur seemed to come to and clutch at Harry.
As Fleur stared at him, he felt something in her eyes change. Before the second task she looked at him like an interesting side show. Afterwards, she looked at him like the rest of Gryffindor: there goes the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter. Now, her eyes held something entirely different.
In that brief instant, Fleur's gaze seemed to convey a message of respect and admiration. It was as if she acknowledged Harry's strength, not just as a competitor but as a person. Her eyes held gratitude and promise, a silent acknowledgment of his presence in her darkest hour.

From here it could go however you would want it to. Does Fleur go all crazy and kill off the competition for Harry's affection? Does her obsessive love provide a much needed affection in a time of isolation for Harry leading to two yandere being in love with one an other?