Story Brief: I play a chaotic evil character, rest of the party tries to abandon and murder me on sight, then blames me for being everything wrong with chaotic evil when I defend myself.
Yeah.
This was a very long time ago on a play-by-post site that you've never heard of; I think the site was called mydndgame.com? I checked, but that domain is up for sale as of the time of this writing so if that's what it was it sure didn't last very long. With the story I'm about to relay to you, I can't help but imagine why that might be!
I am uncertain how this party came to be but we were a group of five, all somewhere on the autism spectrum. The campaign was in the Dalelands of Toril (I think that's right?) and we were all starting at level two. The party composition was a human ranger, a half-orc bard/barbarian (bardbarian!), a dwarf paladin, and my character was a human wilder. For those unfamiliar: wilders are the charisma version of the psion in the same way sorcerers are to wizards, except that wilders are actually really good as you'll learn later.
Our first quest was to clear out a den of orcs who have been doing Generic Evil Bad Guy Things to our starting town. Knowing the reputation that chaotic evil characters tend to have I laid my intentions on the table very early in an attempt to allay concerns. I was chaotic because I want to take the Pyrokineticist prestige class and Evil because she just really likes burning shit. Seeing as I rolled very well on my mental stats (int 16, wis 15, cha 19; the GM was using 2d8+6, IDK why) I felt that my wilder would be very friendly, amicable, and also neurotically aware of her situation. In her own words: "I can burn human villages and be hunted as a villain, or burn orc villages and be paid as a hero. The choice is obvious; we're having barbeque porkchops tonight!" The players acknowledged this and seemed to be mildly enthusiastic.
Thus we get to the actual roleplay.
We keep it simple, start in a tavern and introduce our PCs. The bardbarian and paladin are having a drunken arm wrestling contest and regaling each other with tales of their machismo ("I once suplexed a polar bear off a cliff!" "Reminds me of that time I gave my coat to an orphan girl and had to walk through a blizzard for eight hours warmed only by the celestial hearth of my god!"). The ranger and I enter town from opposite angles and meet up at the bowyer's shop; he's buying a bow while I am having my crossbow repaired after I got a little overenthusiastic with my last Fire Ray. The ranger is immediately distrustful of my wilder; I don't know why, but "grizzled ranger wilderness man" is such a classic trope I don't think much of it and we end up entering the tavern together.
Shortly after we are all in the same ingame space together, a big ol' royal guardsman or soldier or somesuch enters the tavern and calls for mercenaries. The others answer the call, while my wilder listens from the corner given that she's not best friends with the law. We are told of the orcs and the troubles they are causing on the road, and that parties who like gold and killing orcs ought to prepare to embark with him in the morning. Yeah, I thought; my wilder likes both of those things -- one is a good target for fire, and the other buys resources she can use to make more fire. I feel my wilder is not likely to volunteer without her weapons on her -- she wouldn't be taken seriously! -- so I narrate how I'll wait an hour for repairs to be completed and approach the group then, since we have until morning.
My wilder goes to get her crossbow, returns -- and the party is gone. So much for waiting until the morning.
I make some quick Gather Information checks (I had the intelligence so I sprinkled cross-class ranks into K:nobility and various social skills) to figure out what happened, then set off at a brisk hustle to follow.
Upon catching up with the party, the ranger immediately fires an arrow at my wilder.
Ranger: [to the party] "Heh, can never be too careful."
Wilder: [hiding behind a tree] "Whoa mate, check your eyes; I am not an orc!"
Ranger: "Just because you're not an orc doesn't mean you're friendly!"
Bardbarian: "She could be a highwayman, be careful."
Wilder: "We met in town, remember? I was the one who suggested yew for your bow!"
Ranger: "If you're friendly, why are you hiding? Show yourself!"
Wilder: [Comes out with hands up; pointless gesture since I can kill people with my brain, but they don't know that yet]
Paladin: "I use detect evil."
Wilder: [Is evil! And also has her imp patron following her without being aware of it!]
Paladin: "She's evil. Get her and her demon friend!"
Wilder: "Wait, why is Char here? According to my backstory he- WHOA!"
My wilder is wearing a chain shirt, has 17 dexterity, and won initiative so she has her buckler out and is using Total Defense so her AC is... high. She danmaku-grazes through two sling bullets, an arrow, and two darts.
Wilder: "Please calm down! I just want to kill orcs with you and get paid!"
Paladin: "We don't work with evil people!"
Another round of Touhou dodging ensues.
GM: "Round three. Wilder's turn."
Wilder: "I said CALM THE FUCK DOWN!"
I activate my Wild Surge and expend my psionic focus on my Psionic Shot feat and launch my Fire Ray at the ranger's precious masterwork bow. I have Privileged Energy so I get a +1 damage bonus on every die of fire damage I roll. 5d6+5 damage. The bow flashes white-hot as it is instantly turned to ashes.
Ranger: "You bitch! I knew you were bad news the moment I met you!"
They keep fighting...
My wilder took them all down in a single shot each, even including the level six NPC guardsman who attempted to intervene once it became clear that the party couldn't roll above a fifteen to save their lives. I suggest to the GM that the fire cauterized their wounds so none of them are actually dying, but he's a very RAW person and declines while pointing out that I was throwing entire virtual fistfuls of d6s. The entire party ends up bleeding out because -- surprise -- the chaotic evil character didn't think to put any ranks in Treat Injury. My wilder gave the fallen PCs the most respectful sendoff she knew -- burning their bodies in a massive forest fire -- while speculatively wondering how that scene could have proceeded differently and not at all subtly hinting to the GM to rewind so we could take the scene again from the top.
The response to this was to start making the usual noises and ALL-CAPS POSTS about how I'm an edgelord and chaotic evil PCs should never be allowed and I'm terrible and awful for destroying their equipment and getting mad when they attempted to blah blah blah. I don't need to tell you what they said. I was just astonished, refreshing the page throughout the day as they rant and rave, all the while thinking to myself "I have Asperger's syndrome and even I can read the social cues better than these nutters."
They weren't even good roleplayers. I was throwing out paragraphs and they were writing two-liners. The ranger didn't even end his posts with periods. So when I refreshed the page and found I was banned from the game, I couldn't help but sigh in relief. What could I have even said to these people to justify myself? "It's what my character would have done?" Because it actually wasn't; I was trying my damnedest to hold her back in spite of all possible reason to go full bore on the strangers trying to murder her!
I'd still love to play Ashley again sometime. I think she has a lot of potential as a character to explore what it means to be evil, how evil is often perceived by others, and how even good people can work with evil in pursuit of a greater goal.

[First] [Previous] [Next]
Memory transcription subject: Illia, Federation Communications Technician
Date [standardized human time]: October 21, 2136
Kiran and I embraced for what seemed like forever, idly sitting on the rainbow grass that colored the forest floor while huddled together in the darkness. The campfire near us was still full of life somehow, and provided a good amount of illumination throughout the campsite.
It was quite difficult to sit on my haunches upright, with nothing supporting my back. Despite that, It was well worth it and I would sympathize with her for as long as was needed. I remained alert, with my weapon still in my grip in case the human decided to return for round two. I gently massaged the girl’s back with one of my forehooves, hoping that my attempts at soothing her would ward away the trauma she had experienced.
“Illia..” Kiran sobbed into my chest, drenching the fabric of my jumpsuit. “T-thank you, thank you. I was scared that you didn't m-make it.. I don’t know what I would do if you didn’t. P-please don’t leave me.” She pleaded.
“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart, don’t worry.” I replied, my voice a faint whisper. “The only thing that matters now is that you’re safe. You don’t have to worry about that.. thing anymore. It’s gone.” I consoled her, wiping the still-wet tears off of her ruffled feathers. “More importantly, are you hurt?” I checked her over, examining her lithe body from multiple angles.
She thought about that for a little while, then sat up, stretching a wing. She let out a cry of pain once it was half-way extended and brought it back down gingerly, wrapping a wing around her upper shoulder. I reached forward out of sympathy, my maternal instincts moving me to comfort her.
“Oh, Jild.. L-Let me see, honey.” I crooned. She heavily reminded me of my eldest, only daughter, and it was amusing how alike they were, despite being of different species.
I tenderly prodded the dull side of my hoof-paw against her supposed injured appendage, trailing it up towards her shoulder, which earned a startled chirp from her, followed by a slight jump away from my touch. The area of where her wing met her shoulder was bruised a deep purple, visible even beneath her feathers from where she collided with the tree. I was beyond grateful that nothing had broken, or even shattered. That would require extensive care, and we were lightyears away from the nearest hospital.
“How d-does it look, Illia? W-Will I be ok?” She sniffled, caressing her discolored limb while being mindful of its positioning. Sadness etched itself across my face, but I forced a hopeful look in Kiran’s favor. Thankfully, the bruising was the extent of her injuries, none of which were life threatening, though were still in need of urgent medical attention. The most I would be able to do would be to give her painkillers and make a sling for her.
Our best option now is to find Orsik and the rest of the crew.
“It’s.. fine, honey. Don’t you worry. I’ll get you fixed up, and you’ll feel all better, ok?” I said while rummaging through my bag for my first aid kit. I had a thorough understanding of how to dress wounds, as well as the proper medical procedures that came with it. Kiran would need her arm immobilized so that any further injury could be avoided. We’d better find help soon, I can only help her so much. I internalized.
Pulling out the kit, I took out a bottle containing the painkillers and a small, square-shaped piece of cloth, which unfolded into a much longer strand of fabric. I cautiously draped the cloth along her shoulder, positioning her arm along her abdomen much to her discomfort, and tied it off. Her arm was now fully supported, and the risk of worsening the injury had decreased. Feeling satisfied with my work, I grabbed the vial of painkillers, urging her to take one. I then grabbed one of the large bottles of water from my pack, holding it a distance away from her beak. “Drink, sweetie.” She welcomed the fluid into her mouth, tilting her head back as I poured the bottle. She eagerly chugged down the substance in record time, unmistakably parched. It had probably been a while since her last drink of water.
I leaned back and returned the now empty bottle to my bag, and observed her checking out my handiwork. Her gaze met the ground suddenly, and she froze, her eyes glossing over. I waited for her to say something, anything. Her abrupt silence was starting to worry me.
“Sweetie?” She gazed off into the distance, no doubt reliving her near-death experience. “Are you alright?” I nudged her, snapping her attention back to me. Tears began to bubble in those wide eyes of hers again; her grip on my jumpsuit tightened, and her hackles raised. She was visibly shaking.
“It.. it came out of n-nowhere. I could feel it w-watching m-me, even before I s-saw it. It.. I knew it w-was there, and th-then.. She whimpered. T-there was so m-much blood, and I-I.. Her voice was hoarse, describing her contact with the predator. “I-I was.. Was so s-scared.. I-I’ve never been more scared b-before in my life..” She choked the words out. “I didn’t know what to do, I-I couldn’t m-move.”
I lay my head gently on top of her own. “That’s just your instincts kicking in, honey.” I assured her. “Everyone has them.” I felt her rapid heartbeat slow gradually as she listened to my words. “You’re safe. Relax, my sweet.” The corners of my mouth turned up in a smile. “I am very proud of you, setting up camp all by yourself. You’ve proven to be very strong and capable out on your own.” My smile died down a bit. “I’m sorry that I didn’t come sooner, but I didn’t forget our promise.”
She released her tight grip on me, reeling back and looking at me with one eye. She swallowed. “Neither did I. I-I knew you would come, so I w-waited.” There was a pause after that, the both of us glad to be in each other's presence. “Thank you, Illia.”
I flicked my ears toward her, and my grin grew wider. “Of course. Let’s get out of here.” I stood up on my hind hooves with a grunt, stretching out my tired muscles. I extended my paw downward towards her, and she took it with her uninjured wing. I helped the virtually weightless girl to her talons, and hefted my backpack over my shoulders. My poor spine ached in protest, practically begging for a break. “Ready?” I turned my head towards her.
“Illia?” She spoke after a moment, craning her neck up towards me.
“Yes, Kiran?”
“That thing, the h-human.. Did you k-kill it? Where did it go?” A worried look crossed her avian features, waiting for my response. I wouldn’t want to worry the poor girl, but I don’t want to lie to her, either.
I inhaled sharply after a moment, inadvertently giving away the answer to Kiran even before my admission. Her brows upturned slightly with worry. My own eyes latched onto hers, and I breathed a sigh, confirming her suspicion.
“Y-you.. You didn’t kill it?! It’s still out there?! Oh, Inatala..” Her feeble legs wobbled, and I kept her from falling over. “W-why? Illia.. Y-you should have killed it when you had the chance! How is it e-even here? Did it f-follow us?!” The distraught avian squawked in alarm, and my ears flattened in response from the sudden change in pitch.
The loud krakotl girl was likely to attract unwanted attention, with how boisterous she was currently. I gently clasped a hoof-paw around her beak, attempting to silence her. “Hey! Calm down, sweetie. Deep breaths. We’re not on Nishtal, or anywhere else. Remember? There’s bound to be predators around here, so we have to be quiet.” That silenced her instantly. “Please, for both of our sakes.” I concernedly whispered. Her frantic chirping died down, and I released my paw.
I inhaled deeply, my lungs pulling in the night’s chilly air. I’d have to answer the many questions that she has bombarded me with now, lest her little heart stops.
A long breath escaped my lips. “I hesitated. I.. I couldn’t pull the trigger, knowing that I would be ending the life of a sapient, living creature. Killing is wrong, regardless of whether it’s prey or predator. I refuse to stoop down to its level.” I explained my actions. “As to how it got here, we must have picked it up somewhere around the time when we boarded the bomber ship. I had a suspicion earlier, I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.” I was sorely tempted to put the murderous bastard out of its misery then and there, but it didn’t sit right with me.
She clicked silently to herself, the gears slowly turning in her head.
“I-I thought something was wrong, on the ship, with how you were staring at the door. I was w-worried..” She nervously fidgeted, her talons puncturing the surface she stood on. “Uhm, why.. W-why does the human want to k-kill me? What d-did I do?” She timidly met my gaze again, glancing up at me with watery eyes.
I snorted, raising a four-digit paw and setting it down gently on her uninjured shoulder.
“It isn’t you, Kiran. Killing is in a predator’s nature, their bloodlust drives them crazy. They can’t help it even if they tried, that’s why we can’t live in peace.” I snorted, angering myself over my own rant. “I just wish that we had finished the job.” I muttered, referring to erasing humanity from existence.
Something else was plastered on her face now, something not dissimilar to a look of betrayal. “Illia?” She gulped. “D-do.. do you have predator disease?” Her voice was unsteady, but at the same time, nothing but a faint whisper.
Those words rekindled a flame in me that I thought to be snuffed out a while ago. I snorted angrily, outraged that she would even ask me such a thing, after I had saved her life. She would be dead if I hadn’t intervened, but here she was, accusing me of being the very thing that I had saved her from.
The adrenaline in my system dissipated as I stared into her frightened eyes, and I restrained myself from throwing a fit. Kiran was young, and couldn’t comprehend that predator disease wasn’t an actual illness, but instead was a way for the Federation to retain its chokehold over its citizenry. Though, I wasn’t about to berate the girl over flawed conspiracy theories. She clearly knew nothing of the pain it caused, as naive as she was.
But I knew it well.
She was as stiff as the trees surrounding us, eyeing me expectantly. I felt a pang of sadness as I noticed that she even stepped back a few paces, away from my reach. The Federation had indoctrinated her far beyond the point of recovery with their nonsensical rhetoric. It was insane to think that one misguided accusation was all it took to break apart the bond between two people. There was no use reasoning with her, but I could try.
Is that how she saw me? A predator? That caused me more pain than any weapon could physically inflict, especially coming from her. Where did this even come from? I was nowhere close to matching the Humans’ brutality, or even the Arxurs’, and yet, she still regarded me as one of them.
I released a snort, dismissing the indirect insult. “No.” I said sternly, clearly heartbroken, as much as I tried to mask it. “Honey, we’ve known each other for quite a while. If I truly had.. ‘Predator disease’, don’t you think I would have shown signs of it by now?” I left the question in the air as Kiran attempted to make sense of my reasonable statement. “Well?”
“T-That makes sense..” Her voice cracked.
“Don’t you trust me, Kiran? Why would you ask such a thing?” My own voice wavered as my heart split down the middle, waiting for her reply. Although, I knew what it would be.
“I do.” She squawked a little while after, catching me completely off-guard. “It’s just.. I-I heard you, threatening the p-predator. Y-You were so b-brave, and instead of running the other way, you just.. held it at gunpoint, and shooed it away from me. You weren’t s-scared at all, even when it wanted to kill you.” She gulped.
“Of course I was scared. I was terrified.” I pleaded. “But I couldn’t just stand back and do nothing, not while your life was at stake. I had to be strong, whatever the cost. It would forever haunt me if I had left you to die, to save myself. I would n-never, I c-couldn’t..” I whimpered through ragged breaths, a dam of emotion bursting through my guise of strength. “I have known nothing but pain and anguish since I set hoof on this planet. I’ve already lost so much, and losing you would absolutely destroy me.” I sobbed, gasping for air. I felt embarrassed, having Kiran see me in my current state. I had tried so hard to be strong for her, but the events of this past week have finally caught up to me.
I wept, hiding my tears in the crook of my elbow. I felt a warm touch caress my upper arm, and I moved my arm away from my eyes. Looking down, Kiran had moved closer to me with a comforting smile on her face. It would seem that she had discarded the ‘sulean predator’ claim after witnessing the humiliating waterworks display in front of her.
“I believe you.” She smiled with her eyes. Relief washed through me instantly. She was the one person in the Federation who had wanted to be my friend, let alone even talk to me. Despite being on a mystery planet with a slim chance of escape, she was a light in the darkness. I hope she knows what she means to me.
I grew a smile of my own and latched onto her in another embrace, being careful not to disturb her shoulder. I snorted through my nose contentedly. “Thank you.” I sniffed. Although startled at first, she returned the hug, squeezing me tightly. While embraced, for a brief moment all of my worries had faded away, replaced by a feeling of adoration and hope. We departed from each other, our bond reinstated.
“See? I’m not foaming at the mouth, am I? Guess I’m not a predator after all.” I joked, hoping it would be well received. I gently tickled her side with my hooved manipulators, causing her to giggle.
“Ok, ok! I trust you! The little one laughed, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes. Her breathing returned to a calm pace. “So. Where to now?”
“What do you mean, little one?” I inquired. “It’s pitch black out there, surely you’re not thinking of heading out now, are you? The human is still out there, and it probably isn’t the only thing we have to worry about.” Wandering through the wilderness in the dead of night wasn’t the best idea, with the looming threat of predators. We’d have to make do here, where our chances of surviving the night were slim enough as it was.
“O-Oh, yeah, you’re right. I-I’m just.. scared that it may come back.” She sheepishly admitted.
“Listen to me.” I met her frightful gaze. “I will not let that thing hurt you ever again. Not while I’m still here.” A motherly tone painted my words, although sounding a bit too harsh.
“Promise?”
“Promise.” I smiled. “Is there only one tent?” I switched the subject.
“Uh, y-yeah, sorry. Is it ok if we share?” She asked while walking up to the circular formation, opening it up.
“Of course.” The exchange was awkward, but we had to make do with what little we had. I climbed inside of the tent after her after taking out my floodlight, switching it on and setting it down directly in front of the tent’s flap, facing towards the shadowy trees. That’d provide us extra security, I hoped. I set my bag down onto the tent’s floor, feeling much better now without it weighing me down.
I plopped down onto my natural state on all fours. I had been ambling on my hind hooves for most of my stay on this planet, and had forgotten the comfort of having my weight equally distributed throughout my body. The muscles in my back ached, and I slid down and rolled onto my side, being able to relax at long last. I scooted my backpack towards me, intending to use it as a makeshift pillow. I released a snort of contentment as I rested my skull on the surprisingly comfortable rucksack. , the tent floor being surprisingly comfortable. A tired yawn escaped me, and my tongue lolled out of my mouth on autopilot as I felt my eyelids droop.
As much as I had wanted to sleep, I wouldn’t be able to, not with the threat of danger still lurking in the forest. We were most vulnerable while sleeping, especially while it was still dark outside. The fire was still going and was fairly close to our tent, but I wouldn’t trust that it would completely protect us from predators. I groggily sat up from my makeshift restplace and shook myself awake, followed by a tired groan. I grasped my forehooves around the weapon that I had clumsily discarded onto the tent’s floor, checking the railgun’s ammunition. Dread hit me with the realization that I was down to a singular bolt. That didn’t make me feel entirely secure, but it was better than nothing at all.
I looked to Kiran, who was already tucked in and ready for the next day. She lay down on a blue sleeping bag, completely enveloped inside of it, except for her head. I chuckled to myself while watching the adorable child snuggle inside of the bag that was far too big for her size.
She caught me staring at her. “Illia?” She spoke, cutting out the crackling of burning wood for a moment.
“Yes, dear?” I yawned again, the tiredness taking over me became unbearable at this point.
“W-What’s the plan for tomorrow?” She asked me with an inquisitive inflection in her voice.
“Well, I would imagine that we’d try to find Orsik. That’s really the only option we have right now. That way, you can be treated by an actual doctor, and not a silly sulean.” I quipped.
“I-I don’t think you’re s-silly..” She admitted meekly.
I faced her, flattered by her comment. I smiled. “Thank you, sweetie. That is very nice of you to say.” A light in the darkness. I crawled over to her, resting on my side next to where she lay. I had my weapon at the ready with a forehoof resting on top of it. I looked down at her adoringly as she shuffled inside of her covers. “Sweet dreams. I’ll see you in the morning. We’ll go looking for everyone else tomorrow.”
“What about the ship? Shouldn’t we go there?” One of her blue eyes studied me.
“I came from there, it’s nothing but a smoking heap of metal now.” I yawned. “We shouldn’t move too far away, Orsik said he’ll come to us. Besides, we’re safer here than out in the dark, right?”
Kiran whimpered, not satisfied with my answer. “Remember our promise?” I asked.
Her deflated look withered away. “Y-yes, I do..” She breathed. “O-ok, only if that means that we can leave as soon as they f-find us.”
“Of course. We won’t stay here longer than is absolutely necessary. I’ll get a signal started in the morning.”
“A-Aren’t you worried about predators? What if they come while w-we’re sleeping?”
I lay my head down onto my satchel. “I am.” I admitted. “And I would prefer not to meet them anytime soon. I think it’s a great sign that we haven’t already.” I gave a dismissive snort, hoping that was the last of her questions. “They won’t bother us, at least not tonight. The floodlight should keep them away, no worries.” I reassured her.
“Oh, ok. Good night, Illia.” She chirped.
“Good night. Sweet dreams, little one.” I caressed her feathers, then committed myself to watching the tent’s opening for the rest of the night.
- - -
I awoke, cursing after realizing that I had been asleep. I didn’t expect myself to be awake for the entire duration of the night, but I was still upset with myself for giving in to my fatigue. Something could have happened, but I was glad nothing did. I was still tired, having stayed awake for most of the night watching over Kiran. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes with a forepaw. My railgun was still grasped in my other forepaw, and I brought the gun up to my hip, holstering it.
Some of my worries over the human still being out there somewhere had faltered; perhaps it lost interest after witnessing my display of superior strength? Predators preferred a challenge when hunting, but their small brains understood when the odds were not in their favor. This human in particular probably saw our small group as easy pickings, and had developed a taste for krakotl flesh. That’d explain the blood spattered all over it, almost as if it were a trophy.
I looked at Kiran, who was still sound asleep. The beautiful orange of this planet’s sun filtered in through the translucent barrier surrounding us; its angelic rays permeated throughout the tent and casted a wondrous shine onto her dull blue feathers.
I yawned, standing up on all fours and leaned into a stretch. The soreness had worn off, and I was ready for another long journey, this time with the presence of my avian friend. I had another long day of strengthening my hind legs, no doubt. I just hope that the rest of the crew were close.
I unzipped my dirty jumpsuit, checking my small cuts. They seemed to be in relatively good shape and had scabbed over, leaving a soreness behind. After confirming that the wounds weren’t infected, I zipped my uniform back up.
I gently shook the sleeping Kiran awake. “Good morning, sleepy. It’s time to head out.” I whispered softly. She stirred and sat up. “Are you hungry? I have some rations.” I reached for my pack, snatching two cans of processed vegetable bars and handed one to her. “You need to eat to keep your strength up, honey.” I dug into my own helping quite quickly, stowing away the empty can. It wasn’t the best tasting thing in the galaxy as it was made specifically for the krakotls’ sophisticated palate. “How did you sleep?” I spoke between mouthfuls. She ate hers bit by bit, to the best of her ability. I imagine it would be difficult to eat something with a beak as narrow as hers was, so I patiently waited for her to finish.
“I slept well, actually.” She faced me, full of youthful vigor. It was almost as though her self confidence had drastically improved overnight. She stretched her good wing out, and checked the sling on the other. Once she was done with her helping, she got up, brushing her manipulators through her feathers. “How about you, Illia?”
“Good! I’m glad. Me, I slept like a fawn.” I fibbed, stifling another yawn. “Oh, let me take that from you, sweetheart.” I motioned to her empty vegetable bar container. I collected the tin from her, tossing it along with the other. I reached for my bag, leaving the heavy non-essentials inside the tent. I slugged it over my shoulder once more, my spine thanking me for lightening the load. The pack’s weight felt far more manageable than it did before. I might even be able to actually walk around with it this time. I wondered.
“Are we ready to go?” I stood in front of the tent, raising a forehoof to unzip us to freedom. The krakotl girl chirped her affirmative after checking herself over, and we both exited the tent, ready for another adventure. Upon leaving, I was extremely surprised to see that I didn’t even have to reignite the fire, as it was still burning, although not as strong as yesterday. The crimson tree that Kiran had made the campfire out of was highly flammable, if I had to guess. That would explain the randomly scorched trees throughout the landscape that I saw earlier. I was relieved that none of them combusted while we were asleep.
“Alright. Let’s head this way, shall we?” I plucked some of the damp yellow moss from a neighboring tree with a spare piece of fabric in between my hooves in case it was an irritant, which was smart thinking on my behalf. I chucked the large bundle into the blaze, smothering the few flames that remained. The fire choked for a moment, then began eating away at the moss, emitting a white column of smoke that snaked towards the light orange of the morning sky.
We checked if we had everything, then started on our expedition. I wasn’t sure where we’d go first, but it would have to be relatively close to where the campfire was in case anyone was nearby. I eyed the skyline before us, the mountains in the distance were a wonderful gradient of bright reds, purples, and yellows, perfectly blending together.
I breathed in the fresh morning air. This would have been a delightful trip, were we on a civilized planet. It still was, to an extent. The native organisms of this untouched wonder of a planet were truly a sight to behold, regardless of its many dangers. From the vivid colors of the flora to the deep red sky watching overhead, everything about this world was eye-catching.
We ventured throughout the crimson woods, encircling the campsite while keeping an eye on the smoke signal so that we wouldn’t veer off-course too much. I also was wary of the tall grass and dense shrubs around us, concentrating on even the slightest noise or movement. Today was particularly windy, so my efforts were in vain. We kept to the more open areas, even if that meant making sharp detours around areas where a predator could be concealed in.
Every now and then we would stop for a break, as I had done before. Kiran fared well during our hike, if not even better than I. We stopped underneath the shade of some crimson trees for another rest after a long while. I unpacked one of our water bottles, taking a small swig before handing it to Kiran. We rationed our supplies as best as we could, but we were quickly running out of food. We would soon have to resort to checking if the local flora were edible.
The smoke signal was still in my sight, and we only had a small distance to go in order to complete our full circle. I had thought about calling out into the woods, but decided against it, as it was likely that we would attract unwanted attention. I felt extremely uncomfortable within the dark woodland, despite having a firearm in my possession.
I lay on the grassy floor on my side, attempting to cool myself off. Kiran was doing much of the same, though in a sitting posture. I lifted my head up, snorting through my nostrils to get her attention.
“Having fun?” I smirked playfully. She clicked her beak together with amusement.
“I would be, if the sun wasn’t burning into my feathers.” She squawked between pants. She rested her head against a rock that put even the brightest of rainbows to shame.
“It’s not all bad, is it? It's all about perspective; look at the positives! You have to learn to appreciate the little things in life.”
“Ok, I appreciate..” She glanced around her surroundings, looking for something of value. “I appreciate this rock, does that count?” She gestured behind her. I couldn’t help but chuckle. “It is quite the rock, isn’t it?” She giggled in response. I adored bonding with the girl, she was almost an extension of my own child, in a way.
I didn’t find it odd or strange at the time to fawn over the beauty of an inanimate object, as we both admired its various colors. “Alright, that’s enough geology for me, I think.” I stood, dusting myself off. I heard a faint snapping sound, and my eyes traveled back to the avian, who now looked absolutely petrified, a lone eye focusing on me. She looked almost as scared as she had been when the human attacked her, but this is far worse. Is she looking at me?
I tilted my head in confusion. “Honey? Y-you’re scaring me.” I chuckled nervously. “What’s wrong?” She gave no response. I suddenly felt a massive surge of anxiety wrack my brain, and my ears perked up. The same feeling that haunted me on the ship returned for a comeback, and this time, my question didn’t have to be answered. I heard shuffling a good distance away from me, and I whipped my head in that direction, following her blank stare. My ribcage tightened as I struggled to breathe. I watched the tall grass adjacent from our position, waiting for something to happen.
The first thing I saw were its horrible forward-facing eyes with slit pupils, instantly recognizing it as a predator. They both were dilated, intent on feasting on our bloody flesh. The feral predator observed me with its piercing golden orbs as it slunk closer. It stalked towards us with its head low to the ground, stray droplets of drool spilling out of its long, gaping maw of which were lined with dozens of razor-sharp teeth capable of effortlessly crushing bone.
I didn’t know what exactly I was looking at, but I knew it was there. The beast prowled out of the tall grass in short strides with its ghastly head low to the ground, drooling over our new and alien scent. The lengthy blades of grass combed over its rainbow-colored hide as it revealed itself. Both it and the grass were a near match in terms of coloration, as I strained my eyes to focus on its appearance.
As it moved further into the light, I was able to get a better glimpse of it. The creature itself was covered in skin instead of fur, which was odd. The upper body of the animal was speckled with various bright colors that mimicked the grass, only for it to darken as the pattern stretched towards its underbelly, and morphed into a full jet black where it reached its clawed feet. I had never feared death before as much as I did right now.
I snapped myself out of my terrified stupor, jumping up to my hind hooves and quickly yanking my railgun out of its holster, jabbing it towards the thing with shaky hooves. I gasped for air as my lungs felt heavy, staring down the freak of nature. My heart sank even further and nearly burst out of my chest as I saw two other predators just like the first emerge from behind it. Oh, fuck. The weapon in my hoof suddenly seemed insignificant.
My eyes widened. We have to leave, now. I grabbed Kiran without a word, pulling her along rather roughly. I dashed as fast as my legs could take me while gripping around the length of Kiran’s wing. I didn’t look back once, only focused on making it back to the tent. There was no guarantee that the fire at the campsite would dissuade them from indulging in their hunger at all, but what other option did we have? I glanced back, and was horrified to realize that the reason why they didn’t already tear us apart was because they were giving us a head start. The monstrous things were playing with their ‘food’, for fun.
I looked down to Kiran, then up to the smoke rising from the campsite. We wouldn’t make it in time. I had to make a choice. I swallowed with teary eyes. ‘’G-go.” I flicked an ear towards the campsite. “Now!” I squealed. She obeyed my order without hesitation, and fluttered over that way.
I was not at all prepared for what I was about to do, and doing so would most definitely result in my death. Weeping, I stood in place as the grayish-blue feathered girl escaped to safety.
“H-hey!” I bleated at the top of my lungs while hopping around vigorously, doing everything in my power to attract the predator’s attention towards me. “Over here!” My voice was hoarse, filled with a mixture of emotions. I hope Kiran will be able to forgive me.
All three of their large heads whipped towards me, my diversion evidently working. I holstered my weapon and turned tail, speeding the opposite way and galloping wherever my legs would take me. I leaped through twisted trees only large enough for me to fit through, and hopped over large rocks, hoping it would slow the monsters down.
Just when I thought I was clear, my hind leg unfortunately latched underneath a root peeking out of the ground, forcing me to a stop. I stopped moving instantly as my momentum ceased, and a sharp pain shot through my ankle. I yelped in distress as my upper body smacked roughly onto the dirt with a hard thud. I whined as my weapon was flung out of its holster, landing in front of me. I crawled towards the weapon with all of my remaining strength.
The predators sauntered over, a threatening growl reverberating through the pack’s leader. I crawled towards my last chance at living, finally reaching it. I fitted my fumbling fingers around the weapon and turning around as the predator leader charged toward me, leveling the weapon with the rainbow demon’s skull. I expelled a single and final shot as the round soared through its nose, expelling a fountain of brain matter behind it as it fell limp a couple of feet away from me. The other two creatures were taken aback at first, surprised that I had dispatched their leader without a fair fight. They were furious. I was hit with the horrific realization that I had just used the last of my ammunition.
They slowly pressed onward as I lay on my back, a hideous expression of hunger plastered on their flesh-eating faces. I shut my eyes tight, bracing for an excruciating death. Is this it? Is this how I die? At least I can rest well knowing that Kiran is safe. Please, don’t let my death be for nothing. I prayed to whatever deity was listening. Let my family I lo-
My thoughts were interrupted by a sickening crack, followed by the predator closest to me snapping its head back and toppling over, painted by its own viscous blood that spilled out of a gaping wound in its skull. It had taken a clean shot to the side of the head, dying as soon as the projectile had landed. The third predator scampered away after hearing the loud noise, staring daggers into whatever it was that ended the life of its friend. It tucked its tail between its legs in submission, hissing towards my savior before retreating back to where it came from. What on Jild just happened?
I turned my head to my side slowly, still wary of my surroundings. Right next to me was the same human whom I had spared earlier, with its signature metal pipe still strapped to its back. Its arm was outstretched towards the dead predator, with a terran-made weapon grasped in its paw. It lowered the gun down to its side, and I screamed as it began stomping towards me, intending to claim its stolen kill. “O-Oh, Jild, no! P-please, don-don’t eat me!” I cried, trying to reason with the predator. Without thinking, I mindlessly raised the spent railgun up to the thing in an attempt to shoot it and the human retaliated, wrapping its gloved fingers around the weapon. It effortlessly ripped the useless gun away from my grasp with a mighty paw, tossed it to the side. It wrapped its free paw around my body.
My nightmares were coming true. I would be eaten alive, without remorse. I would much rather have died at the fangs of the feral predators instead of the human’s. The human would take its time as it stripped me of my flesh, feeding on my suffering.
I was lifted up slightly with incredible strength while screaming my head off, struggling to worm away from its mighty grasp. I squirmed violently, not having enough air in me to continue screaming. The murderer held the gun’s muzzle up to my neck and uttered a single sentence with a deep, growling rumble: “Stop fucking moving.”
My translator implant belted out the meaning to me and I stupidly followed its orders and froze. I shut up, both terrified and surprised that it could understand me or even articulate comprehensive words. I was fully expecting it to sink its fangs into me, but instead the masked figure slipped the straps of my bag off of my shoulders, dropping me onto the ground and taking my satchel. It began to search through it diligently, tossing out what wasn’t to its liking. The human took out the last of my water supply along with my medkit and interestingly enough, a few of my vegetable bars after close examination. That's not predator food, you imbecile! It tossed my near-empty bag back to me and slung its own massive bag around, stuffing the supplies inside.
I could only watch as it stole what little supplies I had left. For a moment, I was filled with pure, unbridled rage, replacing my fear with anger. “You m-monster!” I stood on my hind hooves, ignoring the pain burning through my right ankle and attempted to make myself appear as big as I could. “Y-you killed them!” I shouted at the emotionless predator. It had ripped my colleagues to shreds until they were unrecognizable, and it would pay. It in turn slightly tilted its mask towards me, unimpressed. I shrunk back down as its gaze fell upon me, and my ears flattened to my skull.
A low rumble came from it, which my translator picked up on as a chuckle. It was laughing. How dare you?! I snorted angrily. “You.. you’re.. Laughing? Wh-What is wrong with you?!” I yelled at the deranged predator. At that moment I wished I could go back in time and pull the trigger.
“I’m the monster. That’s funny.” It sadistically remarked. “I’m not the one who bombed an entire planet full of billions of innocent women and children.” It turned to face me fully, stalking over to me in angered steps. My posture tightened as I cowered in fear; its hulking shadow blocked out the sun above me. This was the closest I had ever been to the human, or any predator, really. It could probably smell the copious amount of fear that my body was producing.
“I should kill you right fucking now.” It growled with its deep, venomous voice. It panted It held its weapon tightly to its side, threatening to break it. The being relented, apparently deciding against it. Wasn’t it going to eat me?
It stood there, staring down at me, unmoving. “W-why?” I whined. “Why did you.. k-kill them?!”
“You’ll have to be more specific.” It taunted me. My anger only grew.
“The.. the forest. Admit it! You killed them! I s-saw, I was there! Only a predator can do what you d-did!” I gasped, not meeting its gaze.
“Forest?” It scoffed. “What the fuck are you going on about?”
What?! That made no sense.. Assuming it really didn’t know what I was referring to.. Had it not killed that group of krakotl? No, that can’t be. Is this a case of predatory deceit?
“Wh-wha..” I stammered, confused.
“If you’re talking about the ship, that was me.” It boasted, speaking of the murderous act almost as if it were proud of it, which sickened me to the core. “I enjoyed every second of watching those featherfucks gasping for air, pawing at the airlock. I’d do it again, if I could.” Its grating voice resonated through my bones.
"Monster!" I repeated, a red hot rage coursing through my veins. I was furious over the monster’s admittance of murdering the bomber ship's crew.
The murderer cut me off as I breathed to speak, forcibly shutting me down. "I may be a monster, but know this:" It leaned forward until I could see my own reflection in its bloodstained mask. I froze in fear. "I am a monster of your own making." It spoke harshly, sending shivers down my spine.
It spoke again, “I’ll give you one last chance: you stay far away from your friends, especially that fucking bird, unless you want to die. Next time I won’t hesitate to kill you.” It proclaimed with a gravelly voice. It unfolded upward, straightening its spine. It then turned, walking away with its bounty into the wilderness once again, leaving me alone and confused.
Why on Jild did it save me? That made no sense whatsoever, and went against everything I had been taught. Did it really hold back its bloodlust just to taunt me over how much it loved killing? Why didn’t it eat me while I was vulnerable?
Multiple questions flooded my mind, and I had developed a headache that was worsening by the second.
With the human gone, I was left to my own devices. I picked up the scattered contents of my pack, recollecting them.
I heard the rustling of leaves across from me and I whipped around, facing the source of the noise. I was too spent emotionally to even process fear with my body mass producing adrenaline. I could do nothing but lean against a lone stump as I accepted my fate.
I had a good run.
- - -
V V V [STORY IS CONTINUED IN THE COMMENTS!!!] V V V
[First] [Previous] [Next]

Story Brief: I play a chaotic evil character, rest of the party tries to abandon and murder me on sight, then blames me for being everything wrong with chaotic evil when I defend myself.
Yeah.
This was a very long time ago on a play-by-post site that you've never heard of; I think the site was called mydndgame.com? I checked, but that domain is up for sale as of the time of this writing so if that's what it was it sure didn't last very long. With the story I'm about to relay to you, I can't help but imagine why that might be!
I am uncertain how this party came to be but we were a group of five, all apparently some flavor of autist. The campaign was in the Dalelands of Toril (I think that's right?) and we were all starting at level two. The party composition was a human ranger, a half-orc bard/barbarian (bardbarian!), a dwarf paladin, and my character was a human wilder. For those unfamiliar: wilders are the charisma version of the psion in the same way sorcerers are to wizards, except that wilders are actually really good as you'll learn later.
Our first quest was to clear out a den of orcs who have been doing Generic Evil Bad Guy Things to our starting town. Knowing the reputation that chaotic evil characters tend to have I laid my intentions on the table very early in an attempt to allay concerns. Ashley was chaotic because I want to take the Pyrokineticist prestige class and Evil because she just really likes burning shit. Seeing as I rolled very well on my mental stats (int 16, wis 15, cha 19; the GM was using 2d8+6, IDK why) I felt that Ashley would be very friendly, amicable, and also neurotically aware of her situation. In her own words: "I can burn human villages and be hunted as a villain, or burn orc villages and be paid as a hero. The choice is obvious; we're having barbeque porkchops tonight!" The players acknowledged this and seemed to be mildly enthusiastic.
Thus we get to the actual roleplay.
We keep it simple, start in a tavern and introduce our PCs. The bardbarian and dwarf are having a drunken arm wrestling contest and regaling each other with tales of their machismo ("I once suplexed a polar bear off a cliff!" "Reminds me of that time I gave my coat to an orphan girl and had to walk through a blizzard for eight hours warmed only by the celestial hearth of my god!"). The ranger and I enter town from opposite angles and meet up at the bowyer's shop; he's buying a bow while I am having my crossbow repaired after I got a little overenthusiastic with my last Fire Ray. The ranger is immediately distrustful of my wilder; I don't know why, but "grizzled ranger wilderness man" is such a classic trope I don't think much of it and we end up entering the tavern together.
Shortly after we are all in the same ingame space together, a big ol' royal guardsman or soldier or somesuch enters the tavern and calls for mercenaries. The others answer the call, while my wilder listens from the corner given that she's not best friends with the law. We are told of the orcs and the troubles they are causing on the road, and that parties who like gold and killing orcs ought to prepare to embark with him in the morning. Yeah, I thought; Ashley likes both of those things -- one is a good target for fire, and the other buys resources she can use to make more fire. I feel Ashley is not likely to volunteer without her weapons on her -- she wouldn't be taken seriously! -- so I narrate how I'll wait an hour for repairs to be completed and approach the group then, since we have until morning.
Ashley goes to get her crossbow, returns -- and the party is gone. So much for waiting until the morning.
I make some quick Gather Information checks (I had the intelligence so I sprinkled cross-class ranks into K:nobility and various social skills) to figure out what happened, then set off at a brisk hustle to follow.
Upon catching up with the party, the ranger immediately fires an arrow at my wilder.
Ranger: [to the party] "Heh, can never be too careful."
Wilder: [hiding behind a tree] "Whoa mate, check your eyes; I am not an orc!"
Ranger: "Just because you're not an orc doesn't mean you're friendly!"
Bardbarian: "She could be a highwayman, be careful."
Wilder: "We met in town, remember? I was the one who suggested yew for your bow!"
Ranger: "If you're friendly, why are you hiding? Show yourself!"
Wilder: [Comes out with hands up; pointless gesture since I can kill people with my brain, but they don't know that yet]
Dwarf: "I use detect evil."
Wilder: [Is evil! And also has her imp patron following her without being aware of it!]
Dwarf: "She's evil. Get her and her demon friend!"
Wilder: "Wait, why is Char here? According to my backstory he- WHOA!"
Ashley is wearing a chain shirt, has 17 dexterity, and won initiative so she has her buckler out and is using Total Defense so her AC is... high. She danmaku-grazes through two sling bullets, an arrow, and two darts.
Wilder: "Please calm down! I just want to kill orcs with you and get paid!"
Dwarf: "We don't work with evil people!"
Another round of Touhou dodging ensues.
GM: "Round three. Ashley's turn."
Wilder: "I said CALM THE FUCK DOWN!"
I activate my Wild Surge and expend my psionic focus on my Psionic Shot feat and launch my Fire Ray at the ranger's precious masterwork bow. I have Privileged Energy so I get a +1 damage bonus on every die of fire damage I roll. 5d6+5 damage. The bow flashes white-hot as it is instantly turned to ashes.
Ranger: "You bitch! I knew you were bad news the moment I met you!"
They keep fighting...
I down them all in a single shot each. Including the level six NPC guardsman who attempted to intervene once it became clear that the party couldn't roll above a fifteen to save their lives. I suggest to the GM that the fire cauterized their wounds so none of them are actually dying, but he's a very RAW person and declines while pointing out that I was throwing entire virtual fistfuls of d6s. The entire party ends up bleeding out because -- surprise -- the chaotic evil character didn't think to put any ranks in Treat Injury. Ashley gave the fallen PCs the most respectful sendoff she knew -- burning their bodies in a massive forest fire -- while speculatively wondering how that scene could have proceeded differently and not at all subtly hinting to the GM to rewind so we could take the scene again from the top.
The response to this was to start making the usual noises and ALL-CAPS POSTS about how I'm an edgelord and chaotic evil PCs should never be allowed and I'm terrible and awful for destroying their equipment and getting mad when they attempted to blah blah blah. I don't need to tell you what they said. I was just astonished, refreshing the page throughout the day as they rant and rave, all the while thinking to myself "I have Asperger's syndrome and even I can read the social cues better than these nutters."
They weren't even good roleplayers. I was throwing out paragraphs and they were writing two-liners. The ranger didn't even end his posts with periods. So when I refreshed the page and found I was banned from the game, I couldn't help but sigh in relief. What could I have even said to these people to justify myslef? "It's what my character would have done?" Because it actually wasn't; I was trying my damnedest to hold her back in spite of all possible reason to go full bore on the strangers trying to murder her!
I'd still love to play Ashley again sometime. I think she has a lot of potential as a character to explore what it means to be evil, how evil is often perceived by others, and how even good people can work with evil in pursuit of a greater goal.

In hindsight, I should have listened to the kill-bill alarm bells in my head when eight-year-old Cassie announced she and her cabin mates were going to skip out on camp activities and play Operation instead.
Though it’s not like I didn’t have things on my mind. Seven counsellors had gone missing—along with our head counsellor who was supposed to be taking care of us.
It started out fairly normal. I mean, one or two counselors wasn’t bad, right?
Lily and Joey had been drowning in sexual tension for a while, so nobody was surprised when they sneaked into the woods for what I could only guess was the most uncomfortable sex ever. But then they didn’t come back.
Teddy and Yuri went to look for them, and then they too also disappeared. It was almost like a wild animal was lying in wait for another unsuspecting teenager to cross its path.
With six of us left, I was definitely freaking out.
I wasn’t expecting summer camp to be like this. I did consider working in my local Sephora, but mom had a preference—and whether I was eighteen years old or not, she was getting her way. So, it was goodbye civilization, and hello Canadian wilderness.
There were fifteen kids queued up in front of me for lunch, and I was having a hard time keeping that optimistic Camp Redwood smile.
I couldn’t help constantly counting how many hours it had been since the latest disappearance, Connor.
He was supposed to be helping with getting the emergency generator going, after the electricity sizzled out.
The boy was gone an hour later. This was happening fast. Whatever was going on with the counsellors was burning through all of us. Would it happen to me?
I had seen so many TV shows and movies set in a summer camp where every camper and counsellor was doomed to die in the grossest way possible. Was that going to happen to us?
I tightened my grip around the stupid ladle I had found myself stirring, a giant pot of chocolate syrup. Watching watery chocolate drip from the edge, I felt nauseous. Of all the summer camp’s mom had to send me to, it had to be the one with vanishing counsellors and zero adult authority. Which meant we were the authority. Twelve teenagers who came to relax and babysit a bunch of little kids before college.
We had to put on brave faces and pretend everything was absolutely fine—and we weren’t all terrified out of our fucking minds.
At the corner of my eye, I glimpsed Harry offering piggybacks to a bunch of little kids, with one of the littles, Eleanor, wrapping her arms around his neck and squealing.
From the look on the boy’s face, he wanted to stop. It was hard to keep a façade when reality was becoming harder and harder to bear. Abandoning his hat completely, Harry was dripping with sweat, trying to twist his lips into the Camp Redwood grin. But looking closer, as he galloped across the cabin with Eleanor holding on for dear life, the guy was ready to collapse. I didn’t blame him.
Entertaining the kids was supposed to be Teddy’s assignment—and he was who knows where. I had taken over lunch duties for Lily, who had joined the long list of the missing.
Harry was supposed to be joining the search party for the missing councellors, but had ended up becoming the little’s personal punching bag.
When I first met him, Harry Carlisle had been the kid who sat on the side-lines and offered sarcastic remarks and crude jokes. Now, he had been reduced to a playground ride the kids pretended didn’t have an off switch.
He had enjoyed maybe the first two rides to raise morale, but now I could see the strain in his eyes. “Ow!” Harry winced when the little girl’s fingers prodded at his eyes. “Hey! Eleanor, not my eyes!” He was dangerously close to toppling over, though managed to catch his footing, ordering all of them off of his back. “Horse Rides are over!” He cupped his mouth, shouting across the cabin when a group of kids surrounded him with equally terrifying faces. Harry backed away and threw his hands up. “Come on, guys, my back isn’t built for all of you!”
“Horsey!” The kids shouted back in a cacophony of giggles.
It was 10 against one.
Against two, if I got involved. Which wasn’t going to happen. There was no way I was putting effort into play-fighting a bunch of eight-year-olds. Harry shot me a hopeful look, though I pretended not to see, busying myself with slightly burned nuggets.
Running his fingers through thick strands of sandy colored hair, Harry pulled a face when a little girl, Phoebe, was brave enough to step forward.
“No.” Harry shook his head, squeezing the front of his counsellor shirt practically glued to him. The temperature still hadn’t let up, and it was heading towards 8PM. Night-time, I thought dizzily. It was almost bedtime, and still no adults. “I refuse to surrender,” He told her. “Phoebe, I am not joking around when I’m saying my back is hurting. We’ve been playing horsey’s for two hours.”
“So?”
“So!” Harry couldn’t yell or hiss, or swear at them. That was a big no-no with kids.
However, I could see he was coming close to breaking that rule. “Because I’m tired,” he said through a Camp Redwood grin, which was quickly twitching into a grimace.
I think all of us had given up with the fake enthusiasm when our colleagues started to vanish. Now, we were just shells of our former happy selves. “And… uh… did you know that if you ride a horsey at this time, the ghosts will come and get you?”
When a boy opened his mouth, his eyes widening with fright, Harry realized his mistake.
“I mean the nice ghosts! Yeah! The uh, the nice ghosts who haunt..I mean play in these woods? It’s a well-known Camp Redwood legend that ghosts don’t like horse rides. In fact,” his lips curved into a devilish smile now he had several faces staring at him. The kids dropped onto the ground to listen, their hands clasped in their laps. This was the quietest they had been all day. I could understand though. Harry had taken the reins around the campfire telling ghost stories for three nights in a row, and the guy was a damn good storyteller.
With every eye on him, Harry lowered his voice into a whisper. “Do you guys want to know what they do?”
The kids nodded with wide eyes.
“They sneak into unsuspecting cabin’s…”
“Harry.”
Rowan’s voice came from outside in a warning. The window was open, and the guy was standing watch to see if any counsellors came back. Since the only adult had disappeared, he had been appointed leader—and the guy was taking himself a little too seriously.
His warning was valid though. Sometimes Harry’s ghost stories were a little too scary for little kids, who’s Imaginations tended to run wild—especially at night. Olive, my cabin-mate, had to give up her bed for a little girl who was convinced Harry’s depiction of Slenderman, “The tree boy” was going to sneak into her bed and turn her into an apple seed.
“Did I say sneak into cabin’s? I meant dance around the woods…” Harry corrected himself. “And they look for their next unsuspecting victim…”
“Harry!”
“Friend.” Harry swallowed his words when a little boy’s eyes went wide. “I mean they are looking for a friend! So, the point of my story is…”
“Horsey rides get us new friends?” Phoebe wasn’t buying it. I could tell from the slight arch of her brow and her widening smile.
The girl shook dark curls out of her face, smirking. I think it was her pleading eyes which won him over. Because, with a sigh which definitely wasn’t joking around, the guy dropped onto his knees and practically spat at her to climb on his back—and she did, plonking one sparkling shoe on top of the boy’s spine with enough force to send him onto his stomach. I might have been imagining it, but since when were these littles so outlandishly spiteful?
The little girl was grinning. Not because she could ride her “horsey” but because Harry looked like he was going to either wring her neck, or wring his own. Mom had a “talk” before I started here, and she made sure to tell me that if adult authority is nowhere to be seen, little kids will start to act out.
I could definitely call it acting out, but I had spent all day with her several days earlier playing with dolls and having a teddy bear picnic when she admitted she didn’t want to swim in the lake with the other kids. Phoebe had been shy and only spoke to me through her teddy bear, so what had changed?
Could the lack of adults really be scaring the kids that much?
“Miss Josie?”
I wasn’t paying attention, half noticing some kids had just helped themselves, piling chicken nuggets and cookies on plastic plates and hurrying to their seats like I couldn’t see them.
Blinking away brain fog, I found myself face to face with Eli, who was probably my favorite camper.
You’re not supposed to have personal preferences when working with little kids, because your opinions could upset them.
However, it was incredibly hard not to like Eli.
Hiding behind a mop of brown curls, the boy was one of the more vocal kids in the group. Eli said he wanted to be an inventor when he was older, and he wanted to make robots. The kid had asked me if I wanted to see his robot collection, but I was too busy with setting up camp activities. Standing in front of me and clutching his tray, the boy was frowning.
“Josie, I just saw some kids steal chicken nuggets.”
I shrugged, shovelling a large portion on his tray. “Well, you can have some extra too.”
Eli’s smile wasn’t as big as usual. “Where’s Teddy?”
I pretended to be oblivious, hastily adding more nuggets to his tray as if I could keep his mouth shut with extra food. “He’ll be back soon! Teddy is just playing in the woods.”
“No, he’s not.”
At first, I thought I’d heard the boy wrong. The kid wasn’t looking at me, counting his nuggets as usual with the prongs of his plastic fork.
I leaned forward with my best smile. “I’m sorry, what was that, Eli?”
The kid lifted his head with a wide grin. “Can I borrow a knife, Josie?”
“Why do you need a knife?”
Leaning forward, the boy shrugged. “There’s a squirrel caught in a trap,” he said. “I want to put it out of its misery, Miss Josie. It’s in a lot of pain.”
That was… dark.
“Well, I can’t give you a knife…” I trailed off, my gaze finding Harry and the growing line of kids awaiting a horse-ride. “But! How about you go and ask Harry for a piggy-back ride?” I pointed to myself with a forced grin. “I’ll save the squirrel!” And when the boy’s eyes filled with tears and he shook his head, I reached out, grasped his hand, and squeezed it as tight as I could. “Eli, we don’t need to do that, okay? I’m sure the squirrel can be saved and I’ll make sure to take it to the vet, okay?”
“But what if it doesn’t need saving?”
I squeezed tighter. “I’ll save it, Eli. I promise.”
Eli didn’t look convinced, but he nodded with a grumble. “Okay.” He said, before twisting around and joining the other kids torturing Harry. Immediately, I left my station—whether Rowan liked it or not—and headed outside to look for this supposedly dying squirrel. That was something we didn’t need. The sky was darkening when I made it into the woods, cotton candy clouds blurring through the thick canopy of trees. Eli said it was near the sign pointing towards the lake. Though I couldn’t see anything. Odd. That thought retracted in my head, however, when I stepped forward, and a squelching sound cut through the silence of my own heavy breaths mixing with insect chitters and nightlife buzzing above me and beneath me. The wet sounding squelch twisted my gut, and when I stared down at the ground, I didn't know what I was expecting.
A squashed squirrel, perhaps? In Eli’s words, the poor thing had been on the edge of death. Though, when I was thinking about it, there were no animal traps around camp. That was basic health and safety. So, what the fuck was I looking at? The bottom of my shoe was caked in dried blood, but it was the thing which was stamped into the dirt which sent my heart into my throat. It looked like an eye.
But looking closer as I lowered myself to the ground, I glimpsed something metallic, something glistening around the pupil. I picked up a stick and prodded it, though the thing didn’t move. It was definitely an eye—the eye of some kind of animal, judging from the pigmentation and the color of the iris.
But it was the metallic pieces around the eye which was throwing me off. Part of a trap, maybe? It wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility that a poor critter had been ripped apart, and a wild bear had dropped its dinner near the camp—and the metal encasing its eye was most likely pieces of trap.
Peering closer, though, I glimpsed silver slithers in what appeared to be the destroyed nerve caked to my shoe. After scraping most of it off, I caught glistening pieces of blood stained metal catching the late-setting sun. This time, I pinched a piece between my forefinger and thumb. It didn’t look like a bear-trap. The metal itself wasn’t serrated or old. In fact, it was new.
Which begged the question: What was this thing?
Whatever it was, it had started converting what looked like a critter’s eye, before stopping. Was it a virus? When that thought slammed into me, I fell back with a hiss, swiping my hands on my shirt.
“What are you doing?”
I almost jumped out of my skin, diving to my feet.
Carmel was standing behind me, grasping what looked like her sixth or seventh coffee. The girl had been running to and from the coffee machine all day, and I had been silently counting how much caffeine she was consuming. Carmel had been a well put together and fairly popular girl when camp started. She immediately had everyone following her beck and call, all of the boy’s (and girl’s) following her around.
Carmel wasn't straight. She made that clear on the bus to camp, announcing she wasn’t interested in guy’s, and that she had a girlfriend back home. Still though, the guy’s still followed her because... well, she was pretty.
Carmel was my bunk-mate and had woken me up on three separate occasions at 6am to go through the exact same hair and makeup routine. Now though, there was no sign of makeup or even that she had brushed her hair.
Instead of its usual tidy blonde ponytail, Carmel’s curls were tied into raggedy pigtails with ribbons I was sure she had stolen from a camper’s doll. I think what was keeping her going was coffee.
Carmel regarded me with too-wide eyes and a Camp Redwood smile we all knew was fake. She was grasping onto her coffee cup for dear life. “Josie!” she jumped when I jumped, which almost made me laugh. “Rowan’s having an emergency meeting in his cabin,” she said.
“So, whatever you’re doing can wait.”
Her gaze flicked to the ground. “What… are you doing?”
For a brief moment, I considered telling Carmel I may have found what looked like a virus which turned flesh and blood to metal—before I remembered her reaction when a spider had crept into our cabin.
Whatever this thing was, keeping it a secret for now was probably what was best. Making sure I was standing on the thing, I shrugged. “I was looking for the others.”
Carmel cocked her head, before resting her coffee on the ground. “In the dirt?”
“Footprints, Carmel.”
The girl looked confused before shaking her head. “Okay, whatever. Tell the others I’ll be there in a sec, I just need to make sure the kids are okay. We’re putting a movie on for them in the lunch hall, so that will hopefully distract them for maybe two hours.”
I nodded. “Did anyone find a phone?”
“Not with signal.”
“Carmel.” I had to fight back the urge to yell at her to keep her voice down. Kids were curious, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we had some littles peeking into our conversation. “You’re okay.” I said softly.
“I mean, we’re not okay, because yes, things are very.. screwed up right now, but we need to be… optimistic.” I exhaled out a breath, searching for eyes in the dark. I tried to smile, tried to keep up that Camp Redwood façade we were all held hostage by until the last day of camp (According to rule 5 in the Camp Redwood counsellor handbook, all counsellors must retain a smile and a positive attitude. If any counselor is caught making a frowny face, or spreading what we call “unhappiness” we will be forced to send the counselor home).
At this point, I didn’t give a fuck—but part of me didn’t want to scare the little kids.
“No, Josie.” The girl grasped hold of my shoulders with a grin rivalling the joker. “I am so sick of being told to keep smiling, because what is that doing? Three of my cabin-mates are missing! I’m the one left, and Rowan and co expect me to keep up this act? We are fucked!"
She cupped her mouth. “F. U. C. K. E. D. We have zero adults, an unexplainable loss of power every few hours which makes no sense in the middle of nowhere—I mean what the fuck is out there which is sucking that much power, huh? There is no explanation! There should be an explanation. I should be able to think, “oh, yeah! That’s why! But no. Things are happening, and I don’t know why they’re happening. Rowan is trying to force us to act like things are okay —but in reality? He is shitting himself, Josie! We are ALL shitting ourselves!”
I took a step back, keeping hold of her hand. Carmel was trembling, her hands clammy and slimy entangled in mine. “He's just trying to keep the kids from freaking out."
She groaned, tears glistening in her eyes. “Okay, yeah! I’m blaming them because they keep acting like everything is okay—”
“Everything IS okay.” I turned to her with what I hoped was a reassuring smile—knowing damn well about the thing I’d found in the dirt. If that thing could spread, it would have a field day in an enclosed space like a summer camp.
I noticed my own hands which had been touching the thing making contact with Carmel, and dropped my hands, inwardly squirming.
If that thing was a virus, I was already fucked.
Maybe Carmel too.
If it was fast acting, it could explain the counsellor disappearances. I was already putting together a plan in my head as we headed back to the main cabin. We had to put together a search party. Some of us would stay with the kids, while a small group would venture into the woods to try and look for traces of the missing. If I was right, we would find a horror scene in the woods, and yes, that would be the time to panic.
If I was wrong, however, there was still hope.
“Are we going to be okay?”
Carmel’s voice sliced into my thoughts, and I took a moment to drink in the camp around us.
Usually, when the sky was turning twilight, it would be bustling with campers and counselors toasting marshmallows on the fire and gathering around to fall asleep to Harry’s ghost stories. Carmel would be knelt with a bunch of kids, watching a YouTube video they had all insisted on her watching, while Rowan would be hiding behind his book with his knees to his chest, his gaze glued to every page he flicked through, ignoring everyone.
Teddy, making funny faces for kids who were scared, and Connor, handing out plates of burgers and hot dogs. I remembered feeling safe and at home, cosy around the flickering orange of the fire as chatter turned to laughter and white-noise in my head. After the kids went back to their cabins, the group of us would resume positions around the fire, but this time it was more… intimate. With Allison in her cabin, we kind of ignored her rules all together.
Making out happened, because of course it did. Beers stolen from Allison’s mini fridge and raging hormones, as well as late-night skinny dipping in the lake did that. Couples went off into the woods, and we all felt completely comfortable and at home with each other.
Looking around at that moment, I felt sick to my stomach. That feeling was gone.
The feeling of family and familiarity and friendship. What I was looking at now was that same log we had all sat on, now turned on its side—hot dog buns and candy wrappers littering the ground. It was a ghost camp.
I could still see Connor’s jacket slung on the ground, and Lili’s bright pink ray bans sitting on a beer can. Because there were no adults to yell at us to clean up after ourselves. I was frowning at the skeleton of the fire when Carmel nudged me. “Hey.” Her voice was shaking slightly. “Josie? You didn’t answer my question.” Carmel wanted me to be the voice of reason, and I wasn’t that. I was just as scared as her.
There was only so much I could sugar-coat, and I gave up doing that after the third counsellor disappeared. All I could offer her was forced optimism.
“Yes.” I said. “Just keep the kids busy, alright?”
“Right.”
When I was twisting around and power-walking to Rowan’s cabin, I shouted over my shoulder, “Give them some of those animal crackers!”
“What animal crackers?”
I turned to elaborate, but Carmel was gone.
When I finally got to Rowan’s cabin, I was sweating through my shirt, and had an idea of what I was going to tell the others. It was… a thing. Which could be considered a disease or a virus—so it was vital that we split into two groups; half of us would search for the others, while the others would look for anything to get in contact with the outside world. An emergency landline, laptop, or cell phone.
I did have one problem, which was lack of evidence. All which was left from the thing I’d found was stuck to my foot. The rest of it was buried in the dirt. It was too dark to search for it, and we would be wasting time doing so.
All of that was in my mind and tangled on my tongue, one single string of incomprehensible gibberish I wasn’t even sure was English, when I stepped into Rowan’s cabin, where four sets of eyes met mine. Olive, cross legged on the floor with her arms folded, Harry, pacing up and down with a brand new bruise blooming under his eye, courtesy of Eleanor almost poking his eyes out—and Rowan himself sitting on top bunk, his legs swinging off of the side.
The guy wasn’t built to be our leader, originally being the laziest of our group, opting for sitting in a tree with a book, rather than helping set up camp activities. Yet he had become our default guy in charge because he so happened to be wearing the head counsellor hat when Allison disappeared. Admittedly, it suited him, the bright red of the cap contrasted his dark curls under a late setting sun through the back window, setting strands of straying hair on fire.
The hat was a little too big for his head, though, slipping over his eyes.
Rowan looked like a divorced father of two, dark circles bruising his eyes, and a very “dad-like” scowl curling on his lips.
With a clipboard pressed to his chest, and a pen he was chewing on, the boy resembled a grown man who had just caught his daughter coming in after curfew. “Josie.” Spitting the pen’s lid out of his mouth, he scribbled something down. I had no doubt he was tracking my attendance for these stupid crisis meetings. His eyes were wild, scanning me for answers. “Where the fuck is Carmel?”
I shut the door behind me, leaning against it with my arms folded. “So, we can swear now?”
“Yes.” Rowan rolled his eyes. “There are no kids here, so go crazy,” he pointed at me with the pen. “Carmel. Where is she?”
“Keeping the kids busy,” Callan’s muffled voice came from the bottom bunk. I could barely see the guy lying on his stomach, his face stuffed into a pillow. “It was my idea to play Shrek for them, but the little shits said they haven’t seen it,” the boy lifted his head, his lips carved into a scowl. “I’m sorry, am I tripping? Everyone’s seen Shrek! Do these kids expect the Minecraft movie?”
“They don’t like that, either,” Harry stopped pacing the cabin. “Eleanor looked at me like I was crazy when I asked if she liked it."
“Fortnite, too.” Olive said, a cushion pressed to her chest. “I suggested playing it a few days ago, and like, zero kids knew what it was.”
“Six counsellors are missing,” Rowan raised his voice over the other’s chatter. “And you’re questioning what games they like?” His eyes found mine once more. “So, Carmel is with the kids? You’re absolutely sure of it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I just saw her five minutes ago.”
“Great.” Rowan said, sarcastically. “I’m sure she won’t go missing under mysterious circumstances.”
“Stop.” Olive shot him a glare, throwing a cushion in his face. “I told you. They’re probably lost—- or maybe they went to get help?”
“We’ve all been trained to know every inch of these woods,” Rowan catapulted the cushion right back at her. “They’re not lost.”
“Well, where are they?!” Callan sat up, bringing his knees to his chest. I had never seen the guy looked this vulnerable. “Allison made sense. She probably had other duties, and left us to look after the kids. But six counselors? All of them disappearing—- our phone signal completely cutting out, electricity cutting off, not once, but twice? What is even sucking all of our power?”
“I got the emergency generator working,” Olive raised her arm. “Connor and I managed it before…” she trailed off.
“Before Connor disappeared.” Callan finished for her. “And before him, it was Joey, Lily, Mira, Yuri, Noah, and Teddy. Which isn’t a fucking coincidence,” he shot Rowan a look, who glared down at his lap. I could tell the boy didn’t want to lead all of us, come up with plans and answer questions we desperately needed answering. His job was to look after us, as well as the littles, and so far, he was doing a pretty good job. I could tell by his expression that he thought the opposite, but he had managed to keep the kids from finding out about something as sinister as someone actively kidnapping counsellors.
He made sure they were fed, entertained, and safe watching a movie—while we were scared for our lives. Rowan was keeping up the façade no matter how scared he was. The boy dropped his head into his lap with a sigh. It looked like he might fall asleep before he slammed the clipboard into his face to wake himself up.
Nobody wanted to admit what Callan was saying, but we were all definitely thinking it. “This was planned.” Callan continued.
“Someone out here is fucking with us, very clearly trying to freak us out. Now they've got six of us. ” He spread out his arms. “How long until one of the littles gets taken, huh? A bunch of 18 year olds aren’t going to satisfy them, so what about when they start taking campers? We are in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere with a serial kidnapper on the loose, and did we really just leave fifteen kids in the care of a girl who thought Australia was in England?”
“In Carmel’s defence, she was black-out drunk when she said that,” Olive murmured.
“Voice down!” Rowan hissed. “Do you want to scare them?!” His gaze flicked to me. “Did you do a headcount during dinner?”
I nodded. “Fifteen kids all accounted for. Ten are in the lunch hall, and five girls are in Cassie’s cabin playing Operation.”
“All day?” Olive spoke up. “Weren’t they playing that this morning? I tried to get into their cabin to give them breakfast, but they just shooed me away and locked the door.”
“Fuck.” Rowan ran his fingers down his face. “Alright, I’ll go and see what’s going on with them. Knowing Cassie and her friends, they’re probably zonked out on stolen candy. When all of the kids are accounted for in the lunch cabin, we gather outside.”
I swallowed, speaking up. “I actually wanted to talk to you guys about something.”
Rowan lifted his head, jutting the edge of the clipboard into his chin. “Go on…”
“I found something?” I pulled a face. “I mean, think I’ve found something?”
I wasn't sure how to explain to a dwindling group of exhausted teenagers that there may be something even more terrifying than potential kidnappers out there. Four blank faces started back at me, and Rowan leaned forward with a frown. “Like, in general? Josie, we don’t have time to go foraging.”
“You could call it a lead,” I said. “But I need your eyes to find it.”
“Uh-huh. But what is it?”
Thinking back to what exactly I had seen, I had no idea how to describe it. “It’s better if I just… showed you.”
Rowan looked sceptical, but nodded. “Alright. Josie comes with me. We’ll check out Allison’s cabin again to look for an emergency line, and you can show me whatever this ‘thing’ is you’ve found. Then we’ll escort Cassie and the other girl’s to the lunch cabin. Every camper needs an escort from now on. The rest of you? Act normal. If the kids see you freaking out, they will also freak out—and we need to keep up morale.” The boy pointed to Olive. “Olive, you sit in with the kids and look after them. Callan, check out the emergency generator. Harry, the kids see you as a playground ride, so use that to your advantage. Offer them horse rides if they’re scared. And with the ghost stories, it’s making it worse. Give them piggybacks.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “Do I have a choice?”
“No.”
Rowan cleared his throat. “We all keep up appearances. If the others turn up, after getting high or… I don’t know, having an orgy in the woods—- I will fucking kill them.” The way he smiled through his teeth, jumping off the bunk, his toes primed like a wild animal, I knew he wasn’t joking. If this was a well-constructed prank the other counselors were playing, I had no doubt Rowan would rip them apart for leaving him as a reluctant leader. To my surprise, the others wandered off with their tasks.
I watched Rowan lift up his pillow and pull out a pack of animal crackers, ripping open the bag and pouring the contents into his mouth. He caught my eye, crunching through mini animal crackers. “I didn’t have lunch,” he said through a mouthful.
I couldn’t help feeling a sense of relief as we headed across camp, Rowan in front of me, while I lagged behind.
“So, what’s the plan?” I caught up to him, almost tripping over a log.
The guy didn’t turn around. “I am completely winging it,” he said through a choked laugh. “I have no idea what I’m doing, and if I’m honest? I just want to go home, dude. I haven’t looked after this many kids in my life, and if I have to smile one more time as a little brat, I am going to fucking lose my mind.” He heaved out a breath. “I am making this up as I go along.”
I laughed that time. “That’s… comforting.”
“Yeah?” He turned to shoot me a grin. “Well, rest assured I am just about as scared—if not more scared than you,” as we stopped in front of Cassie’s cabin, his gaze found mine. “Is it me…” he said softly, “Or does the lunch cabin seem quiet.”
He was right. The windows were dark when they should have been illuminated by the TV screen. Instead of answering, I stepped in front of him, grasping hold of the cabin door. “Cassie?” I knocked three times. “Girl’s, are you okay in there? It’s Josie and Rowan.” I tried the door, and it slid open. Shooting a look at the boy behind me, I turned back to the door. “We’re coming in, okay?”
“Wait!”
Cassie squeaked from inside. “But he’s not finished!”
Ignoring the coil of dread unravelling in my gut, I forced the door open and stepped into unusually milky white light which flooded the cabin. The first thing I saw was eight-year-old Cassie, sitting cross legged with her back to me. She was sitting in a circle with the other girls, no doubt playing their game.
When I stepped closer, however, I noticed something pooling across the wooden floor. It must have been juice or water that they had spilled. I took another step, but this time, clammy fingers wrapped around my wrist and yanked me back. Rowan didn't speak, but his eyes were elsewhere. Initially, they had been drinking in the cabin before they found oblivion entirely. I heard his breath start to accelerate, his grip tightening on my wrist.
I had half a mind to pull away, before I saw the body shaped carcass the girls were sitting around. In the dim light of the cabin, it used to be a person. Teddy. I could still see parts of an identity, freckled cheeks and eyes which were still open, still staring at the sky.
But that was where the similarities to the missing counsellor ended. The thing which used to be Teddy was more of a shell, a scooped out thing resembling a human body. What sent me stumbling backwards, my mouth open in a silent scream, was the almost surgical efficiency of each organ's removal, like it really was a game of operation. His heart, lungs, and intestines were in one pile-- while his brain was cupped between little Cassie's bloody hands— and when my gaze found the little girl, Nina, hiding behind dark curly hair, I was seeing what looked like a toy robot’s head in her hands. In my head, I was thinking about the eye with the metallic pieces glittering around its pupil, and something turned in my gut.
Did I find a human eye?
I was staring at the crevice inside the boy's skull, and the boxes of surgical equipment piled on the girl's bunks, when Rowan finally pulled me back, and I was stumbling straight onto my ass. "We need to go." Rowan spoke through a croak. Cassie’s words rattled in my head. Teddy, I thought.
Teddy wasn’t finished.
"Josie. Get up. Now!" My head was spinning, and I was sure I'd thrown up. I didn’t even realize we had managed to stumble from the girl’s cabin before cool air grazed my face, tickling my cheeks. Something wet and warm, and lumpy was spattering the front of my shirt.
Before I could coerce words, the boy was pulling me to my feet, and I was seeing stars in my eyes, blinking brightly. When the two of us started forwards in a run, Rowan stopped abruptly. I followed his gaze to find several kids surrounding his cabin, where Harry, Olive and Callan were. Maybe I was hallucinating, but Eleanor and Phoebe, both of whom wielding weapons where I had no idea where they had gotten them—looked… taller? Rowan didn’t waste time, dragging me back. “Allison’s cabin.” He spoke in cry which became a sob, pulling me across camp, stumbling over rocky ground.
“We need a phone. Fuck, we need a phone. We need a phone.” Rowan was struggling to stand, occasionally bending over and choking up dust.
“They were playing Operation."
Literal operation.
“But they’re just kids!” I choked out.
Little kids, who had surgically removed every organ inside Teddy’s body.
Little kids, who were hunting the other counsellors down, and would surely be coming for us.
Allison’s cabin was thankfully further into the woods. When we were safe inside and Rowan was locking the door, I dry heaved several times, unable to get the sight of glistening gore splattering the cabin floor from my mind. “Josie.” Rowan was already tearing apart the cabin. “Work with me here, okay? We don’t… we don’t have fucking time to freak out, or to barf—we need to help. Now.” Rowan was almost in tears, and when he hit the ground on his knees, I took over. I searched Allison’s desk first. Nothing of importance, just documents and invoices. Digging through her draw, there was still nothing. We were running out of time.
Abandoning the desk, I went through her suitcase and bags. When I was crawling under her bed to try and find a weapon, Rowan hissed out. “Wait.” When I turned to him, he was still kneeling, but his foot was clamping down on a loose plank. The guy didn’t hesitate, pulling at the loose plank, which, to my confusion, revealed what looked to me like a trap door.
Rowan turned to me. “You’re kidding.”
I could only stare at the trap door revealing stone steps. He peered down, his voice echoing. “Allison has a fucking secret bunker?”
His lips curved into a surprisingly childish grin which took me off guard. “Oh, wow, that’s so cooooool!”
Lifting my head at the sound of loud squealing, I glimpsed a group of littles led by Eleanor stalking towards us. Eleanor had a hostage. Harry. And with the way she was sticking the blade of a scary looking knife to his throat, I figured she meant business.
Their height difference was almost comical. The eighteen year old guy had to hunch over so the little girl could successfully keep him prisoner. Behind them in the trees, I could see something illuminating the dark, an electric blue light bathing their faces.
So, that was there the power was going.
But what the fuck were these eight-year-old’s doing?
“Josie!” Rowan hissed from down below. He had already climbed down.
I joined him, struggling down the stone steps, before replacing the loose plank. If these kids were as smart as I thought, it wouldn’t take them long to realize the loose plank—also a trap door. Allison’s bunker was more of a control room. There were multiple screens lit up, a chair in front of a working MacBook. The phone-line was cut. But that didn’t make sense.
The kids were unaware of the bunker, so who cut the phone lines? Rowan was on the laptop, struggling to get through the password protection, so I turned my attention to piles of cardboard boxes.
When I opened them, I found myself staring at animal crackers.
There were hundreds of them, packed on top of each other. Looking further, digging through the boxes, I found a piece of old crumpled paper which looked ancient.
REGARDING PROJECT SPEARHEAD SUBJECTS:
PLEASE DO NOT INGEST UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. IF MULTIPLE SUBJECTS INGEST, PLEASE USE SELF DESTRUCT.
ONLY USE IN CASES SUCH AS IMMINENT DESTRUCTION TO THE PLANET/THREAT OF NUCLEAR WAR.
(PLEASE CONTACT FAMILIES IN ADVANCE. MAKE SURE TO INGEST WITH WATER TO AVOID NEUROLOGICAL SYMPTOMS SUCH AS PSYCHOSIS, EXTREME VIOLENCE. PLEASE APPROACH SUBJECTS WITH CAUTION.
Something ice cold slithered down my spine.
Abandoning the boxes, I searched through a cabinet filled with files which were crumbling apart from age. I picked one at random and flicked through it.
Eleanor Summer’s.
Sex: Female.
DOB: 08/05/1977.
Initially, I thought I was reading the dates wrong. But then, with my heart in my throat, I was grasping for other files.
Eli Evermore.
Sex: Male.
'DOB: 08/03/1979.
“Rowan.” I managed to get out through a breath.
“Mm?”
“They’re not children.”
The boy rubbed his eyes, frowning. His eyes were half lidded, almost confused. “Huh?”
“Eleanor.” I whispered. “Is forty five years old.”
He nodded slowly, turning back to the laptop. “How do you spell… documents? I’m looking for digital versions but I can’t find any.”
“You don’t know how to spell documents?”
“It’s been a hard day.” The boy whined, tipping his head back and blowing a raspberry.
Whatever I was going to say was choked in the back of my throat, when a loud bang sounded from above, the sounds of childish giggling coming through the floorboards. But the laughter didn’t sound like little kids. No, it sounded like teenager’s who were acting like little kids. I stared at the boxes of animal crackers, and then at the file confirming Eleanor’s real age.
My own words shuddered through me, and I remembered finding Teddy’s dismembered carcass in Cassie’s cabin. When I had caught her gaze, the little girl didn’t look scared, and somehow, her fingers wrapped around the scalpel looked just right.
Like the little bitch knew exactly what she was doing.
“Helloooo?” Harry’s voice was a hysterical giggle. “Olly, Olly, Oxen freeee!”
“Are you in heeeeeeere?” Carmel joined in. I could hear their footsteps above, dancing across the room.
Clamping my hand over my mouth, I dragged my knees to my chest and prayed they weren’t smart enough to figure out we were right underneath them.
Knowing the truth about them, though? I wasn’t counting on it.
….
That was an hour ago.
We’re still stuck down here, and I can get a connection here—thank god. For some reason, Alison has blocked all social media. We need help. We’re at Camp Redwood, and these kids ARE NOT KIDS.
Whatever Project Spearhead is was designed to keep them here.
The phone-line is cut so we can’t get help from whoever was helping Allison. I am counting on you guys.
Get us out of here!

On the day that I posted this, 5-28-2023, it would have been an entire year since I started collecting the daily word that Bing offers every day. For those of you don’t know, if you search for “Word of the day” on Bing, you will find a unique vocabulary word that is specific to each day. That’s what I’ve been documenting for the past year.
I started collecting the words back on May 29, 2022. I kept them in a plain text document that I named word-of-the-day.txt. This document was going to store my words in a specific format, which you will see below. I appended to this document every day in the summer using Windows Notepad, until I eventually moved the document to my Google Drive. This allowed me to hook up multiple automations to it, like a Siri Shortcut that would get the latest word and allow me to append it. Once April of 2023 (or even earlier) came around, I decided to change to only updating it every 6 days since my life was getting a bit busier then. And when I wasn’t automating, I would manually add the daily word as part of my MicrosoftRewards routine (sometimes, but only when I had the extra time for it)
Doing this isn’t as easy as going back to add all 365 words right before I published this. That is because there is a limit to how far back one can go in the daily words — after 7 days a word disappears from the end of the list and is lost forever. This meant that I had to stay on top of the word list, which I did do pretty consistently until I missed on day on June 30th. But that’s ok, as we all make mistakes.
While I was keeping track of the words that Bing offered every day, I learned some interesting things. Discovering a new word every day slowly strengthened my vocabulary to be more eclectic. I used these words in various things like stories, or just to confuse people that had never heard of the words. And with more words, what started as a hobby to collect the words became a project to archive the WOTD for an entire year.
A lot can happen in a single year. When I started, I didn't even have a Reddit account, and it was late May around the time where everyone gets out of school that I started making the list. Now it’s the end of another school year. I am completely different person.
So with that context and reflection, I would say that it is about time to show you the list that I’ve been collecting:*
```

~2022~

[001] May 29 - tenacious - tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely [002] May 30 - empathy - the ability to understand and share the feelings of another [003] May 31 - prate - talk foolishly or at tedious length about something [004] June 01 - cerulean - deep blue in color like a clear sky [005] June 02 - redolent - strongly reminiscent or suggestive of [006] June 03 - diaphanous - (especially of fabric) light, delicate, and translucent [007] June 04 - sillage - the degree to which a perfume's fragrance lingers in the air when worn [008] June 05 - desultory - lacking a plan, purpose, or enthusiasm [009] June 06 - mercurial - (of a person) subject to sudden or unpredictable changes of mood or mind; of or containing the element mercury [010] June 07 - fawn - a young deer in its first year; a light yellowish-brown color [011] June 08 - estuary - the tidal mouth of a large river, where the tide meets the stream [012] June 09 - mellifluous - (of a voice or words) sweet or musical; pleasant to hear: [013] June 10 - zippy - bright, fresh, or lively [014] June 11 - lush - (of vegetation) growing luxuriantly [015] June 12 - bucolic - relating to the pleasant aspects of the countryside and country life [016] June 13 - verdant - of the bright green color of lush grass [017] June 14 - regal - of, resembling, or fit for a monarch, especially in being magnificent or dignified [018] June 15 - pyrrhic - (of a victory) won at too great a cost to have been worthwhile for the victor [019] June 16 - picturesque - visually attractive, especially in a quaint or pretty style [020] June 17 - myriad - a countless or extremely great number [021] June 18 - gleaming - (of a smooth surface) reflecting light, typically because very clean or polished [022] June 19 - deafening - (of a noise) so loud as to make it impossible to hear anything else [023] June 20 - aberration - a departure from what is normal, usual, or expected, typically one that is unwelcome [024] June 21 - pleonasm - the use of more words than are necessary to convey meaning (e.g. see with one's eyes), either as a fault of style or for emphasis [025] June 22 - Instigate - bring about or initiate (an action or event) [026] June 23 - dubious - hesitating or doubting [027] June 24 - noxious - harmful, poisonous, or very unpleasant [028] June 25 - calumny - the making of false and defamatory statements about someone in order to damage their reputation; slander [029] June 26 - abscond - leave hurriedly and secretly, typically to avoid detection of or arrest for an unlawful action such as theft [030] June 27 - predilection - a preference or special liking for something; a bias in favor of something [031] June 28 - equivocal - open to more than one interpretation; ambiguous [032] June 29 - pernicious - having a harmful effect, especially in a gradual or subtle way [033] June 30 - ??? [034] July 01 - languor - the state or feeling, often pleasant, of tiredness or inertia [035] July 02 - obsolete - no longer produced or used; out of date [036] July 03 - ambiguous - (of language) open to more than one interpretation; having a double meaning [037] July 04 - patriotism - the quality of being patriotic; devotion to and vigorous support for one's country [038] July 05 - carouse - drink plentiful amounts of alcohol and enjoy oneself with others in a noisy, lively way [039] July 06 - insurgent - a rebel or revolutionary [040] July 07 - oligarchy - a small group of people having control of a country, organization, or institution [041] July 08 - loyalist - a person who remains loyal to the established ruler or government, especially in the face of a revolt [042] July 09 - veracity - conformity to facts; accuracy [043] July 10 - rescind - revoke, cancel, or repeal (a law, order, or agreement) [044] July 11 - malarkey - meaningless talk; nonsense [045] July 12 - epoch - a period of time in history or a person's life, typically one marked by notable events or particular characteristics [046] July 13 - abrogate - repeal or do away with (a law, right, or formal agreement) [047] July 14 - laconic - (of a person, speech, or style of writing) using very few words [048] July 15 - prepossessing - attractive or appealing in appearance [049] July 16 - sonorous - (of a voice) imposingly deep and full [recovered, assumed] [050] July 17 - bombinate - buzz; hum [051] July 18 - altruistic - showing a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others; unselfish [052] July 19 - upbraid - find fault with (someone); scold [053] July 20 - maelstrom - a powerful whirlpool in the sea or a river [054] July 21 - illusory - based on illusion; not real [055] July 22 - lethargy - lack of energy and enthusiasm [056] July 23 - ethereal - extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world [057] July 24 - syzygy - a conjunction or opposition, especially of the moon with the sun [058] July 25 - phosphene - a ring or spot of light produced by pressure on the eyeball or direct stimulation of the visual system other than by light [059] July 26 - vacuous - having or showing a lack of thought or intelligence; mindless [060] July 27 - oleaginous - rich in, covered with, or producing oil; oily or greasy [061] July 28 - ignominious - deserving or causing public disgrace or shame [062] July 29 - parsimonious - unwilling to spend money or use resources; stingy or frugal [063] July 30 - treachery - betrayal of trust; deceptive action or nature [064] July 31 - verisimilitude - the appearance of being true or real [065] August 01 - luminescence - the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated, as in fluorescence and phosphorescence [066] August 02 - susurration - whispering, murmuring, or rustling [067] August 03 - accost - approach and address (someone) boldly or aggressively [068] August 04 - clamor - a loud and confused noise, especially that of people shouting vehemently. [069] August 05 - mendacious - not telling truth, lying [070] August 06 - dilly-dally - waste time through aimless wandering or indecision [071] August 07 - neophyte - a person who is new to a subject, skill, or belief [072] August 08 - purist - person who insists on absolute adherence to traditional rules or structures, especially in a language or style [073] August 09 - bellicose - demonstrating aggression and willingness to fight [074] August 10 - duplicity - deceitfulness; double-dealing [075] August 11 - deus ex machina - an unexpected power or event saving a seemingly hopeless situation, especially as a contrived plot device in a play or novel. [076] August 12 - supine - (of a person) lying face upward [077] August 13 - nebulous - in the form of a cloud or haze; hazy [078] August 14 - viscosity - the state of being thick, sticky, and semifluid in consistency, due to internal friction [079] August 15 - lampoon - publicly criticize (someone or something) by using ridicule, irony, or sarcasm [080] August 16 - fatuous - silly and pointless [081] August 17 - effervescence - bubbles in a liquid; fizz [082] August 18 - defenestration - the action of throwing someone out of a window [083] August 19 - acumen - the ability to make good judgments and quick decisions, typically in a particular domain [084] August 20 - tempest - a violent windy storm [085] August 21 - repartee - conversation or speech characterized by quick, witty comments or replies [086] August 22 - chuffed - very pleased [087] August 23 - iridescent - showing luminous colors that seem to change when seen from different angles [088] August 24 - archetypal - Very typical of a certain kind of person of thing [089] August 25 - forbearance - patient self-control; restraint and tolerance [090] August 26 - stoic - a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining [091] August 27 - officious - assertive of authority in an annoyingly domineering way, especially with regard to petty or trivial matters [092] August 28 - maudlin - self-pityingly or tearfully sentimental, often through drunkenness [093] August 29 - oblivion - the state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening [094] August 30 - scintillating - sparkling or shining brightly [095] August 31 - lithe - (especially of a person's body) thin, supple, and graceful [096] September 01 - superfluous - unnecessary, especially through being more than enough [097] September 02 - zenith - the time at which something is most powerful or successful [098] September 03 - evocative - bringing strong images, memories, or feelings to mind [099] September 04 - cobbler - a person who mends shoes as a job [100] September 05 - vitriolic - filled with bitter criticism or malice [101] September 06 - stolid - (of a person) calm, dependable, and showing little emotion or animation [102] September 07 - eurhythmic - (especially of architecture or art) in or relating to harmonious proportion. [103] September 08 - fallacious - based on a mistaken belief [104] September 09 - multifarious - many and of various types [105] September 10 - rhapsody - an effusively enthusiastic or ecstatic expression of feeling [106] September 11 - cogent - (of an argument or case) clear, logical, and convincing [107] September 12 - gregarious - (of a person) fond of company; sociable [108] September 13 - vilify - speak or write about in an abusively disparaging manner [109] September 14 - toady - a person who behaves obsequiously to someone important [110] September 15 - deride - express contempt for; ridicule [111] September 16 - rapturous - characterized by, feeling, or expressing great pleasure or enthusiasm [112] September 17 - bibliophile - a person who collects or has a great love of books [113] September 18 - fugacious - tending to disappear; fleeting [114] September 19 - lollygag - spend time aimlessly; idle [115] September 20 - bae - a person's boyfriend or girlfriend (often as a form of address) [116] September 21 - jovial - cheerful and friendly [117] September 22 - sycophant - a person who acts obsequiously toward someone important in order to gain advantage [118] September 23 - wayward - difficult to control or predict because of unusual or perverse behavior [119] September 24 - maverick - an unorthodox or independent-minded person [120] September 25 - vociferous - (especially of a person or speech) vehement or clamorous [121] September 26 - eclectic - deriving ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources [122] September 27 - bane - a cause of great distress or annoyance [123] September 28 - pedant - a person who is excessively concerned with minor details and rules or with displaying academic learning [124] September 29 - writhe - make continual twisting, squirming movements or contortions of the body [125] September 30 - foliage - plant leaves collectively [126] October 01 - eerie - strange and frightening [127] October 02 - bogeyman - an imaginary evil spirit or being, used to frighten children [128] October 03 - catacomb - an underground cemetery consisting of a subterranean gallery with recesses for tombs, as constructed by the ancient Romans [129] October 04 - cryptozoology - the search for and study of animals whose existence or survival is disputed or unsubstantiated [130] October 05 - kafkaesque - characteristic or reminiscent of the oppressive or nightmarish qualities of Franz Kafka's fictional world [131] October 06 - cipher - a secret or disguised way of writing; a code [132] October 07 - morbid - characterized by an unusual interest in disturbing and unpleasant subjects, especially death and disease [133] October 08 - eldritch - weird and sinister or ghostly [134] October 09 - superstition - excessively credulous belief in and reverence for supernatural beings [135] October 10 - omen - an event regarded as a portent of good or evil [136] October 11 - miasma - a highly unpleasant or unhealthy smell or vapor [137] October 12 - poltergeist - a ghost or other supernatural being supposedly responsible for physical disturbances such as loud noises and objects thrown around [138] October 13 - harridan - a strict, bossy, or belligerent old woman [139] October 14 - serpentine - of or like a serpent or snake [140] October 15 - incarnadine - a bright crimson or pinkish-red color [141] October 16 - pallor - an unhealthy pale appearance [142] October 17 - apparition - a ghost or ghostlike image of a person [143] October 18 - abhorrent - inspiring disgust and loathing; repugnant [144] October 19 - banshee - (in Irish legend) a female spirit whose wailing warns of an impending death in a house [145] October 20 - dismal - depressing; dreary [146] October 21 - labyrinth - a complicated irregular network of passages or paths in which it is difficult to find one's way; a maze [147] October 22 - sarcophagus - a stone coffin, typically adorned with a sculpture or inscription and associated with the ancient civilizations of Egypt, Rome, and Greece [148] October 23 - twilight - the soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, caused by the refraction and scattering of the sun's rays from the atmosphere [149] October 24 - bizarre - very strange or unusual, especially so as to cause interest or amusement [150] October 25 - foreshadow - be a warning or indication of (a future event) [151] October 26 - fiend - an evil spirit or demon [152] October 27 - lycanthrope - a werewolf [153] October 28 - scythe - a tool used for cutting crops such as grass or wheat, with a long curved blade at the end of a long pole attached to which are one or two short handles [154] October 29 - lusus naturae - a freak of nature [155] October 30 - wraith - a ghost or ghostlike image of someone, especially one seen shortly before or after their death [156] October 31 - jack-o'-lantern - a lantern made from a hollowed-out pumpkin in which holes are cut to represent facial features, typically made at Halloween [157] November 01 - logophile - a lover of words [158] November 02 - eloquent - fluent or persuasive in speaking or writing [159] November 03 - sesquipedalian - (of a word) polysyllabic; long [160] November 04 - irony - the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect [161] November 05 - homophone - each of two or more words having the same pronunciation but different meanings, origins, or spelling [162] November 06 - homograph - each of two or more words spelled the same but not necessarily pronounced the same and having different meanings and origins. [163] November 07 - elegy - a poem of serious reflection, typically a lament for the dead [164] November 08 - palindrome - a word, phrase, or sequence that reads the same backward as forward [165] November 09 - antithesis - a person or thing that is the direct opposite of someone or something else [166] November 10 - bookish - (of a person or way of life) devoted to reading and studying rather than worldly interests [167] November 11 - phenomenon - a fact or situation that is observed to exist or happen, especially one whose cause or explanation is in question [168] November 12 - denouement - the final part of a play, movie, or narrative in which the strands of the plot are drawn together and matters are explained or resolved [169] November 13 - woe - great sorrow or distress [170] November 14 - blithe - showing a casual and cheerful indifference considered to be callous or improper [171] November 15 - trouvaille - a lucky find [172] November 16 - empirical - based on, concerned with, or verifiable by observation or experience rather than theory or pure logic [173] November 17 - trite - (of a remark, opinion, or idea) overused and consequently of little import; lacking originality or freshness [174] November 18 - diction - the choice and use of words and phrases in speech or writing [175] November 19 - hubris - excessive pride or self-confidence [176] November 20 - motif - a decorative image or design, especially a repeated one forming a pattern [177] November 21 - anachronism - a thing belonging or appropriate to a period other than that in which it exists, especially a thing that is conspicuously old-fashioned [178] November 22 - gourmand - a person who enjoys eating and often eats too much [179] November 23 - recant - say that one no longer holds an opinion or belief, especially one considered heretical [180] November 24 - erudite - having or showing great knowledge or learning [181] November 25 - omniscient - knowing everything [182] November 26 - novella - a short novel or long short story [183] November 27 - metaphor - a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable [184] November 28 - anagram - a word, phrase, or name formed by rearranging the letters of another [185] November 29 - expunge - obliterate or remove completely (something unwanted or unpleasant) [186] November 30 - sough - (of the wind in trees, the sea, etc.) make a moaning, whistling, or rushing sound [187] December 01 - advent - the arrival of a notable person or thing [188] December 02 - gelidity - the quality or condition of being extremely cold or icy [189] December 03 - niveous - snowy or resembling snow [190] December 04 - awe - a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder [191] December 05 - Scrooge, Ebenezer - a miserly curmudgeon in Charles Dickens's novel A Christmas Carol (1843) [192] December 06 - levity - humor or frivolity, especially the treatment of a serious matter with humor or in a manner lacking due respect [193] December 07 - tranquility - the quality or state of being tranquil; calm [194] December 08 - ephemeral - lasting for a very short time [195] December 09 - surfeit - an excessive amount of something [196] December 10 - staid - sedate, respectable, and unadventurous [197] December 11 - ubiquitous - present, appearing, or found everywhere [198] December 12 - virtuoso - a person highly skilled in music or another artistic pursuit [199] December 13 - winsome - attractive or appealing in a fresh, innocent way [200] December 14 - Grinch - a mean-spirited person who spoils the enjoyment of others; a spoilsport or killjoy [201] December 15 - mirth - amusement, especially as expressed in laughter [202] December 16 - quirky - having or characterized by peculiar or unexpected traits or aspects: [203] December 17 - toboggan - a long, light, narrow vehicle, typically on runners, used for sliding downhill over snow or ice [204] December 18 - evanescent - soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing [205] December 19 - zephyr - a soft gentle breeze [206] December 20 - hearth - the floor of a fireplace [207] December 21 - tidings - news; information [208] December 22 - garland - a wreath of flowers and leaves, worn on the head or hung as a decoration [209] December 23 - cornucopia - a symbol of plenty consisting of a goat's horn overflowing with flowers, fruit, and corn [210] December 24 - crackle - make a rapid succession of short sharp noises [211] December 25 - Yuletide - archaic term for Christmas [212] December 26 - fervor - intense and passionate feeling [213] December 27 - whimsy - playfully quaint or fanciful behavior or humor [214] December 28 - kith - one's friends, acquaintances, and relations [215] December 29 - equanimity - calmness and composure, especially in a difficult situation [216] December 30 - insidious - proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with very harmful effects [217] December 31 - revel - enjoy oneself in a lively and noisy way, especially with drinking and dancing

~2023~

[218] January 01 - clinquant - glittering with gold and silver; tinseled [219] January 02 - Elysian - relating to or characteristic of heaven or paradise [220] January 03 - coterie - a small group of people with shared interests or tastes, especially one that is exclusive of other people [221] January 04 - eke - make an amount or supply of something last longer by using or consuming it frugally [222] January 05 - vestibule - an antechamber, hall, or lobby next to the outer door of a building [223] January 06 - lucid - expressed clearly; easy to understand [224] January 07 - livid - furiously angry [225] January 08 - perspicuous - clearly expressed and easily understood; lucid [226] January 09 - vex - make (someone) feel annoyed, frustrated, or worried, especially with trivial matters [227] January 10 - puerile - childishly silly and immature [228] January 11 - splendour - magnificent and splendid appearance; grandeur [229] January 12 - wistful - having or showing a feeling of vague or regretful longing [230] January 13 - capybara - a South American mammal that resembles a giant long-legged guinea pig. [231] January 14 - martyr - a person who is killed because of their religious or other beliefs [232] January 15 - gimmick - a trick or device intended to attract attention, publicity, or trade [233] January 16 - brood - a family of birds or other young animals produced at one hatching or birth [234] January 17 - malady - a disease or ailment [235] January 18 - zeal - great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective [236] January 19 - hamartia - a fatal flaw leading to the downfall of a tragic hero or heroine [237] January 20 - supernova - a star that suddenly increases greatly in brightness because of a catastrophic explosion that ejects most of its mass. [238] January 21 - celestial - positioned in or relating to the sky, or outer space as observed in astronomy [239] January 22 - peart - lively; cheerful [240] January 23 - serendipity - the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way [241] January 24 - blatherskite - a person who talks at great length without making much sense [242] January 25 - constellate - form or cause to form into a cluster or group; gather together [243] January 26 - recalcitrant - having an obstinately uncooperative attitude towards authority or discipline [244] January 27 - waif - a homeless, neglected, or abandoned person, especially a child [245] January 28 - moulder - slowly decay or disintegrate, especially because of neglect [246] January 29 - limpid - (of a liquid) completely clear and transparent [247] January 30 - travesty - a false, absurd, or distorted representation of something [248] January 31 - quixotic - extremely idealistic; unrealistic and impractical [249] February 01 - eidolon - an idealized person or thing [250] February 02 - desideratum - something that is needed or wanted [251] February 03 - ensorcell - enchant; fascinate [252] February 04 - aurora - a natural electrical phenomenon characterized by the appearance of streamers in the sky near the northern or southern magnetic pole. [253] February 05 - jaded - bored or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something [254] February 06 - limerence - the state of being infatuated with another person, typically experienced involuntarily [255] February 07 - obfuscate - make obscure, unclear, or unintelligible [256] February 08 - idle - (of a person) avoiding work; lazy [257] February 09 - peart - lively; cheerful [258] February 10 - scintilla - a tiny trace or spark of a specified quality or feeling [259] February 11 - gangling - (of a person) tall, thin, and awkward in movements or bearing [260] February 12 - sublime - of very great excellence or beauty [261] February 13 - ineffable - too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words [262] February 14 - moonstruck - unable to think or act normally, especially as a result of being in love [263] February 15 - nostalgia - a sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past [264] February 16 - panacea - a solution or remedy for all difficulties or diseases [265] February 17 - razz - tease (someone) playfully [266] February 18 - kin - one's family and relations [267] February 19 - melodious - relating to or characterized by melody [268] February 20 - fractious - (typically of children) irritable and quarrelsome [269] February 21 - idiosyncratic - relating to idiosyncrasy; peculiar or individual [270] February 22 - spurious - not being what it purports to be; false or fake [271] February 23 - quandary - a state of perplexity or uncertainty over what to do in a difficult situation [272] February 24 - pulchritude - beauty [273] February 25 - rhetoric - the art of effective or persuasive speaking or writing, especially the exploitation of figures of speech and other compositional techniques [274] February 26 - naturalism - (in art and literature) a style and theory of representation based on the accurate depiction of detail [275] February 27 - histrionic - excessively theatrical or dramatic in character or style [276] February 28 - onomatopoeia - the formation of a word from a sound associated with what is named [277] March 01 - gawky - nervously awkward and ungainly [278] March 02 - akin - of similar character [279] March 03 - garrulous - excessively talkative, especially on trivial matters [280] March 04 - lofty - of imposing height [281] March 05 - pugnacious - eager or quick to argue, quarrel, or fight [282] March 06 - relative - considered in relation or in proportion to something else [283] March 07 - liminal - relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process. [284] March 08 - gratuitous - done without good reason; uncalled for [285] March 09 - solicitous - characterized by or showing interest or concern [286] March 10 - quaint - attractively unusual or old-fashioned [287] March 11 - inane - lacking sense or meaning; silly [288] March 12 - pert - (of a girl or young woman) attractively lively or cheeky [289] March 13 - esoteric - intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest [290] March 14 - schadenfreude - pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune [291] March 15 - odious - extremely unpleasant; repulsive [292] March 16 - numinous - having a strong religious or spiritual quality; indicating or suggesting the presence of a divinity [293] March 17 - loquacious - tending to talk a great deal; talkative [294] March 18 - impecunious - having little or no money [295] March 19 - sanguine - optimistic or positive, especially in an apparently bad or difficult situation [296] March 20 - pungent - having a sharply strong taste or smell [297] March 21 - charming - very pleasant or attractive [298] March 22 - soliloquy - an act of speaking one's thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play [299] March 23 - penurious - extremely poor; poverty-stricken [300] March 24 - jamboree - a large celebration or party, typically a lavish and boisterous one [301] March 25 - rapacious - aggressively greedy or grasping [302] March 26 - incontrovertible - not able to be denied or disputed [303] March 27 - promulgate - promote or make widely known (an idea or cause) [304] March 28 - opportunist - person who takes advantage of opportunities as and when they arise, regardless of planning or principle [305] March 29 - gallivant - go around from one place to another in the pursuit of pleasure or entertainment [306] March 30 - iconoclast - a person who attacks or criticizes cherished beliefs or institutions [307] March 31 - pinprick - a prick caused by a pin [308] April 01 - petrichor - a pleasant smell that frequently accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather [309] April 02 - ungainly - (of a person or movement) awkward; clumsy [310] April 03 - abject - (of something bad) experienced or present to the maximum degree [311] April 04 - lurid - unpleasantly bright in colour, especially so as to create a harsh or unnatural effect: [312] April 05 - spire - a tapering conical or pyramidal structure on the top of a building, typically a church tower [313] April 06 - proclivity - a tendency to choose or do something regularly; an inclination or predisposition towards a particular thing [314] April 07 - convivial - (of an atmosphere or event) friendly, lively, and enjoyable [315] April 08 - unfeigned - genuine; sincere [316] April 09 - penchant - a strong or habitual liking for something or tendency to do something [317] April 10 - sanctimonious - making a show of being morally superior to other people [318] April 11 - inimical - tending to obstruct or harm [319] April 12 - taut - stretched or pulled tight; not slack [320] April 13 - rue - bitterly regret (something one has done or allowed to happen) and wish it undone [321] April 14 - pithy - (of a fruit or plant) containing much pith [322] April 15 - impetuous - acting or done quickly and without thought or care [323] April 16 - disperse - distribute or spread over a wide area [324] April 17 - sinuous - having many curves and turns [325] April 18 - plethora - a large or excessive amount of something [326] April 19 - meadow - a piece of grassland, especially one used for hay [327] April 20 - persnickety - placing too much emphasis on trivial or minor details [328] April 21 - rusticate - suspend (a student) from a university as a punishment [329] April 22 - dichotomy - a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different [330] April 23 - bardolatry - excessive admiration of Shakespeare [331] April 24 - halcyon - denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful [332] April 25 - gad - go from place to place in the pursuit of pleasure [333] April 26 - collusion -secret or illegal cooperation or conspiracy in order to deceive others [334] April 27 - ration - a fixed amount of a commodity officially allowed to each person during a time of shortage, as in wartime [335] April 28 - clergy - the body of all people ordained for religious duties, especially in the Christian Church [336] April 29 - mitigate - make (something bad) less severe, serious, or painful [337] April 30 - paradigm - a typical example or pattern of something; a pattern or mode [338] May 01 - May Day - 1 May, celebrated in many countries as a traditional springtime festival or as an international day honouring workers [339] May 02 - denouement - the final part of a play, film, or narrative in which the strands of the plot are drawn together and matters are explained or resolved [340] May 03 - voracious - wanting or devouring great quantities of food [341] May 04 - sciamachy - sham fighting for exercise or practice [342] May 05 - vindicate - clear (someone) of blame or suspicion [343] May 06 - panegyric - a public speech or published text in praise of someone or something [344] May 07 - indomitable - impossible to subdue or defeat [345] May 08 - sedulous - (of a person or action) showing dedication and diligence [346] May 09 - baby boomer - a person born in the years following the Second World War, when there was a temporary marked increase in the birth rate [347] May 10 - plaudit - an expression of praise or approval [348] May 11 - audacious - showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks [349] May 12 - intrepid - fearless; adventurous [350] May 13 - multifarious - many and of various types [351] May 14 - eclectic - deriving ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources [352] May 15 - evanescent - soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing [353] May 16 - normative - establishing, relating to, or deriving from a standard or norm, especially of behaviour [354] May 17 - lucent - glowing with or giving off light [355] May 18 - erudite - having or showing great knowledge or learning [356] May 19 - encomium - a speech or piece of writing that praises someone or something highly. [357] May 20 - husbandry - the care, cultivation, and breeding of crops and animals [358] May 21 - meticulous - showing great attention to detail; very careful and precise [359] May 22 - niche - a comfortable or suitable position in life or employment: [360] May 23 - lugubrious - looking or sounding sad and dismal [361] May 24 - magnanimity - the fact or condition of being magnanimous; generosity [362] May 25 - cornucopia - a symbol of plenty consisting of a goat's horn overflowing with flowers, fruit, and corn. [363] May 26 - nascent - (especially of a process or organization) just coming into existence and beginning to display signs of future potential [364] May 27 - pulchritudinous - beautiful [365] May 28 - contingent - subject to chance
365 Days/Words
```
I’m not in control of this list, you there might be some duplicates. Just enjoy the post, as I’m sure that this is something contrasting from the Bing Ai that a lot of people are posting about. I saw that the moderators commented on my post thinking that it was relating to Bing AI.
You can ask me a question about this project in the comments below:

I’m posting on mobile so sorry for any weird formatting and for how lengthy this is. I would appreciate any advice because I’m very desperate.
I (21 AFAB) am having a hard time with some doctors recently. I feel like they aren’t listening to me or taking me seriously and I have no idea what to do.
Since I was a kid i’ve had this feeling of water trickling down my neck and I can hear it. It would happen every now and again and it wasn’t causing me problems so I never saw a doctor for it.
However, in October it was happening multiple times a day and it got louder somehow. My memory is really fuzzy during this time. I was tired and fatigued all the time and I was easily sleeping 14 hours a day. I was getting a weird sensation in my hands and feet (the best way I could describe it is that they felt like they were in pain but there was no pain). I could not walk properly and my legs would just give out. I couldn’t see properly either. My vision was blurred, I had spots in my vision and what I could see was essentially TV static. I also had this pressure all through out my head and neck. I was living with my boyfriend and he said I was virtually unresponsive. This happened for about 3 weeks. I couldn’t work or go to school and essentially dropped out and had to move back home. I was essentially disabled for 3 weeks. I was scared because I thought I was dying.
Then one day nearly all of my symptoms are gone. The only symptoms I still have are my excessive sleeping (which is more like 10-12 hours now), blurry vision, and occasionally have the feeling in my hands and feet.
I’ve seen my regular doctor twice for it and a neurologist for it. My regular doctor did CT scans, X-ray and a MRI. All inconclusive. So he referred me and I had to wait 6 months to see a neurologist.
I saw him Thursday and was in and out in 20 minutes. Told him my symptoms and was insistent that it was occipital neuralgia. He did no tests. He also kept mentioning headaches and I corrected him and told him that i didn’t have headaches, it was a pressure around my head and neck. He still insisted that it was a headache. He was wanting to prescribe me and antidepressant “so I could sleep”. I also corrected him and told him I have the opposite problem. I also didn’t feel comfortable with that since I’m already on an SSRI. He sent me home with neck stretches and told me to see him again in 6 months.
I cried in my car because I felt like he didn’t care that my life collapsed. I looked up the symptoms of occipital neuralgia and I feel like it doesn’t explain any of it. I’m still upset with myself for not just going to the ER when it was happening. I thought for awhile that it was MS but it didn’t show up on my MRI or CT scan. I only want to know what it was and if it’ll happen again. I just want some advice on the next steps forward or if any one has an idea of what it could be. Thank y’all in advance ❤️
EDIT: For medications I currently take Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and testosterone gel. I was taking Lexapro and Atomexine(?) at the time. I have been diagnosed depression, ADHD and in remission from Aplastic Anemia (16 years).