How much do bridal alterations cost

Very long post, but please read through. I really need someone to drill sense in my head.🥲
Soo, I've been dating this guy since past three months. And we both agreed on keeping it casual. Though I was reluctant at first but events agreed because I like him so much. He is really nice and I really really like talking to him and i guess this is mutual.
Now I've noticed something. Whenever he talks to me and everything is going good, I don't feel the urge to message him all day long. Infact sometimes I also daydream about the future that what if I don't end up with him( and I'm not really scared about it, like it doesn't make me feel agitated as if he's the last guy).
But as soon as even jokes about ignoring me or just doesn't to talk to me because he's busy due to genuine reasons,my god I just get so worked up. Though I try my best to not show it to him. I've to fight the urge to message him. Like if he's told me he's busy, i just want to not msg him at all ,but ughhh.
Like recently he had his exams and i told him that he can msg/call me whenever he's free. And i only msgd him to wish him luck. But he didn't msg me at all. Like I get it, you're busy. But how long does it take to say hi. And he had the time to go to friend's birthday and get drunk. And during this time he also installed bumble. And this entire situation made me just so sad, it felt like someone was digging their fingers in my brain. Nonetheless I spoke to him about it and he explained the entire situation about exams. And about bumble he said he just downloaded to see how it is and uninstalled it later(i still don't know how to feel about it, nonetheless I just ignore it).
So I just want to know why does this happen? Like why do I get so so worked up about it? I mean I'm an overthinker and i can't even focus on anything else when i feel like he might be ignoring me. How do I avoid it?
Also does it happen to all the women? Like if a guy you like, ignores you do you feel that same agitation? And even if you try to ignore them back you just end up messaging them because you can't take it?

I am so burnt out that I can barely function. Basically, I’m starting a second business, because it’s easy for me to hyper focus and impulsively do that with adhd, but now that the business is about to get going and I have to rely on other people, I feel like I’m hurting myself with the amount of stress I’m putting myself under. I also feel that I’ve been doing this with my other biz for 6 years as well. It essentially feels like I’m on a train that I cannot stop. I have absolutely no idea how to actually relax and take care of myself, even though I know what I “need” to do, it feels impossible.
I used to impulsively drink to try to finally relinquish some control in my life, but when I got medicated I was able to stop, but it’s been tempting again because I feel SO BAD. I micro manage everyone in my life to try to keep it together and I constantly feel like I’m swimming against a super strong current that’s pushing me back. I’m afraid that I’m going to give myself a heart attack or some terminal illness because of the stress. I’m successful, but at what cost? It makes me wonder if people with adhd can actually ever manage their lives, especially as business owners.
Small recharges go a long way for me. For example, I can’t nap, I can only get into bed and put my phone down and be quiet for about 20 minutes and then I’ll feel recharged. The problem is that I will only do that when I am pushed to a breaking point. It’s almost like my brain has an overload switch. It feels absolutely impossible for me to interrupt the stream of consciousness that I feel is necessary to persevere with running two businesses as an impaired person with adhd. I feel that if I’m not constantly on, then I will fail. And the problem is, a lot of the times that could be true! People with adhd don’t get the luxury of kicking back and relaxing because most of the time we are not organized enough to have things run smoothly. I’m always remembering something in the middle of the day (or night) that I have to order or do. I have zero work life balance.
If anyone has any tips on how to actually break this cycle and truly relax, I’d be super appreciative. Even books that changed your life would be great, obviously. I also don’t feel organized enough to delegate things to people, which I think would be super helpful for me. It would be great if I could eventually hire an assistant, but I don’t even know where to start with that. It just feels like I’m currently juggling 15 balls in the air at once and if I stop for one moment, the entire thing will crumble. Halllllllp!

I’ve been around for a while now.
How long? I’m not exactly sure.
It’s not up to me.
Does a leaf in the wind know
where it’s going?
The distance it’s travelled?
No, it doesn’t.
But a leaf doesn’t bear the burden
of remembering either
Surely you’ve read the stories in the newspaper?
They say it’s clearest when you’re a kid,
that the memories fade as you grow older.
You’re 3, 4 years old (this time)
You ask about things that confuse your parents.
Talk about places you’ve never been,
inquire about your other mother,
remember how she spoke in german.
You don’t know where or what Germany even is yet.
You were around 17 then, but you’re 4 now.
And you miss the farm.
What happened to that boy?
The next time around you’re an old man.
(You don’t tell anybody about this one
You know better now, and there’s not much to tell anyway)
His memories are hazy, to you now, and to him then.
Where did that life go? Those odd 80 years?
You remember being lost and confused in a supermarket,
You worried your family. Not your family, his family.
But towards the end
He didn’t know if they were his family either.
And in the body that does the remembering,
The one that asks about the farm,
And frets about the old man,
Whose first memory is the feeling of falling
From a great, great distance and thinking:
‘Oh. I’m here now’.
That body feels so old. You’ve never not felt old.
When you were 15 going on 45,
You blamed it on depression.
And maybe that was it. Or maybe it’s all starting to add up.
You don’t have a death wish, you don’t want to end this life.
There’s still so much to do!
But you do wonder.
If you’ll remember this one too.
If there will be a next one.
You hope not.
An old soul is a heavy burden, and you’re so tired.
There’s a kind of solace in fantasising about the alternative.
Returning to nothingness. Empty. Quiet.
Formless energy in the void. Like the aftermath of the Big Bang.
But the leaf doesn’t get to choose.
I’ve been saying ‘you’ this whole time
When I really mean me.
Sorry if that was confusing.
But you, me, the leaf— It’s all the same.
And who knows, you could be me.
(Does any of this sound familiar?)
Or I could be you, rather,
the next time around.

Hello here,
I was wondering, is there a real benefit I might not know of having a 240+ hz monitor given how difficult it seems to be to reach and maintain even 144 hz with the game settings at max in most AAA games (especially in a resolution > 1080p) ?
I heard the bigger refresh rate is the less input lag you get, but do we benefit from a reduced input lag if we don't reach the highest refresh rate the monitor offers ?
Because I was looking for a new monitor (mainly for a gaming pc), and since my current one is an old 144 hz, with a low input lag (TN asus vg 248 qe), I was wondering if it was worth to upgrade it with a much higher refresh rate one, plus maybe a better resolution and panel, or stick to a 144 hz one, plus IPS/resolution upgrade ?

I’m going through a hard time. It feels like if any time a new alter would a appear it would be now. I’ve always watched and token adobe from this Reddit group but I ask now as time is ticking for this message to be sent. It feels like I’m not enough as a host. I’m fighting to keep going as a host but my alters have grown so much. Maybe cuz they are so in touch with my inner space and I’m not cuz I run things I run SHIT out here. Idk I’m not a violent man. I’m a poet an spoken word poet. Given help from my alters that are dead. We’re dead. Now a reanimated corpse part of a DX TYPE BUT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUT ITS COOL CUZ IM WE ARE A BONE-AFIDE- FUCK THE SPELLING- FUCK YOUR TIME!!!!! but yeah.. Idk there’s no new alter. Just everyone gained power level Over the years. I feel like I gave my training to the wrong thing. And now it’s dead. Should my alter die? Or go inside? And grow? Let some one else take host? AND MAKE THEM 2 TIMING SLUTS HOW HARD IT IS TO BE THE PIMP!!!!! Am I a slut? Are you? FUCK. Sorry for whoever’s reading this. As a person who loves this Reddit group, cuz y’all know y’all have your experiences. But we help and we speak. And people read, you read. I read and now I speak. These dumb ass WONT RESPECT MY TITLE! THE HOST TITLE!
THIS IS HARD. For all host alters they know. But there’s no new threat. Another number to deal with. No. These little pebbles has grown to SOMETHING STRONG. Stronger than me Take my host position Do it good, Then I smack the taste out there mouth He laughs and puts his hands up and And says if you got it. THEN YOU GOT IT YES FRIEND! Strong than me in a episode that should create a alter, but my other alters have out shadowed me? What should I do? Thank you for responding, Thank you for upvoting if you do, Just thanks for reading.

I am 30f and I've been living in Colton for about a year now. I am a Type 1 diabetic. I've had diabetes since childhood and it's been a really tough.
I ran out of my insulin yesterday and I'm really worried because I can't go for a whole day without my insulin.
I budgeted for my insulin but some unexpected car expenses came up. I had to patch one of my car tires yesterday, and now I am $32 short on getting my monthly insulin refill.
My monthly refill cost $35 a month. But sadly, I'm really broke right now (I only have $3 to my name, and I won't get paid until Monday).
I'm super worried because I don't really have any friends or family to lean on and I don't wanna go to the ER because (I can't afford it).
I'm kinda new to reddit but I just thought I'd ask for help on here because Colton doesn't have a subreddit. I'm not sure what else to do and I'm starting to panic. I'd be glad if anyone could assist me in getting my insulin. I'm $32 short. Or if anyone has Novolog insulin around Colton, that'll be great too.
If anyone could help, I'd update my post and let everyone know I got the help I need.
I'm really worried and I can't sleep. I'm pretty much begging for my life at this point. Someone please help.

I’ve (f30) been having this terrible habit of looking over my husbands (32) shoulder to glance at his phone when he’s unaware i’m there and I saw the other day he swiped away some tabs on his internet search of porn videos titled “big busty women”, “busty women like to get fuc*ed”, etc. and the other day when we were trying to find an old friend of ours on Facebook, the prior search history popped up a few women who in their profile pictures had some of the biggest boobs i’ve ever seen. I guess it makes me feel pretty inadequate in comparison and I haven’t talked to him about it as I don’t even know if it’s worth doing so in the first place. It’s not like he’s cheating on me or anything, at least I don’t believe he is, but is this just maybe a guy thing? Maybe this is just some fetish I shouldn’t worry about too much?
I don’t really know how to feel other than just a but insecure about my body and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.

I will go to local pawnshop to checkout T14s thinkpad they are selling there for 600 eur, which seems to be half of what a new one costs. The thing might not be the last gen, but has a 10210U CPU, 16GB of RAM and 512 SSD, which is fine for me. Since I am die hard linux user, I have not much idea how to check for things in Windows 11 it will be running. I know how to check general specs in About page of settings, but that is not very useful as I already know the specs, lol. One thing I am concerned about is battery life, and the windows estimate it will give right after boot might not be accurate, so I googled I should use this command "powercfg /batteryreport" to check more accurately. If it's within 80% of original capacity I have no reason not to buy it. Then next thing I am worried is exact IPS display model. 1080p will be fine for me, but is there a way to check exact display model from within windows? Advanced display settings doesn't tell, but what GPU is driving it. And the general question is, what other things I should look out for when buying this used machine? My primary needs are battery life, not running hot ( no i7 CPU ), and very good IPS display. Last decision wether to buy it will come from how hardly it's beaten up physically, of course.

So I have been seeing mixed answers for this particular question. How much do people actually save in the US after completing a masters degree in CS and let's say they bagged a salary of $100k and are unmarried. Keeping in mind all taxes, expenses, how much do you guys actually save? Is it more than what you were saving in India?

Hello, I'm 35 and in therapy for CPTSD, social anxiety and highly sensitive. I meet several symptoms of aspergers, too. Mainly, I have trouble keeping conversation in person (I hugely prefer written text, I have issues recognising people's faces, I didn't really play with children as a child - didn't even know my classmates names for 2 years. I have like "scenarios" in my mind with checklists for how I should behave and respond in various situations. I remember intensely observing people and copying them since childhood. I even copied how people were sitting, since I got laughed at "sitting too stiff, like a robot".
However, I am also highly empathetic, felling people's energies and moods very intensely. I've never had issues recognising people's intentions. On the contrary, I've been told multiple times I have a special gift for "reading people". I can sense things about people that most people don't see and are revealed later, but I predicted them at the first impression.
At the same time, I really don't like talking to adults in person. I hate their social games, competition, gossip. It makes me physically sick and I'm mostly alone because of this, don't go out too much. I only enjoy working with children age 5-10 because of their simple form of thinking and communication. Whenever I'm in a group of adult people I'm always super quiet and often struggle to even form a sentence. I stutter, I begin a sentence and can't finish it etc. I never spoke to any adult voluntarily until I was at uni. My therapist said I definitely had selective mutism as a child and teen.
I have big trouble remembering and recognising faces.
I wonder if something like this is possible on the spectrum or does having empathy and feeling people's emotions automatically mean I'm excluded from the autism diagnosis?
I do work with a therapist and I'm not trying to self diagnose, just asking this question out of curiosity. Thanks.

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It's inevitable to compare yourself to your surroundings, to the people you know or see.
Sometimes I compare myself and it reminds me how different I am, and how I wish I was someone else.
This is the best I've ever felt and it's not a feeling of happiness or bliss or something positive, I don't know how to describe it. Maybe it could be not feeling preoccupied? worried? not thinking maybe, not thinking so much.
The fact is I don't have anything to offer to the world. There's things I find "interesting" that at the end of the day, don't really matter as I couldn't use them to improve myself or become someone.
I went walking around the other day. It's not something I do often. I don't leave my house for months. And while looking at people no matter who they were I thought "they are going somewhere. They want something. Something awaits them"
They had charisma. I don't.
I bet some were intelligent. I'm not.
Ambition, high or low. I have none.
Discipline, more or less. I have none.
Social skills. Mine are non existent.
They had something in them, something they could use, something they could add to the world. A personality. SOMETHING.
They were living, and I'm not.

so we’ve been dating for about three months but as of recently he just hasn’t been making me a priority in his life. i’ve asked him to meet my needs numerous times and decided that being unhappy in this relationship just isn’t what i wanted so i was close to breaking up with him but he wanted to work things out.
now that it’s summer we only see each other once a week but when we’re apart he never texts or calls unless it’s about himself. rarely he will to inquire about what i’m doing. i texted him the other day when i was in a low spot and he didn’t reply because he didn’t know what to say. as someone who values a supportive partner, i’m worried about how we’re going to make this work.
after the beginning he has never really expressed any interest in me or getting to know me. initially, he unintentionally lovebombed me and his interest tapered off. i feel like he’s only really interested when he wants to have sex, and then goes to play his video games. when we go out to eat or etc i find that we usually don’t talk about anything at all and he always goes on his phone. he even went on his phone during the first date. usually he’ll talk about himself. if i have something to say about myself, he’ll usually follow up and make it about himself instead of showing interest or asking me questions.
oftentimes i have to ask him to give me attention and he’ll usually say five minutes or a little bit of time because we already spent time together (sex).
i’m also worried because i feel like i can never find anything to talk to him about and i’m a very chatty person. plus we have had a lot of conflict from the beginning that makes our relationship very stressful.
he said that he would do his best to change for me. yet i’m not sure if this is a good idea. i just think it’s impossible for someone to change that much and still be the same person. it feels to me that he can’t meet my needs, which is understandable.
i’ve been sad today as he only texted me once for something related to himself. we never call and i feel like we would have nothing to talk about. i just don’t know if it’s worth being this unhappy in hopes of his potential change. i won’t see him for a few days, so i guess i’ll continue being unhappy until maybe then.

HERE are some pictures and videos taken by me or others over the course of the last year and a half. THIS is me this week at my current size (273 pounds) ahead of seeing my family this weekend.
My local university was conducting a medical study on the affects of different diets on weight gain. I signed up and was chosen and the potential money to be made was very appealing. The first two months of the study involved simply eating at a calorie surplus on a premade diet to see how it affected my body’s weight gain. After taking measurements after these initial two months, if my body’s measurements represented any kind of high percentile outlier, I would be selected to potentially continue for the entire 1.5 year study focused on a particular area of the body. Of all of the participants, my abdominal girth was at the highest percentile ratio of girth compared to weight/height, so they selected me to participate focusing on abdominal weight gain and to see how severe it could be.
They paid me about $3,000 a month and had all of my food paid for as I followed a specific premade diet plan that changed every 2 or 3 months to study the affects these specific diets had. Some were dairy heavy, carb heavy, specific types of meats only, mixing in alcohol consumption, specific supplements, etc. I’m incredibly busy in my life with work right now and having a free premade meal plan plus so much extra cash was too good to pass up. So I decided to continue for the entire 1.5 year study.
Fast forward to now, having finished the entire trial, I am starting to have some serious regrets. I’ve put on nearly 115 pounds since last January and I never expected the results to have me looking like this. Honestly, I think even the researchers themselves were really shocked by my result. My ratio of abdominal girth to height/weight is at the highest percentile of the study, their entire student body, and anyone who has participated in the study before. I gained most all of the weight in my torso, which they are severely attributing to genetics and simply the effectiveness of the tailored diets they had me following.
I obviously look ridiculous now. I haven’t even been able to keep up with buying a new professional wardrobe for work (as you can tell my the pictures and videos linked). I was gaining an average of 7 pounds a month, some months being just 3 pounds and some being an entire 15 pounds in a month. So many things are difficult… I break a sweat going up one flight of stairs, I can hardly put my shoes or socks on, fitting into restaurant booths is nearly impossible, getting in and out of my car or off the couch takes preparation. People stare at me in stores or on the street. I had a homeless guy ask me “Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Are you pregnant, dude?” once. My coworkers are polite but make comments here and there.
I haven’t seen my family since early in the study when the weight gain wasn’t very noticeable. I’m seeing them in this weekend for a reunion, and I cannot even imagine what they are going to say. I didn’t tell them I took part in this because I knew they wouldn’t approve, but now I wish I had because how am I going to prepare them or explain to them why I look like this now and how it happened so fast. They are all very fit and stay in good shape and even my siblings partners are all in good shape. I was always slim before this and they make comments if I ever even fluctuated a little bit in weight before. I’m worried to fit on the plane on the way there and having to travel. I’m so nervous to see them. And honestly would like any genuine opinions of whether or not I’m blowing this out of proportion or if they are genuinely going to be shocked. Maybe I can hide it better if I find the right clothing. What do you recommend I do? Tell them ahead of time? Be honest with how it happened? Just pretend everything is ok? Will they bring it up? Can I hide it somehow?
TLDR: I’ve gained a ton of weight doing a medical study at a local university and my family has no idea I’ve participated nor that I look like this now. I’m seeing them this weekend and also going to a family reunion. How do you recommend I can best handle with the shock of looking like I do now? Should I tell them ahead of time and be honest, even if I think they will judge me for having taken part?

Hi guys. New poster here but reader since New Year’s Eve 2022 when I was admitted to hospital for what I knew was CHS. Living in Australia and no one knowing about my weed smoking meant everyone shaking their heads not knowing what my illness could be. I was too scared to tell them, and eventually after four days of fluids and a further three days off work at home after discharge I was ready to return again.
Symptoms lasted a two months leading up to the hospitalisation, including waking up nauseous and vomiting each morning before work (or sticking my fingers down my throat to vomit so the feeling would pass). I put it down to anxiety in a new job but soon realised what was truly happening.
New years Eve I couldn’t stop the vomiting. Went to work and had to leave because I was useless. Struggled to drive home and was shaking intensely feeling so nauseous but only vomiting bile or dry heaving. Couldn’t keep water down and was so hot my partner made the call to take me to the ER. It was horrible.
The days in hospital were mostly spent in the shower while/after I ate or drank, with IV fluids and anti nausea drugs (which we all know don’t do much for CHS). Eventually after a week I was almost back to normal but was incredibly constipated (TMI!)
Anyway, the reason for my post today was because I had stopped smoking after that. Stupid me decided a month ago to see if I could do it again. I could, but this week I’ve had morning sickness again so I knew it had to stop.
My last cone was two nights ago. Last night after not eating much all day I forced myself to have dinner (first night without a cone). Felt fine for a bit but then the nausea hit. Everything came up. I couldn’t stop the nausea again. This morning I woke up and it was HARD. Full symptoms like the hospitalisation day from New Year’s Eve. I can’t keep down anything not even water though I’ve been trying to drink as much as possible to keep me from dehydration. Same dry heaving and wanting to put my fingers down my throat to relieve the symptoms. Hot showers helping but I’ve moving only between my bed and the bathroom right now. I had a nap and felt fine afterwards only to throw up the water I drank immediately.
My question is: is it CHS or withdrawals? Or both? I thought I had stopped smoking in time to avoid this pain. But here we are! Any ideas of how much longer I’ll endure it?
I’ll also add that this is it. I’m done now. Not smoking again. This is not worth it. If you are considering smoking again: DONT! It isn’t worth the missed days of work or the physical pain you will endure. If you’ve managed to stop, STAY STOPPED! I will be!

Throwaway in case they use Reddit. Long post too, but messier the more you read.
I (26 f) been trying to move forward now that my year in a nightmare living situation has come to an end but I'm still so resentful, so maybe this will help. After living with my parents during the pandemic, in 2022 I reached out to an old college roommate and we decided me, her, and her boyfriend would find a place. They didn't seem to care where, and I love the city. I warned them it was more expensive but they didn't protest.
Firstly, I did EVERYTHING to secure us the place. The boyfriend, let's call him Chris (M 27) was in the GM and never even answered once. While skimming listings I once asked my old roommate, let's call her Maggie (F 26), to send me 3 listings, and I'd have 3, for a total of 6 places to set up tours for. They were on the opposite coast so it was agreed I'd do the tours. Two of the three listings she sent were ones I'd already sent her. She clearly just looked up the first results and didn't even bother to look at what I'd found.
So after touring, emailing, giving my future roomies step-by-step instructions how to apply, getting my dad to co-sign, and reviewing/revising the lease a couple times (they tried to tack on extra fees as most building management companies do) I started setting up job interviews in the area for move-in the following month. I never once got a thank you, only ever "update?" texts from Maggie, or the occasional complaint when I wasn't working fast enough for them. It's not like I wanted validation or to even make all the decisions, I literally had to because they contributed nothing. I would have much rather taken some help over gratitude, but got neither. When I expressed stress that I was doing a lot, she told me she promised she and her man were 5x more stressed because they didn't have jobs lined up like me. As if job websites don't have location searches and Zoom interviews don't exist.
So we moved in. My parents fronted their portions of rent and the deposit for three weeks, and I was upset when I pushed Maggie about it and she told me her dad had her money but she had just been "too depressed" to call and ask him to wire it. Her words. They seemed to assume that my parents had money to spare, which they didn't, even for their own kid.
I started my job, and I was really struggling with alcohol. The city didn't help because there were quite literally over 100 liquor stores and bars less than half a mile from our building. They drank a lot too, but that's not my business. We kind of drowned in our misery together for about 6 weeks, during which time I lost my job for drinking and got another, but then started experiencing sleep-deprivation psychosis where I just completely broke down, so I decided to check myself into rehab for 30 days.
Two weeks prior that, Maggie came home with a puppy in her purse. A guy sold it to her for $50 at her job and she kept it in the break room till she was off. She'd told me several times before that she liked to go to work buzzed, so I assume that played a part.
I already had a cat who wasn't dog-friendly that I paid an extra deposit to be in the apartment, and they both agreed to have him there (they knew him from the college house). So even wasted, I told her absolutely not about this dog. She didn't ask me or Chris before bringing it home, and the two of them were constantly complaining to me about money and how we split the place evenly even though they shared a much larger room, and rent was still really reasonable for the area we were in ($900 each). Not to mention they didn't even read the lease, so they really had no grounds to complain they'd signed documents agreeing to pay an amount they claimed not to be able to afford. A dog on top of that, I pointed out, made no sense. The city is dirty, it would need shots to stay alive and we lived on a high floor with no balcony or patio for it to relieve itself. Pets also cost money.
Maggie agreed the dog was a bad idea and swore up and down she'd return it because she had the owner's number. A few days before I decided to go to rehab they went out all day and left the puppy locked in their tiny bathroom where it howled the entire time on my only day off, and I freaked out on them but they just gaslit me because I was drunk. I felt terrible leaving it in there, but I didn't ask to take on another animal. Ultimately, they were supportive of my choice to get help and even asked me to please come back instead of subletting and told me how much they'd miss me.
Well, while I was gone, things changed. A week before I came back, I texted Chris and Maggie to let them know the date of my return, and that I'd be bringing a sober companion because the first 72 hours out of rehab are notoriously difficult. Maggie texted back (never Chris, like I said) that they needed me to stay with my parents a few cities over for a while instead, because they weren't comfortable with me or a sober friend coming back so soon. Mind you, I paid rent the month I was gone. So I informed her that wasn't going to happen, and I'd be home the date I said above. She replied "sorry, that's just how we feel." As if they got the final say.
I came back when I said I would, brought my sober companion like I said I would, and Maggie lost her mind. My sober buddy and I watched a movie in my room, minding our business, but she heard a second voice and started texting me about how uncool it was to bring a stranger back. I told her she was welcome to meet them, but she refused.
I did't see either of their faces for two weeks after getting home. Chris was still unemployed and stayed home all day, but locked himself in their room 24/7. The first time I saw him, he'd thought I was Maggie locked out (they lost one of their key sets upon move-in and didn't want to purchase a second set, so this happened a lot) and once he realized it was me he practically ran back to their room. I said "hi" and he just said "I though you were Maggie" and slammed the door.
I don't know if they were resentful toward me for getting sober - maybe it was making them face their own problems - but one reason they hid from me was without question the dog. They avoided discussing it at all while I was in rehab, but I could hear it barking the moment I came home. The house reeked of dog urine. They'd taken my pee pads I sometimes put on the furniture when I think my cat might act up, and just pretended it wasn't there. Never paid me back for those either.
It was pretty soon after this Maggie came home with two men. She'd met them at her job, they told her she'd be good for their company, so she quit on the spot and invited them over to drink to celebrate. She actually opened my bedroom door without realizing I was home to "show them my movie poster" on my wall and explained the situation to me. So much for feeling unsafe having strangers in the house. I cringe to think about how it would've went if I wasn't home. It's worth noting that when she sent in her app to those guys' company, their boss didn't like her resume, so she was unemployed for the next 8 months.
Not long after rehab I began dating my current partner, let's call him Stan (M 28). He was great company because we met in recovery, and it can be lonely to be sober when all your friends partake.
Stan was over a lot, and pretty soon into the relationship we got eager to move in together. I asked Maggie about it (asking Maggie was like asking both of them, Chris never wanted to interact with me after I got sober) and she had nothing but good things to say, because that meant rent would be split four ways now. Stan and I didn't protest an even split, even though my room was barely enough space for one person and we learned pretty quickly how to climb around each other to function day-to-day.
I didn't have a sense of boundaries or standards before sobriety, but Stan encouraged me to strengthen that sense of self I'd previously forfeited to be drunk 24/7 and it made me start to realize some things about the household dynamic. Stan cooked for us a lot, and even before he moved in he was always cleaning Maggie and Chris's dishes along with his. He pointed out that they'd leave things, sloshy with sink water and food bits, for weeks in the sink. He also bought some nice things to cook with like expensive olive oil, and soda water for himself, which Maggie would either take and not say anything, or text me after already taking it promising to pay us back. Never once saw a penny. It upset me even moreso that she was so sneaky about taking it first, so we couldn't say no.
There was even a time when Stan and I went out of town for a wedding, and when we came back Maggie handed us a clean towel of ours. She explained they were out of towels while we were gone, so they went into our bathroom and took one of ours off the rack....I didn't say so until I blew up months later, but that was actually a towel used for clean up....that kind of clean up. Karma worked quick on that one, who goes into someone's private bathroom and takes their towel off the rack to use on themselves?!
I mentioned the common area was hardly used, but the exception was when Maggie and Chris's friends or family visited. It happened probably four or five times in the year we were there. Each time Maggie would give me about a day's warning before the guests would show up. Once, when her dad flew in, she informed me about his week-long stay as he was in his Uber headed to our place from the airport. Even worse, he was meant to take their bed, and they were going to sleep on an air mattress in the living room with the dog that barked at anything that moved. Stan gets up super early for work, and Chris got all grumpy that it woke him up as Stan left because the dog flipped out. Like sorry, should he have used our 15 story window to leave?
Funny enough, after the first night in their room Maggie's dad insisted he take the living room. It was pretty obvious to me he couldn't stand the smell in their room. They continued to use pee pads instead of taking the dog to the street to "go," and it often missed onto the carpet of their room. The smell wafted into the kitchen every time they opened their door, I can't imagine what being in there with the door shut all night would do to a person's nostrils.
It all came to a boiling point about 6 months in. Stan wasn't doing well with the constant stress of cleaning up after others and resentment that came with it. We decided the best course of action was for him to move out, which was confirmed by Maggie confronting us on a Tuesday afternoon, drunk as a skunk, about how the fridge smelled because our leftovers went bad. We went through the entire fridge, and threw out over half of their items that were months expired. They complained about money nonstop but wouldn't get jobs and switched to Doordashing every single day. There was molding cheese, and the kicker: deli meat 2 months past its expiration date, not only with several colors of mold but MAGGOTS. Now we understood why there were dead gnats in the fridge. They were born in there.
When we informed them of Stan's move-out, Maggie said that was fine with her as long as her and Chris's rent remained $650. They actually expected me to pay half the rent for a smaller room, where the kitchen was festering from their mess and the stuff I bought was taken by them with no reimbursement. That, or get a fourth stranger to share my room with me, which barely fit my full-size bed. Furious, I told them I'd be moving out as well, and subletting. They told me I needed to find two people, so I pulled *that* move and said since my dad was the co-signer and unwilling to vouch his credit for a lease his daughter wasn't a part of, we'd dissolve the lease entirely.
This somewhat scared them into moving, and they alleged a move-out date that came and went. Stan and I crossed our fingers they'd leave, we could take the bigger room, and sublet out our old one. We had no problem with rent split three ways, as that was the lease agreement anyway.
In the meantime, the one request I had out of rehab they'd agreed to went out the window. I was never going to ask them not to drink in their own place, but I simply asked that they keep it to their room and out of sight from Stan and me. They stayed in there most of the time anyway, and had a mini fridge. I'm pretty sure she drank every day in there, which again wasn't my business but it became obvious when she did stuff like leave the electric stovetop on for hours.
She had friends over again, and they not only filled up the living room with luggage and mattresses with just a few hours heads up to me, but drank out there while I was in my room. The house smelled like booze (and dog urine, always dog urine...) and they even had some full cans in the fridge when they went out. I texted her angrily, because the box of White Claws was shoved in so that my own food was squashed in the back of the fridge, and she blew me off like I had no right to ruin her night. I spent till sunrise on AA zoom meetings, shaking with anger. The texts must have made her angry too, because she brought back additional strangers to drink some more in the living room till dawn.
There were tons of incidents like this throughout the year, and even worse Maggie took it upon herself to try to mediate arguments in my relationship. She'd overhear and come out drunk to try to step in. She once confronted me about "not seeming sober" when I had over 4 months. I told her she had no place to comment even if I had relapsed, and she told me to "make sure I'm going to meetings." I so very much wanted to snap back that she should find some of her own.
This went on a whole year. Stan left, but when he did so and came back to visit the first time, Maggie cornered him and demanded he pay rent for that month. He was already moved into another place, and paying rent there. She yelled at him that she and Chris don't have money, Stan just told her that's not his responsibility to foot the bill for their laziness. Even so, he compromised and still paid utilities till our lease ended.
Up till the last couple days, they still disrespected me and my space. They'd let their dog eat my cat's food almost daily, sometimes more. They'd watch it urinate on the floor, and maybe if I was standing right there to see it, they'd wipe it down with a pee pad, no disinfectant. Once I did it myself and left the rag and cleaner on the floor by the puddle to make a point. The next day I found the rag on the sink; she confirmed she took it off the floor to wipe down our kitchen counters. Even if she didn't know what it was used for, who uses a dirty rag on the floor to wipe where they put food?
I let them know a few days before move-out that I would be cleaning certain common areas -- half, when it realistically should have been a third -- and that the rest was their responsibility. I also told them the couch was theirs to take down. We didn't have one for a long time, but when Stan was living with us Maggie found one freshly put on the street and texted us. Stan and I met her down there to carry it up, and she just watched us do it and made comments about "getting in our workout for the day." She didn't even help propping open doors.
On move-out, I had work in the afternoon in the next city over. I'd already packed all my stuff into boxes, they had one sitting in the living room. Not my business as long as they were out on time. They were up and moving on the last day, scrambling to pack, when I informed them my parents were coming to transport my stuff and help with my part of the cleaning since I had to be at my new job on time. They immediately holed up in their room, and stayed there for FIVE HOURS, not wanting to interact with my parents. They were the ones we paid rent to, and of course they'd heard my grievances, but they were always friendly and reasonable to Maggie and Chris as long as they sent rent on time. I have no idea what time they ended up leaving, since they stayed deadly silent too, according to my mom who stayed to clean after I went to work.
A week later, we got our bill from the building. Our whole deposit was eaten up, and an additional $460 was owed for the building to hire cleaners. My mom helped me, and we did more than our share, but clearly my roommates still didn't pull their weight.
I think they moved back with Chris's parents, I don't really care. If they did, I feel sorry for everyone involved in that situation. They have no decency or consideration, and mooch as much as they can for as little effort as possible. And on top of all that, still complain. As for me, I miraculously stayed sober, and Stan and I live together in the city where we both work.
I guess I can count on time to show them how awful they were, because we're getting older and not many people will put up with that moving forward. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone, and don't intend to ever live with roommates ever again because of what they put me through. Stan, my cat, maybe a dog we acquire responsibly in the future, and some kids someday. That'll be acceptable.

This is a long one. How do you leave a good man and his two kids that love you?? My(33F) BF(40m) has two kids SS13 and SD10. They are all three amazing. BF is kind, loving, emotionally supportive. His kids adore me and this week his son even called me his stepmom for the first time. I love them all and they love me very much. Sounds like a dream….but unfortunately, it’s not MY dream.
I met this family a little over 2 years ago. I’ve posted a couple of times about HCBM, but she isn’t even the reason I want to leave.. I have traveled for work for 5.5 years now. All over the US. I met him May of 2021 and stayed in their area for 9 months. I then traveled again, flying them to visit me wherever I was, making a vacation out of it. We have had so many amazing adventures and memories together, as a family.
I stayed away for longer than was expected, but we were still very much in contact…but I started to feel unfulfilled, and honestly, financially taken advantage of. This is mostly because of my giving nature…but it kind of put things into perspective for me. About 8 months ago, while traveling for work, I broke up with him. I had told him that I deserve someone that can travel with me, and he deserves someone that will stay home with him and the kids. He was resistant, but agreed. Not long after, he reached out and told me that he was going to take HCBM back to court…this reeled me back in… He said I could keep traveling, that he supported me traveling..then started hinting that he thinks I could use some stability in my life. As the months went on, he’d make such comments off and on. Always hinting at places that were hiring within my field. After months of him hinting, I applied. With my experience, I was hired on the spot. And with a hefty bonus…I’d still make more money traveling, though. I accepted this position, telling this employer that I’d need to start after my current travel job is over. They were elated that I was coming on to be part of their team…it’s a two year commitment. And I feel like this isn’t a decision I made, it was one I felt obligated to. I started this job Monday(just a couple orientation shifts)..flying back to finish my travel job on Wednesday. I’m done with the travel job Saturday, and I’m supposed to start working working on the 19th. I don’t think I can do it. I’ve had a conversation with him about it. Told him that this isn’t what I want, but I don’t want to hurt him or the kids. We had a loooong conversation about it. I poured my heart out to him..sobbing for hours. We went to bed, and it’s like the conversation never happened. And this isn’t the first time this has happened. He and the kids are wonderful. He is my best friend, and his son especially I am soooo close with. But I am not in love with him anymore. I feel like I already have resentment built up. I don’t think I can do two years. Two years of being stuck in a place I don’t want to be. HCBM is always a struggle. Never taking her to court. Just sitting by, biting my tongue.
How in the hell do I tell this man and his kids that I don’t want to come Sunday?! That I don’t want this life? I have made so many conscious decisions to put myself where I am right now. I don’t have kids, have an amazing career..i want my freedom, but I don’t know how…