My Home Hero

• Episode 8

Dub Available Now on Crunchyroll!
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After killing his daughter’s abusive yakuza boyfriend to save her, ordinary salaryman Tetsuo Tosu becomes embroiled in the dark criminal underworld. The wish for a simple life he and his wife Kasen had for their daughter has been reduced to a wish for survival. Though middle-aged and weak, he’ll put his life on the line using only his wits in order to protect his family.

Cast:

• Tetsuo voiced by Aaron Roberts
• Kasen voiced by Morgan Lauré
• Reika voiced by Kelly Greenshield
• Kyoichi voiced by Nazeeh Tarsha
• Kubo voiced by Jarrod Greene
• Nobuto voiced by Jordan Dash Cruz
• Yoshiatsu voiced by Eric Vale
• Additional Voices: Joe Cucinotti, Rex Underwood, Matthew Elkins, Michael Stimac, Van Barr Jr., Kirsty Johnson, Chris Guerrero

Crew

• ADR Director: Jeremy Inman
• Assistant ADR Director: Sara Ragsdale
• ADR Engineer: Noah Whitehead
• ADR Script Writer: Clayton Browning
• ADR Mix Engineer: Matt Grounds

Greetings fellow beard scientists!
It's, uh… It's been a hot minute since I last posted a story here. Like, nearly a year. I've been trying to write up a story of some bronies that got banned from a comic store I used to volunteer at as well as some of the stories of my childhood of being raised by a legbeard, but… 2022 was not a kind year. In fact, if you like, starting with my next part, I can go into what happened to me last year since it does weirdly tie into how I was forced to work with the specimen of this series. After all, what is life if not a strange series of domino effects leading to greater outcomes that no one would have ever expected? My tale may be tragic, but Kevin's is tooth-grindingly dripping with schadenfreude.
So, let's fucking go!
Story 1: A Proto-Kevin Story 1, ironically, will not feature Kevin. Instead, it features a Proto-Kevin I will call Devin. I though of calling him Kemo, like Kevin Demo, but I was scared that ReddX would pronounce it like Chemo and though interacting with Devin sometimes felt as excruciating as slow dripping poisons directly into your veins– at least chemotherapy serves a purpose. Devin would prove to be a disaster of a person to such a caliber no one could predict, and has caused issues that I am still fixing nearly 3 months later.
Back in mid-January, I was working hard to train some of my coworkers to know how to do my job. At this point in time, I was the only buyer in my company and I had been since October. Even before my senior buyer moved onto greener pastures, I had been the one largely in charge of placing orders, chasing down items, and doing expedites, and anytime I had been out for more than 2 days the whole office would creep to a stop with people freaking out as to what to do without me. Now, I know that sounds like not-so-humble bragging, but when the top of the food chain comes halfway across the country to thank you personally for handling an issue with a military project that could have gone really badly had we not saved a paper trail showing that we were not to blame for the 4 month delay of a project that could have cost us a quarter million, you start to realize what sort of pressure you've willingly put yourself into. As such, I was making a step-by-step slideshow on how to place orders or customer supply orders since I was about to go out of town the following week to go on a week-long trip with my family. It was as I was explaining how to submit info into Purchase Advisor that the production manager, let's call her Fae, walks into my cubicle with a troubled expression.
"Hey Kitty. Do you have a moment?"
"Yeah. Just working on the slides like you asked. What's up?"
"Well…" Fae pursed her lips for a moment, looking a little frustrated, before finding her words. "You know how we've been looking for a new buyer ever since Sergeant left?"
"Yeah. I know you've had a lot of people coming in…"
"Well, the good news is that we found someone." I must have made a face, because Fae reluctantly followed up with, "Well, Caligula hired this new guy. I actually never got to meet him."
Ah, and there was the rub. Caligula is our location manager. Caligula had already been a little bit of a narcissist, but without Sergeant to openly defy him he had straight up gone into a power trip where he felt like he had to prove what a capable leader he was! Hell, on the day of the company Christmas Cookie exchange/ ugly sweater party, he made a female employee cry and then proceeded to passive-aggressively shame her in front of the whole team via a "mandatory group meeting" with a 30 minute speech that could be summarized into the phrase, "If you hate working here so much, then leave!" Three employees quit within 2 weeks of this incident. Stupid prizes, I suppose.
The reason for my concern had to do with the fact that Caligula was clearly trying to take some short-cuts in solving the issue of putting a 29 year old woman with a year of experience and a crumbling personal life in charge of keeping an entire company's finances. This shortcut included putting Fae in charge as a supervisor to my department, that way I was answering to someone, but that just meant yet another thing on Fae's plate. To top it off, he was going behind our backs when finding a new employee just as Fae and I were getting on the same page and learning to truly communicate, which showed he wasn't interested in knowing what purchasing needed since clearly Caligula, King of Cables, knew what was best.
I sighed a little, but gave Fae a small smile, "Well, hey! Maybe this is a good thing! I mean, it would have been nice if he asked for our input, but what can you do? Did he say anything about our new buyer?"
"All I really know is that he was a buyer for for about 15 years as a freelancer of sorts. And Devin is supposed to start the Monday after you come back from your vacation." She then gave a little bit of a playful smirk before saying, "Are you sure you need to go for a whole week?"
I gave a small snort before rolling my eyes and turning back towards my computer. "After all the bullshit this divorce has put me through, I need to get the hell out of town for a week. Besides, I don't think even Walt Disney himself could keep my mom from dragging me down to Florida at this point. I've just about finished this slide on how to use the Suggestion List to place your orders while I'm gone. I'll start the slide on how to manually input POs, and if I have time I'll also make one for Customer Supply parts. If I hear anything about that list you gave me, I'll let you know."
"Thanks, Kitty! Keep me posted." With that, Fae walked off, and the rest of the week proceeded more or less as usual.
Fast forward two weeks. I walked into the office, expecting to meet my new colleague. I was told he'd be in the cubicle next to mine, but it was distinctively empty. Weird, but whatever. It wasn't my place to worry about if someone was on time or not, so I shrugged it off and proceeded to mind my own business. Some odd twenty-something minutes later, the doorbell rang. I went to the door, and there stood who I would soon learn was Devin.
Devin was a scraggly and worn down individual. I'll short cut my description of him by saying this– you know how in Japanese dramas you tend to have that one office worker character who looks like he's working on a combined total of 5 hours of sleep this week and is only being kept alive via canned coffees and 3 packs of cigarettes a day, all while looking longingly to the stairs that lead to the roof? So picture this poor, barely kempt, husk of a man whose dreams died long before the blade of his razor blade dulled too much to tackle the whisper of whiskers on his upper lip, and put him into khakis and a sloppy dress shirt. He stood a little hunched over, almost like he was uncertain if he was in the right place. He gave a wry and nervous little smile before speaking up.
"Uh… I'm looking for… Ah, they're a manager? I think their name starts with an A?"
I felt my face scrunch up as I thought this over. Now, even if I am using altered names to protect the bearded, the innocent, and my job, we don't have any managers whose name starts with an A. Fae's real name could sound like it starts with an A if you missed the first letter, but I proceeded to press.
"Did you happen to speak to someone before you came over?"
"Yeah."
"Do you happen to know if it was a man or a woman you spoke to?"
He gave the human equivalent to the dial-up tone, and I smiled politely to him.
"Tell you what, why don't you come in, and I'll see if I can find either Fae or Caligu–"
"That's them!"
"Uh, Fae?"
"Maybe her, but Caligraphy hired me." I blinked for a moment. Caligula's irl name might be slightly unconventional spelled, but it's phonetic enough not to mess it up. This guy completely whiffed our boss's name. Still, he was new, and I suck at remembering names, so who am I to judge?
I returned the polite smile to my face. "Ah. So you're the new purchasing team member? Nice to meet you! I'm Kitty. Fae said you'd be next to me, so I'll show you to your cubicle so you can settle in, and then I'll go find her."
He did not return the greeting, nor did he give me his name.
I showed him to his desk before I scurried off, and I let Fae know that our newest team member was here. You'd think she'd be thrilled, but she furrowed her brow before checking her watch. "He only just came in? He said he'd be here at 7:30, and it's past 8:20." She stood from her desk in the warehouse and asked that I join her and the new guy in the meeting room so that we could all be introduced properly.
The first meeting itself was pretty uneventful. Besides Devin reiterating what we already knew--15 years of purchasing experience, his last job being with Major Airline Company, and being hire by Caligula– I also got his name about halfway through the meeting (his name was asked at the beginning, and it took Fae asking him at 3 separate points to, ya know, answer that basic question), learned he was married with a kid, that his wife had threatened to divorce him if they continued to both work at Major Airline Company, that Devin has a hard time separating from work and personal life, and how he's thankful to be back to working in an office. He asked about my commute time, and when I relayed that I have to drive 40 minutes just to get to the office, Devin scoffed and said, "I would never work that far off again. I'm so glad I work just 5 minutes down the road!"
Now, this got a look from Fae and I. The obvious is because this dude was nearly an hour late to work on his first day, despite being 5 minutes down the road. The other reason was because Fae knew this was a bit of a sore spot for me. I had been only 15 minutes away, but with me being mid-divorce and paying off some hefty medical bills… Well, there was a reason I was now stuck with an hour+ commute back and forth 5 days a week. This new dude obviously didn't know that though, and I winced up a smile to politely say, "Oh! That's pretty lucky for you. Hopefully I'll be in the same boat soon."
The rest of the meeting went uneventful, and as we all left the room, Fae did pull Devin aside to chide him for being so late before asking him to follow me to my desk to learn how we do things in our company as well as some of my tips and tricks to get our system to work since Devin had never worked with our OS before.
This pseudo training ended up being a different kind of uneventful. You see, Devin had brought a notepad and pen to learn how the system worked…. Both went completely unused. I'd check in with him to ask if he had any notes or questions and he just replied with, "No. This seems pretty basic," and, "This seems easy enough." Alrighty. I'll admit my job usually isn't too complicated, but he was definitely far more interested in babbling on about his life to the point he'd interrupt me in order to talk about his family. He reiterated that he and his wife had worked at Major Airline Company together for several years and how she threatened to divorce him if he didn't quit his job and seek employment elsewhere. He spoke a lot about his son while revealing nothing about his kid outside of general good feelings towards his child. I heard a lot about his life story, and he never once asked me any questions. Not about life. Not about work. He just wanted to talk about himself endlessly while saying nothing at all.
By the end of the day, Fae asked what I thought about Devin.
"He's friendly…. He likes to socialize."
"Did the training go well?"
"Um… hard to tell. He didn't take any notes or really ask any work related questions. After a while, I just ended up doing my usual work while he chatted in the background. He said he understood what was going on, but when I asked if he wanted to try any of the things I was showing him he said nah, I'm good and kept chatting."
Fae pressed her lips in concern and took note.
For the next few weeks, Devin would show up whenever he could. You might think I mean that in the sense that things would come up and he'd call out. No no. He'd roll into the office at whatever time he felt like. He was confirmed for a 7:30 start time, but there were many mornings I'd get to the office long before him and he'd have some half-assed excuse for being late. At one point, Caligula did a company meeting praising Devin, despite Devin having done literally nothing. In fact, as I was looking over some of our recent orders, I was noting a pattern. Any order placed with Devin were unconfirmed, prices were all over the place, he was sending requests to the wrong vendors (think ordering fans from a place that specializes in wires despite our suggestion list listing someone else).
Eventually, corporate decided to bring Devin into headquarters for a week's worth of training since they realized he was causing a lot of issues. Two days after coming back from his corporate training, he tried having me order a military-grade item for a government contract off of Amazon saying, "This part isn't available anywhere else, and Kitty is the only one with the authority to buy off of Amazon in the office!" He had been given the task of buying this 1 item and spent 4 hours trying to find this part. As he whined to Fae about the impossibility of finding this part, I managed to find, purchase, and confirm shipping from the vendor we had in the vendor's list. The look on Fae's face was almost on par with Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star.
Two days later, Fae pulled me into the meeting room to inform me that Devin was no longer a part of the team. This man, who had been brought in to be the head of my department, lasted 2 and a half weeks. In that time, he attempted to do some work… but mostly he just caused more issues than he solved. I was still cleaning up his mistakes 3 months after his departure. Fae also took this time to let me know that she was pushing for me to become the head of my department. I'd be lying if I didn't say this had me super excited. After nearly 4 months of managing the purchasing department alone, it'd be amazing to be paid a living wage that could turn my life around. Plus, I like validation. I'm not ashamed to admit sometimes a little "Good job kiddo!" is all it takes to string me along on whatever bullshit I've been dragged into. I beamed for the entire rest of the day, excited for the possibilities that lay ahead of me…
And that is when Kevin entered the arena with a company-wide email declaring that corporate decided he was "now in charge of handling purchasing."
Welp, I'll leave it there for now. I have a few other stories I want to write up, but I promise to get in some Office Kevin stories as soon as possible. I've only been dealing with him since February, but dear God the amount of insanity I've had to deal with has been wild. I also apologize if this lost steam towards the end. Current Kevin has been a drain on my mental energy, so it has taken me a lot longer than I'm proud to admit to get even this much out. In the meantime, be good to each other.
Remember that you are loved, and you deserve to be loved.

Ok I know that sounds weird. I’m 26, European (I apologize for my bad English), from a very poor family. I could say I’ve done well : I have a master degree, a job as a lecturer, a driving licence, a car, I earn my own money, I live in my own flat, I’m independant. Some would even call me successful regarding the family I’ve grown in (I’ve been fighting against social determinism for years).
But I used to think I would have achieved much more at 26 : I thought I would have multiple degrees by then, have a boyfriend, have a hot body (I’m used to working out but I always end up giving up on my habits so I’ve never seen any progress since I stop too soon),…
I’m still in the closet, I’ve had some sex at 22 (but now it’s been years since I haven’t met someone), I’ve never been in a relationship.
I’m proud to have a job since I’m from a poor family but let’s be honest : I’m an average middle-class guy, not super rich, not specially hot,….
So yeah I’m educated, employed, independant, financially safe but not as accomplished as I would hope and I don’t think I’ll ever be out and in a relationship.
Time is flowing by much faster than expected ! I feel I’ll be 30 soon, maybe not as fresh as I might be now, and it might also become harder finding a boyfriend (I see myself as a twink). I’m stuck in a routine and I have never experienced love or things like that. I can’t really grow the social ladder more (can’t pursue other degrees since I’m working,..).

The only thing my sweet grandmother wanted for her 80th birthday was a Spice grader.She said back in Afghanistan, she would have enough time to chop herbs and spices by hand so finely that people from all over her village called her The Spice Queen. Unfortunately, over the years arthritis and my demanding grandfather, kept her from keeping her reign.
My cousins and I decided to get her an industrial grade machine. We knew with the machine, she would be able to once again make us her famous Rose Chai whenever she wanted. Her Rose Chai was a favorite in the family. Plus, the woman deserved it. She was married to the most stubborn and unkind man in world. A man who spent his days pushing her around, while at night spending it with his mistress.
We all knew what he was doing, including poor grandmother. She told my mom he would spray a vanilla infused cologne right before he stepped out. She said the smell was so strong, that you could almost taste it.
The evening of grandmother's birthday, grandfather was absent. We were all so happy he was. She opened her present and we never seen her so happy. That night, we all enjoyed her Rose Chai while my uncle sang and played the tablas.
The next day, I went to my grandparents house to see if maybe there was any Chai left over. I rang the door bell and after several minutes, grandmother opened the door. She looked disheveled and like she hadn't slept all night.
"Are you okay, Shireen-jan?" I asked.
We made our way to the kitchen as she said, "Yes, yes, I was just cleaning up. I stayed up all night with the machine and made quite a mess. I love the machine so much, it grinds so finely."
I was so happy to hear that. I sat at the kitchen table as she prepared a fresh Rose Chai just for me.
"You know, your grandfather came in last night and said I had to take the machine back. He said it was unnecessary and I should chop my own herbs and spices" she said sadly.
"No, you deserve the machine, Shireen-jan. Where is he? I'll talk to him" I replied angrily.
She placed the teacup full of tea in front of me and smiled.
"I will not listen to him anymore. I am The Spice Queen" she said proudly. A mischievous little smile crossed her wrinkled face.
I was so proud of her. I took a sip of my tea and smiled back.
Then it hit me, the unmistakable flavor of vanilla.

A magic fairy shows up in your room, and offers you to choose one of two disappointing wishes. You can also decline the offer.
Option #1: You're guaranteed to have a loving partner for the rest of your life, who is wonderful in every way, except that they'll be staunch agitators of the political and religious worldviews you despise the most. If you're an anti-fascist, they'll be a Neo-Nazi. If you're an ultraconservative, they'll be a progressive liberal. If you're a Christian or Muslim believer, they'll be a leader of the Satanist church and so on. If you're apolitical and areligious, but hold other views dear such as altruism or veganism, then they'll be a greedy corporate leader and a meat lover, while proudly defending and arguing for their own lifestyle if the topic ever comes up. If you're not monoamorous, then you can have as many partners as you want, but all of them will be as described.
Option #2: You're guaranteed to have a full time job for the rest of your working days, one that you absolutely hate doing. If you don't mind doing any kind of job as long as you're active, then you must sit in a chair, and stare at a wall. But it's a job you're able to do both physically and mentally, so it won't break you permanently in any way. It's guaranteed to always pay you three times the average cost of living of your family in your country. (Your job pays 21000$ monthly for a family of four in the USA for example.)
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The homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny in Mormonism is just sooo deep rooted and imbedded into the culture. I’m an AFAB non binary person and I’m also bisexual. I just don’t feel like I can exist as my true self around my family. As loving and accepting as they are (or claim to be) I can just tell and FEEL I won’t be fully accepted or celebrated for who I am. And it just breaks my heart. I see some other families who are so accepting and proud of their queer kids and do everything they can do make them feel safe and welcome in the family. But I’ll never get that. I’ve come out to my parents already as bisexual and it went horribly and was a bit traumatic. Two years after that I mentioned wanting to go on dates with women to my parents and 1 hour later the missionaries are suddenly over for dinner and my family is asking me to say the prayer. I feel like they’ll always either try to change me or just ignore that part of me. It’s taking a pretty serious toll on my mental health especially with it being pride month and I feel like I can’t be proud :(
I’m 19 living with my parents, and can’t find safe spaces for queer people that aren’t bars and clubs. The only therapist I can afford doesn’t know much about LGBTQIA+ issues and struggles to use my preferred pronouns. Just feeling hopeless and alone

All I see, lying down as I close my eyes, is a void.
A deep, dark, unending void, an abyss stretching endlessly in all directions, I see myself standing there, with a little light falling on me. I can't see my face. As the horror of this sight engulfs me... I scream loudly in that abyss, I turn in all directions, I still hear nothing, not even myself. In terror, I fall down on my knees and pull my own hair, wanting this to stop. I keep screaming but I can't any longer look at that scary abyss again...
I want this to stop, so all of sudden I get up and take a deep breath, stare at the ceiling fan for a few moments, hear the ticks of the clock...
For so long, nobody helped me, they made fun of me, so finally I thought, I'll always help myself, I don't need others. I got so far a few times, but it left a mark on me, I wanted to vanish somewhere far from all these people, somewhere far, I wanted to be alone, all of them were like this...
I was proud of myself, my self-reliance, my little success, but soon it became my burden, it became a sinister voice, it belittled and insulted me. I was never enough, the comparison. Soon, I started chasing extremes, but for all of that sweat, I have nothing to show for, nothing to write home about. Cuz, always something would happen, and I would fall short of my goal, it was like I was cursed. I'm always so far behind everyone, but perhaps the startline of this race was never the same to begin with, and I have no choice but to run this deadly race, time is not on my side...
I keep running to that beach, beholding for a moment what a beautiful sight it is everytime, the sea, the sun and the clouds and the tune of that cold breeze. But I get the feeling that today I'll see her, hear her voice, so today again I search the the horizon desperately for the sight of my angel, my ray of hope, kindness, grace and caring. It never arrives, day after day, it's the same...
One of those days I was sitting staring at the horizon, and a tear finally dropped from my eye, I felt ashamed, "how could a man cry?" I looked at the sky in anger, as if there's someone. I have lost count of the days now, I get up with a hopeless face and turn back towards the Island. I keep looking back as I walk back, hoping for some miracle, but now I have started to look back less frequently...
Sometime back I had found a way to keep myself sane, keep my mind in check, it's interesting effects would last a day or two, but then even that was snatched from me by some twisted play of fate. I become even further of a recluse, struggling to even walk but with dreams of flying. I could never really recover, believe me I tried my very best, till the end. But the light at the end of the tunnel, never came for me...
Somedays, I recall the times, when perhaps it all perhaps truly started, when those who were supposed to me my world, actually made my world hell. Home became a jail and school an escape. Family, a source of pain and school bullies friends...
Now my life seems to be running in loops, loops of suffering, loss and frustration. It's spiralling down towards.., everything seems to be falling apart. I've helped others quite well wherever they needed it, surprising myself and even them that I could be this useful. I have been kind. but it's all a waste, cause I have truly failed to help the one who perhaps mattered the most. The one I never understood...
And yet, I go on, many times my mind is not really there, yet I sweat, yet I wear that smile, it's fatiguing though, I wonder when will I break, I'm afraid of losing, so much is at stake, I'm alone in this fight, my pride for my self-reliance is all I have, but it's not looking good...
and I wonder when will I break...

So, weeks passed us by, Michael pestered his mother and father often for genetic modification, but on this, there was no budging them. I will relay a little bit of how it went, and from there, just picture it over a period of weeks.
“We are not moving onto a military base just so that you can turn into the Extremely-Credible Hulk.” William emphasized while he was sitting at his work desk, he had a virtual reality set on and though I couldn’t see exactly what he was doing, it wasn’t hard to work out based on the way his hands moved.
He was doing some virtual typing and swiping through the AI design elements of the starbase to select adaptive modifications based on something Bonny Red sent to him.
What she sent, I don’t know. I just told him to do as he thought best.
I was at the coffee table in the kitchen watching Michael argue with his father.
“But da-a-a-ad, I really, really want it!” He insisted.
“And I really…really don’t want to move. It’s military base testing only, Michael. You’ll be put in separate classes from all your friends, not just for the offline portion, but for the online ones too.” Rebecca chimed in from the next room. Her own remote connection in the living room let her hear everything that was going on, and she was quick to back up her husband.
Michael was sullen, frustrated, and I thought I understood it. But the notion of leaving his friends behind wasn’t a happy one. While on the Red Spark he’d made friends with a number of children his age. From my perspective as a dlamisa, they were vital connections that should not be severed lightly, one never knew when a favor would be needed. Even if he lacked the innate genius of his elder sister, if my observations were correct, he was a talented boy with an adaptable mind and could go far in life with the right help.
Still, I didn’t say anything.
The fact that such modified children were separated from others wasn’t as bad as it sounds. The concern was simply that because their strength was growing much faster, that they might not know innately how to control it and therefore injure someone else, perhaps severely.
Ergo, temporary separation, observation, and then gradual reintegration into the more normal offline socialization done from their online schools.
“I know but… but I really want it. And I won’t be away from my friends forever… it’s just a year, and we can stay in touch in other ways…”
So, round and round they went, for weeks.
And if I may admit my foibles without shame, I, like the others, was convinced that it was just because he lost that final match.
It wasn’t until eight weeks later that Rebecca finally snapped, “We’re not going to move just so you can be better at fighting!”
“That’s not why I want it!” Michael shouted… his face was flushed red and his lower lip trembled… Michael did not shout, he was not an angry boy…
“So why then?” William asked, leaving his desk and coming to where his growing boy stood shaking with his fists clenched, he crouched down and asked at eye level with his son, “Tell us, why really?”
“So I don’t ever have to run away again! Like we did when we lived with the Aunt Bonny!” Michael shouted.
I never really thought about it at the time, it just seemed like Michael had been enjoying his stay on the Red Spark. But now, having heard him say that?
The house was quiet. Very quiet.
“Michael, those times are over…” William squeezed his son’s shoulder and Rebecca removed her headset to look their way.
“Your father is right, those people are gone and they’re never coming back. Everything is fine. Trust us.” She said gently, I could see she wanted to rise, to move, but in this it seemed Michael favored his father, so she waited, and let her husband speak.
“It is, I promise. There’s nothing to worry about and everybody is going to work hard to make sure things stay that way, OK? Do you trust us?” William asked and held his son’s gaze with his own.
There could be entire studies done on this exact scene, and nothing more. Rebecca’s deferral to her husband drew much commentary, and I think it comes down to natural divide that seems to occur between parents and children.
It is not simply that sometimes one child is ‘favored’ over the other by a parent. It is that children see their parents in different ways. William was never a large man, he was fit for his age, but hardly a warrior specimen despite his military past.
But fathers in human society serve as the models of young men more often than not, and dealing with danger is something frequently romanticized as a ‘male’ ideal. The desire to be a hero and save the day is little buried in them, and as the larger of the pair, it was natural that he would be seen as a source of greater security.
This sometimes seems at odds with the male predisposition for danger tolerance. It is similarly at odds with Rebecca’s own personality, which ‘tends’ toward being very vocal and opinionated. I maintain that her silence was due to a recognition that Michael was starting to identify more with his father, which is a common part of the maturing process for small humans, and she chose not to interfere with that development.
Of Michael, I could say that he was… very much like his sister. Fauve had no interest in genetic augmentation as he did, but if you consider the course of her career as it was currently progressing, it was just war and aggression by other means. She wanted to crush the xenophobes utterly, even more than they already were, which was saying something, since most ended up dead in the Silent Civil War.
Michael’s influences were not media experts like Teresa and Percival. His influences were military. Byron, Boatswain, Genghis, Iskandar, and it was showing.
What I also understood was this… that even though a child might not be of an age to understand the full nature of circumstances, that does not make them fully ignorant. Michael’s formative years of childhood were born out of an attempt on his very life. I doubt very much Fauve ever showed him her video work…
But by now? At this age? He was forming vast reasoning capabilities and he could reflect on memories that were still there, retroactively coming to conclusions and learning from those around him. Not to mention he was surely able to pick up on the tension in the family.
I concluded one thing… if they wouldn’t let him get a genetic modification now, he would just get one later. I think, for better or for worse, the course of his life was now set, and there was one clear direction for it to go.
“I still want it,” He said, and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
His parents sighed together.
William’s head slumped and his arm relaxed though his hand did not let go of Michael’s shoulder.
“We can’t just ‘move’. The only people who get these things are those who go into space or who live on a military base, and we don’t have either. When you’re older, if you insist, after the human trials are done…” William looked over his shoulder toward his wife, she gave a subtle nod in his direction.
“We can revisit this and see about it.” William finished, “If you feel that strongly about it.”
Michael seemed to sense that he was not going to get any farther with them, and so he nodded. “OK, dad, mom.”
There were a few hugs traded after that, not as much as when he was smaller, as he was starting to grow up, little by little, and the same need for physical touch wouldn’t exist, at least not in the same way or same frequency.
But when he grew up, I wondered, would I see him as the adult? Or the boy?
I couldn’t know the answer to that question, but whatever the answer, I was sure I’d look back on days like this one, quite fondly.
AN: Thank you for reading, and thank you for supporting my crowdfunding efforts. :) Feel free to spread the word of this story to other subreddits that might enjoy it, hell copy a chapter or two if you like. :) Word of mouth is still the best advertising.

I (28M) have been with my partner (25F) for 4.5 years now. We met on tinder and started off as friends for a few weeks and then began dating. I wasn't always sure where our relationship would go and harbored some doubts. However, she was infatuated with me and let me be myself and talk about anything and everything and we agreed on a lot of things, but I was unsure how committed I was to her long term.
After close to 2 years I decided to start a graduate program in an adjoining state and would need to move, but was unsure if I was going to ask my partner to come with me. To me, this was me deciding whether or not I was going to really commit to the relationship. I decided it was worth a shot as we had been there for each other and had been very supportive of one another and I thought there could be some long term potential.
Learning to live on our own and together was stressful at first, but soon we found a rhythm that worked for us and spent a lot of time together and had a lot of fun. Of course there were frustrating moments and things we needed to work through, but we always communicated through them and i'm proud to say that we've never had a fight. As my program wound up and I had a potential job back in my home state we began looking at places with some friends to move in to, lest we be forced to move in with either of our parents. Nothing panned out and I suggested we each go back to our respective parents houses and start looking at some places. She was adamant that she did not want to live without me, that she couldn't, for her own mental health reasons. I agreed to move into her parents house until my job came up and then we would work on getting out.
Her parents place was a powder keg. There was extra family there, as they were helping to take care of a sick aunt and this created stress for everyone. On top of this, the house is cramped and there is little insulation and a normal conversation in the kitchen can be heard crystal clear in our room at the end of the hall, even with the door shut, creating issues of privacy. On top of this, I would be short term unemployed and would be finishing up some papers for my program until my job came around and was thus at the home all of the time. After a few months of a frustrating routine helping with the aunt, she was moved into an assisted living facility and everyone caught their breath for a moment. This has been tough on my partner and she talked a lot with me about how overwhelmed she was feeling and I did my best to support her. However, my job that was supposed to come around the new year disappeared because of some miscommunication issues in the business. It took me some time to get my resume back from a former professor and by the time I did I needed to begin working on my capstone paper for my program. So, looking for a job and thus escaping the house was going to have to wait a little longer.
My partner and I have been very open and casual about physical affection, saying I love you, and expressing ourselves with one another and in the past 1.5 years have talked about what type of houses we might want to get in the future, where we want to live, and even about having a child together. So, we've been planning out our future together.
In the beginning of May, I had a breakdown over the state of things: the cramped house with no privacy, making intimacy hard, the job falling through, none of my goals panning out, feeling stuck in a rut, and just generally feeling bitter and frustrated with life. She embraced me and comforted me, told me that it wasn't always going to be like this and that she understands how I feel, and that it would be us together forever. Shortly after, it was my birthday and everything was going ok, I applied somewhere and she told me about possibly getting a place from a friend who is a landlord. About a week later we were hanging out in our room, eating dinner and chatting, telling each other that we loved each other and soon went to bed.I woke up the next morning and my partner came into the room looking sad and I gestured for her to come let me hug her and tell me what's wrong. She breaks away from my hug and looks at me and says that she isn't sure she want's to be in a relationship with me or doesn't know if she loves me romantically anymore, I can't remember which.Having just woken up I was confused and my mind stared falling apart, I just didn't know what to say. My partner didn't want to talk and kept saying she wanted to leave. She left after about 5ish mins and I became hysterical; she had never brought up feeling like this before. Anyways, I called a friend and my mom, grabbed some personal things and some clothes and headed to my moms. I've been here for a few days and my partner won't respond to me. I haven't blown up her phone, I called, left a voicemail, texted once, and sent a message over snapchat and that's all. Her mom let me know that she's safe but isn't ready to talk yet.
My partner has been open about wanting to marry me, have a home and child with me, and has been incredibly loving and devoted to me during our relationship. We both have ADHD and she has a myriad of mental health issues that have been difficult for us to work through but has been getting some help for them. I know that being in the house, her family, me being there all the time, on top of work, and dealing with her mental health has been a lot for her and she's feeling overwhelmed. I'm not sure what to do as she won't respond to me and has never expressed any issues in our relationship to this extent but my mind has been running in circles to try and speculate on what's going on. All this behavior is very out of character for her. Any input, advice, feedback, or perspectives that others could give would be immensely appreciated. In short, should I just leave her alone for now and how do I know/what can I do to try and save my relationship?
TL;DR: My (28M) loving partner (25F) and I have been together for 4.5 years. She told me abruptly the other morning she wasn't sure she wanted to be with me and had never communicated concerns about being with me despite always openly communicating throughout our relationship. She won't respond to the few messages i've sent and I have no idea what to do or think and it's driving me crazy. Should I just leave her alone for now and how do I know if I can do anything to try and save my relationship?

I (28M) have been with my partner (25F) for 4.5 years now. We met on tinder and started off as friends for a few weeks and then began dating. I wasn't always sure where our relationship would go and harbored some doubts. However, she was infatuated with me and let me be myself and talk about anything and everything and we agreed on a lot of things, but I was unsure how committed I was to her long term.
After close to 2 years I decided to start a graduate program in an adjoining state and would need to move, but was unsure if I was going to ask my partner to come with me. To me, this was me deciding whether or not I was going to really commit to the relationship. I decided it was worth a shot as we had been there for each other and had been very supportive of one another and I thought there could be some long term potential.
Learning to live on our own and together was stressful at first, but soon we found a rhythm that worked for us and spent a lot of time together and had a lot of fun. Of course there were frustrating moments and things we needed to work through, but we always communicated through them and i'm proud to say that we've never had a fight. As my program wound up and I had a potential job back in my home state we began looking at places with some friends to move in to, lest we be forced to move in with either of our parents. Nothing panned out and I suggested we each go back to our respective parents houses and start looking at some places. She was adamant that she did not want to live without me, that she couldn't, for her own mental health reasons. I agreed to move into her parents house until my job came up and then we would work on getting out.
Her parents place was a powder keg. There was extra family there, as they were helping to take care of a sick aunt and this created stress for everyone. On top of this, the house is cramped and there is little insulation and a normal conversation in the kitchen can be heard crystal clear in our room at the end of the hall, even with the door shut, creating issues of privacy. On top of this, I would be short term unemployed and would be finishing up some papers for my program until my job came around and was thus at the home all of the time. After a few months of a frustrating routine helping with the aunt, she was moved into an assisted living facility and everyone caught their breath for a moment. This has been tough on my partner and she talked a lot with me about how overwhelmed she was feeling and I did my best to support her. However, my job that was supposed to come around the new year disappeared because of some miscommunication issues in the business.
It took me some time to get my resume back from a former professor and by the time I did I needed to begin working on my capstone paper for my program. So, looking for a job and thus escaping the house was going to have to wait a little longer.My partner and I have been very open and casual about physical affection, saying I love you, and expressing ourselves with one another and in the past 1.5 years have talked about what type of houses we might want to get in the future, where we want to live, and even about having a child together. So, we've been planning out our future together.
In the beginning of May, I had a breakdown over the state of things: the cramped house with no privacy, making intimacy hard, the job falling through, none of my goals panning out, feeling stuck in a rut, and just generally feeling bitter and frustrated with life. She embraced me and comforted me, told me that it wasn't always going to be like this and that she understands how I feel, and that it would be us together forever. Shortly after, it was my birthday and everything was going ok, I applied somewhere and she told me about possibly getting a place from a friend who is a landlord. About a week later we were hanging out in our room, eating dinner and chatting, telling each other that we loved each other and soon went to bed.I woke up the next morning and my partner came into the room looking sad and I gestured for her to come let me hug her and tell me what's wrong. She breaks away from my hug and looks at me and says that she isn't sure she want's to be in a relationship with me or doesn't know if she loves me romantically anymore, I can't remember which.
Having just woken up I was confused and my mind stared falling apart, I just didn't know what to say. My partner didn't want to talk and kept saying she wanted to leave. She left after about 5ish mins and I became hysterical; she had never brought up feeling like this before. Anyways, I called a friend and my mom, grabbed some personal things and some clothes and headed to my moms. I've been here for a few days and my partner won't respond to me. I haven't blown up her phone, I called, left a voicemail, texted once, and sent a message over snapchat and that's all. Her mom let me know that she's safe but isn't ready to talk yet.
My partner has been open about wanting to marry me, have a home and child with me, and has been incredibly loving and devoted to me during our relationship. We both have ADHD and she has a myriad of mental health issues that have been difficult for us to work through but has been getting some help for them. I know that being in the house, her family, me being there all the time, on top of work, and dealing with her mental health has been a lot for her and she's feeling overwhelmed. I'm not sure what to do as she won't respond to me and has never expressed any issues in our relationship to this extent but my mind has been running in circles to try and speculate on what's going on. All this behavior is very out of character for her. Any input, advice, feedback, or perspectives that others could give would be immensely appreciated. In short, should I just leave her alone for now and how do I know/what can I do to try and save my relationship?
TL;DR: My (28M) loving partner (25F) and I have been together for 4.5 years. She told me abruptly the other morning she wasn't sure she wanted to be with me and had never communicated concerns about being with me despite always openly communicating throughout our relationship. She won't respond to the few messages i've sent and I have no idea what to do or think and it's driving me crazy. Should I just leave her alone for now and how do I know if I can do anything to try and save my relationship?

I belong to quite a few book subs and get pretty annoyed at some of the hustle grindset content which, to the subs credit, usually gets deleted quickly. A lot of “read these 10 books to get ahead” and Big History/Ted Talk idea books like Sapiens and The World is Flat. Lists of books CEOs like Elon Musk reads that are also available on Blinkist. Posts about how CEOs read a book a week and so could you! Obviously a lot of those books overlap with the ones discusses on this pod.
I never quite thought the CEOs or Musk or whatever quite bought into the project and j was vaguely annoyed that most of these people had not taste beyond the most basic of stuff. But something Michael said—about C-suite types loving these books and how mediocre so many people at the top were—got me thinking.
Of course they love books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad or Nudge. They flatter them for having their place in the world and advocates for the same kind of techno-libertarian “meritocracy” they do. It feeds into the lie at the heart of the American Dream that if you work hard and work smart you too can become rich. Of course someone born to a family of millionaires who became a billionaire wants to think the world is just; otherwise maybe they wouldn’t deserve their success.

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Big thanks to u/Killsode-slugcat and u/cliche_-_bartender for helping me with proofreading and editing.
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SUBJECT-DESIGNATION: Admiral Marcus Miller
LOCATION: Earthen Orbit, Atlantic Citadel
DATE: EARTH-TIME [Wednesday, August 23, 2186]
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I stood above Earth, gazing down upon her bright blue brilliance from the comfort of my personal quarters.
It was odd to think that just five hundred years ago, humanity had been scared of the darkness that lingered at the forest’s edge. I couldn’t imagine that those born during that time could have ever imagined the heights which we would rise to. My only hope was that our vast distance from the ground of primitivity wouldn’t lead to a devastating fall.
Already it felt like a lifetime ago that my crew and I had braved our own dark forest—the endless expanse of space beyond our system’s heliopause. Now we knew of the devils that rested at the edge of those shadows. The fires of Sol and the shield of our Oort cloud were all that now stood between us and them. At least in the process of our journey, we had met another group of weary travelers. We now knew that we were not alone.
The reaction to our discovery of the Khimrox—or perhaps their discovery of us—had actually gone over quite well with the global population, though some fringe groups chose to remain skeptical for reasons I couldn’t fathom.
Following the acceptance of the Khimroxian people as refugees, I was rather quickly promoted to the position of admiral. Despite it being an honorary title for the time-being, it was one that I wore with pride. Besides, considering how things were currently going among the leadership of the UEN, it was my guess that we would soon need all of the fleet commanders we could get.
Being separated from my crew though, it was certainly an ordeal. For over a year, we had trained and prepared for our journey aboard the Challenger, all the while forming a strong bond—the bond of a crew. It was them who had kept my mind from plunging into the hopeless darkness that threatened to envelop my mind back aboard the ruined wreck of our exploratory vessel.
Liz and Garth had been reassigned to finally fulfill their true calling as biologists. Together, they dove head-first into in-depth studies of Khimroxian anatomy and physiology. Sid had opted to assist in the deconstruction of the Ignis, allowing its analysis by a team of scientists that included Lee. As far as I was aware, they had so far produced staggeringly impressive results in regards to potential military applications. Jake was probably the wisest among us, choosing to enter an early retirement, which I quite honestly considered the smartest move. Each member of the Challenger had essentially become an influential celebrity overnight. If any of us chose to, we wouldn’t need to work another day in our lives.
Nia had taken an extended leave of absence following our return and chose to take up temporary residence within the Khimrox colony. Darius was perhaps the only one that had stuck with me. Due to my request, he was to be the chief navigational officer of a brand new fleet that had been promised to me—an experimental UEN fleet by the name of Vengeant Dawn.
Though word hadn’t yet officially been released, some part of me could sense the storm approaching on the horizon. War was coming. The only questions that remained were when and how it would be waged, one of which we were currently working to answer.
Some remained skeptical, but me, I had been waiting since the day I first heard of that wretched name, the one which hid behind a thin and lustrous coat. They would pay in blood for what they had done to our Khimroxian friends and to all of the scion species that they considered beneath them.
Speaking of those pricks… I turned from the window to look back at the objects of interest.
We had already begun to install improvements and replacements for our own technology from what we had researched so far. The holo-table of my room was one such improvement.
Atop it, hovered three ire-inspiring figures—the bastards of the Orion Arm.
One was what looked to be a molluscoid. Twelve long and winding tentacles stretched from its body. The creature’s skin could possess a wide variety of colors, but this one took on a dark shade of blue. Atop its head—or back, I still wasn’t entirely sure—was a large circular shell that spiraled backwards. The shell itself was fairly reminiscent of an ammonite, with the notable exception of its golden sheen. A green pair of eyes with slitted black pupils could be found at either side of its face. At the end of each of its limbs were a strange bunch of contraptions that were barely recognizable as the manipulators they were. To support its spineless body—and perhaps its brazen cowardice—was an exoskeleton which covered the length of its tentacles, allowing it to rise to an ironically respectable height. The Dodektopi.
The second was a shape that made no sense according to what little we apparently knew regarding the formation of life. The figure of flames was somewhat humanoid in shape, but distinct enough to separate it from ourselves. A frenzy of dancing plasma licked across the surface of its shape, occasionally whipping out from its body in flares of solar activity. Centered within the fiery specter’s face was an unfamiliar symbol forged out of a sleek black metal that did not burn with the being’s body. Its hands and feet that connected the body were made of similar steel and seemed to hold the shape together with the help of the head. The Novari.
Last but most certainly not least was a chillingly familiar shape. It was an ancient and terrible legend made manifest. The draconic figure before me bore ebony-black scales. A wicked pair of gold curling horns rose from the tyrant’s skull, covered in rings of that black metal that wrapped around them. Cryptic runes—whose mere existence denoted their ancient nature—were etched into the bone of these very same horns. Surrounding its head were countless quills that reached back behind the skull. From its oddly placed back pair of shoulders sprouted leathery wings that curled around the body, nearly encircling it in a hug. A long tail whose spiked end was covered in yet more of those sleek black rings fell behind them. The creature wore nothing more than a red ornamented kilt, bearing the same symbols as those etched upon its body across the sashes which held it in place. Its imposing physique was proudly put on display and an amber pair of greedy eyes rested behind its black maw of terrible teeth.
At the second and frontward pair of stubby shoulders, a shimmering pair of auric arms, engraved with yet more of those runes. I could have recognized their design anywhere. They bore an uncanny similarity with those utilized by our Khimrox friends. The three primary differences between those of them and those that belong to our friends were the sheer quality of the design, the notable exception of their shimmering sheen and their lethal talons that had been sharpened to a shining point. The Aeryvyn.
The terrible triumvirate mocked me with their mere presence, but I couldn’t tear them away from my sight. It’s fortunate that something else did it for me.
A ping that rained from the speakers in my ceiling heralded the incoming message. “All UEN personnel with alpha clearance please report to the briefing room.” Two more times, the soft and purposefully inoffensive voice repeated itself.
With a sigh, I shut off the display and marched to don the new garb that matched my position. When my door slid open, I saw several others stride through the long hall of yet more doors that matched my own.
The familiar scent of ozone had been a relief following the unnaturally clean air of the Ignis. That ship was no longer the home of the Khimroxian refugees, so I had little care for its continued existence. By now, it was a skeleton of alien alloys.
Our straight, gray walls and steel-vented floors were showered in warm light. Compared to the Ignis where the too-white surface where wall and floor blended together, the scenic viewing ports and recognizable craftsmanship felt like the warm embrace of a long-lost friend.
Speaking of friends, I wonder if I’ll see Saffan. Weeks had passed now since I last saw the captain-ambassador. His new position ensured this was so.
A stream of gray-coated senior staff flowed through the doors to the briefing room. At the entrance, a full complement of soldiers outfitted with Styx suits stood guard. That generation of armor would soon be outdated in comparison to the schematics I had seen prepared.
My heart warmed involuntarily as I entered the room. Saffan’s bright eyes of perpetual wideness stared back at me. I shouldered my way through the convening crowds of admirals. Each spoke with a weight of self-importance that I couldn’t have cared less for.
When I finally reached him he called my name. “Marcus!” The captain extended a hand. Wait, what? I wasn’t sure whether to be more confused by his use of the gesture or his new set of arms. They were admittedly simple compared to the prior pair and they were coated with a blue shine that matched his eyes. The digits no longer took the shape of those reptilian claws, instead forming an approximation of human fingers.
The hands locked perfectly with my own. “Saffan, good to see you again. How are things going?”
“Wonderfully. Though I must say, you humans seem to have more countries than you know what to do with.” Saffan folded his arms. “I’ve visited thirteen nations already and I still have over a hundred that have sent me visitation invitations.”
A scoff escaped my throat. “Yeah, that’s us for you. Needlessly overcomplicated.”
I took a step forward and placed a hand on a brilliant blue arm. “And these! When did you get these?” Saffan practically beamed at my inquiry.
“Elizabeth and Garth actually helped design them! They’re exceptionally lightweight compared to my last pair and they can fold to not hinder flight.” As he said this, the two artificial limbs pressed up against his body as he fully folded his wings in a similar manner. With both arms and wings folded, he would have looked like a great horned owl if not for the obvious discrepancies of his size, his horned head and the swirling patterns that covered his wings.
“That’s enough about me though, how have you been? What have you been up to?”
“Ah, not much,” I said, rubbing the back of my head. “Paid the family a visit a week back for the first time since the Challenger. For the most part though, I've been training on the battle sims these last few weeks. If I’m to be an admiral, may as well try to play the part.” Saffan slowly nodded. I got the feeling that he too sensed the approaching storm.
“This family of yours, I’d love to meet them some time.”
“Oh, I’m sure they’d love to meet you I…”
“Attention!” The stern sound cut me off. The rippling chorus of speech died down almost immediately as the call demanded our undivided focus. I could’ve recognized that voice anywhere.
“Thank you for joining me, my friends.”
“You’re a smart bunch of people, so I’m sure you’ve gotten the sense for what’s been going on by now.” Redd took a deep sigh and looked around the room at the entirety of the UEN navy’s command structure.
“Ever since the Khimroxians arrived, we’ve been faced with a choice—a choice that must not be taken lightly.” The captain turned our way and gave Saffan a nod.
“When the brave souls aboard the Ignis saved the crew of the Challenger, they showed the true character of their people. They were faced with hard decisions—for our people and theirs—but they chose to push forward and in so doing, saved not only the lives of those aboard the Challenger, but all of Earth from falling subject to their lords. After due deliberation with the council-members of the United Earthen Nations, we have decided to follow in the footsteps of our friends and take such a risk.”
“As of right now, we are at war with the Alliance of the Aurum Arm.” The room fell into deafening silence.
“Each member-state of the UEN will alert their people in due time, but for the moment, not a single word heard within this meeting must be uttered outside of this room.”
Admiral Sturm, the very man who had been my commander not all that long ago, spoke up. “With all due respect, Director, we don’t have the means to wage such a conflict.”
“That's why we’ll create the means. For once, I’m glad to say something good came out of the Kuiper War.” This derived a few nervous laughs from the audience. “With the production facilities appropriated from the (x corporation), and with a few adjustments, we have the potential to create the most powerful fleet of human-made ships to ever enter space.”
“Unfortunately however, we do not have the means to reproduce the white hole drives utilized by the Aurum vessels, or even the dark matter used to stabilize the damned things.”
“Saffan, this is where you and your people will come in. If we are to stand a chance of waging war on such a scale, we will need intelligence and lots of it.”
“As difficult as it may be, we need information; without it, we’re dead in the vacuum of space. We will need volunteers to go behind enemy lines and retrieve plans, schematics, layouts, anything that we can get a hold of that may provide us an advantage both strategically and technologically. Would your people be willing to go to such lengths?”
All eyes in the room turned to the ambassador-captain. “I—I don’t know. I will consult with them, but do I have your permission to speak freely about what you have told me?”
The aging man rubbed his orange-brown beard. “Yes. Yes that would probably be for the best wouldn’t it. Very well, just do your best not to allow it to reach other ears.”
“Yes sir.”
“As for the rest of you, allow me to detail the plan we have so far.”
“Though most of the security council members are not tacticians, they have agreed to the plan that I and a few of my most trusted consultants have prepared. Right now, the nearest sector with a habitable planet is known as Mortamis. This was the last jump point for the Ignis before it intercepted our distress signal. The tentative plan is to begin our expansion across their territory with the capture of this world to act as the staging grounds of our forces. However, until we receive more information regarding the exact layout of their defenses, we cannot commit to such an invasion.”
“From there, we will split up the UEN fleets into separate groups across the Orion arm and take out these tyrants by bleeding them of their most precious resource. Scions. Every world we take is an addition to our numbers, our production capacity, and our ability to fight.”
“Our end-goal is to capture the planet-capital of the alliance, Petris, and demand liberation of all species under control of the Aurum Alliance.“
“We do have a few major concerns however. According to the information provided to us by the Khimrox, a majority of Aurum vessels contain some form of scionic crew complement. Under no circumstances unless express consent is given by the command admiral of the fleet are we to attack a vessel with the intent of destroying it. We must first weaken and disable the ship’s defensive systems before boarding and liberating the captives.”
“I know that this flies in the face of all conventional battle tactics, but this is no conventional enemy that we’re fighting here. If we do not adapt, we will fail and all of humanity will be forced into scionship.”
“Keep in mind, this is a very brief version of our prepared plan. Each and every aspect of it is subject to change. We will discuss this in further detail later, but for now, that is all. Any further questions?” Once again, silence. “Very well then. This council session is now adjourned.”
Other than the shuffling of feet exiting, all was silent. We had known it was coming, but to hear it confirmed…
“Marcus.” The director approached, placing a heavy hand on my shoulder. “Go ahead and join Ambassador Aeax, why don’t you? Might help some of those Khimrox to see a human face that they’re familiar with.”
With a snappy salute, I responded with, “Yes sir.” His words were certainly a surprise, but a chance to join the Khimrox that had saved us was not one I would pass up easily. He may as well have just given me a week of leave considering the excitement that bubbled up within me.
Together, I and Saffan made our way to a nearby shuttle bay headed directly to the Khimroxian colony. Surprisingly, I hadn’t yet paid a visit to the settlement placed within the province of Hunan, but I had seen some images on several media platforms.
The trip was a quick one. Our transport plunged into the atmosphere, kicking up flames all around the outside of the cabin. Soon enough though, the flames of our descent died out and were replaced by the darkness of night.
Even with the slight turbulence, Saffan seemed deep in thought as his eyes stared at nothing in particular.
“Hey, you good?”
That seemed to snap him out of it. “Wha—oh yes, sorry.” A look of focus still remained on his face. For a moment, he continued in his silence before posing a question. “What if my people decide not to volunteer? This entire plan could fall through in an instant.”
“You don’t give your people enough credit, my feathered friend.” Saffan gave me a narrow-eyed look before letting out a cluck of a chuckle. “Redd was right in what he said. I’m sure your people will make the best choice for all of us.”
“For both our sakes, I can only hope that you’re right.”
Our Harpy gently sailed over mountains and treetops, slowly sinking to a stop within a secluded area of trees that were foreign to me.
Only I and Saffan left from the Harpy’s bay and stepped off onto the tarmac. Behind us, the cargo-door closed with a hiss. As we stepped out from underneath our cover, light droplets of water pattered against my skin.
Seconds later, the Harpy’s thrusters kicked in and the ship took flight. The heavy hum and glow of burning hydrogen accompanied the bird as it flew away. In mere moments, it was gone, though the distant boom of it breaking the sound barrier was audible enough.
Looking around, I saw a few of my fellow men and women unloading supplies from a parked Harpy onto a militarily designed transport truck. Dimly lit orange lamps shone down and around us, illuminating nearby hangar bays with their closed doors and rounded ceilings of corrugated metal.
“Let’s get going. I’m sure you don’t want to stay in the rain long.” The rain was enough to notice, but it wasn’t unpleasant. I gave a brief nod and we set off on the nearby road.
Though clouds of rain covered us, the light of the moon joined us as we walked to the village. The setup looked pretty standard from what I knew of modular UEN architecture. It was clear however that great care had been put into its construction. The rain kept most of the residents indoors for the time being, but through the windows of nearby buildings, I saw the illuminated interiors of cozy hostels where families and friends gathered together.
We passed another Khimrox while wading through the rain—one who held its head and horns high, walking with a cheery gait despite the gloomy weather. Compared to the stale and oppressive atmosphere aboard the Ignis, the settlement brimmed with life, even amidst the darkness of both night and storms.
Saffan led me forward to a quaint home with a metal awning that covered the railed porch. We walked up the steps and Saffan rapped on the door with his cobalt colored knuckles.
I hoped for Nia’s sake that her time away from the military had treated her well. Lord knows she deserved some respite. The door opened and Nia's face peeked out to greet us. “Saffan! Marcus! What are you two doing here?”
Saffan answered as I silently sat by. “Oh we were just passing through. Thought it might be a good idea to stop and pay you a visit.”
“Well don’t make yourself strangers. Come on in!” Saffan sat behind as I walked forward and gave his whole body a shake. Droplets flew from his body and slid off his slick feathers.
The home was a simple one, consisting of a main living room joined together with a kitchen. In the back of the home was a short hall leading to a middle door that stood between a pair of two others. In the living room, perched Tokieran, the same physician who had plunged into my mind to extract our language.
Immediately, he rose from where he rested and turned to face Saffan, “Captain!”
“Can’t be a captain without a ship, Toki.” The former captain waved away the words with a hand. “Saffan will do.”
“Oh. Uh, well, it's good to see you again, Saffan.”
“Likewise my friend. I’m certain you haven’t seen much of me considering your position during our time on the Ignis. It’s a shame we didn’t brush wings more often. You seem like a fine fellow.”
As the two avians got to talking, Nia gave me a light punch on the shoulder. “So, how’ve things been going for you admiral?” It was at this moment that I realized I was still in full military dress. Rather sheepishly, I pulled the hat from my head.
“Fine.” I muttered “You?”
A smile met her face. “Best I’ve felt since I enlisted.” She gave a look towards the two conversing Khimroxians. “It's still hard to believe any of this is real sometimes, ya know?”
I nodded. “Yeah. The Challenger, the Ignis, all of it. Feels like a dream now.”
Nia’s eyes stayed upon the owl-folk. “One of those dreams you don’t really want to wake up from.”
I gave a grunt of agreement. “I only wish all of the Khimroxians could share it with us.” This turned her towards me. Her smile curved down somewhat and she gave a slight nod.
What the hell. She’s going to learn it soon enough anyways. Rubbing the rim of my hat, I spoke softly. “Maybe soon, that will be possible.”
“What?”
“The council’s declared war.”
Her eyes snapped to mine, the smile fully gone. The room fell silent. I hadn’t hoped the others would hear me, but those Khimrox had an impeccable sense of hearing. I shouldn’t have expected any less from them.
All eyes turned to me. “The Aurum Alliance is a threat to humanity, the Khimrox, and all of the other scions that we haven’t even met yet. I think we both know this was inevitable”
“No, I get it, it's just… Wow.” The woman ran a hand through her black, tied-back hair as she heaved a sigh.
This facade dropped almost immediately and Nia’s mouth turned into a wonderfully devilish grin. After a few light chuckles, she said, “Better late than never I suppose. Those spineless sons-of-alien-bitches’ll never know what hit ‘em!”
The expressions on the faces of both Saffan and Tokieran showed no less resolve. Even the formerly jumpy physician proudly displayed a newfound sense of will. “The triumvirate operates under the expectation that we won’t fight back,” said Toki. “They see us as little more than animals and It's time we took full advantage of that fact.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” remarked Saffan.
If these willing warriors were in any way representative of the entire Human-Khimroxian collective, the battle against these golden tyrants would be over before we knew it.
---
First Previous Next

So before jumping into the whole i just wanna say this is the very first time I'm opening up about this in my entire. I'm 21 years old and punched my father right in the face when I was 18.
So a little backstory, Ever since i was a boy I've always seen my father around the house while other kids parents went to their work. As i became older i realised my dad was unemployed by choice ( he didn't wanna get a job) and it was mother who was paying the bills and looking after us.
The thing is my dad used to own a business back when I was baby but it went bust coz he trusted the wrong ppl. He never got another job or started another venture , he was constantly dreaming of building something big but he never wanted to work for it. He always wanted the easy way out.
Time and again my mother got him some jobs so as to help pay the bills. But he lied to my mom several times, saying he went to work but instead he was fooling around. Ever since i was 6 i saw my parents having arguments which usually ended up with my dad hitting my mum.
My mum she tolerated this hell for several years for us( my sis and me ). Things got so bad that we were in severe debt due to my father's shameless borrowing. My sis didn't have a choice but to do odd jobs after college. I feel bad for her. Out rent was due , the house owner cut our electricity all while I watched dear dad eating food without worry. One day he had a fight with my mom and just left. I was 15 at the time , the next time I saw him was after 3 years. During these 3 year, i thought enough was enough, my mom was small time tution teacher but she didn't know much.
I joined her when I was 16. I'm a nerd and pretty good at math and kids kinda liked the way i taught. Soon we had a lot of kids coming in for tutions and finally we were happy for a while me, my sis and my mum. But then COVID struck. Lockdown was pretty chill for us since we already had some money saved up . And one fine day after lockdowns eased my father came home.
None of us knew how to react , but all 3 of us knew we didn't want him there . But we had know choice he was frail ,he had no money, no one in this world except us. But he never got rid of his narcissism and ego. Still acted like he ruled around.
On an evening my mom snapped for something he did ( i was in the bedroom) and he just slapped her. Watching this boiled my blood , everything he ever did, how my family was humiliated everything flashed infront of my eyes and I PUNCHED HIM. He was left speechless, my mum was shocked and i had tears running down my eyes. That was probably the last time I cried. Everything turned numb after that.
He's still living with us. We still fight a lot, he refuses to admit what he did. Time and time again there's exchange of cuss words and shoving . He's 60 and I'm not proud of my behaviour. It's not who i wanna be but i just can't bring myself to control this side of me. There's this rush of rage i can't seem to control. I'm generally a charming kid other and ppl around me have expectations from me . They all say I'll ended up in big leagues but I'm uncertain of my future and a part of me is scared I'll just end like him.

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Beauty & Beast (1991) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Beauty & Beast (2017) HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Before I Fall HD/VU or IT $3.5
Begin Again HD/VU $3.5
Beirut HD/MA $3.5
Ben-Hur (2016) HD/VU or IT $3.5
BFG HD/MA $3.5
Big Eyes HD/VU $3.5
Big Hero 6 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Big Lebowski 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Big Little Lies Season 1 HD/GP $2.5
Big Short HD/VU or IT $3.5
Birth of a Nation HD/MA $3.5
Black Panther 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Black Widow HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Blackhat HD/IT $3.5
Blair Witch (2016) HD/IT $2.5
Blair Witch Project (1999) HD/VU $4
Blockers HD/MA $3.5
Bloodshot HD/MA $4
Boardwalk Empire Season 1 HD/VU or IT $4
Bombshell 4K/VU $5
Book Club 4K/IT $3
Book Club HD/VU $2.5
Book of Life HD/MA $3.5
Born a Champion 4K/VU $5
Boss Baby 2-Film Set HD/MA $6
Boss Baby HD/MA $2.5
Bourne Identity HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Bourne Legacy HD/VU $2
Bourne Supremacy HD/VU $3.5
Bourne Ultimatum 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Boy 2 HD/IT $3.5
Boy Erased HD/MA $4
Boy HD/IT $3.5
Boyhood HD/VU or IT $2.5
Braveheart HD/VU $3.5
Braven HD/VU $4
Breakfast Club HD/IT $4
Breakthrough HD/MA $3
Burnt HD/VU $3.5
Butler HD/VU $3
Bye Bye Man (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
Cabin in Woods 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $2.5
Call of Wild 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Captain America Civil War HD/GP $2.5
Captain America First Avenger HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Captain America Winter Soldier HD/GP $3.5
Captain Marvel HD/GP $2
Captain Phillips HD/MA $3.5
Carol HD/VU $4
Cars 3 HD/GP $2.5
Case for Christ HD/IT $2.5
Chaos Walking 4K/VU $5
Chicago (Diamond Edition) HD/VU $4
Children (2008) HD/VU $4
Christopher Robin HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Cloverfield 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Coco HD/GP $2.5
Cold Pursuit 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Collection HD/VU $3.5
Columbiana (Unrated) HD/MA $4
Come & Find Me HD/VU $4
Commuter 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Company of Heroes HD/MA $4
Contraband HD/IT $3
Cooties HD/VU $4
Cornetto Trilogy (Shaun of Dead, Hot Fuzz, World's End) 4K/MA $15
Counselor HD/MA $4
Courier 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Crank 4K/VU $5.5
Crawl HD/VU $3
Crimson Peak HD/IT $3.5
Croods HD/VU $3.5
Cruella HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
D Train 4K/IT $4
Daddy's Home 2 HD/IT $3
Daddy's Home HD/VU $3
Dark Tower HD/MA $3.5
Darkest Hour (2017) 4K/MA $5.5
Darkest Minds HD/MA $4
Darkness HD/IT $3
Dawn of Planet of Apes HD/MA $3.5
Daybreakers 4K/VU $5.5
Deadpool 2 (w/Super Duper Cut) HD/MA $4
Deadpool HD/MA $2.5
Dear White People HD/VU $3.5
Deepwater Horizon 4K/IT $3
Dementia 13 (Director's Cut) HD/VU $4
Despicable Me 2 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Despicable Me 3 4K/MA or IT $5
Despicable Me 4K/IT $5
Detroit HD/MA $3.5
Devil's Due HD/MA $3.5
Dilemma HD/VU $3.5
Dirty Dancing 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Disney Animated Short Films Collection HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Divergent Allegiant HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Divergent HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT $2
Divergent Insurgent HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Django Unchained HD/VU $3
Do Right Thing 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Doctor Strange HD/GP $2.5
Dom Hemingway HD/MA $3.5
Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot HD/VU $4
Doom (Unrated) 4K/MA $5.5
Doorman HD/VU $3.5
Doors 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Dora & Lost City of Gold HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Downton Abbey Movie HD/MA $3.5
Dracula Untold HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Draft Day HD/VU $3.5
Dragged Across Concrete HD/VU $3.5
Dreamkatcher HD/VU $4
Dredd 4K/VU or IT $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Duel (2016) HD/VU $3.5
Dumbo (2019) HD/GP $3
Dune 4K/MA $5.5
Dying of Light HD/VU $2.5
E.T. Extra Terrestrial 4K/VU or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Edge of Seventeen HD/VU or IT $3
Edge of Tomorrow 4K/MA $5
Edward Scissorhands HD/MA $3.5
El Chicano HD/MA $4
Emoji Movie HD/MA $3
Encanto 4K/MA $4 or 4K/GP $3.5
Ender's Game HD/VU $2.5
Enemy at Gates HD/VU $4
Enough Said HD/MA $3.5
Epic HD/MA $3
Escape Plan HD/VU $2
Eternals HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Everest 4K/MA or IT $4.5
Ex Machina HD/VU $3
Exodus Gods & Kings HD/MA $3.5
Expendables 2 HD/VU or IT $1
Expendables 3 (Thea) HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Extreme Prejudice (1987) HD/VU $4
Fast & Furious (2009) HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Fast & Furious 6 (Ext) HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Fast & Furious 6-film Collection HD/VU $12.5
Fast & Furious 7-film Collection HD/VU $14
Fast & Furious 8-film Collection (9 Films) HD/MA $17.5
Fast & Furious 9-film Collection (11 Films) HD/MA $20
Fast & Furious HD/VU $3.5
Fast Color 4K/VU $5.5
Fast Five (Ext) HD/IT $2.5
Fatale (2020) 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Fate of Furious (Ext) HD/VU $2
Fate of Furious (Thea) HD/VU or IT $1.5
Fault in Our Stars HD/MA $3.5
Fences HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Ferdinand HD/MA $3.5
Fifty Shades Darker (Unrated) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Fifty Shades Freed HD/MA $4
Fifty Shades of Grey (Unrated) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Fighting with my Family HD/IT $4
Finding Dory HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Finding Nemo HD/GP $3.5
Finest Hours HD/GP $3
First Blood 4K/VU $5
First Man HD/MA $4
Flight HD/VU or IT $3
Florence Foster Jenkins HD/VU or IT $3
Footloose (2011) HD/IT $3
Forever My Girl HD/IT $3
Fortress HD/VU $4
Four Kids & It HD/VU $3.5
Fox & Hound 2 HD/MA $4
Frank & Lola HD/VU or IT $3
Frankenstein (1931) HD/VU $3.5
Free Guy HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
French Dispatch HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Friday 13th Pt 3 HD/VU $3.5
Frozen (Sing-Along Edition) HD/MA $2 or HD/GP $1.5
Frozen 2 4K/MA $4 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Frozen Ground (2013) HD/VU $3.5
Frozen HD/GP $2
Furious 7 (Ext) HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Fury HD/MA $3.5
G.I. Joe Retaliation HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Gambit (2012) HD/MA $4
Gambler HD/VU or IT $3
Gemini Man 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Gentlemen 4K/IT $4.5
Get Out HD/MA $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Ghost in Shell (2017) 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Ghost Team One HD/VU or IT $3.5
Ghostbusters (1984) HD/MA $3.5
Ghostbusters 2 HD/MA $3.5
Ghostbusters Afterlife HD/MA $4
Girl on Train HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Girl With All Gifts HD/VU $4
Girls Trip HD/VU or IT $2
Glass Castle 4K/VU $5.5
God's Not Dead 2 HD/MA or IT $2.5
God's Not Dead A Light in Darkness HD/MA $3
Gods of Egypt HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Gold (2016) HD/VU or IT $2.5
Gone Girl HD/MA $4
Good Dinosaur HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Good Kill HD/VU or IT $3.5
Grace Unplugged HD/VU $2
Greatest Showman HD/MA $3.5
Green Mile 4K/MA $5.5
Grey HD/VU or IT $3
Guardians of Galaxy Vol 1 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Guardians of Galaxy Vol 2 HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Guest House (2020) 4K/VU $5
Guilt Trip HD/IT $3
Gunman HD/MA $3
Hacksaw Ridge HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Hail, Caesar! HD/IT $3
Halloween (2018) HD/MA $3
Hammer of Gods HD/VU $2
Hands of Stone HD/VU $3.5
Hannibal Season 1 HD/VU $5
Hard Target 2 HD/IT $1.5
Hardcore Henry HD/VU or IT $3.5
Hate U Give HD/MA $4
Hateful Eight HD/VU $3.5
Heat HD/MA $3
Hell Fest 4K/VU $5
Hell or High Water HD/VU $2.5
Hellboy (2019) 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Hercules (1997) HD/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $4
Hercules (2014) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Here Comes Boom HD/MA $3.5
Hidden Figures HD/MA $3
Hillsong Let Hope Rise HD/IT $2
Hitman (Uncut) & Hitman 47 Bundle HD/MA $7
Hitman's Bodyguard HD/VU $3.5
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Hocus Pocus HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Home Again HD/MA $3
Home Alone 2 HD/MA $3.5
Home Alone HD/MA $3.5
Homesman HD/VU $3
Honey 2 HD/VU $3
Hop HD/MA or IT $3
Hope Springs HD/MA $2.5
Hostiles 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Hot Fuzz HD/VU $4
Hotel Mumbai HD/MA $4
Hotel Transylvania HD/MA $3.5
Hours (2013) HD/VU $4
How Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) 4K/IT $4
How to Train Your Dragon 2 HD/MA $2.5
How to Train Your Dragon HD/VU $3.5
How to Train Your Dragon Trilogy HD/MA $9
Hugo HD/VU or IT $3
Hunger Games 4-Film Collection HD/VU $8
Hunger Games Catching Fire HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT $2
Hunger Games HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT $2
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Hunter Killer 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Huntsman Winter's War (Ext) HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
I Can Only Imagine HD/VU $4
I Feel Pretty HD/IT $2
I Frankenstein HD/VU or IT $2.5
Ice Age Collision Course HD/MA $3
Incredibles 2 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Incredibles HD/GP $3.5
Independence Day Resurgence HD/MA $2.5
Indiana Jones & Temple of Doom 4K/VU $5.5
Indignation HD/VU $4
Initiation 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Inside Out HD/GP $2
Instant Family 4K/IT $3.5
Interstellar HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Into Woods HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Invisible Man (1933) HD/MA $3.5
Invisible Man (2020) 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Iron Man HD/GP $3.5 or HD/GP $2
Iron Mask (2019) HD/VU $4.5
It Follows HD/VU $3.5
It's a Wonderful Life 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Jack Reacher HD/VU $3
Jack Reacher Never Go Back HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Jacob's Ladder HD/VU $4
Jarhead 3 Siege (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
Jason Bourne HD/VU $2.5
Jason Statham 4-Film (War, Crank 1 & 2, Transporter 3) HD/VU $10
Jaws 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Jeff Who Lives at Home HD/VU $4
Jersey Boys HD/MA $2.5
Jesus Music HD/VU $3.5
Jigsaw 4K/VU $4.5
Joe HD/VU $3.5
John Wick 1 & 2 Bundle HD/VU $4
John Wick 3 Parabellum 4K/VU $4.5
John Wick Chapter 2 HD/VU $3.5
John Wick HD/VU $2
John Wick Trilogy (Parabellum 4K) HD/VU $9
Jonah Hex HD/MA $4.5
Joy HD/MA $3
Judy 4K/VU $5
Jungle Book (2016) 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Jungle Cruise HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Jurassic Park 3 HD/VU $3.5
Jurassic Park 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Jurassic World 5-Film Collection HD/MA $14
Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Jurassic World HD/VU $2.5
Justice (2017) HD/VU or IT $3
Kevin Hart Let Me Explain HD/VU or IT $3
Kick-Ass 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Kid Who Would Be King 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Kidnap HD/VU or IT $2.5
Killer Elite HD/IT $3
Killerman HD/VU $4
Kin (2018) 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
King Kong (2005) 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Kingsman Golden Circle 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Kingsman Secret Service 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Knick Season 1 HD/IT $3.5
Knick Season 2 HD/IT $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Kung Fu Panda 3 HD/MA $3
La La Land 4K/IT $3.5
Labor Day HD/VU or IT $3
Lady & Tramp HD/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $4
Lady Macbeth HD/VU $4.5
Last Christmas HD/MA $4
Last Exorcism HD/VU $4
Last Knights HD/VU $3.5
Last Man (2019) HD/VU $4
Last Stand HD/IT $2
Last Vegas HD/MA $3.5
Last Witch Hunter HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Leatherface HD/VU $4
Legend of Hercules 4K/IT $3
Leprechaun 7-Film Collection HD/VU $12
Les Miserables (2012) HD/VU or IT $2
Let Me Explain HD/IT $2.5
Let's be Cops HD/MA $3.5
Life (2017) HD/MA $3.5
Life of Crime HD/VU $3.5
Life of Pi 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA or IT $3.5
Light of My Life HD/IT $3.5
Like a Boss HD/VU $3.5
Lilo & Stitch 2 Stitch Has a Glitch HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Lilo & Stitch HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Lincoln Lawyer 4K/VU $6.5 or HD/VU $4
Lion King (1994) HD/GP $3
Lion King (2019) 4K/MA $4 or HD/GP $2
Logan HD/MA $3
Logan Lucky 4K/MA or IT $4.5
Lone Ranger HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Lone Survivor HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Long Shot HD/VU $3.5
Longest Ride HD/MA $3
Longest Week HD/VU $3.5
Looper HD/MA $3.5
Lorax (1972) HD/MA $5
Lorax HD/VU $3
Lords of Salem HD/VU $4
Lost World Jurassic Park HD/MA $3
Love & Monsters HD/VU $4
Love Coopers HD/VU or IT $4
Love, Simon HD/MA $3.5
Loving HD/VU or IT $3.5
Luca HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Lucy HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Mad Max 2 Road Warrior 4K/VU $5.5
Madagascar 3 Europe's Most Wanted HD/VU or IT $3
Magnificent Seven (2016) HD/VU $3
Maleficent 4K/MA $4 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Maleficent Mistress of Evil HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Mama HD/IT $3
Man Who Shot Liberty Vance 4K/VU $5.5
Mandela Long Walk to Freedom HD/VU $4
Martian HD/MA $3.5
Mary Poppins (1964) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Mary Poppins Returns HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Matrix Resurrections 4K/MA $5.5
Max Steel HD/IT $3
Maze Runner Death Cure HD/MA $3.5
Maze Runner HD/MA $3.5
McKenna Shoots for Stars HD/IT $2
Mechanic Resurrection HD/VU $2.5
Megan Leavey HD/IT $3
Midnight Sun HD/MA $3.5
Midway 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Mile 22 HD/IT $3
Million Dollar Arm HD/GP $2.5
MindGamers HD/MA or IT $3.5
Minions 4K/MA or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Misconduct HD/VU $2.5
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children HD/MA $3
Missing Link HD/MA $4
Mission Impossible 3 4K/VU $4.5
Mission Impossible 4 Ghost Protocol HD/VU $2
Mission Impossible 5 Rogue Nation HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Mission Impossible 6 Fallout 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Mission Impossible 6-film Set 4K/VU $23 or HD/VU $17
Moana HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Moneyball HD/MA $3
Monkey Kingdom HD/MA $3
Monster High Electrified HD/VU or IT $2.5
Monsters University HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Monuments Men HD/MA $3.5
Mortal Engines 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Mortal HD/VU $4
Mortal Instruments City of Bones HD/MA $3
Mother! HD/VU $2.5
Mother's Day HD/IT $2.5
Much Ado About Nothing (2013) HD/VU $4
Mud HD/VU $2.5
Mulan (2020) 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Mummy (1999) HD/VU $4
Mummy (2017) 4K/MA or IT $4.5
Muppets Most Wanted HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Murder on Orient Express HD/MA $3.5
My All American HD/MA or IT $3.5
My Fair Lady 4K/VU $5.5
Nebraska HD/VU $3
Nerve HD/IT $3.5
New Mutants HD/GP $3
News of World 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Night at Museum Secret of Tomb HD/MA $3
Nightmare Alley 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/GP $3.5
Nightmare Before Christmas HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
No Escape (2015) HD/VU $3
No Strings Attached HD/VU or IT $3.5
No Time to Die 4K/IT $4.5
Noah HD/VU or IT $2.5
Nobody's Fool HD/IT $2.5
Non-Stop HD/VU or IT $3
Norm of North HD/VU $2.5
Nostalgia (2018) HD/MA $3.5
Now You See Me 2 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Now You See Me HD/VU or IT $2.5
Nutcracker & Four Realms HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Oblivion 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Occupation (2018) HD/VU $3.5
Occupation Rainfall HD/VU $4
Office Christmas Party HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Olaf's Frozen Adventure HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Ong Bak 2 HD/VU $3
Onward 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Other Woman HD/MA $3
Ouija HD/IT $3.5
Ouija Origin of Evil HD/VU or IT $3.5
Outlander Season 1 Vol 1 HD/VU $5.5
Overdrive HD/IT $2.5
Overlord 4K/IT $3.5
Oz Great & Powerful HD/GP $2.5
Paddington HD/VU $3.5
Pain & Gain HD/VU or IT $3.5
Paranormal Activity 3 (Ext) HD/VU or IT $3
Paranormal Activity 4 (Unrated) HD/VU or IT $2.5
Paranormal Activity HD/VU $4
Paranormal Activity Marked Ones HD/VU or IT $3.5
Passengers HD/MA $3
Patriot Games 4K/VU $5
Patriot's Day HD/VU $3
Peanuts Movie HD/MA $3
Penguins of Madagascar HD/MA $3.5
Pet Sematary (2019) 4K/IT $3.5
Peter Pan (1953) HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Peter Rabbit HD/MA $3.5
Pete's Dragon (2016) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Philomena HD/VU $2.5
Pinocchio (1940) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Pirates of Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Pitch Black (Unrated) HD/MA or IT $4
Pitch Perfect 2 4K/MA $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Pitch Perfect HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Pixar Short Films Collection Vol. 3 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Planes Fire & Rescue HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Planes HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Playing with Fire HD/IT $2.5
Pocahontas 2 Journey to a New World HD/GP $3.5
Pocahontas HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Point Break (2015) 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Poison Rose 4K/VU $4.5
Pompeii HD/MA $3.5
Possession HD/VU or IT $2.5
Power Rangers (2017) 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Precious HD/VU $4.5
Predator (2018) HD/MA $3
Predator 4-Film Collection HD/MA $11
Premium Rush HD/MA $3.5
Pride & Prejudice & Zombies HD/MA $3.5
Primal HD/VU $3.5
Prodigy HD/VU $4
Project Almanac HD/IT $3.5
Protege HD/VU $4
Punisher 4K/VU $5.5
Punisher War Zone 4K/VU $5.5
Purge Anarchy HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Purge Election Year 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Purge HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Quarry 4K/VU $5
Queen & Slim HD/MA $4
Queen of Katwe HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Ralph Breaks Internet HD/GP $2
Rambo (2008) 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo 3 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo 5-Film Collection 4K/VU $23 or HD/VU $17
Rambo First Blood Pt 2 4K/VU $5.5
Rambo Last Blood 4K/VU $4.5
Rango HD/VU $3.5
Raya & Last Dragon HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Rear Window HD/MA $3.5
Reclaim HD/VU $3.5
RED 2 HD/VU $2
Red Dawn (2012) HD/VU or IT $3
Red Sparrow HD/MA $3.5
Replicant (2001) HD/VU $3.5
Replicas HD/VU $3.5
Requiem for a Dream (Director's Cut) 4K/VU $5.5
Resident Evil Retribution 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Resurrection of Gavin Stone HD/VU or IT $2.5
Revenant HD/MA $3.5
Riddick (Unrated) HD/VU or IT $3
Ride Along HD/VU or IT $2.5
Ride Like a Girl HD/VU $4
Ring HD/VU $4.5
Rings HD/VU or IT $2.5
Rio 2 HD/MA $3
Riot HD/VU or IT $3
RIPD HD/IT $2.5
Risen HD/MA $3
Robin Hood (1973) HD/MA $3.5
Robin Hood (2018) HD/VU $3
Robocop (2014) HD/VU $2.5
Rocketman (2019) 4K/IT $4
Rogue One A Star Wars Story HD/GP $2
Ron's Gone Wrong HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Rough Night 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Runner Runner HD/MA $3.5
Rush HD/VU or IT $3
Safe HD/VU or IT $2.5
Saige Paints Sky HD/IT $3
Same Kind of Different As Me HD/IT or IT $3
Samson HD/MA $3.5
Santa Clause 2 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Santa Clause 3 HD/MA $3
Santa Clause HD/MA $3.5
Santa Clause Trilogy HD/MA $9.5 or HD/GP $8
Saving Mr. Banks HD/GP $3
Saw 7-Film Collection (Unrated) HD/VU $18
Saw 8-Film Collection HD/VU $20
Saw HD/VU $3
Scarface HD/VU $4
Scary Movie 5 HD/VU $4.5
Scary Stories to Tell in Dark 4K/VU $4.5
Schindler's List 4K/MA $5.5
Scouts Guide to Zombie Apocalypse HD/IT $3
Scream (1996) HD/VU $4
Scrooged HD/IT $4
Secret Life of Pets 4K/IT $4.5
Secret Life of Walter Mitty HD/MA $3
Selma HD/VU or IT $2.5
Sex Tape HD/MA $3.5
Shack HD/IT $2.5
Shallows HD/MA $3.5
Shang-Chi Legend of Ten Rings HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Shape of Water HD/MA $3.5
Sharp Objects HD/GP $2
Shaun of Dead HD/MA $4 or 4K/IT $4.5
Shaun Sheep Movie HD/VU $3
Sherlock Gnomes HD/VU or IT $2.5
She's Having a Baby HD/VU $3.5
Shivers HD/VU $4
Show Dogs HD/MA $3.5
Siberia (2018) HD/VU $3
Siberia (2020) HD/VU $4
Sicario HD/VU $2.5
Side Effects HD/IT $3.5
Sing (2016) 4K/IT $4
Singing in Rain 4K/MA $5.5
Sinister HD/IT $2.5
Sisters (Unrated) HD/IT $2.5
Sixteen Candles HD/MA $4
Skyfall HD/VU $2.5
Skyscraper HD/MA $3.5
Sleeping Beauty (1959) HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Sleepless HD/IT $2
Smokey & Bandit HD/MA $3.5
Smurfs Lost Village HD/MA $3.5
Snatched HD/MA $2
Snitch HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Snow White & Huntsman (Ext Edition) 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Snow White & Seven Dwarfs (1937) HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Solo A Star Wars Story HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Some Kind of Wonderful HD/VU $3.5
Songbird 4K/IT $4.5
Sonic Hedgehog 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Soul HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Southpaw HD/VU $3
Southside With You HD/VU $4.5
Spider-Man 4-Cut Set (Spider-Man 2 w/ Thea & Ext) HD/MA $11.5
Spider-Man Far From Home HD/MA $3.5
Spider-Man Homecoming HD/MA $3
Spider-Man Homecoming/Far From Home Bundle HD/MA $6
Spies in Disguise 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Spiral (2021) 4K/VU or IT $4.5
Split 4K/MA or IT $5
Split HD/MA $3.5
Spongebob Sponge out of Water HD/IT $2.5
Spy Who Dumped Me 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
St. Vincent HD/VU $3
Stand Up Guys HD/VU $3.5
Star Trek (2009) HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Star Trek 1-4 (Motion Picture, Wrath of Khan, Search for Spock, Voyage Home) 4K/VU $18
Star Trek Beyond HD/VU $3
Star Trek Into Darkness HD/VU $2.5
Star Wars Force Awakens HD/GP $1.5
Star Wars Last Jedi 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Star Wars Rise of Skywalker 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Step Up Revolution HD/IT $3
Sting 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Straight Outta Compton (Thea & Unrated) 4K/MA $4.5
Straight Outta Compton (Unrated) HD/MA $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Strangers Prey at Night HD/MA $3
Suburbicon HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Sudden Death HD/IT $4
Suits Season 2 HD/IT $3.5
Sum of All Fears 4K/VU $5.5
Sundown Vampire in Retreat HD/VU $3.5
Super 8 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Super Buddies HD/GP $2
Sword in Stone HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Taxi Driver HD/MA $4
Ted (Unrated) HD/IT $3
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) HD/VU $2.5
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out of Shadows HD/VU $3.5
Terminator 2 Judgment Day (Ext) HD/VU $4.5
Terminator 2 Judgment Day HD/VU $3.5
Terminator Dark Fate 4K/VU or IT $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Terminator Genisys HD/VU $2.5
Thanks for Sharing HD/VU $4
This is 40 HD/MA $3.5
This is End HD/MA $3.5
Thor Dark World HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Thor HD/GP $3.5
Thor Ragnarok HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri HD/MA $3.5
To Kill a Mockingbird 4K/IT $4
Top Gun (1986) 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Total Recall (1990) HD/VU $3.5
Toy Story 4 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Toy Story HD/GP $3.5
Toy Story of Terror HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Transformers 4K/VU $5
Transformers Age of Extinction HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Transformers Last Knight HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Tremors A Cold Day In Hell HD/MA $2.5
Triple 9 HD/IT $3.5
Trolls HD/MA $2.5
Trumbo HD/IT $3.5
Trust HD/VU $4
Turbo HD/MA or IT $3
Turning HD/MA $4
Twilight Breaking Dawn 2 HD/VU $1.5 or 4K/IT
Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt 1 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Twilight HD/VU $4
Tyler Perry's Temptation HD/GP $3
Unbreakable HD/GP $3.5
Unbroken HD/VU or IT $3
Uncle Drew HD/VU $3.5
Underworld Awakening HD/MA $3
Untouchables 4K/VU $5
Valerian & City of a Thousand Planets HD/VU $3.5
Vampire Academy HD/VU $4
Van Helsing HD/MA $3.5
Vanishing (2018) HD/VU $4
Veep Season 6 HD/IT $3.5
Venom HD/MA $3.5
Victoria & Abdul HD/MA $4
Vivarium HD/VU $4
Voices (2014) HD/VU $4
Walk HD/MA $3.5
War for Planet of Apes HD/MA $3
Warcraft HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Warm Bodies 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Warrior 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Werewolf Beast Among Us (Unrated) HD/IT $3.5
West Side Story 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
What Men Want HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
When Game Stands Tall HD/MA $3
Whisky Tango Foxtrot HD/IT $3
Why Him? HD/MA $3
Widows HD/MA $3.5
Wild Card HD/VU $3
Wild HD/MA $3.5
Wilson HD/MA $3.5
Winchester HD/VU $3.5
Wolf of Wall Street HD/VU or IT $3.5
Wolverine (Unrated) (w/Thea) HD/MA $4
Wonder HD/VU $3
Wonder Park 4K/IT $2.5
Wonder Woman 1984 4K/MA $5.5
Woodlawn HD/MA or IT $3.5
World War Z HD/VU or IT $2.5
Wraith HD/VU $4
X-Men Apocalypse HD/MA $3
X-Men Days of Future Past HD/MA $3
X-Men First Class & Days of Future Past HD/MA $6.5
XXX Return of Xander Cage HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
You Were Never Really Here HD/VU $4
You're Next HD/VU $3.5
Z for Zachariah HD/VU $4
Zero Dark Thirty HD/MA $3.5
Zeros & Ones HD/VU $4.5
Zootopia HD/GP $2.5

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Hi all.
So I know, that I'm all so bubbly, sweet, caring and loving but it hurts when a part of your family goes to heaven. It hurts, hurts, hurts and hurts. It will always do because it's not a pain we're ready for and it takes weeks, months or years for most to move on. I've lost a soul, a smile, a love, a hug...a beautiful angel that is now gone to a better place, somewhere quiet, filled with all these lovely memories. No one prepares you for this pain, but I now know true angels do exist, you just have to believe in their sparkle.
So my beloved grandma, I may have never gotten the chance to say goodbye to you so I'll say it now:
🕊️goodbye to a wonderful soul that loves others no matter how they are as human beings..
🕊️goodbye to an angel that never had wings but always pretended to do so to hide me from her pain goodbye to a smile so contagious that always left others feeling loved...
🕊️goodbye to someone who never let me cry when I was dealing with pain because that would tear her world apart...
🕊️goodbye to your wonderful but beloved hugs whenever we came to visit you...
🕊️goodbye to an awesome role model as a teacher...
🕊️goodbye to someone that meant my whole universe to me...
🕊️ goodbye to the best grandma I've ever had
Although I'm saying goodbye now, it's not forever and it never will be. Thank you for making me be the strongest, powerful, loving, inspirational, understanding, appreciative and passionate for languages. I'm proud to carry on this legacy and always have you there watching over me. Rest in piece beautiful heart, I'll always miss you.💐🕊️
PS: To everyone going through this, know you're not alone and I know it's hurtful but life never prepares us for the people we lose. We just do and it's a pain that's unforgiving, but I know you can do this. If not, I'm always here as a text message away. Keep fighting you bundles of joy, you got this!💕💐

Trigger warnings: depression, emotional, mental and physical abuse, child abuse, abortions, suicide idealations and attempts.
Backstory: I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 13 years old, although some doctors believe I'd been having seizures since I was as young as 6 or 7. I was also diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar disorder when I was 16.
At 21 I gave birth to my first daughter, M. A little under two years later I had my second daughter, A. The first pregnancy wasn't easy and I had a lot of seizures during the course of the pregnancy. Many trips to the hospital to make sure baby was safe. But after I gave birth I jumped straight into motherhood. I lived roughly 4 hours away from my parents and struggled with feeling homesick frequently. I called my dad daily for parenting advice, to vent, to update him, and also to help subside that homesick feeling. Regardless though, I was a very attentive and active mom. I spent all of my time with M. She was my best friend. I LOVED being a mom and I was THRIVING. After M turned 1, I moved back "home" and moved back in with my parents. My second pregnancy was much the same. Uncomfortable pregnancy, many seizures. However with this pregnancy I had some complications that caused A to be born 10 weeks early. This caused A to spend the first several months of her life in the nicu and even had to have gastral intestinal surgery before she was even 4 months old. Due to my epilepsy I do not drive, but I did everything I could in my power to see my A as frequently and for as long as I could. Visiting hours were somewhat restricting though.
At some point in time I started displaying symptoms of postpartum depression that was heavily exasperated by my manic depression. I was at an all time low. The physical pain of a depression that immense had crippled me. I felt like I had concrete in my veins. Just getting up and going to the bathroom was an exhausting task. I spent most of my days sleeping as an escape from the pain and exhaustion. Thankfully I lived with my parents, my younger daughters father (J), and some of my sisters. I would say I had plenty of help and support, but a more accurate statement would be "the children were looked after". I on the other hand was mocked, teased and belittled at every opportunity. At the time I thought nothing of it. I thought "that's just how my family is" I was raised with the motto "the more I tease you, the more I love you". Before my dad knew I was pregnant (I kept it a secret for 18 weeks because J was pressuring me to get an unwanted abortion.) my dad pointed to my stomach one morning and said "you know, some situps would help with that" I was devastated, already feeling fat and disgusting, and went to my room to cry.
Without me even realizing it, the negative comments and belittling nature of my family took a toll on me and I was getting deeper and deeper into my depression without a light at the end of the tunnel. I HATED myself for not being able to get up and play with my children. I couldn't understand how I could be so active and attentive with M at that age but I just didn't have it in me for A. I felt like I'd failed her in so many ways. I tried my best to find solutions to the problem. Often times I'd try to find games to play with them that involved me lying or at least sitting on the couch. Puzzles, coloring, movies, cars. Anything low impact, but kids want to run and play and be active.. I felt like the worst mom of all times and I wasn't being told differently by those around me. In fact my greatest fears were being confirmed daily. One day I finally broke and had a full mental breakdown in front of my mom. I had confessed to my mom that I was having suicidal idealations. I knew deep down I didn't want to end my life, but I wanted the pain to stop. I couldn't breathe under the weight of my depression and I desperately needed help. I sat on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, confessing all of my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings at that time. My mom, in my opinion, brushed me off and said "well look into counseling or something" and then walked away, while I stayed sitting against our front door, crying my heart out. I felt devastated. All I wanted was a hug and some comfort but it was clear I was barking up the wrong tree. I got myself together, went upstairs, and went to sleep in order to escape the heartbreak and numb myself again. This entire timeline is a blur to me, so I'm not sure how much time passed between my melt down and this next conversation, but I feel like it was less than a week when my mom sat me down to have a conversation about the girls.
She suggested to me that my parents take temporary custody of the girls until I was able to "get on my feet". She kept pushing this narrative that it was what was best for the girls and their safety. She used my epilepsy as an excuse. Telling me that it was unsafe for the girls to be under my care when my epilepsy was so unpredictable. She also used my mental health, feeding into all of my fears and my own perceived shortcomings. A decent way into the conversation, my dad joined us. His whole demeanor radiated "this is a waste of my time. Just do what we say so I can go do other things" but maybe that was me reading too deeply into his behavior. Once he sat down it felt like my mom leaned even deeper into this narrative that they were clearly the better option for the girls wellbeing, but it would only be for a short time and that they were mainly concerned with the girls quality of life. I really struggled with what to do. I already felt like I was failing my children because I was so mentally and emotionally drained and detached. I didn't want to abandon them or lose them, but I also didn't want to harm them in the ways I had been harmed growing up. I figured my mom knew best because she had been in my shoes for all of my childhood. The vast majority of memories I have of my mom are of her sleeping on the couch, or raging out over the most minuscule things. I didn't want my children raised like that... So reluctantly, I agreed, truly believing I was doing a selfless thing and putting my children first. (This would later be used against me at every opportunity) I signed a piece of computer paper that my mom had scribbled an agreement on, stating that I was signing over temporary custody of my kids to my parents, with the understanding that I would get full custody back at an undisclosed time.
One day while I was down the road at a friend's house, my mom called me frantic, demanding I get home immediately. I rushed up to the house to find out that A's dad, J, had her wrapped in three blankets, in her car seat (it's the only place she would sleep). She was drenched in sweat (apparently new borns aren't supposed to sweat, especially not that much) and she was crying hysterically due to discomfort. J was irate, screaming at her and aggressively shaking the car seat. My mom said she heard him scream "shut the fck up or I'm going to *unalive you". She was under the impression that him and I were arguing again, and had come to break up the fight. (This always seemed odd to me seeing as how she never once intervened in our arguments before) When she realized I wasn't home and he was talking to A, she grabbed A and went downstairs. As she walked down the hall, j punched a hole in the wall near her head. He claimed he was "only trying to scare her" because she was "stealing his child from him" I was outraged and mortified. I tried multiple times to leave him and kick him out, but I had no support from my family. At one point I even resorted to packing up all of his belongings and throwing them out on the lawn. I'm not proud of that but I felt I had no other choice, and rushed to lock the doors when he went to get his things. My sister promptly unlocked the door and let him back in, claiming I was "acting psychotic" I felt trapped... But I had grown up around this behavior. My dad was an angry drunk and I had grown up believing that those behaviors were "passion" rather than aggression. So I accepted my fait and went on as if nothing had happened, certain that this would be the rest of my life.
One day when J was driving me to work we got into an argument and he repeatedly told me "your dad was right. You should do the world a favor and just unalive yourself. Everyone would be a lot happier" he kept repeating it over and over until I finally had it. He pulled up to a stop sign and I got out of the car and started walking down the road. He immediately started freaking out, begging me to get back in the car, using everything he could think of to manipulate me into getting back into the car. I finally caved and got back in. J dropped me off at work and as I got out of the car I told him "we're over. I'm breaking up with you". I closed the door before he could say a word and walked into work feeling like I was on cloud 9. It felt like all of my troubles had been wiped away. When I got inside, I told a friend what happened and explained that I didn't want to go home that night because I knew a guilt trip was waiting for me when I got there. I knew there would be an argument that would last hours and I would finally break due to exhaustion and would inevitably take him back. My coworker seemed to understand and let me stay at his house as long as I needed.
I called my mom and told her what had happened. I begged and pleaded with her to kick J out, but she refused. She was concerned that he'd try to take A if she kicked him out. I told her I was certain he wouldn't. He only ever cared about himself and his own self preservation. A baby would only make things harder for him and it was a responsibility and a role he didn't even want in the first place. I told her J had spent 18 weeks pressuring me to abort A and was evening willing to drive me out of state to get the procedure done, until I finally put my foot down and told him no, I was keeping my baby. I stayed away for 2 full weeks, the entire time begging and pleading with my family. Pointing out his abusive tendencies and his history with verbal and physical abuse and outbursts. My mom held her ground and refused to help me in any capacity. Every time M asked where I was, my mom would say "your mom's at work" rather than have her call me and talk to me. This created a lot of psychological trauma for M. She had severe seperstion anxiety, having panic attacks any time someone had to leave the house, convinced that if they left they'd never return. Still to this day she has abandonment issues as well as severe panic attacks.
After two weeks, I started coming over for visits but I never moved back in. During this time, J informed me that he was talking to another girl. He made it abundantly clear that she was 16. He was roughly 25 or 26 at the time. I later found out that they weren't talking. In fact, she had a boyfriend who was age appropriate, but J had been going and telling their entire friend group that they had been messing around together. I was then informed by my younger sibling L, that J had made advances on her that she quickly shut down. I think she was roughly 18 at the time. When this didn't pan out and J didn't get the reactions he expected from myself or L, he moved on. Years later I was told the same time xact story by both J and my oldest sister Al. "We had been hanging out, drinking, smoking. Ya know, the usual. And then well... Because I was so inebriated, they took advantage of me and we slept together" Knowing the both of them well enough, I knew it was consensual and they were just embarrassed and scared of my reaction. I laughed and told them they deserved one another.
As you can imagine, J's questionable life choices caught up with him and he was rejected from every friend group he had, to the point where he left the state and broke all contact with myself, and my family. It was a weight off my shoulders when he was finally gone. At that point I had gotten my own apartment but it was the first time I lived alone, paying my own bills, and I was not good at it. I was missing bill payments left and right. My power was shut off in the middle of winter and before long I was evicted. I was homeless and asked my parents if I could move home. They said no, that it would be too confusing for the girls if I moved back in with them. I ended up staying with friends on the couch in a one bedroom. It was extremely uncomfortable, but I had a roof over my head. When their lease was up, they invited me to get a new place with them. I agreed and I started learning about finances and how to be a functioning part of society.
My parents said I was welcome to visit the girls any time I wanted, but when I'd ask, it was a whole ordeal and guilt trip because they had to come pick me up and refused to bring my kids to my place. They said the car ride was too much for the girls to handle. Mind you, Ms dad B, still lives 4 hours away. My parents regularly drive both of my daughters up to see B and his parents whenever Bs parents request it. However, a 30 minute drive was asking far too much of such young and fragile children. When I argued that point they would use other excuses why they would not be bringing my children to see me. Once again I felt powerless and like a bad mom, being paraded by my parents for not being more active in my kids lives, but when I tried to make the effort it was scorned and met with negativity.
I self isolated for awhile, but still tried to be apart of my children's lives.
Over the years I've brought up the custody agreement, pointing out that it was supposed to only be temporary. I think my parents got frustrated with this because once the girls started school, my mom pressured me to sign over full custody, claiming it would make filling out paperwork a lot easier on my parents. But it was still only temporary, supposedly. Again, I continued to press for custody back and I would be met with argument after argument, bombarded with all of my shortcomings. On multiple occasions my mom told me "if you take custody of the girls back it will destroy mine and your father's marriage. Some days the girls are the only thing keeping us together" I was also told "if you take custody back it will literally kill your father. He won't survive." A year or so ago I told my mom we needed to go to therapy because I could not speak to her without a mediator. She finally agreed and we had two sessions. The first of which she cried her eyes out, telling the therapist that she's always done her absolute best for us kids and that we never appreciate anything she's done for us. She said "I took on the responsibility of raising two young children while she was out there f*cking anyone and everyone she wanted" mind you, during the time frame she was talking about, I had one intimate partner. When I confronted her about it outside of the session she said "I said that to highlight the poor life choices you were making at the time"
Fast-forward to now, A and I have a good relationship, but she's closest to my dad over everyone. M and I still have an incredibly tight bond though. She tells me everything. I'm her best friend.
The things she's been telling me the last couple of years are bringing up a lot of PTSD and trauma for me from my childhood. It's been opening my eyes to the level of mental abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.
At this point you're probably thinking what I thought for most of my life. "This girl's mom sounds like a monster" It wasn't until recently that my father's facade was irreversibly shattered in my eyes. M had come to me and asked "what would you say if I asked to be called unisex name". I told her "I wouldn't say anything. I'd just call you by the name you chose. I love you no matter what I call you. I will always love you no matter what. There's nothing in this world that will change that, especially not a name." In time M came to me and said "how would you react if I told you I like girls" I said "the same way I reacted when you wanted to change your name. I will always accept, support and love you, no matter what"
She had gone to my mom with the same questions and my mom had roughly the same response. My dad on the other hand had a much more viseral response. When the name was brought up, he hit the roof, yelling "I'm not having another kid try and change their name. That's stupid. You have a name." (L changed their name when they were in school and my father always hated it and still refuses to call L by their chosen name) When the topic of sexual preference was broached he'd just roll his eyes, huff and act like M was being stupid and childish. As I touched up on previously, M has severe panic attacks. I can relate because I also suffer from them and they were extremely bad around the same age that M is now. From things M had told me in passing I'm under the impression that she was being bullied at school. Every morning was a struggle. She would beg my parents to let her stay home. If it was up to my mom, she'd get frustrated and give in, saying "whatever. Do whatever you want. You do anyway. None of you ever listen to me or respect anything I say" and M would go lie in bed and call me crying that she "upset nana" If it were my dad however, he'd yell at her to get her @$$ in the car and that he wasn't dealing with her $ht. She would have full fledged panic attacks in the car to which he would yell and scream at her to knock off the teenage bllsh*t and to suck it up. One day he even threatened to institutionalize her if this behavior continued. She called me, mid breakdown, telling me everything that had happened and asked me "what even does that mean? Is he gonna lock me up in a psych ward because I'm having panic attacks?" I assured her that no one was doing any such thing. I then called my parents and tore into them for treating her like that. My skin was crawling, I was so appalled at his behavior.
He tries his best to mask his negativity and what I consider to be narcissistic tendencies. He went from being an angry alcoholic to being a sober helpful part of the church he attends. I told my mom recently that I believe he swapped one addiction for another. He portrays this happy healthy life and family all over social media, showing my kids off to the people at his church, claiming they're his kids. So much so to the point that I had attended a few services and people thought I was their sister, not their mom, because my dad refuses to refer to them as his grandchildren. He's even taken it so far as to claim that he BIRTHED them. I don't know what level of psychosis it takes for a man to claim that he carried two children in his womb, but that's besides the point.
Also to Ms detriment, he will tease her about her weight, her eating habits, her sleeping habits. He will also make snide comments about LGBTQ+ related and adjacent topics.
L, had also suffered this same emotional and mental abuse for years from our dad and subsequently my mom who is too scared of my dad to stand up for her own beliefs. L finally made the difficult decision to go no contact for their mental health. This was extra difficult for them because that meant they had less access to their nieces and nephew, but they had to do what was best for their mental state and they took a step back. At one point my dad had brought L up, calling them by their dead name and misgendering them. When M corrected my dad he scoffed and said "people who change their names and gender are just people who weren't loved enough as a child" M responded with "k.." and went to her room to call me, explaining how incredibly offensive that statement was, especially seeing as how that's his own child. She said "who's fault is it if L wasn't loved enough as a child?" (She's extremely aware for her age)
I got a phone call from A one afternoon. She was crying and told me "I'm just sad because I'm never going to see L again because she abandoned us." I asked who told her that and she said "papa said dead name abandoned us because she doesn't care about the family anymore" I explained that none of that was true and that L missed them very much, and wanted to see them very much.
I spoke to L regularly about the situation at hand, being as supportive as possible while trying to stay out of the family drama. After months of distancing themselves from our parents, they came to me for help and guidance. They wanted to have dinner with our parents to try and mend their relationships. However they were scared of the response they would receive, so I offered to be the buffer and reach out on their behalf.
My mom's response was perfect. She said "I would love to have dinner with them. Tell me when and where" My dad's response was less ideal. He said "we would love to have dinner with her. If she's ready to respect our family and our beliefs we would be happy to have dinner with her" I lost it on him. I told him that I was sick and tired of his behavior. He puts on a holier than thou facade but he doesn't actually act very christ like in reality. I pointed out that when the prodigal son returned he wasn't met with "are you ready to ahere to our rules and regulations now? Are you prepared to act the way that we want you to? If you are then you can come home, but if not, get out" he was welcomed home with open arms, regardless of anything he had done or said. He replied with "I had a gut feeling that I shouldn't have responded to that text. I should've listened to that gut instinct"
I've gone no contact with him since that argument, but as you can imagine, that was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
On mother's day, my dad was out of town but my girls went to church with my mom. There was a guest speaker who had an extremely antitrans message. The way my mom explained it was "if your kid comes out as trans, you're a failure as a mom" I was dumbfounded to hear that they'd have a message like that at all, but especially on mother's day, shaming parents, but specifically mom's, into rejecting their children's self identification, as if one person has control over another person's identity. M told me she didn't ever want to go back. I told her I understood and I'd do my best to make sure she didn't have to.
Today is my birthday and my girls are coming over. M texted me this morning saying "I'm getting ready for church. I was told that if I wanted to go to my mom's house, I had to go to church first" This used to be a place that she felt safe and happy in and now it's become a place of contention for her. She'll ask my mom if she can stay home (never my dad) and although my mom usually caves and lets her stay home, it's always with some stipulation.
My dad is a controlling, manipulative, homophobic, close minded fraud of a Christian who is emotionally and mentally harming and abusing my children, and my mom isn't much safer for either of them, always siding with my dad out of fear and exhaustion.
I desperately want to remove them from this situation and regain full custody but I don't know where to start. I work two jobs in order to make ends meet. I'm behind on my rent. I have to take buses and Ubers everywhere I go. I have a very small two bedroom apartment (the girls each have their own rooms at my parents house). They have friends and a sense of community where they are, with a nice sized backyard, a trampoline, two of my three siblings are close by so they get to see their cousins daily. I don't want to rip them away from the only home they've known for years. I don't want to uproot them and disrupt the little amount of structure they do have. I don't even know how I would manage two jobs as well as a 10 and a 12 year old, but I also don't want to leave them in this toxic suffocating and damaging environment when all along I thought it was a better and safer environment for them than what I had to offer.
I feel like I'm still brainwashed to some extent by my parents, second guessing my abilities as a mom. Telling myself I'm not capable of the things I need to do for these girls. I'm at a loss for what to do at this point. Do I fight for custody back? Do I leave them as they are? Do I continue to try and advocate for them even though it either falls on deaf ears or makes matters so much worse, because that frustration is then taken out on my kids?