Hey reddit, let me start out with an apology for any errors I make, I'm dyslexic, this is my first time posting here, and I'm still really anxious and upset about everything going on, in particular as I have diagnosed PTSD and G.A.D. It also is probably appropriate to give a trigger warning for just about anything one could be sensitive too, from assault, to cancer, to death, because my life has had it all lately.... This is the very long winded story of how my neighbor couple, who are a toxic combination of entitled and addicted to some kind of uppers, are trying to make my life a living hell, and, how I am not retaliating and it's somehow making them even more hateful...
Relevant backstory about me/my home situation- I (36F) bought my house all by myself (yah!) in 2016 before everything got super expensive. I am a career musician, but because what I make performing in an indie band and in royalties varies WILDLY from year to year, I also am proud to be the primary child care provider for my niece, and three other long time family friend's children who are now between the ages of 5 and 7 but have come to my home for daycare and even over nights and weekends sometimes since they were infants we're all like a little extended family. I live alone other than my little pets and the children who are often here.
In June 2022 I was misdiagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer (most deadly kind of breast cancer) and spent 6 weeks helping my parents and the kids and my friends get ready to help me... then lose me basically, before it was determined it was NOT inflammatory breast cancer (yah!) I just had Regular old precancerous tissue being made to look even worse than it was because the tissue had also developed an antibodic-resistant infection allll over the tissue under my breast. Ultimately good news except the very next day one of the moms in our little childcare group died instead. Like some kind of nasty joke God was making that wasn't funny and I'm still not over. Then, my insurance company decided to fight me over surgery to have the tissue and infection removed while cycling me through endless rounds of antibiotics and more invasive (but cheaper for my insurance) treatments. I did the best I could to keep up with my home and life and still help with the kids but I was *really really* sick until February of this year (2023) when I finally got my surgery, and I'm still really struggling with the lose of my friend both for myself and her son. I also have no money or savings or anything of a safety net left anymore. I had to access it all while I was sick and paying for my surgery/medical care (so you now know I'm American I suppose).
Now, onto the neighbors...
In August 2022, this couple moved in nextdoor and have been single handedly changing the block vibe from "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood where a few of the parents smoke weed here and there" to "Nightmare on Elm Street featuring Crack" and I am not sure that I have ever seen so up close and personal the inner workings of.... sociopaths? Or whatever the correct name for people who are habitual lairs and take pleasure in causing harm to others (and maybe each other?). They are heavy drinkers, heavy cannabis users (no shade, I got my med card before surgery and with edibles I didn't even need other prescription pain meds!! but anything can be a problem for some people), and most unfortunately they do some kind of pills or something that make them very "up". While the wife is typically too "out of it" to maintain work, the husband works from home as some type of an accountant and seems to keep it together, and make just enough money, to maintain their "lifestyle" which basically means they do a lot of drugs and super weird addict things, but with an aura of entitlement. It's a toxic combination.
The couple, who I will call Sackie (44F) and Jam(41M), originally presented themselves as an older couple with Sackie in particular having many health issues.... and I will admit I first mistook her for being older and originally assumed her manner of speaking (a bit low, mumbled and slurred, without a good awareness to social cues or appropriateness, like trying to talk to me about how her brother molested her but her mom payed off the law to make it go away or how later she started a business with said mom, but her mom started having an affair with Jam's boss and that's how they met... in front of the children and/or in maybe my second conversation with her) for some kind of stroke. It was only after many awkward rambling conversations with Sackie that I realized they were actually not much older at all, and her many health issues (more on this later) were fictional or simply from withdrawals/drug use. I did learn, however, that Jam and Sackie have a long, sorted, unpleasant history, with just about everyone they'd ever met... and somehow, it was always they who were the victims.
Now, I try very hard not to victim blame and I know from personal experience that sometimes good people have strings of unfortunate events in their lives-- but Sackie's recounts of events were often hard to understand, or contradictory to previous stories she had told, sometimes even within the same conversation. So I knew almost right away she wasn't a reliable narrator, but, with our houses being located about 12 feet apart, my original misinterpretation of them as an older couple, and with Sackie intentionally lying about some things to get my sympathy.... I had no idea how bad they both really were or what I was in for...
I first spoke with Sackie more than just saying hi in passing sometime around Thanksgiving (American Thanksgiving) when she knocked on my door to ask if she and Jam could give me an extra out door Christmas ornamental they had. I thought they were just being Christmasy and kind. I didn't have the kids at my house that week and Sackie smelled the cannabis I had been enjoying on my couch (a rarity honestly) and said, "oh is that what I think it is?" Paranoid that she was offended I blurted out, "oh yes I have a cannabis prescription, this is probably TMI but if you notice me home and slagging a lot it is because I am waiting for breast surgery."
Sackie's face lite up, "Thats not TMI, I'm waiting for breast surgery too! I had uterine cancer and now I'm waiting for a double mastectomy. And don't worry I'm a medical user too" Now, I have since learned this to be a lie, but at the time it definitely made me feel sorry for her and I was just relieved I hadn't been "caught" by a neighbor who was offended by cannabis.
However, once Sackie learned I had weed.... well, she wanted to be my best friend. In fact, she almost invented a fantasy friendship with me. Asking for my number in case they needed someone to look in on their pets during the holidays to quickly turned to her calling and texting pages and pages of messages-- about how Jam abused her, and was cheating on her, how she had nobody and was so scared approaching her (fake) upcoming double mastectomy, how he'd made sure her name wasn't on the house when they bought it and he'd locked her out of all their money... and could she please have some weed because she was so sick? Oh she had a seizure because she was so sick could she please have some weed?? It went on and on, always about wanting weed, rides places, confusing pages of texts about how she was watching "dead to me" and how it was so unfair she didn't have a friend like those characters?? Could I be that friend??
It was intense. And I didn't handle it well. I did my best to just respond to her slower and slower apart and just be nice but short and say no that I didn't have or couldn't do XYZ for her.
Her begging and neediness intensified rapidly, sometimes she would come to my door and knock and ask for weed and I would feel obligated to give it to her just to get her away. She was always on something a lot more intense than weed when she'd knock. It was scary and sometimes the kids were here. She started texting me asking if I had "anything stronger" than weed and when I was understandablely like "no I don't do those things" she sent me about four pages about how she just meant "xanxa" because she used to have a standing prescription for xanxa and it helped her so much but she had "quit all her medicine except good ol weed and seeing a chiropractor" and was doing oh so much better now but just needed some but it was okay because she found another friend to give it to her.
This was the first time I expressly told her no and not to ask me about that type of thing and where she started to turn her fantasy friendship into me into a fantasy feud.
Shortly after she sent me another page long text saying, "not to be a bitch but I'm done with our one sided friendship." I responded that I understood, at this point it was Dec 22nd (2022) and I was just trying to spend time with my family. I said something like, "I understand, I have some health problems that make it hard for me to make new friends or even keep up with my current friends, but I will see you around as a neighbor." And hoped to never hear from her again.
Oh, how short that hope was. Several days later I started getting pages of frantic apologies, but also trying to make me feel guilty, and more frantic apologies, and letting me know that Jam is not cheating on her and evil and leaving her with nothing, and they're both such great people and always here if I need anything!!!
It's honestly hard to explain how unstable even her "nice" texts would sound and I'm not sure if we can post screen shots in this sub, but trust me, this woman and her husband are just constant, intense, invasive drama. While she and Jam both made me uncomfortable, almost like watching for when I would first let my dogs out in the morning or when a friend left my house and texting me about it... waiting on their front porch chain smoking for me to come outside then rushing over to talk-block me into conversations about other neighbors they hated, Jam's bosses affair with Sackie's mom, to tell me how sick they were, about how Sackie had to quit multiple jobs because her bosses would always sexually harass her... And stupid me would just try to kinda smile and nod and get out of the conversation.
I was so uncomfortable and somewhat scared of them because of the way they would talk about other people and each other and... its hard to describe but if anyone has even been close with someone using something like meth, you know how crazy their behaviors can be, even if they are being "nice." But until April 2023, they were just a bother, not a danger.
April was when Sackie's fantasy friendship with me turned into a full blown fantasy feud...
In early April, I was supposed to be recovered enough from surgery that I could work again so I to started to watch the children every week again, and apply for music gigs again... but unfortunately got a staph infection in my left breasts wound. I ended up being in a lot of pain and back on antibiotics and pretty out of it on my couch for a few days, though I managed not to be hospitalized again (yah!).
During the few days I was pretty much out of it during the infection, Jam and Sackie decided it would be a good time to get really "uppered" to rip up all the ornamental ivy in our shares breezeway (fine) but also OFF THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE AND OUT AROUND MY FRONT PORCH. They pulled down wires on the side of my house and did this during rainy season meaning they exposed my homes foundation to massive amounts of water no longer protected by plants and top soil.
I was in total shock. They hadn't asked permission, or even mentioned disliking the ivy, and they were clearly on something and STILL trying to rip up things around my front porch.
My kind, 70 year old father was over on April 14th, to help me do some weatheseason appropriate yard work I was struggling to do one my own because of the staph infection and we decided we had to try to say something to them about it, because at this point they were out front talking about what they were going to do AROUND MY FRONT PORCH. But again, wanting to keep peace my dad and I went outside and my dad just politely asked Sackie about what they were doing and, said something along the lines of, "well okay, just please don't do anything else on our side because we are going to take care of that ourselves..." and before he could even finish Sackie suddenly, in her slurred speech, yells "Do you think I'm fucking Stupid??" at my dad.
Now, at this point I can't take it anymore. My father thought he was going to have to change my diapers while I DIED this year. He does not deserve to be yelled at by some methed out neighbor. So I said, "Sackie, don't speak to my father that way, he is just looking out for me."
At which point Sackie LOSES IT and starts hollering to Jam and possibly just herself about how my dad and I are "so rude and trashy" and how they can do whatever they want because, they want things to look nice, etc etc, at which point I was just like, "come one dad let's go inside."
My dad and I worked on some chores in the back yard, then he was like, "I know we didn't do anything wrong, but let's go apologize because you don't want to have neighbor issues."
However, when we went back out front Sackie was literally pacing back and forward in the breezeway ranting to herself about how she had every right to do whatever she wanted with what I can only describe as a look of pure and total unhinged insanity. You know how when actors play their first role on screen after doing stage acting for years and so their movements come across as completely over the top? That's a lot how Sackie looked that day stalking up and down alley talking to herself, like a director had just told her, "act really nuts!" Except Sackie wasn't acting. My dad said, "okay, well, we tried, some people just want to be upset," to me, and we went back to working on my house.
Keep in mind, I was still on heavy duty antiboditics and fighting a staph infection at this time, and was trying to get the house in shape for my kiddo who's mom had passed away to be able to sleep over at my house that night to give his dad a little break. I figured Sackie would bitch about me to Jam and whoever else she could get to listen (like how she would speak about others to me) but eventually get over it and go back to trying to have her fantasy friendship with me, because after all, she was able to nag me into giving her free weed occasionally, and all my dad and I had done was ask her not to do anything else on my property, right? How mad could she be?)
Well, apparently, something I have now learned, is when someone addicted to uppers decides you are their fixation, they are as addicted to causing you hell.
The following day Sackie (and Sam according to her texts) sent me pages and pages of texts, again I'm not sure on the character limits or screen shot policy here, but basically she sent me about 10 text pages about how my dad and I were so rude and disgusting and she and Jam had the right to do anything they wanted as the breezeway is "their's " (again, that is their property on that side but only up until a foot and half or so away from my house, and definitely not around my front porch) and how she and Jam have always been so nice to me and I'm just such a terrible person, and "YOU'RE WELCOME " for how that side of my house will look?
She used a lot more curse words and details than that, many of which were not even truthful and were hard to understand, and kept bringing up a Tupperware container and a cloth canvas bag that she had left some kind of soup she made for my friend (my friend who Sackie also made extremely uncomfortable but would try to be polite to her when she was outside smoking) when my friend had to stay with me for a few weeks after she had to get a hysterectomy and needed help recovering, and saying "and just throw out that Tupperware I gave you, you have no idea the kind of niceness I've constantly given to you!" (remember friends, even this major pushover knows-- kindness done with the expectation of something in return is just manipulation) Like, somehow this unwanted soup she'd left my friend when she was recovering here in March 2023, made it okay for her to do whatever she wanted on my property?
This also feels like an appropriate time to add that it was when my friend was recovering at my house that I learned the extent of Sackie's lies about her health. Remember how I said she'd gained my sympathy by pretending she had breast cancer and was waiting on a double mastectomy? Her story was that she had found out she had uterine cancer after a miscarriage and she'd had to have a full hysterectomy and the cancer had spread and so she needed a double mastectomy now but she was having trouble with her insurance and her husband, that is why she wanted to mold me into her "Dead to Me" friend, right?
Nope. Apparently not. As, she told my friend that, "she knew exactly what she was going through because she had just terrible, terrible, periods and has endometriosis too, just like my friend, but she hasn't been able to get the hysterectomy she needed yet because she didn't have a doctor because she didn't do Western Medicine anymore, all she needed was a chiropractor and weed... oh and the hysterectomy for her terrible endometriosis just like my friend." She also said something that implied her husband was getting her a boob job, for cosmetic reasons, and there had never been cancer at all. I have no idea if the miscarriage was a lie too or not, and it isn't really relevant other than to stress, that Sackie and her husband really have a hard time with the truth.
Anyway, after her round of nasty texts after the ivy incident, I sent her back an extremely polite and short text, saying I was sorry she felt so offended by my dad and I asking her not to do anything else on my property, and I was very happy to respect their wishes for us not to communicate and I wished them well.
The next two weeks or so, until April 29th 2023, Sackie and Jam made me uncomfortable but were manageable. They did things like intentionally stacking hay against my fence, talking loudly to each other about how "trashy" I was, and at one point in time even pretending to do yard work but actually just smashing the side of my house with shovels! They even had someone else over at some point they were intentionally loud explaining too about how disgusting the ivy was and what a favor they were doing "cleaning it up".... but honestly I didn't even really care.
My paralegal friend recommended I start documenting things though, because she said some of the worst people she's seen in court are functional, entitled, drug addicts and I should not assume they would return to reason, and that it would be a good idea if I let the Neighborhood Stabilization Officer know what was going on, start documentation, and draft up a cease and desist to send if they did anything else and man, she was right, so right in fact, we didn't even have time to send the cease and desist.
On April 24th, out of nowhere, she sent me another several pages of unhinged texts, once again talking about how I should thank her for ripping up my ivy, throw away her Tupperware, how I was a terrible person and she and her husband and everyone think I'm on the Spectrum (hey man, autism is highly under diagnosed in women and that isn't the insult they think it is, but I could tell she thought she was calling me the R word), and just nasty absurd abusive things.
I sent her a text simply saying "Do not communicate with me or anyone at my house or threaten me or my pets again."
I found that dumb Tupperware and canvas bag she kept bringing up like it was gold, and put them on a porch along with another letter saying the same as in my text.
Jam responded this time, by smashing the Tupperware and leaving it back on my porch....
Now on April 29th, while I was hosting a sleep over for 3 of the children, and, as bad as this couple had been, I honestly believed they weren't bad enough to cause me trouble when the children were here with me. Looking back, I can't tell you why I gave them that kind of credit. Sackie self published a childrens book in her early 30's, and spoke of volunteering at children's libraries, at least according to her, and I suppose I thought that meant she'd have a respect for kids even if they did not have respect for me.... once again, I was wrong.
Around 5 or 6pm, the kids and I went out onto my front porch to bring our pizza inside at the same time as Sackie was getting out of getting out of her drug dealers car with him, she began screaming profanities at me, saying I was disgusting, threatening the pets, and other things I couldn't really understand fully due to her slurred speech once again but verbally assaulting me but this time, in front of the children was the last straw I had.
I quickly got the kids inside, away from her, and served them the pizza. I told them not to worry about the neighbor, that she was a kind of sick that made people yell when they shouldn't sometimes and they should just ignore her. I made sure they were content talking amongst themselves and eating pizza and strawberries- and went to call the police and finally told them about all the ongoing harassment, threats, begging, drug use, and now screaming and profanities in front of the children and asked for help.
Then I got ahold of one of the other moms who came and picked up all three of the kids, and we just pretended that we decided it was a better idea for them have a sleep over at her friend's house than mine. The kids were fine, but as soon as they left I lost it. Just big gut crying. The months of being nagged for weed, rides, and favors, getting passive aggressive texts about not being Sackie's new insta best friend, feeling like I was being watched constantly, worrying about Sackie saying inappropriate things in front of the children, dealing with Jam's creepy stares and used car sales man persona, the past weeks of their new upper fueled obsession with my property line and being the new fixation of their abuse, trying to be kind to them even as I struggled with my breast disease and Sackie trying to me as an emotional punching bag and free weed. I was finally crying so so so hard, my neighbors on my other side (a lovely couple my age) heard and rushed out and had me come wait inside and were so so so nice to me while I looked insane (did I forget to mention I'd let the kids 'do' my make up, meaning they'd painted my whole face with eye shadow including giving me a sparkly beard?) until the police arrived.
Now I live in a really nice neighborhood, but I am in one of the highest crime cities in America and our politicians and police staff are internationally questioned, so I was actually really impressed that the police came, cared, and, that somehow in my state, I *still* apparently looked less insane than Sackie and Jam.
They responded fairly quickly, and patiently looked over the wild texts from Jackie, my accounts of her and Jam passively terrorizing me, and checked out the side of my yard which they had originally ripped up the ivy and started this whole insane fantasy fight with me over.
They very much believed me and said I should have called them sooner, which surprised me. Sackie refused to come out and speak with the police but Jam came out to speak to the police via using his back door so Sackie could keep hiding.
The police came back and let me know that if Jam was the lesser of my two issues that I needed to becareful because they couldn't do anything on "hear say" but that Sackie had refused to speak with them and Jam reeked of alcohol. They said they told them to leave me alone, and that I had already agreed to do the same, and to just leave me alone, but that if they did anything I needed to call them because of how bad Jam, the lesser of the two, looked.
They left, I thanked them and my kind neighbors and felt like, it must be over right? Because if you do things like send pages of rambling violent, threatening texts, destroy property, and take so many drugs that your speech is slurred 24/7, and the cops come and tell you stop bothering your neighbor, you'd be scared right?
Again, I was mistaken to assume that Sackie and Jam's line of thinking would be at all on the side of logic, even in terms of simple self preservation. As soon as the cops left, Sackie and Jam came into my front yard and began to loudly talk about how disgusting I was to each other again. At this point I have both of their numbers blocked on my phone, but Sackie must has used one of those apps that allows you to text people who have blocked you and messaged me... "Have a great weekend"
So I go ahead and call the police who again, I am both pleased, and surprised, and a little scared by how quickly they return because my city is very high crime and for them to pay any attention to my calls means they must have clocked the neighbors as actual threat.
Sackie and Jam did go inside before the police came back though, and this time they both simply refused to open the door to the police. I imagine they had done many more drugs at this point.
The police said that they couldn't do anything since technically nothing had a record yet, but suggested that I file for a restraining order and provided all of the information I needed to do so. I was still sort of wishy washy about having a legal issue with my neighbors, but after talking it over with a few close girlfriends, one of them messaged me passionately outside of our little group chat about how much this couple, Sackie in particular, was behaving like a lot like her mother, a meth addict with a sense of entitlement who made her neighbors and everyone around hers life hell, obsessing over property lines and turned down begging, until eventually went to prison for 13 years for stabbing my friends dad. He lived thankfully.
But she was right, and my earlier mentioned paralegal friend helped me put together my paper work and evidence for a restraining order which we filed that Monday (April 30th).
They were served their papers on May 4th and thankfully, that *did* scare them into leaving me alone. Jam and Sackie would still intentionally talk badly about me to each other outside when they knew I could hear, and I imagine Sackie was trying to tell anyone who would listen what a bitch I was, but as long as myself and the children were unbothered I felt fine.
The court date came and I made the mistake again of assuming court mediation would be enough. Sackie showed up using a cain and pretending to be feeble, sickly and older, like she had done to me when we first met. Jam still looked creepy but wore a suit. My lawyer, who is also my middle school boyfriends father as an aside, was pretty confident I could get a full restraining if we went to court, but they agreed to restraining order terms as long as it stayed off their record for the purposes of background checks.
The way this works in my city is if they violate the terms it then automatically becomes a full order of protection-- but if they don't it gives them a chance to keep their records clean. It also would save me some money, because even though my lawyer was handling things at friend prices he couldn't do it for free. So I agreed to that. They were to stay away from me, my guests, not contact me on any platform, not harm me or my pets, it all seemed pretty fair and reasonable to me.
But alas, Sackie and Jam are not reasonable people. Literally the moment they got home from court Jam began working on some kind of project in his back yard, cursing about me to himself and clearly back on some kind of upper, he assembled and drilled this... strange tarp thing to my fence ???? Yes, my fence, and yes, this is illegal but I didn't have any luck getting the police to come out this time.
It has continued on this way. Them trying to do everything they can to harass me as much as possible without technically violating the order.
They're still trying to make my life hell, and, I am pretty sure my only option is to wait for them to physically harm me, on camera, for anything to happen.
So yes. That is how I kept trying to give my neighbors the benefit of the doubt, and in exchange, they're making my life hell. As I type this now Jam is out in the front yard, hovering on our property line, watering the grass, breathing heavy, grunting, and giving my ring camera dirty looks.
I don't have a good way to wrap this up, but, it felt good writing it all out to share anonymously. Thankyou reddit.
neighborsfromhell

i've been binding for about 3 years now and i've noticed that within the last year or so things have started going severely downhill in terms of fit/ability to get flat, back pain, and preexisting asthma.
my first 2 binders were able to get me completely flat. i got them in 2020 from gc2b (right before gc2b started sucking). they also didn't cause me any back pain whatsoever. they got worn out after about a year and a half but even when i got rid of them they still worked like they did when they were new, and i had no health issues from them.
i then got 2 more binders from gc2b (when gc2b started sucking) as well as a 3rd binder from spectrum. the 2 new binders from gc2b caused me horrible back pain while not getting me flat at all, despite being extremely restrictive. the spectrum binder, my only current binder, fits less restrictive but also doesn't get me flat at all and is really loose at the top and the bottom, and somehow also causes me pretty much the same level of back pain as gc2b.
so that's the issue. even with a company like spectrum that makes them looser while still "fully flattening the chest" (quotes because it's bs) i still get awful, AWFUL back pain. so why am i doing this if it doesn't even work, and it's causing me all these health issues that even when i take weeks-long breaks from binding, they don't alleviate, which is fucking terrifying? my asthma's worsened to the point of me having a permanent wheeze, my back pain makes me incapable of taking in a full breath without feeling the damaged bone and muscle pushing against my expanding lungs... is there something i'm missing here? did i miss a page in the binding handbook on how to avoid such intense and awful pain in tandem with making sure my binder doesn't end up being a bonafide fucking pushup bra with cleavage? i swear i'm the only person who can't be flat, yet i don't even fucking have tits, they're small as fuck, and i fucking follow the binding rules.
yes, i wear the correct size, i always check and remeasure before ordering a new binder. no, i don't bind for 8 hours or less a day, but who the fuck does -- what matters is i don't sleep in it, i don't shower in it, and i don't wear it for longer than 12 hours (which is still generally regarded as "safe"), because that's your average trans guy and i don't want to hear that every other trans guy out there goes "oh shit it's been 8 hours let me take it off!". yeah fuckin right, said no trans guy ever.
i just need advice. how is this stupid fucking uniboob suddenly happening to me and how do i get rid of it. and before you comment: no, i will not wear transtape, even the thought of grabbing my boobs and putting special twanny tape on them makes me dysphoric as fuck, FUCK NO.

*it
Hello,
I just wanted to ask you guys if I am overreacting…
so today we went to see my partners relatives.
my daughter got overly tired after being handed around… so I went to a seperate room to nurse her and rock her to sleep, after one hour she finally fell asleep only to be woken up by a slamming door 5 minutes later.
I am still calm at this point, as I tell myself don’t get stressed. I calm her down and nurse her to sleep which took me 40 minutes, and then my partners father walks in whilst both of my boobs are dangling out on the bed, I tell him off and he walks out of the door.
after 20 minutes she is finally asleep again only to be woken up by his auntie who at this point is hovering over me whilst I am literally topless and trying to have a conversation with me regarding how long my daughter (2 months old) sleeps.
at this point I am over it and just give up, once I stepped out of the room everyone passed her around like warm bread and everytime she cries they just laugh and say oh she wants to see her mummy.
At this point I am so exhausted, so I tell my partner that I want to go back home.

• at this point it’s 6PM and she didn’t had a single nap.

At home I try one more time to put her to bed and I manage it but 6 minutes later my partner drops his phone and wakes her up and now she is crying and screaming.
and I am crying too because I am so exhausted because now I have a overly tired screaming baby and all I heard today was: sorry it was a mistake.
update: after my partner tried to soothe her for bed for 5 minutes whilst she is screaming and crying he just walked in and said, you didn’t had to calm a crying baby. I replied I soothed her all day and tried to put her to sleep and he just laughed in my face and said why are you lying, pointed at his ears and said I got ears she didn’t cry once whilst you tried to put her to bed otherwise I would have heard it.
so I replied you woke the baby you calm the baby and I said I need a break and he made me feel guilty for hearing her cry and not doing anything.
and he also kept saying how hungry he was… I never get to eat dinner whilst it is still hot because I am constantly breast feeding… my resentment for my partner just keeps growing day by day
*when I walked into the room and asked him if he can understand now how I feel he only stated: she didn’t cry with you when you tried to soothe her to bed and that it makes a big difference if she is crying or not.
and apparently she didn’t cry with me throughout the whole day so it was easier.
I keep asking myself these days why I am even with him? I have my own business and am earning more than enough to be able to support me and my daughter.
why am I doing this to myself…

I am going to be living in Hawaii but I’m from Colorado. I love my doctor so will spend time in Hawaii and then come back to visit family and get my reduction probably around September. That gives me time to enjoy my first few months Hawaii freely and then get my reduction in Colorado before winter and big coats. Also I’m a pretty active person. But My questions are

• Is 3-4 weeks enough time for me get back on my feet and at least do things like walking and being semi active?

-Is a plane safe to get on after 3 weeks for me to fly back?
-If I’m a server can I got back to work after 4 weeks?

• What tips would your recommend I want to practically baby myself for those first few weeks like button up shirts not lifting anything and lots of rest. I’m not sure if I’m being over dramatic but I just want to make sure I heal the best I can and love my new boobs.

Anything will help and thank you for reading!!

I don't know what else to call it. I don't even know if that's a real term. I could really use some confirmation on what I experienced because I've talked to no less than 4 therapists about it and never got more language to describe it than general trauma.
My whole life my dad never respected physical boundaries. He treated me like a little sister, except he was a grown adult and I, a child. He tickled and poked me and didn't listen when I said stop. I also would go to my mom to tell him to stop and she would but nothing ever changed. Often times when he "jokingly" poked me, it was legitimately painful and he always thought I was so dramatic and lying. (I'm now looking into a possible fibromyalgia diagnosis bc the amount of pain I feel from simple things like bumping into a table I'm now realizing is not normal. I thought I was just dramatic and weak.) A classic "prank" of his was putting a fist down on the couch right as I was sitting down next to him so I would end up sitting on his fist. He spanked me "playfully" (like a light slap) when I was going up the stairs in front of him, or distracted doing something in the kitchen. The spanking has continued through teenage years and adulthood, far past the point of it being normal, if it ever was.
There was one time that clearly went too far. I was sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter doing homework (I think I was in high school at the time) and bc I was leaned over, my jeans gapped around my lower back. He walked over, stuck his finger in my butt crack, wiggled it, then walked away. Like it was a joke. I didn't react. I also sometimes see him looking at my chest, though I'm not sure what to make of that bc a lot of people stare at your chest when you have big boobs. But all of this makes me very uncomfortable and wonder if my own father is attracted to me, if there's something more sinister than a silly misunderstanding.
I struggle with this bc it seems like such a grey area. Has anyone else experienced something more covert like this? How would you define it? Something under the guise of jokes and fun but when you look back at your childhood, realizes it made you very uncomfortable? I struggle with being in my own body. I dissociate all the time. I haven't really dated bc I'm so physically uncomfortable. I've talked to therapists about this but no one really validates me beyond, "that was clearly traumatic for you." I'm sorry but I need more definitive language than that. Part of my family dynamic was them not taking my needs seriously and low key gaslighting me, so I often question my version of reality.

Got a question about what you all do in your private/exclusives? Im on SM & have a little routine but I’m worried my regulars will start getting bored as feel it’s samey and not sure how to shake it up. I’m also a little insecure and prefer camming from certain angles haha. I have a sorta little routine when we go into exclusive I’ll ask them how they are, what they like, start playing with my boobs squeeze them etc, flip round to show my bum smack it, then gravitate downstairs & play with toys with dirty talk running in the background lol. What do you do? Do you change it up? Do you have any tips for keeping them on exclusive longer? Thanks!x

My whole life even before growing out boobs I’ve had curled shoulders and crooked back. After they grew big it just got worse since I hate attention and thus automatically curl my body to kinda “hide” them instead of having the confidence to point these girls to the air and stand up high haha.
Fast forward and the backpain just grew into a bigger problem after all these years behind a computer.
I’m looking for advice from people who actually managed to correct their posture while having big boobs. If you managed to do it, please recommend me your exercise routine/videos and how often you’d do these, and how long it took you to see results!
There’s plenty of videos out there on posture, but I feel like the extra chest weight definitely adds a challenge, so I need to hear from people who have been through the same..
Thanks in advance!

Please help, I’m struggling to get baby to breastfeed. I had an emergency c-section 11 days ago after a 48 hour induction. My baby lost over 12% of her body weight and we had to stay an extra two days at the hospital until her weight loss was 10%. She was born at 40+3 and weighed 7lbs 3.5oz. Now at 11 days old, she’s around 6lbs 8oz, sometimes a little less.
In order to help build my supply, I have been trying to feed baby on the left breast, then the right or vice versa. Then if she latches, I will feed for as long as I can. But if not, we stop after she gets too upset to keep trying, and my husband supplements with donor milk while I pump. I’ve been pumping after every feed except I usually miss one at night just to get some extra sleep. Sometimes I pump 50ml and sometimes I only pump 10ml at a time from both breasts combined.
Baby and me have both had a hard time latching. She loves to keep her hands up by her face/mouth, roots wildly even when I stay still, and won’t stay latched and has to try multiple times before anything works if it ever works. I have tried pulling her in with my hand on her back shoulders like the LC showed me. I have tried the flipple trick and the boob sandwich. If anything works, it’s the boob sandwich but it’s not a guarantee. Sometimes she will start crying intensely before I can get her to latch, and then we both get frustrated.
We’ve had two LC appointments, and the first one went amazingly! LC got baby to latch and transfer milk successfully and easily. I haven’t been able to recreate that since. She has no lip or tongue tie. And she doesn’t have any other known issues that should be complicating the process. My nipples are normal according to the LC, maybe a little small (LC told me I needed a smaller flange for pump 19mm) and my breasts are average (maybe? 34B pre-pregnancy, obviously larger now that milk is in) and not too round. I don’t think there’s a physical barrier to successful breastfeeding.
We’ve been supplementing with donor milk or my pumped milk usually at night, but sometimes during the day too to help baby gain weight. My husband uses a syringe to squirt milk into her mouth, slowly. We are moving to nanobebe bottles because we think maybe the syringe is too fast for a feeding? I’m scared of formula so we haven’t tried that but we may need to to help baby gain weight. I just can’t get the hang of breastfeeding when I’m at home without the LC. I know we can both do it, I just don’t know how! Does anyone have any tricks or help to pass along? Please, we’re so desperate!

Hi all, I'm really new here. Actually, we wern't even trying for a baby. I have PCOS and Endo and I've been told it's unlikely I'd be able to fall pregnant, so I haven't ever tried, as I didn't want the heartache... but, about a week ago, I realised I was at least a month late, and that my boobs were sore, I'd been extra tired lately, very emotional (which is unlike me), I'd been having weird food cravings, and the occasional spurt of nausea. I thought I was just getting sick but it had been going on for about 2 weeks at that point, so I figured I'd take a pregnancy test, just in case. Well, to my surprise, it was positive! I didn't think it would be possible for me. (Especially since I'm on BC at the moment) I got rather excited, rather quickly. (Silly me)
I wanted to figure out how long I was pregnant for, so the next morning, I did one of those digital tests that tell you how long. But it was negative. I have a friend who recently gave birth so I talked to her about it, and she said that sometimes the digital ones aren't as accurate, and to wait a few more days. In those few days, I've had pain around my lower stomach, as well as the same symptoms as before, and some brown discharge. So I tested again this morning, this time with the same type as I first tested positive with, and it's negative too..
So I'm assuming it was a really rare false positive, or I had a MC.. but I'm really concerned because I still haven't had any bleeding. I've booked an appointment with my doctor, but I still have a few days to wait. Am I at any risk?
I'm not sure if I will try for a baby after this.. before all this, I had resolved to stay childfree, but I havent stopped crying, and I just couldn't bare the heartache of this happening again. I've read some stories on here and you are all so amazing for battling through such a heartbreaking experience ❤️ I am not as strong

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i’m a 36FF (uk) but my boobs sit MILES apart from each other. i can never wear any sort of outfit with cleavage because there’s always a gap between my boobs and it makes me really insecure. i’ve just tried on what feels like the 283749494th bra that gave the model perfect ( ) cleavage BUT I STILL HAVE A HUGE GAP. i have so many tops and dresses just sitting in my wardrobe that i can’t wear because my boobs are so damn far apart. anyone got any tips? 😩

I have a 4yo and a 4 month old who is waking up every hour if not more during the night and is only catnapping during the day. My daughter goes to preschool 9-3 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday but it's closed tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to cope with such little sleep on the Monday and Tuesday whilst I've got both kids all day. It's been okay this week as my partner has been off and has taken the baby in the morning to give me a solid block of sleep (like 2 hrs before baby needs boobing again). Argh, send help! Full respect for single parents with kids this young and working parents - don't know how I'd do a days work in this state, I can barely keep my 4 yo happy and up to date with house related stuff as it is

We exclusively nurse and I've had an oversupply and an overactive letdown since the beginning. I only use a haakaa in the morning due to engorgment and it has given me a nice stash. We only nurse one side per session and he's had very good weight gain.
He has now been sleeping 7-8 hour stretches at night, usually 9-5ish. I don't get up to pump or wake him up to feed. I was waking up pretty engorged for awhile however today I woke up barely feeling engorged. I nursed my son on one side and used a haakaa on the other and barely got 2 Oz out. Usually I get at least 3-4 oz. I know pumping isn't an indicator of supply but it's the fact that even now my boobs still feel pretty soft.
I'm just used to filling up really fast during the day and engorged at night so im a little worried. We are now only one income so switching or having to supplement with foruma isnt something I want to do (unless I truly start not producing enough) or is this my supply just regulating?

This is a long story, so buckle up.
I WAS(13F) had a friend/ boyfriend (16M). This is my story.
I was completely stupid in this entire situation and felt and still feel helpless. I need to get this off my mind. I had a friend and he wasn't really close to me. He always wears a mask so i rarely see his face. In class we would talk sometimes and just talk about random things. One day, he pointed out how big my boobs looked in my band uniform and the logo was across my chest. I laughed it off because that was weird. I don't think much of it until later.
Later, maybe 2 months later, he gives me his number randomly. I tell him i probably wont text him and he asks for my discord. He harassed me for weeks for my discord when i know I'm not supposed to have it. I got it behind my parents backs because i wanted him to stop harassing me. It only got worse from there.
He didn't respond to my discord messages at first so i thought he was joking around or something. One day I'm walking to my bus and he asks me if I'm a k!nky sVt. I tell him why would he ask and he said he NEEDS a list of my kinks. In peer pressure, i found a website that had abc's of kinks and fetishes and wrote them down inside of a folder. I gave him the folder and he passed it around and everyone found out what i did. Thankfully, since my class always fights nobody cared enough to bring it back up.
He messaged me later saying he could help me explore a lot more. I knew at this point it was more than a friendship.
I didn't wanna do anything weird or sexual so i casually talked and occasionally vented. I was in the middle of venting about something and he disregarded everything I said and said he can be my boyfriend for as long as I need. I said okay and went back to venting because he's weird. He then says "Is that a yes?" I said I guess so and IMMEDIATELY he starts asking for head. I always refused. This went on for a month. I cried and cried because i had no idea what to do. Even at school (in person) he begged for head. He asked for nudes and all of that I refused. I blamed it on school. My school has tutoring sessions and I ended up barely passing math because i was scared of going for help because he scared me.
At school he was touch me in my genitals and grab me on my bottom and I was scared to stop him. I had told him prior i was 13 but i don't think he believed me because of my stupid curves. I hate how i look in the mirror now. But he eventually stopped because my friend made him stop. He still made comments sometimes but it wasnt as bad as before. Once,when i told him he could just masturbate by himself and he didn't need me to do anything to him he said he really wanted to do @nal with me but if it really mattered he'd do [email protected]@l too. I said no. He said he couldn't wait he needed to have sex with me. I refused.
He broke up with me on easter after 9 months of him harassing me. I ended up cussing him out and he got mad at me at the end of april because he said he never cared about my feelings anyways.
His current girlfriend is and 11 year old. He punched my bestfriend in the face because she didn't want him to touch her and he touched her so she pushed him. My teacher said that it's my friends fault and not his.
I find it hard to trust anyone anymore and I frequently worry if I'm showing too much skin. Sometimes i still feel his chest on me and i cry and feel nauseous when i think about it.
Another thing, he rubbed his penis on my shoulder in class
I don't know who to tell about it. I feel like everyone thinks I'm joking when i tell them. I hate myself for trusting him. I really do hate myself now.

Thinking of dropping a pump in the next couple weeks. I’ve been on 4 pumps for 2 months and I keep getting a clog in my slacker boob!! I want to drop pumps because I have to go back to work soon and I don’t think it’s feasible for me to pump more than once. Would I have to increase the time on the 3 pumps so I don’t have a huge dip in supply? Anyone have a schedule they’re using and how they got there?

So, I am 6 days postpartum, and I also have a 20 month old toddler. We spent two nights in the hospital and then got to come home on Monday, but I was severely constipated until Friday when I had to go to the hospital for a fleet enema. My partner also went back to work the day after we got home, which I try not to be upset about because he does work seasonally and missing time is not easy for him. Basically all this to say, I have not had an easy time recovering with a constant belly ache, clingy toddler and nursing newborn.
This morning, (my partners one day off) my sister texted me to say she was taking her toddler to the playground and asked if I’d like her to take mine as well so I can get a break. I accepted, got her ready and she picked her up. Immediately after she left the house, my partner tries to grab my boobs. I just kind of walked away from him, told him I had to poop and still hadn’t eaten breakfast, hoping he would get the hint. Then he says “so go to the bathroom, we’ll have breakfast and then take a shower?” Clearly insinuating that he wanted to be intimate. I said to him “what exactly do you think is gonna happen?” And he replied “well, I am about a good week overdue” (we had sex the night before going to the hospital because I thought it was understood it would be awhile before the next time) I got upset and told him he still had at least a good 5 more weeks before I’ll be doing anything about that. He then got annoyed, and went outside to do some work.
I feel so uncared for. I feel like everyone always needs something from me and I get nothing in return. Yesterday he took an 1.5hr nap after getting home from work, and still tells me about how tired he is all of the time, meanwhile I’m the only one getting up with the baby at night. Which I commented on the other day, and he was left so upset he started crying. I understand this is a hard time for him too, and he probably doesn’t feel very cared for all of the time either despite my efforts. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I’ve never been good at communicating my own, but I really want to get across to him that I need more support, or at least some understanding. I don’t want a partner who is going to sulk when told no. It makes me feel like I’m a bad partner, and I try so hard not to be.
I just want to add that he is a very good dad and we do love each other, but we’ve been together for 6 years and it’s always been an issue that he doesn’t think of me enough. For Mother’s Day this year (and last) I got nothing. No card, no break. And he was reminded multiple times that it was coming up. For Father’s Day, I knew I would be busy and have no time to plan anything last minute, so before Mother’s Day even happened I had his gift/candy/card totally ready to go and hidden. This is pretty much how all of our holidays go no matter what I do. So I know he’s not great at considering my feelings, but for some reason I really expected at least some grace while recovering. How do I tell my partner how I’m feeling without hurting his feelings?

I've got plans to go to a pride event in my city, which is the capital of my state. I've just gone clothes shopping for clothes to wear to the event, and am feeling more confident in myself to be wearing an outfit I wouldn't have worn a year ago. It's a sheer top, with the words "pantastic" on it 3 times. It's from Spencer's. Because of the size of it, I can't wear a binder underneath, and I don't own bras or sports bras. So I've elected to just wear pasties to hide the bits. I showed my mom, F/74, the outfit, and she completely threw a fit. Asking what I'm trying to prove, how I can be proud without showing my t#ts off to everyone. Asking why, over and over, about it. And I keep telling her "people show up to pride in thongs and speedos, it's going to be 90 degrees and I'm trying to wear something comfortable." But she will not drop it. She continues to call, and cry to anyone who will listen, that I should not be displaying my boobs out for everyone to see. She's 100% convinced that some wierdo is going to get me. I don't know how to get her off my back. My sister, F/38, has defended me from her but she keeps going. Also, forgot to mention, I'm nonbinary afab, who is fat with a fair amount of t#t.

18F, 58kg, 163cm, boob leakage + period problems.
Since Jan of 2021 (about 2+yrs now), my boyfriend commented that my boobs were leaking a milky substance when squeezed. I wasn't pregnant, but even with time, it hasn't gone away. It's not painful, but if I squeeze, this liquid can leak or squirt out of my boob. It used to be only one side, but now its both to different degrees.
I think I posted here before, where somebody said i should check my prolactin leevels so I did. I went to the doctor when I moved to the UK and got my blood tested. They also did the breast check and didnt make any comments so I assume it went fine like no cancer and such.
I got my blood tested, which came back that my prolactin was high and my FSH levels were low.
They said since these things change during the cycle, they took another blood test. It came back normal.
I asked the doctor what to do, and she said there is no problem, and that I should chalk it up to a random body thing.
The doctor also said that theres still a slim chance of pcos, but she said something along the lines of "you wouldn't get approved to check that any further" since the tests came back normal.
But I don't know if it's something I should check again? I have bad period cramps (paracetamol/ibuprofen dont seem to work, at most naproxen sort of does, but most times i have to take diclofenac potassium I think its called), and my periods consist of a lot of clots/pieces that straight up look like solid chunks of flesh. My cycles are also fairly unpredictable, sometimes they're really short cycles (21-24 ish days maybe) and sometimes 40+ day cycles. The doctor also mentioned my whole body acne as a potential sign of hormone problems, but as we saw, it didnt seem to be backed up by anything. Of course, all of this can definitely be considered normal, but I don't know if its still normal when considered as a unit.
I'm not on any birth control, and I've used morning after pills before. I don't take any other medication other than the diclofenac for my period cramps when they start.
My friends suggested trying to get another opinion. Is it worth doing so or not?

I 25F am in a third world country with limited options all of which are risky as many of these services providers are aware of women's desperation. I am three days late however even before my period was due I knew something was different especially with my boobs they are way too big ..my back aches but not how it aches every month.. I decided that I'm done waiting have got a pregnancy test to throw me off my denial as my body is clearly talking already..I know what I have to do.. I do not want a child right now but I'm caught between wondering whether I can take the physical pain.. how lucky I'll be in the pool of 'vultures' whether my head will ever be right whether I can survive it all.. But I do have hope as life has to continue I've already mistakenly trusted one person.. who ended up asking me why I can't just give birth and impose a father on the baby .or is it an old man?:as if it's obvious that I want it? I'm belching suspiciously too much.. guess that's something. Will I survive?