My husband had a medical incident behind the wheel years ago. Since then, we've owned a Nissan Rogue with ProPilot because, if you ignore the warning to keep your hands on the wheel, it brings it to a stop and turns the flashers on.
The Rogue has unfortunately been a lemon, with an issue where it just stops driving that no dealership or mechanic can figure out, so we're going to trade it in. The problem is--we can find few other small SUVs around this size that will do the shut down like I described above.
The only others we can find are the Volkswagon. Others will just slow the vehicle down, or disengage the system altogether so you're just going to crash.
Does anyone know of other makes that will do what I described? We've been trying for weeks and find that most salesmen don't even know what we're talking about so it's hard to get information.
Thank you!

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough for a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

Halloha, my name's Gianluca. Nice to meet you!- is what I would say in a formal setting.
But hence you found me in my area of comfort, welcome to my humble abode. Would you like some tea? Maybe you fancy some Earl Grey.
Anyway anyway I'm starting to babble lol, if you're wondering what I'm here for, it's for talking to you, interesting person out there wherever may you be. Meeting new people and all it brings is something I love. Making friends this way is amazing so therefore I presented myself!
If details are something you're into hearing, i can give you lots:
-I have to refuel every day almost cuz I go through an entire tank in 2 days or less. Love driving around. (Had to get new shoes and take up running to reduce expenses)
-I'm a car mechanic, also a construction worker, carpenter and if patience blesses me on that day; a painter.
-What am I saving up for? Well it's big, pretty massive in fact. So massive i could write an entire letter about it... Huh... Would it be cheeky if I said you can ask about this in your message? Would be a good idea.
-Had to start running everywhere for transport which is fun, I also do cycling, practice jumps and tricks at the bike park and do motorcycle and karting races. (Other categories and car racing are a work in progress, will upgrade soon)
-Music taste: this is the part where you look at a bunch of hyperbabble about bands that don't make a lot of sense unless you heard them, but I'll just throw a buncha names and you can see if any of the following applies: Radiohead, Megadeth, Fishmans, Marillion, The Black Keys, Queens of The Stone Age, Buckethead, Alphaville, Dire Straits, Little River Band, David Bowie, XTC, UB40, Commodores, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Cure.
-Ultramegahyper car and motorcycles fan, but in the weirdest way possible. My dream cars are actually cheap french hot hatches like the 306 and a 90's Renault Clio. The car I'd get first no matter what is a 1998 Ford Focus. If possible the RS version. And as for motorcycles I want a Kawasaki ZXR, 80's style. Also love German cars, especially old BMW's, first one I'd get is an e32 with the M70 V12 engine. Also love old Volkswagens and Audis, without a doubt would own an 80's Audi with one of their 5 cylinder engines and turbocharge it. Also very fond of japanese cars and will own a Nissan in any form possible, especially the 350z
-Played almost every Need For Speed game that ever released, started my journey with the franchise through Underground, and played every release as they launched. (yes even Undercover, I actually enjoyed it). I listen to the soundtracks of old NFS games in my free time. Also played Midnight Club, Forza, Assetto Corsa, FlatOut, Burnout, BeamNG... I COULD KEEP GOING.
-Not everything in my life is about cars though, my day is dedicated to music too, especially playing piano. I'm also a guitar and bass player. And really want to get more sound gear and instruments in the future (Cars and music gear? I'll be broke all the time)
-I'm relatively organized, but living by myself has shown me that being the only person inside the house, I leave stuff around unless somebody visits. But while living with my parents I didn't make any mess anywhere so I'm not an absolute demon.
-Yes, living by myself also requires me to cook and I'm actually an amazing cook. I include lots of seasoning and veggies into the meals, even soy to balance things out and eggs for protein. Learned lots while being independent.
-Fun facts about me to end this: The amount of clothes I have in total is so small that i can wash them all in one washing machine load, the house machine size. I also have 3 different pillows around me at all times cuz I don't like laying on a flat surface. I listen to music even while showering. And I own a dog that requires me to feed her on a daily basis even though I beg her to feed off the sun.
Anyways that's about it from me! Hope you enjoyed this lil introduction that is the size of the Twilight prologue, but way better.

Halloha, my name's Gianluca. Nice to meet you!- is what I would say in a formal setting.
But hence you found me in my area of comfort, welcome to my humble abode. Would you like some tea? Maybe you fancy some Earl Grey.
Anyway anyway I'm starting to babble lol, if you're wondering what I'm here for, it's for talking to you, interesting person out there wherever may you be. Meeting new people and all it brings is something I love. Making friends this way is amazing so therefore I presented myself!
If details are something you're into hearing, i can give you lots:
-I have to refuel every day almost cuz I go through an entire tank in 2 days or less. Love driving around. (Had to get new shoes and take up running to reduce expenses)
-I'm a car mechanic, also a construction worker, carpenter and if patience blesses me on that day; a painter.
-What am I saving up for? Well it's big, pretty massive in fact. So massive i could write an entire letter about it... Huh... Would it be cheeky if I said you can ask about this in your message? Would be a good idea.
-Had to start running everywhere for transport which is fun, I also do cycling, practice jumps and tricks at the bike park and do motorcycle and karting races. (Other categories and car racing are a work in progress, will upgrade soon)
-Music taste: this is the part where you look at a bunch of hyperbabble about bands that don't make a lot of sense unless you heard them, but I'll just throw a buncha names and you can see if any of the following applies: Radiohead, Megadeth, Fishmans, Marillion, The Black Keys, Queens of The Stone Age, Buckethead, Alphaville, Dire Straits, Little River Band, David Bowie, XTC, UB40, Commodores, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Cure.
-Ultramegahyper car and motorcycles fan, but in the weirdest way possible. My dream cars are actually cheap french hot hatches like the 306 and a 90's Renault Clio. The car I'd get first no matter what is a 1998 Ford Focus. If possible the RS version. And as for motorcycles I want a Kawasaki ZXR, 80's style. Also love German cars, especially old BMW's, first one I'd get is an e32 with the M70 V12 engine. Also love old Volkswagens and Audis, without a doubt would own an 80's Audi with one of their 5 cylinder engines and turbocharge it. Also very fond of japanese cars and will own a Nissan in any form possible, especially the 350z
-Played almost every Need For Speed game that ever released, started my journey with the franchise through Underground, and played every release as they launched. (yes even Undercover, I actually enjoyed it). I listen to the soundtracks of old NFS games in my free time. Also played Midnight Club, Forza, Assetto Corsa, FlatOut, Burnout, BeamNG... I COULD KEEP GOING.
-Not everything in my life is about cars though, my day is dedicated to music too, especially playing piano. I'm also a guitar and bass player. And really want to get more sound gear and instruments in the future (Cars and music gear? I'll be broke all the time)
-I'm relatively organized, but living by myself has shown me that being the only person inside the house, I leave stuff around unless somebody visits. But while living with my parents I didn't make any mess anywhere so I'm not an absolute demon.
-Yes, living by myself also requires me to cook and I'm actually an amazing cook. I include lots of seasoning and veggies into the meals, even soy to balance things out and eggs for protein. Learned lots while being independent.
-Fun facts about me to end this: The amount of clothes I have in total is so small that i can wash them all in one washing machine load, the house machine size. I also have 3 different pillows around me at all times cuz I don't like laying on a flat surface. I listen to music even while showering. And I own a dog that requires me to feed her on a daily basis even though I beg her to feed off the sun.
Anyways that's about it from me! Hope you enjoyed this lil introduction that is the size of the Twilight prologue, but way better.

It happens repeatedly that when I turn on AP the auto windshield wiper turns on automatically and it starts against bright blue sky on clear day. It seems to do that especially against sun light with glare. It feels so dumb.
I accept that their CV based rain sensing isn't perfect yet. But what makes me mad is I cannot turn auto off unless I turn off AP. This seems absurd to me.

Hey all,
Back at it again after just now finishing Double Agents. A definite overall improvement over last season, but one that is still a bit of a slog to get through and not without its flaws. Let’s discuss.
Disclaimer: At this stage I have only seen seasons 5-36 of The Challenge, plus the VS spinoffs. Please refrain from spoiling any other seasons, or returning players. Thanks :)
TL;DR Summary
Double Agents continues with the skull twist introduced last season, forcing people to enter and win an elimination if they want to make it to the final. Whilst they try to tweak this twist to create a better season, it still negatively impacts things overall. The cast is pretty solid, but the boot order is rough and has a major alliance dominate through the whole season WotW2 style. There are a few standout characters which bring life to an otherwise boring season, and daily challenges are mostly ok. Eliminations quickly got old with the same set of 5 reused over and over, albeit with a few tweaks. Fortunately it has an incredible, tough final unlike something we’ve seen in recent memory (not counting WotW), and winners which feel mostly satisfying.
The Good

• The opening half of the season was genuinely quite entertaining and good
• Devin and Kyle are in strong form this season - fantastic commentary and entertainment
• Theresa brings it her whole time on the season
• Big T has a major breakout season, having her true MC moment
• The format is actually pretty interesting and good, outside of the skull twist.
• The final is fantastic - tough, entertaining and hits all the nails on the head
• Amber has a really satisfying and strong win

The Not So Good

• … but I don’t feel as strongly about CT taking another win - I want new winners!
• The season is way too long - I’ve just looked at the cast again and I forgot half of the people that were here.
• The skull twist yet again eventually causes people to line up and ‘take their turn’ - boring!
• Fessy is quite possibly my most hated contestant in recent memory.
• The season is boring and predictable, especially after the halfway point.
• Eliminations get old - and Hall Brawl is ridiculously overused. Like c’mon Fessy getting to do it twice?
• Some strange or dodgy production decisions - the first elimination not being mens - the third Hall Brawl not being mens (and giving us Kyle v CT), Fessy being allowed to stay in the game after the Nelson HB, etc.
• Too many medical DQs

The format
The format this season is equal parts good and bad.
It’s a partners season with shifting teams. Male/female teams are initially self-selected at the start of the season after the first challenge. I quite liked how they left it up to the contestants to choose their first partner - good drama and some really cool teams came out of it. These teams would not stick it out though, as the season introduced multiple twists to allow shifting and changing.
As always, we had our usual daily challenges, where teams compete, in their duos, for a win. The winners of a challenge become our ‘Double Agents’ for the week. After the challenge, everyone beside the Double Agents would participate in nominations to discuss who they want to put up for elimination. Individually, all contestants would then vote for the team they want to send into elimination (anonymously)
Following these noms, the Double Agents are privately shown the nominated team as well as all individuals that voted to send them in. They are then given the power to send in their opponent after arriving to the elimination arena and seeing the game.
Eliminations shake out like usual, albeit with a limited pool of games this season, but are played individually in male/female days rather than as duos. After an individual is eliminated, a few things happen. The losing contestants partner becomes a ‘Rogue Agent’ and will be left alone, unable to compete, until a new partner pops up in the next episode as a result of THAT elimination. The winning individual of the elimination can either stay with their partner, take the losing individual’s partner, or steal ANY other partner on the show, except for the Double Agents.
If this alone was the format - top tier. Whilst I loved some of those initial teams, the ability for them to shift around was fantastic. I loved seeing the drama involved with picking new partners, and how it forced some unlikely duos together.
Unfortunately, the winner of the elimination also gets… a skull… and this is what is required in order to run the final. They openly state a limited number of skulls this season, but it doesn’t do too much to alleviate the issues introduced by this twist last season. Everyone just lines up to take their turn in the elimination, and it slows down the season and makes it a struggle to get through. I hope to never see this twist again - it takes out so much unpredictability.
The cast
Look the cast is overall good this season. There are some flops but we have some great people around, and a season without Bananas at that. Unfortunately the boot order is a bit tough to watch - we lose a lot of the entertainment due to the dominant, bland alliance, and so the cast slowly gets worse over. I’ve got a LOT of contestants to get through so might try to keep things a bit briefer.
CT: I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster with CT lately. I keep wanting to see the CT we saw upon his initial return - that stint around Rivals - Exes 2. But I think the fact of the matter is that he’s different yet again. I found him to honestly be a little dull at times this season. The first 3/4s he really didn’t provide a whole lot. Then you DO get the drama with Big T, his showdown with Fessy, and his eventual win with Amber, so things do come around in the end and his win is cathartic if only because he wasn’t part of that majority alliance all season. I also like the full circle moment of him taking a win in Iceland after Exes (which I BELIEVE was also there?). I would have enjoyed a new winner on the male side though... getting Turbo/Rogan was nice, but it feels like we’re falling back into familiar territory with Jordan/Bananas/CT winning.
Amber: I really enjoyed watching and rooting for Amber this season. Her initial partnership with Darrell was fantastic, and one of my favourite pairings of the season. Unfortunately, she for some reason gets shafted by the edit through 80% of the season and barely gets to show any personality or narration capabilities. I love that she got to shine a bit more in the final few episodes though, winning the two (admittedly easy) Hall Brawls, and absolutely SMASHING that tough final. She in no way had to lean on her partner, crushing almost all aspects of the final and putting in a memorable finish and win - love seeing a rookie come through and take the crown. I really hope to see more of her, perhaps in more of a main character role, in the future.
Cory: Loved seeing Cory make a deep run again. Whilst he WAS aligned with the majority alliance, and thus pretty safe all season, he’s a great confessionalist that has only improved over time, and provides fantastic narration through this whole season. He’s also really funny in confessionals this time around, calling out the antics in the house in his trademark style. Loved to see him earn a little bit of money ‘for his family’, and was dying at his rotating door of female partners all season. A good Cory season.
Kam: Much like CT I find I am often on a bit of a rollercoaster with Kam. I think I prefer seeing her need to scrap from the bottom, because I found it hard to root for her this season as the leader of the majority alliance. She dominated from start to finish, and for someone that loves an underdog, it often put me in a position where I’d be rooting against her, and even disliking her. Her arrogance sometimes rubs me the wrong way, even though it IS sometimes earnt with how she has played in the past. In the end though, I came back around on her and was able to appreciate her presence and gameplay this season. I enjoyed seeing her take 2nd place too.
Leroy: Leroy’s ‘final’ season (tbd if that proves to be true or not), and what a way to go out. He may not have won, liked he set out to do, but this is Leroy’s best season through and through. He has agency over the game, and without Bananas to lead the pack, steps up alongside Kam to make decisions and actually have a say. It’s refreshing to see from him, and I enjoyed his usual placement as the ‘straight man’ amongst the antics of his house. Again, his placement in that majority often made it hard to get behind his plight, but I’m happy for his performance this season and think this will be a great way for him to finish his challenge career, if that proves to be true. Great daily performances alongside Kaycee, and a commendable final effort. Probably would have liked to see him secure the win here, although if that meant a Nany win I wouldn’t have been super happy.
Nany: Speaking of Nany… gosh since her return I’ve liked her less with each appearance. She had some really awful moments last season and continued to showcase some bad personality traits this time around, yet again betraying one of her ‘best friends’ Aneesa. Her proximity to the Big Brother alliance, even more so than Kam/Leroy due to how ingrained she is, also puts a big taint on her character, as Josh, Fessy and to a lesser extent Kaycee aren’t my favourite contestants at the moment. I hate that he storyline is the EXACT SAME every season. Line for line I feel like she has the same confessionals every time ‘I’m finally here to take my win after x seasons’.
Fessy: Holy crap. I actually haven’t outright hated someone on The Challenge in a long, long time. There was Paulie, sure, but I LOVED to hate on him. Fessy is my least favourite contestant in recent memory, and it’s not even close. Firstly, he has to be the least-charismatic villain the show has ever seen. He has the personality of a wet towel, and combined with his inflated sense of self and arrogance, it gives us a truly hateable contestant. He belittled and blamed his female contestants all season long, and then when he finally gets his ‘first choice’, he gives up in the final and tries to gaslight it into being Kaycee’s fault. Seeing him place last in the final was FANTASTIC, and I LOVED that everyone dogged on him for his choices. Production included with that fantastic Karma Chameleon needle drop. His ego is ridiculous, and I think he should have been DQed after his actions in that Nelson Hall Brawl. Just ridiculous and unsafe. The fact that he was allowed to compete in a second HB after that is an awful choice on production’s end. I need him to get humbled in elimination BAD. Preferably a physical one.
Kaycee: My feelings towards Kaycee are much, much less severe that Fessy. Kaycee suffers from just being boring. She’s completely likeable, and she seems cool. She’s a great competitor. But her personality doesn’t feel geared towards the challenge, and for someone making it so deep two season in a row, I’d hope to see a bit MORE from her. Whether this is productions’ fault or her own is yet to be seen, but if she continues to be on the show I’d love to see some more entertainment from her. I felt horrible for her in the final though, and was genuinely sad to see her go out that way, even if I was satisfied with Fessy losing.
Kyle: One of the three shining points of entertainment this season - Kyle is in strong form. He’s never in the majority, and often getting betrayed by the minority, and so we get Kyle playing this scrappy game all season long. He’s fantastic in confessionals this season, it’s almost a stand-out for him, providing non-stop comedy both there and in the house itself. His heart and determination is on display yet again too, following his injury in the final Hall Brawl of the season against Fessy. I would have loved to see Kyle take this one home this season - I truly do feel like he has it in him to win. I’ll be highlighting many Kyle quotes and moments below.
Big T: Yet another shining point of entertainment this season. I’ve mentioned how much I’ve enjoyed Big T in her fleeting moments on the previous two seasons, and I absolutely loved seeing her get a main-character season this time around. She is one of our main narrators and storylines from the get-go, quickly ending up as CTs partner and giving us a fantastic story of triumph and building confidence. She goes through ups and downs with CT as a partner when he leaves her for Kam, and eventually makes his way back, but all throughout she remains likeable and such a bright presence. Unfortunately I don’t think she’s ever going to be a winning threat… but in terms of entertainment value and personality, I think she should continue to do many more Challenges.
Darrell: Alongside Amber, Darrell gets done DIRTY this season. We have one of the most iconic vets of the game, and he’s reduced to a few fleeting confessionals here and there, with nothing in between? So disrespectful of Production. Darrell is absolute gold in confessionals, and the ones he DOES get are almost always memorable and fun. I wish we would have seen even more of him, and his relationship with Amber. One of the only true partnerships this season imo, never betraying each other and always being supportive.
Aneesa: This is going to surprise some of you based on how I’ve spoken about Aneesa over her last few appearances, but I actually think she brought it this season. She’s no physical-threat, or winning-threat, but entertainment-wise I actually think she was memorable. She won multiple dailies, with different partners, and earnt a gold skull as well, against Tori of all people, even if her eventual elimination performance is dreadful. The relationship with Fessy as her partner, as well as Kyle after switching, were both fantastic in different ways. Fessy because it was GREAT to see him constantly handicapped, and Kyle because they genuinely worked well together and had great chemistry. One of Aneesa’s more memorable seasons in a long time.
Nam: I feel so bad for Nam. Having Lolo as a partner for most of the season and then getting DQed with an injury. He was a little boring, but I’d like to see him back to get another shot. I think he could bring something given a better starting hand.
Gabby: I liked Gabby. I don’t think she’s anything crazy or unique from what we’ve seen before, but she had a strong confessional style and was able to speak well. Kinda hate that she eventually gave in an hooked up with Mr. Introvert though.
Josh: Josh this season was how I remembered Josh from Big Brother. It’s taken a while, but he’s gone from surprisingly ok back to what I first thought of him - loud, obnoxious and annoying. Fortunately, his presence this season was appreciated because he had a fantastic foil to his personality in Devin. The Devin v Josh stuff was the highlight of the season entertainment-wise. And seeing the true side of Fessy this season makes Josh look likeable in comparison.
Lolo: Wow, what an absolute flop. Lolo showed so much promise on the VS spin-off and is a complete let-down this season. She pretty much whinges from Day 1 when things aren’t going her way and constantly blames Nam for everything happening. And then she just quits? What a fail. They should have brought back Louise.
Devin: Devin’s first season in a little while, and what a memorable one. He almost single handedly makes the first half of this season. Much like with Bananas, he just has a way of getting under people’s skin like nobody else can. I LOVE it. The way he played Josh over and over and over never ceased making me laugh. ‘Big brother sucks’, ‘what’s 8x9’ and many more will be referenced further a bit below. He was comedy gold this season and the entertainment value dropped off significantly after his boot. Also adds Wes to his surprising elimination win list.
Amber M: Amber had quite a bit of exposure through the first half of the season - quite a bit of drama surrounding her and her relationship with Devin and others, but she ultimately didn’t lead enough of an impact to be all that memorable.
Mechie: Mechie seemed like a good person and the small insights we got into his backstory were good, but he’s not built for The Challenge and I’d be pretty surprised if we see him again.
Theresa: Theresa was an absolute STAR this season. This is my favourite season of hers ever. She may not have made it deep but she brought back her signature personality matched with a bit more maturity and it hit all the right notes for me. She was smart, feisty, and unafraid to back down from the major alliance. I loved her relationship with Jay and was rooting hard for the two of them to make a deep run.
Jay: As mentioned with Theresa, out of the whole season I was rooting the most for Theresa/Jay. I loved both of them and thought they complemented each other really well. It was nice to see Jay make it a little further than usual - he always seems to get targeted for his size, and he continued to be targeted this season, but he was fortunately able to make it a little deeper. Really likeable, love his never-back-down attitude. He’s a great player and I’d love to see him become a staple to the point where he isn’t targeted as much and can play the game a bit longer.
Ashley: Ashley was literally in and out of the house not once but TWICE. It’s a shame Ashley leaves so many seasons early because you can’t say she doesn’t bring drama and personality.
Lio: Nothing really to say about Lio - I don’t follow WWE so had no attachment to him, and he’s pretty low-key on the season up until leaving.
Tori: A surprising early finish for Tori, especially considering she lost to Aneesa. It was nice having her out a little early. We’ve seen a lot of her lately and I probably didn’t want to see a whole season of her again this soon.
Nelson: A brutal exit for Nelson. I think he got unlucky off the bat getting a rookie and things went downhill from there when he’s blindsided by Fessy to secure his own gold skull. A lot of heart shown by Nelson in that hall brawl despite the matchup. I wish Fessy would have been DQed here and Nelson stay in the game in his place.
Natalie A: Another Survivor on the show! And another Survivor to bring it. I really like Natalie, and her pairing with Wes was a dream come true. They have very similar personalities and ways of playing the game. Devastated that she had to go home for an emergency and I really hope we get to see her back in the future.
Wes: As said, a dream pairing for him with Nat A, but such a lacklustre season from him. I would have loved to see Devin, Kyle, Wes run that little minority, but instead we get a bit of a half-assed attempt from Wes where his head isn’t in the game. Wes’ appearances seem to go one way or the other lately: a deep run or out early. Lame.
Liv, Joseph I actually can’t remember, despite watching these early episodes less than three weeks ago. Oops.
Nicole Z: Wtf?!?! I was keen to see Nicole Z and then she’s medically removed so early? Absolutely brutal. I think her pair-up with Devin would have been interesting to see develop further.
The challenges
The dailies
We get some pretty interesting dailies this season, and some which are quite unique. Not all of them are memorable, but some of my favourites:

• Decryption: I love me an all out brawl for the first challenge of a season. In male and female heats, contestants have to run up a mound to grab a single capture and memorise a key to a puzzle. A good opener to the season.
• Road Kill: This caused a few injuries that would affect individuals on the season, but it was a fun challenge nonetheless. Brawls between two duos are held on top of a moving truck, with the aim to push each other off the side into a suspended net. Good stuff.
• Drone Control: I needed to mention this because it was so low budget and dumb. I hated it. One contestant wears a VR headset whilst the other is blindfolded and must control a drone streaming it’s view to the headset. They need to coordinate to reach the end of a tunnel. So lame.
• Agent Down is pretty good - one team member hangs from a ledge whilst the other must pull out 200m of rope before they can grab onto their partner and help them hang. Big T’s facial expressions here had me dying, and loved the heart and drive Jay/Theresa put into almost winning this.
• Aerial Takedown had the chance to be so cool, but is inevitably thrown away by the entire male side of the house aside from Jay, and some of the female side too. In male/female heats contestants hold onto the side of a large cargo net being carried by a helicopter, and must fight to be last on changing. Instead of a good brawl we just get people playing for skulls and alliances though. Lame.
• All Brawl is the kind of challenge we need more of. Just chuck them into a mud pit more often, it’s always good TV. Male/female heats again, players need to search a giant mud pit for a single large X. It was cool to see the strategy from Nam/CT and a lesser extent Theresa here. Also Lolo sulking because of physical contact.
• Survive the Night is literally built up for THREE episodes. It’s teased in, say episode 1, then episode 2 ends before the challenge has ever begun, and then it’s finally played in episode 3. And then it’s not even good. For all the spectacle and design of the challenge, it ends up flopping with the likes of Kam refusing to play to try and earn Leroy the win. And suss that no-one was penalised for not trying here when almost the whole house cops a penalty after Aerial Takedown.
• Undercover is a stunning challenge, involving swimming along a line between two tectonic plates. Beautiful scenery and location, it was so cool. Kyle/Aneesa clutching the win was fantastic. Fessy blaming Nany when he kicked her in the face to begin with was not fantastic. Also he tried to pull her back down to the line when she was going up for a breath what is WRONG with this man.
• Global Domination: Big flop. Teams just rolling in balls working together.

Ok I take back what I said most of these dailies SUCKED. I don’t know what I was on. Sure, there’s a couple nice ones. All Brawl is good, Road Kill is good, Decryption is good. But half the time everyone just works together or the challenge is bland/predictable.
The eliminations
I struggled with the eliminations this season. For such a long season, we only had six different eliminations, and some of them weren’t interesting or enjoyable to watch. I’ll touch on all of them though because they all have something worth mentioning:

• Fire Escape: We’ve seen it before - players are suspended upside down from a horizontal pole by their arms and legs and need to shimmy back and forth to the end and back. Throughout the season it gets increasingly harder with the addition of mounds/obstacles to move the ropes around. Jay v Leroy is a fantastic showdown here, with Leroy smashing through the back half. Bummed because Jay would have beaten literally anybody else at this. And then Big T gets her moment finishing and winning this, admittedly against Aneesa who just hung there, but still.
• Ring of Spies: Probably should have been more memorable than it was. It was essentially Pole Wrestle with a ring that you needed to get to a ‘goal’. It was ok, but I wouldn’t say Kyle v Joseph nor Nany v Gabby are memorable here.
• Snapping Point: This started off strong, much like reverse tug-of-war. Players are attached with a rope and must race around a few posts before rushing towards a button. At some point the rope runs out of slack and it turns into an endurance battle. Devin with the surprise upset over Wes here, Kaycee with the unfortunate win over Theresa, and then for the third time they, for some reason, make the rope longer? This completely removes the endurance portion of the challenge as the rope has enough slack to straight up reach the button, giving Cory a free win against Darrell due to his speed.
• Hall Brawl: I’ve decided that Hall Brawl probably shouldn’t be played anymore. It can be entertaining, see Zach v CJ, Rogan v Nelson, Theo v Kyle, but that’s because those are all EVEN matchups. More often than not it has been a steamroll lately, and it leads to, not only boring viewing, but the high possibility of injury too. Fessy should be banned from ever playing Hall Brawl again because his actions against Nelson were horrifying, tearing off his protective visor, rubbing dirt in his face and generally being an awful person and competitor. He’s then allowed to go BACK in where he dislocated Kyle’s finger in the first around. God his smugness at winning Hall Brawl’s makes me sick, considering it’s probably one of the only eliminations he easily wins every time because he’s a meathead. Amber B completely rolls over Amber M, and then again over Big T. No good Hall Brawls this time.
• Asset Destruction was just fine. A large cart of heavy balls needs to be pulled down a track and then tipped over, before they are used to smash a series of targets. I don’t know what happened with Tori’s cart, but ANEESA of all people teaches her a lesson. We also get Josh (and Mechie) being absolutely abysmal at this, giving us some fantastic comedy.
• Dead Ringer again, was just fine. I wasn’t a huge fan. It involves swinging out from a platform, attached to a rope, to collect rings and hook them onto towers. The later version of it introduces a puzzle as well. None of these matchups are interesting though, although Josh getting sent home is a cathartic experience.

The final
Dailies, mostly average. Eliminations, mostly average.
But the FINAL?!? ‘Finally, some good fucking food’
This Final was fantastic. It’s easily the best one since War of the Worlds, and I preferred the spectacle and visuals (location) of this one over WotW. It’s a beautiful final played over a rocky coastline, it incorporates a stunning ice cave, and is played at the tail end of a hurricane. The conditions are brutal, timing generally matters, and the first person to make it to TJ is the winner.
We had running/endurance along beautiful Icelandic coastline, a brawling checkpoint which recreated the first Decryption challenge (alright, that reuse is a bit lame), an eating checkpoint where Amber gets a glorious blood-beard, a kayaking portion, and overnight portion in a stunning locale, with an endless dripping of water and mental torture, some puzzles. It really ticked all the boxes and felt tough. CT and Amber’s win feels earned.
It was just a great final all-around. One of the best episode of the season I think, and if this is the new standard of final, I’m all for it. Makes me really reminiscent to like, the Rivals 1/2 or Exes final. Keen for more like this.
Random remaining thoughts from throughout the season

• The Agents theme was sometimes ok… and sometimes a little corny and lame: ‘I’m your handler’ and ‘I’ve created a secret dead drop somewhere worth 1 million’
• Leroy and Kam were a great relationship on the show - we haven’t had a couple as compelling since CT / Diem (rip)
• CT ending up with someone’s shoe and throwing it in Wes’ face was PEAK Challenge. The edit was fantastic. TJ laughing was fantastic. Wes not knowing it was CT. So good.
• Aneesa being the overall winner of the first challenge is insane, and then she picks Fessy, I was DEAD.
• I initially thought it was weird eliminations were played individually. Also thought it was very suss that the first elimination is a girls day and saves Wes and CT
• Devin, whispering: “Kyle… I can’t understand my partner.”
• Wes: ‘Let’s start with the facts. I am indeed rich’
• THE CRATER. Why did I not talk about this above. The location of the elimination arena inside a crater is incredible. So cool.
• Visuals/landscape of the truck challenge were incredible - the black, sandy landscape looked so cool.
• Darrell: ‘Lio doing Sonic the Hedgehog moves’
• The truck wrestle montage set to ‘More, More, More’ was great.
• The whole ‘Big Brother Sucks’ incident between Devin and Josh is perhaps my favourite altercation in recent memory. I was DYING. From the titular use of ‘Big Brother Sucks’ for some reason riling up Josh SO much, to ‘Hey Josh, what’s 8x9’ - it’s all so good. And the confessional commentary ‘He’s now foaming at the mouth. Crying. RAGING. Because I said BB sucks’
• Tori crying inconsolably whilst Devin is smiling from stealing her - loved it.
• Devin asking Amber to leave the room because she doesn’t belong - bit rude.
• Nelson wakes up Devin: ‘Amber comes in crying to me bro, crying on my shoulder’. Devin, just waking up ‘This can’t be real’
• Josh threatening Jay ‘This energy I’m feeling. Don’t make an enemy out of me’ - bro shut up.
• ‘Jay: ‘I’m not like these other contestants I will step in your mouth b*tch’ to Josh
• ‘I’m not going to fight you bro I’m not an idiot. Let’s sit down like adults and talk about this’ - Josh sulks and leaves. ‘A big baby’
• Fessy picking up slamming Nelson, lifting his visor and rubbing dirt in his eyes!? ‘Fessy there’s no more dirty play’ - that’s it? The whole Hall Brawl was just awful behaviour from Fessy and should have resulted in an immediate DQ.
• CT: ‘Cmon let me see that mean face.’ Big T: ‘ooooueeeuhhhhggg’
• Big T executing her plan of Aneesa v Tori, leading to Tori floundering and going home - fantastic stuff.
• Devin mooning Fessy through the glass
• ‘I just wanna punch his head’ ‘I know but we can’t because he’s a man child and it’s not worth it’
• CT gaslighting Theresa and saying he never agreed on Darrell’s name in front of everyone, when he did - brutal for Theresa.
• Theresa taking about her post-partum depression to audience and Cory - loved how real she was with this, and how open to talk about it on such a big platform.
• Devin setting up the Big Brother sucks VIP lounge after winning the challenge I CAN’T
• Lolo crying about not wanting to have Nam as a partner. Cut to Darrel ‘ain’t my problem’
• Devin trash talking Josh after he fails at the boat rope ‘And that’s how you do it ladies and gentlemen. Another star studded performance from Josh’ followed by Devin doing the exact same thing.
• ‘Give me the goof’
• ‘We’re gonna need to get Josh another pair of pants’ ‘Bro I’m not scared to be down here’
• ‘Josh we’ve got more in common than we thought my man’ ‘F*ck off Devin
• CT did Big T so dirty. Wanting to leave for another partner, fair enough. But approach the situation with some respect for your current partner. The way he shouts out Kam and acts like an obnoxious tool was hard to watch. I felt so bad for Big T. And then his drunken, slurred apology later completely flops when he approaches it in such a negative way. Worst look for CT in quite a long time
• ‘NAny, I’m home! What a trip, I’ll tell you all about it when we get back to headquarters’ - Kyle to Nany
• Kam: ‘It’s rubbing me the wrong way, I don’t want to be with anyone that isn’t humble’ - kind of the pot calling the kettle black. Kam is anything BUT humble.
• TJ trying to hold in laughter whilst Kyle outwardly reacts to getting Aneesa had me absolutely DYING. TJ literally had tears in his eyes trying to keep his composure. ‘I hate this game’ ‘Oh hi Aneesa’
• Fessy saying he’s better than CT and that the competition wasn’t the same - he’s taking the crown. ‘If we have to run, so long. It’s a wrap bro’ - what the actual hell is this delusional mess going on about. LOVE, in hindsight, that CT ends up winning this season after this interaction.
• Leroy: ‘Fessy doesn’t know that A, CT will whoop his ass, B CT is a much better player in this game and C, CT will whoop his ass’
• All season I was gobsmacked why Fessy was such a hot commodity? At this point he’s proven nothing except he can beat Jordan in Pole Wrestle with a literal one hand advantage, and Nelson in Hall Brawl. And yet everyone wants Fessy as their partner after he flopped last final. Absurd to me. CT, Darrel are right there all season long.
• Fessy whining because Amber can’t do the math challenge - grow up.
• Final announcement with Final Countdown and TJs ‘Let’s f*cking go’ - epic moment
• Fessy, to Cory: ‘We’re a different breed, me and you bro’ dude what do you MEAN. If by different breed, you’re referring to your entertainment-value, then fair enough because we’ve never seen someone this bad. Don’t lump Cory into that though.
• Running up that Hill needle dropped by The Challenge before Strange Things made it cool - loved it. Great musical moment with Kaycee getting tended to by the medics.
• ‘Go ahead and play the montage of me throwing up right here’
• Fessy using Kaycee’s knee as an excuse to not eat. He’s actually such a grub. Kaycee is standing there, tears in her eyes, eating and ready to keep playing, and Fessy just refuses and uses her as an excuse. No compassion at all
• Leroy to Fessy: Pusssssssyyyyyy
• TJ saying ‘alright you’re good’ and Amber immediately vomiting in front me him ‘that’s disgusting’
• Karma Chameleon drop after Fessy quits - possibly best song choice so far.
• ‘Fessy is not going to own any of this, we already know. Put Fessy’s interview right here saying I would’ve won if not for Kaycee’ - comedy gold from Cory.

Conclusion
And there we have it. Fortunately Double Agents is an improvement over Total Madness. It’s nowhere near a perfect season and struggles with a boring storyline, some bland dailies, and the skull twist, but it also has a few individuals that really stand out, as well as good winners and a fantastic final.
Overall, I’m content with this one.
Next up I have All Stars 1 which I am incredibly excited about. I’ll be trying to do my usual predictions for it but I feel I’m going to get a ridiculous amount wrong. Lets see!
As always, let me know what you all thought of this season - keen to hear your thoughts on it, and please feel free to rag on Fessy with me. Thanks for reading!
Rankings
Wild that this marks my thirty-fifth season of The Challenge. A cool milestone. I’ve placed this in a spot which surprised me a little, I didn’t expect it to be so high, but comparing it to some of the seasons below is what landed it here. It could change, as always with these rankings.

1. S25: Free Agents
2. S24: Rivals 2
3. S33: War of the Worlds
4. S21: Rivals
5. S34: War of the Worlds 2
6. S13: The Duel
7. S30: Dirty 30
8. S10: Inferno 2
9. S29: Invasion of The Champions
10. S20: Cutthroat
11. S8: The Inferno
12. S19: Fresh Meat 2
13. S12: Fresh Meat
14. S26: Battle of the Exes 2
15. S22: Battle of the Exes
16. S32: Final Reckoning
17. S17: The Duel 2 (V)
18. S15: The Gauntlet 3
19. S18: The Ruins
20. S31: Vendettas
21. S36: Double Agents
22. S28: Rivals 3
23. The Challenge: Champs v Stars 2
24. The Challenge: Champs vs Pros
25. S6: Battle of the Sexes
26. S14: Inferno 3
27. S11: The Gauntlet 2
28. S7: The Gauntlet
29. The Challenge: Champs vs Stars
30. S5: Battle of the Seasons
31. S9: Battle of the Sexes 2
32. S23: Battle of the Seasons (2)
33. S27: Battle of the Bloodlines
34. S35: Total Madness
35. S16: The Island

Ahh yes daddy buzz this pussy ahhh
Mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ahhhYou want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. , bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says,
THEY SEE ME ROLLIN THEY HATINg THEY TRYNA GET MY DICK MAD DIRTY idk the song lyrics tbh but that's how I remembered it as a kid
"Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls ... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at
I have a disturbing panty fetish help me guys
really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff.
POLLINATE HARDER POLLINATE FASTER YASSS QUEEN
Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open 6969696996996999999969969699تيخيزهسمسوسخسمستسخميتيهشخ mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, geahahahahagahahaga bitches pls help siakiaosasksk skpss kskskskskskst with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a labe كس امك يا حول احا خخخخخخخl on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, r yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. Sabsjsjsjo why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the firahsusnahst time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody
I CALL MY DICK THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER CUZ IT DEFINITELY BIG AND IT DEF BE COLLDINF WITH THE BITCHES
needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very ! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what
Y'all think venasaa wanted to fuck Barry? Too bad that male bees ball explode after they nut speaking of HONEY NUT CHEERIOS AHH
understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees!
I quit porn for 5 days. I am so horny. If a lady touched my legs I would bust. Please help. I was on the verge to develop a vaccine for aids via targeting the reverse transcriptase enzyme using the same technology in the the Covid-19 but I cannot masterbate to make it.
Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the , we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that
I plan to kill myself by overdosing on paracetamol and alcohol but I am too scared to end my miserable life. pussy me. Ha you are what you eat
another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky!
They should make johnny sins part of the avenger. I like GTA 5 ha I am a basic aka anti acidic trollololollol
Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! -million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're hdusjdjeowokwje8sjsu0akwha9nwe89wb28ekenhd8dne8w3uoskwnsiwnehs8neuskebeisknsgonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.
I masterbate on GitHub bc 01010 ain't on the regular hub
Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare e0000000000h who lives in a pineapple under the sea?? d?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

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· Market Coverage
· Market number available for – 2023-2029
· Base year- 2022
· Forecast period- 2023-2029
· Segment Covered- By Source, By Product Type, By Applications
· Competitive Landscape- Archer Daniels Midland Co., Ingredion Inc., Kerry Group Plc, Cargill
· Inc., and others
Market Segmentation
Japan Electric Bus Market by Bus Type
o Hybrid Electric Bus
o Fuel Cell Electric Bus
o Battery Electric Bus
Japan Electric Bus Market by Battery Type
o Lithium-ion batteries
o NiMH Batteries
o Others
Japan Electric Bus Market by End-User
o Government
o Fleet Owner
Company Profiles
o BYD Co. Ltd.
o Hino Motors Ltd.
o Nissan Motor Co., Ltd.
o Toshiba Corp.
o Toyota Motors
The Report Covers
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• Comprehensive research methodology of the Japan Electric Bus market.
• This report also includes a detailed and extensive market overview with key analyst insights.
• An exhaustive analysis of macro and micro factors influencing the market guided by key recommendations.
• Analysis of regional regulations and other government policies impacting the Japan Electric Bus market.
• Insights about market determinants which are stimulating the Japan Electric Bus market.
• Detailed and extensive market segments with regional distribution of forecasted revenues.
• Extensive profiles and recent developments of market players.

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.357 SIG (or 9x22mm) may not have set the handgun world on fire quite the way Federal and SIG Sauer wanted it to, but that wasn’t necessarily the round’s fault. Since its introduction nearly 30 years ago, it has gained a niche but loyal following and proven itself to be a worthy defensive cartridge.
Of course, as with any round, high-quality, purpose-built defensive ammo makes a world of difference compared to standard target ammo, so it’s important to run something you can depend on when you need it most.
The best .357 SIG defense ammo is the 125gr Speer Gold Dot GDHP Hollow Points.
Still, there are a host of other options out there worth considering as well, especially if you like to experiment with your carry ammo to find the best possible fit for you and your gun.

Best .357 Sig Ammo for Self Defense

• Speer Gold Dot 125gr GDHP - Best Overall
• Federal Personal Defense HST 125gr Jacketed Hollow Point - Law Enforcement Favorite
• Federal Premium 125gr Jacketed Hollow Point - Best Value

Speer Gold Dot 125gr GDHP - Best Overall

Specs

• Bullet Type: Gold Dot Jacketed Hollow Point
• Bullet Weight: 125gr
• Muzzle Velocity: 1375fps
• Muzzle Energy: 525ft-lbs
• Casing Type: Nickel-Plated Brass

Pros

• Proven track record in law enforcement use
• Nickel-plated casing for more reliable function in semi-auto handguns than brass cases
• Very high muzzle velocity for consistent penetration and expansion
• Meets or exceeds FBI penetration standards

Cons

• More expensive than other similar options like Speer Lawman
• Hard to find in stock at times

Why We Chose It

Speer Gold Dot Hollow Points are one of the premier hollow point options out there and have proven themselves in the hands of state and federal law enforcement for decades now.
This .357 SIG ammo functioned reliably in every semi-automatic handgun we tested, including in my own Glock 32 concealed carry and a SIG P229 Nitron.
These 125-grain JHPs pass the FBI’s penetration test in ballistics gel, and the stellar Gold Dot design provides extremely uniform and consistent expansion.
The Uni-Cor bonding method and pressure-formed projectile core ensure the copper jacket and lead core stay together and don’t separate when passing through a hard barrier.
At 525ft.-lbs of energy, this is also one of the most powerful .357 SIG cartridges on shelves right now.

Other .357 SIG Ammunition Recommendations for Defense

Federal Personal Defense HST 125gr Jacketed Hollow Point

Specs

• Bullet Type: Federal HST Jacketed Hollow Point
• Bullet Weight: 125gr
• Muzzle Velocity: 1360fps
• Muzzle Energy: 513ft-lbs
• Casing Type: Nickel-Plated Brass

Pros

• Ideal penetration in ballistics testing
• Proven HST hollow point design
• Used by multiple state law enforcement agencies, as well as federal agencies abroad
• Lightest recoil on our list

Cons

• Expensive
• HST Hollow point expands less consistently after passing through a hard surface like a windshield

Why We Chose It

Federal’s HST hollow point design is another proven contender in the world of defensive ammunition. This high-velocity ammo is nickel-plated for reliable feeding and features sealed primers for stellar function in adverse conditions (or if you’ve left your ammo loaded in your mag a little long).
The HST bullet is designed to maintain mass as it travels through soft tissue while still expanding reliably to cause sufficient wounding and prevent overpenetration. In testing, it maintained the most mass after full penetration of any round on this list.
That means that when the round gets to where it’s going, it’s still mostly intact and transferred more of its energy to the target (a gel block in this case) while expanding. Like our top pick, it meets FBI penetration test standards and is used by numerous state-level police agencies and investigation bureaus.

Federal Premium Law Enforcement 125gr JHP

Specs

• Bullet Type: HST Jacketed Hollow Point
• Bullet Weight: 125gr
• Muzzle Velocity: 1360 fps
• Muzzle Energy: 513ft-lbs
• Casing Type: Nickel-Plated Brass/ Plain Brass

Pros

• Similar performance to Personal Defense line above
• Much more affordable than other premium hollow points
• Available in bulk

Cons

• Hard to find the nickel-plated variety
• Typically only available in 50rd+ boxes

Why We Chose It

It’s never a good idea to be too cheap when it comes to your self-defense ammo, but Federal has still got the misers among us covered with their SIG .357 Law Enforcement 125gr JHP ammo.
This stuff is very similar to the more expensive Personal Defense line above and provides the same bullet moving at the same velocity (and thus with the same energy). It has proven extremely reliable in our testing and works great in most common .357 SIG handguns.
The downside is it’s hard to find in the nickel-plated casings, so you’re left with the more corrosion-prone brass cases most of the time. Is that a problem for most people? Maybe, maybe not. Just make sure you’re checking your carry ammo occasionally, and you’ll be fine.
Other than that, it can be hard to find in 20-rd boxes, so you might occasionally need to buy 50+rd boxes but…I find it difficult to call having more ammo a bad thing.

Honorable Mentions

There are a few other options that we either haven’t tested in a wide enough variety of guns yet or that we’re just waiting on manufacturers to restock. These are rounds that I personally trust, from manufacturers with a reputation for quality. I’d carry any of these (and have in some cases).
Hornady Critical Duty .357 SIG 135 Grain FlexLock: A solid performer that features Hornady’s no-clog Flex-Tip projectile that is designed to better deal with thick clothing, plus an InterLock band that helps keep the projectile intact for maximum penetration and expansion.
It also passes all FBI ammunition tests, is nickel-plated for more reliable feeding, and uses proprietary powder formulations to reduce muzzle flash.
Underwood Ammo .357 SIG 147 Grain Jacketed Hollow Point: A great option that uses Hornady’s excellent (and field-proven) XTP hollow point coupled with a nickel-plated case for reliable feeding and ejection. Also uses low-flash powder to preserve vision when shooting in dark environments.
Winchester Defender 125gr Bonded JHP: Winchester’s proven bonded jacketed hollow point design has passed every FBI penetration test and evaluation protocol and is in use by multiple State police departments and federal organizations. It has a proven track record in the field and is a good value as well.
Remington Golden Saber 125gr JHP: Another law-enforcement favorite, Remington’s Golden Saber line is a great option that functions well, and won’t break the bank. This is a notable step up in performance from say, Remington’s UMC line, and is perfect for self/home defense.
Fiocchi 124gr FMJ-TC: This one is a little bit different in that it isn’t a hollow point at all and shouldn’t be used for defensive purposes. Why is it on our list, then? Because it is an affordable flat-nosed training bullet. It leaves very clear holes in paper targets and is perfect for competition scoring.
If you’re looking to shoot something like an IDPA or USPSA match with your chosen carry gun, pick up some of this stuff instead of shooting the much more expensive hollow points to ring steel and punch paper.

Buyer’s Guide: The Importance of Selecting the Right Defensive Ammo (.357 SIG or Otherwise)

When it comes to choosing defensive ammo, there are a few things to keep in mind. At the end of the day, you’re carrying this ammo in case you need to stop a threat in a life-or-death situation, and that means your ammo absolutely cannot be found wanting.
When looking at defensive ammo in general, the main things to look for are reliability, penetration, and expansion.
You need ammo that is going to function reliably in your gun, and you need to know that it is going to penetrate deep enough to do its job. Expanding ammo is also a must in order to cause a significant enough wound to stop a threat with a handgun.
The .357 SIG may have been intended to mimic the .357 Magnum when fired from a semi-auto handgun, but that doesn’t mean you can skimp and shoot a typical target FMJ instead of a purpose-built defense round and expect to stop a threat reliably.
You also need something that is controllable, and .357 SIG definitely is that. If you’re used to something like .45 ACP or 10mm, this will be a cakewalk. It’s a touch more recoil than a 9mm and about on par with .40 S&W.

Factors to Consider when Selecting .357 Sig Self-Defense Ammo

Choosing a .357 SIG round for carry means picking something that is going to expand consistently, defeat barriers like thick clothing or the arm of an assailant, and still penetrate deeply enough to cause significant trauma to a vital organ.
That means the ammunition we choose needs to be a high-quality controlled-expansion hollow point that penetrates 12”-18” in ballistics media.
Why that distance?
That range is the ideal range to make sure you get enough penetration when striking a human attacker to go through an arm, thick clothing, or something like a windshield or car door (both of which are more of a police issue than a civilian issue) and still have enough energy to reach a vital organ.
Why is there an upper range? Because if a bullet over-penetrates, you risk striking an innocent bystander, and at best, you’re wasting energy. We want a bullet that expends all of its energy on the assailant, not the wall behind them.
Let’s take a look at the types of bullets that can provide this type of performance.

Types of .357 Sig Defense Ammunition: Bullet Types Explained

Full metal jacket (FMJ): FMJ rounds consist of a lead bullet with a (usually) copper coating around the exposed lead. This creates a projectile that holds its shape as it strikes a soft surface. These rounds are very affordable and great for target shooting.
However, since they don’t expand when striking a soft surface, they’re not ideal for self-defense.
Total Metal Jacket (TMJ): TMJ rounds are similar but feature a copper coating on the rear of the bullet to completely enclose the lead projectile. This is ideal for indoor range shooting as it lowers lead exposure and is required in some cases. They’re still not ideal for self-defense.
Jacketed Hollow Point (JHP): A jacketed hollow point is the preferred carry round of almost all police and law enforcement agencies. These rounds feature a copper-wrapped lead projectile, just like the two choices above.
However, these rounds have a hollow nose, which causes the round to mushroom open to almost twice its initial diameter when striking a soft surface. This effectively turns a .357 caliber projectile into a .70+ caliber projectile after it hits an assailant.
This makes them much more effective at stopping a human threat and also keeps them from over-penetrating and thereby wasting their energy on something you don’t want to put a hole in, like your apartment wall or an innocent bystander.
Solid-Copper Hollow Point (SCHP): A solid-copper hollow point is exactly what it sounds like. These rounds are more expensive and rare in the .357 SIG space, but companies like Buffalo Bore do make them. These hollow points penetrate more than is strictly necessary for a human-sized threat and are more intended for dealing with large game animals.

How to Test 357 Sig Defense Ammo

When you’re testing any defensive ammo, as long as you’re going with an expanding projectile from a reputable name in the industry, you don’t really need to break out the ballistics gel yourself. Chances are, somebody online has already done that testing for you.
What neither I nor anyone else on the internet can do for you is test your chosen defensive ammo in your gun.
Defensive firearms have gotten a lot less picky about bullet weights and projectile profiles over the years, but it’s still important that you take your ammo to the range and test it extensively. I personally go through about three or four boxes or so of my chosen ammo each time to make sure it functions reliably in a new gun.
I know that’s expensive, but I’d rather know my ammo works. At the bare minimum, shoot a couple of full mags at real-world distances. Pick a handgun self-defense drill and run through it a few times to make sure your gun will cycle your chosen ammo well.

Real-World Effectiveness of .357 SIG Defense Ammo

Despite the seeming lack of popularity of the .357 SIG, it’s still proven itself in real-world use by major state and federal law enforcement agencies.
On the state side of things, the Texas Hwy Patrol and the state police forces of Delaware, Mississippi, Montana, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Tennessee, and Virginia have all used .357 SIG duty weapons.
On the federal side, the Secret Service, Bureau of Industry and Security, Air Marshals, Customs and Border Patrol, and FBI have all used .357 SIG as well.

Frequently Asked Questions

What’s the difference between 9x22mm ammo and .357 sig ammo?

There is no difference between 9x22mm ammo and .357 Sig ammo. They are the same rounds.

Is the 357 sig too much for self-defense?

No, the 357 Sig is not too much for self-defense.

Can you use the 357 sig for home defense?

Yes, you can use the 357 Sig for home defense.

Is 357 SIG a good defensive round?

Yes, 357 Sig is a good defensive round. Even though it’s not the most popular caliber, it’s more than capable of stopping a threat.

Parting Shots

.357 Sig is a great option for self-defense, with a lot of great factory ammo options available that will help keep you and your loved ones safe. The round may be a bit niche, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t effective, and the ammo we’ve discussed here definitely proves that.
With the best .357 Sig defense ammo, you should feel confident with wielding a SIG .357 in defense of hearth and home, and you’ll have the bonus of probably being the only one of your buddies to carry one.
For more info, check out our complete list of .357 SIG ammo, or check out our in-depth comparison of .357 SIG and 9mm to see how this slightly niche round stands up to the self-defense king. We also have more info on this great round and how to choose the perfect ammo below.
.357 SIG Defensive Ammo: Effective and Underrated originally appeared on Ammo.com

LPI (LP Information)' newest research report, the “Denatonium Benzoate Bitter Industry Forecast” looks at past sales and reviews total world Denatonium Benzoate Bitter sales in 2022, providing a comprehensive analysis by region and market sector of projected Denatonium Benzoate Bitter sales for 2023 through 2029. With Denatonium Benzoate Bitter sales broken down by region, market sector and sub-sector, this report provides a detailed analysis in US$ millions of the world Denatonium Benzoate Bitter industry.
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The main participants
Zhengzhou Beth Food Additive
Haihang Group
Shanxi Laike Bio
Zhejiang Synose Tech
Johnson Matthey
PMC Specialties
Fengchen Group
Aversion Technologies
Nikita Transphase Adducts
Wincom
Segmentation by type
Powders
Granules
Segmentation by application
Antifreeze and Engine Coolants
Windshield Wiper Fluids
Personal Care And Cosmetic
Denatured Alcohols
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Rodent Baits
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Samples and decants
📣 CALLING ALL CURIOUS NOSES 📣
I have collected many, MANY samples of fragrances over the past year or two, and it is time for me to pass them along to the next curious nose.
PS. Sorry for the incredibly unfortunate shadow my phone cast over the 4160 samples FML
I have carded and un-carded samples, as well as 6 curated Sens Unique themed niche sample boxes.
I will combine BOTH the carded and un-carded groups for a total of $140 shipped CONUS from TX. It would be hugely convenient for me to ship everything together so you get a big ole discount! The Sens Unique boxes are $20 each shipped CONUS from TX.
✨Uncarded - full set $115 shipped CONUS (99 samples by my count, but I’ll find something else to throw in to get it to an even 100 for you)
Mix of official and decanted samples and decants varying levels in each, some are larger than average like 3-4mls, some are just a few sprays, and the majority are mostly full standard size 2ml bottles✨
4160 Tuesdays (22)
Drive Them Wild Dancing With Strangers Honey Jasmine Karma Dark Queen Freeway Cherry Who? Oakmossery Creamy Vanilla Crumble Sleep Knot Goodbye Piccadilly Take Me To The River Saltburn Driftwood Eau My Soul Sunshine and Pancakes Coulda Illusion Redchurch Flora Psychadelica Scenthusiasm White Queen Truth Beauty Freedom Love Burnt Cedar Rainbow Dove Shazam!
Montale (4) Sweet Flowers Intense Cafe Day Dreams Rose Elixir
Angelos Creations Olfactives (3) Salon Dt Angeliki Grace D’Orient
Floraiku (3) My Shadow On The Wall Sound of a Ricochet I Am Coming Home
Louis Vuitton (2) California Dream Afternoon Swim
Anjali (2) Tiger Bright Himalayan Dawn
Serge Lutens (2) Bapteme du Feu Chergui
Ex Nihilo (2) Viper Green French Affair
Etat Libre D’Orange (2) I am Trash Tilda Swinton Like This
Guerlain (2) Joyeuse Tuberose Lui
Rogue Perfumery (2) Vetifleur Derviche 2
Les Indemodables (2) Fougere Emeraude Iris Perle
Miscellaneous (29) Penhaligons - Halfeti Leather DS & Durga - St. Vetyver Dior - Diorissimo Ferragamo Tuscan Soul - La Commedia Initio - Musk Therapy Cartier - Carat Profumum Roma - Eccelso Mizensir - Cologne de Figuier Amouage - Crimson Rock Frederic Malle - Superstitious Madison Gabriella Chieffo - Lattedoro Profumo Di Firenzi - Fico Imaginary Authors - Every Storm a Serenade Argos - Adonis Awakens Laboratorio Olfattivo - Kashnoir Teo Cabanal - Je Ne Sais Quoi Le Lebo - Neroli 36 Carthusia - Via Camerelle Robert Piguet - Petit Fracas YSL - Lavallier Costume National - 21 Christian Dior - Leather Oud Histoires de Parfum - Outrecuidant Bond No 9 - I Love New York Marriage Equality Ellis Brooklyn - Bee La Fleur by Livvy - Fleur d’Aspiration Hiram Green - Lustre Nose - Awake Jorum Studio - Fantosmia
✨Carded - carded set $55 shipped CONUS✨ (22 samples by my count)
Dusita (2) Le Sillage Blanc Fleur de Lalita
Carthusia (3) Corallium Mediterraneo Terra Mia
Jo Malone (3) Midnight Musk & Amber Wood Sage & Sea Salt Peony & Blush Suede
Mind Games (3) Caissa Grand Master Double Attack
Miscellaneous (11) Mizensir - For Your Love Parfums De Marly - Greenley Bulgari - Eau Parfumée Creed - Windflowers Louis Vuitton - California Dream Clive Christian - Crab Apple Blossom Guerlain - Oud Nude Hermes - Un Jardin A Cythere Tuttotondo - Mirto YSL - Libre Intense Initio - Paragon
✨Sens Unique Curated Boxes (6)
War and Peace: Pierre Guillaume Paris – L’Eau Guerriere Carner Barcelona – Megalium Parfums MDCI – Cuir Cavalier Beaufort London – Vi Et Armis Attache-Moi – It Was a Time That Was a Time Noeme Paris – Divi Part
Oud: Ex Idolo – Thirty three Plume Impression – Duallite Magnifique Alexandre J – the Majestic Oud Maison Incens – Oud Deneii Parfums MDCI – Cuir Garamante Pierre Guillaume Paris – Sorong
Clean Scents: Pierre Guillaume Paris – Intime.Extime Jul Et Mad – Revelo Parfums MDCI – La Surprise Phaedon Paris – L’Eau de Phaedon Alexandre J – The Majestic Musk Etat Libre D’Orange – The Ghost in the Shell
The Sky: Ojar – Ciel D’Orage 1907 – Fatamorgana Rubini – Nuvolari Pierre Guillaume Paris – Jangala Snyoko – Une Ile Pluvieuse Dusita – Anamcara
Jewellery Art: Puredistance – Rubikona Etat Libre D’Orange – Yes I Do Alexandre J – Silver Ombre Les Indemodables – Iris Perle Pierre Guillaume Paris – Metal Hurlant Jacques Fath – L’Oree Du Bois
Modern Classics: 1907 – Genevieve Escentric Molecules – Escentric 02 Maison Incens – Neroli Animalis Pierre Guillaume Paris – Itabaia Plume Impression – Art Nouveau Dusita – La Douceur Du Siam

The purpose of this post is to discuss the historical period following World War One, as it has interesting things within it to learn about the concept of a "revolutionary period" and what that actually entails. You may have heard someone use that term before but without the proper historical context of what a revolutionary period even is it can be difficult to understand why someone might be saying that something is true or should happen "only in a revolutionary period" as an example. Specifically this thread of ideas I will be presenting will help to understand many of the foreign policy and geopolitical ideas many of us hold intuitively but might provide a theoretical basis to start to understand why it is that we might think or say certain things.
To add flavour I'm going to weave it together with an explanation of the term National Bolshevism as the term was originally coined during the "revolutionary period" of the post-WW1 era, rather than the way the term is used today to describe any group of people who may have labelled themselves "National Bolsheviks" since. The term is generally used today to describe people within the Soviet Union who attempted to adapt Communism to fit with Russian Nationalism, and that became a party itself in the 1993 post-Soviet crisis where Communists and Russians nationalists together resisted the kleptocratic "liberalization" as many careerist former party members took advantage of the collapse of the soviet union to seize control of the state assets they had technical control over.
However the term actually predates even the establishment of the Soviet Union in 1922, let alone any other 20th century regime (as it is sometimes erroneously used to describe people who support people who support both the Soviet Union and WW2 Germany, when this is merely circumstantial as the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact achieved what the original National Bolsheviks were trying to accomplish before either of those states truly existed) The term was originally used by a German Communist named Karl Radek to describe two other German Communist member he was expelling as "National Bolsheviks". What these people wanted to do was align the revolutionary movement in Germany with that in Russia in mutual opposition to both the treaty of Versailles and the treaty of Brest-Litovsk.
I am specifically defending the prospect of this strategy in particular rather than specifically any person who might have been or could have been advocating for it and any ideas they might have had otherwise, not because it is national, or even bolshevik, but rather because I think it conforms with the idea in the Communist Manifesto of the role of Communists in relation to Proletarians where the Communists do not form separate political programs of their own and instead are supposed to align various proletarians movements together across nationality with respect to the current stage than any of those movements may find themselves in.

In what relation do the Communists stand to the proletarians as a whole?
The Communists do not form a separate party opposed to the other working-class parties.
They have no interests separate and apart from those of the proletariat as a whole.
They do not set up any sectarian principles of their own, by which to shape and mould the proletarian movement.
The Communists are distinguished from the other working-class parties by this only: 1. In the national struggles of the proletarians of the different countries, they point out and bring to the front the common interests of the entire proletariat, independently of all nationality. 2. In the various stages of development which the struggle of the working class against the bourgeoisie has to pass through, they always and everywhere represent the interests of the movement as a whole.

Therefore the irony of this position I am defending is that it was the one advocated for by people labelled National, which would clearly seem to be contrary to being independent of nationality, and Bolshevik who would seem to be sectarians seeking to mold to proletarian movement. The other irony is that for it to have been possible it would have required overcoming proletarian movements in different nationalities operating independent of one another, in addition to overcoming the sectarianism emerging between all the differing "Communist" movements in this revolutionary period. In other words this is another call in an endless stream of "stop infighting!" coupled with "everyone except for me is wrong" which just contributes to the infighting by creating a new sectarian divergence but there is very little that can be done about that. Mostly this is just an excuse to discuss a particular moment I find interesting and inner contrarian in me just wants to make the seemingly most insane position seem the most reasonable as a challenge.
Lenin was not in favour of this so it was a bit of a non-starter. In "Left-Wing" Communism: An Infantile Disorder, he criticizes people who refuse to recognize the treaties, but in addition to the tendencies of so-called National Bolsheviks, he also criticized the Left-Communists that Karl Radek and the other German Revolutionaries were often members. Here we can start to see a problem emerging as you clearly have two different revolutionary movements in two different countries who are having difficulty working with each other (with the problem of the treaties between these countries not even being the main issue they were squabbling over). While not around long enough to have become officially a Left-Communist herself, Luxembourg is associated with them as her writings are cited as a major influence on the tendency, and she is notable for criticizing Lenin's Bolshevism.
In his criticisms of National Bolshevism it is revealed however that Lenin actually seems to agree with my overall position as Infantile Disorder was written in 1920 after which the relevant events were already over.

Lastly, one of the undoubted errors of the German “Lefts” lies in their downright refusal to recognise the Treaty of Versailles. The more “weightily” and “pompously”, the more “emphatically” and peremptorily this viewpoint is formulated (by K. Horner, for instance), the less sense it seems to make. It is not enough, under the present conditions of the international proletarian revolution, to repudiate the preposterous absurdities of “National Bolshevism” (Laufenberg and others), which has gone to the length of advocating a bloc with the German bourgeoisie for a war against the Entente. One must realise that it is utterly false tactics to refuse to admit that a Soviet Germany (if a German Soviet republic were soon to arise) would have to recognise the Treaty of Versailles for a time, and to submit to it. From this it does not follow that the Independents (My Explanation: Social Democrats or Democratic Socialists, I think Luxembourgists might be included in this term, basically the Independents split off from the regular Social Democrats in protest of the regular Social Democrats support of the war, and then they just kept splitting)—at a time when the Scheidemanns were in the government, when the Soviet government in Hungary had not yet been overthrown, and when it was still possible that a Soviet revolution in Vienna would support Soviet Hungary—were right, under the circumstances**, in putting forward the demand that the Treaty of Versailles should be signed**. At that time the Independents tacked and manoeuvred very clumsily, for they more or less accepted responsibility for the Scheidemann traitors, and more or less backslid from advocacy of a ruthless (and most calmly conducted) class war against the Scheidemanns, to advocacy of a “classless” or “above-class” standpoint.

So therefore Lenin was denouncing the people who still insisted on this position despite the revolutionary period in this particular location ending. In the revolutionary period the position the National Bolsheviks wanted was the correct one according to Lenin but they became wrong by continuing to insist upon it after the moment had past.
However notably Lenin only said the treaty having already been signed would only need to be recognized for a time. This implies that a socialist Germany of some kind could eventually overcome the treaty. While not a Soviet Germany, the probably infantile National Socialists were subjected to the same historical realities when they took over, and they too could not immediately begin rejecting the treaty and immediately going to war. For instance by immediately violating the treaty of Versailles army size limits by turning Rohm's SA into the regular German Army. Interestingly the decision to remove Rohm was likely pressured onto Hitler by Hindenburg and the official army (Reichswehr) with Hindenburg threatening to declare martial law and hand control of the country over the army if Hitler did not comply with demands to remove Rohm in the few months Hindenburg had remaining in his life as his health failed.

Both the Reichswehr and the conservative business community continued to complain to Hindenburg about the SA. In early June, defence minister Werner von Blomberg issued an ultimatum to Hitler from Hindenburg: unless Hitler took immediate steps to end the growing tension in Germany, Hindenburg would declare martial law and turn over control of the country to the army. The threat of a declaration of martial law from Hindenburg, the only person in Germany with the authority to potentially depose the Nazi regime, put Hitler under pressure to act.

This challenges the general idea that Hitler was immediately supremely powerful over everything, or that it was Hitler who did not want some apparently revolutionary army taking over in a second revolution. Rather the conservative aristocratic army in coordination with the pressure from international diplomats were able to enforce Hitler's compliance with them, with Hitler deciding to remain in control when given the ultimatum by Hindenburg. In my opinion the fact that Hitler dragged his feet for this long probably has more to do with Hitler realizing that have multiple sources of power was probably better than only having legal power. The article seems to indicate that Hitler "wanted" to do this earlier but held some kind of personal friendship with Rohm that made him reluctant to act against him, but that doesn't actually make sense. Hitler was power hungry yes, but it wouldn't make sense to not want to keep the SA in his back pocket as a challenging force to the military if he was power hungry like his was. It also however exposes the folly of the notion that one could force cooperation between classes in this manner with some supreme leader managing the class differences. Clearly not even Hitler could govern class unbiasedly, the conservative military was not going to allow their positions to be threatened by Hitler's dual-power-in-waiting.
Looping back to National Bolshevism, while the "National Bolsheviks" predated the National Socialists and didn't have anything to do with them, in principle the experience of National Socialism was the most likely outcome of any proposal for some kind of bourgeois alliance with the proletariats relegated to the junior position. The conservative military patriot support to the Red Army in Hungary was with the vanguard who in theory represented the proletariat in the senior position, however the Hungarians were capable of achieving this because it occurred during the revolutionary period where the proletariat was in a position to have the patriots join them instead of attempting to have some kind of revolution by joining the patriots. In short, revolution first, national liberation after. The path to national liberation must lay through revolution instead of seeking revolution through national liberation, because the reactionary classes will always be traitors with class interest upfront before national interest because it is the reactionary classes who have the most to lose in class terms.
Lenin himself seemingly called the November Criminals responsible for the treaty like Scheidemanns "traitors" so it is unfair to blame Bolshevism for the mistakes of the "independents" because they were not associated, and if what Lenin is saying about the situation is accurate it was precisely through calls for "classlessness" that the so-called "independents" abandoned the very class struggle which would have saved Germany from this fate. Therefore calls for classlessness to get out of a situation caused by classlessness were misguided, you cannot merely invert classlessness and get yourself in a different situation than you started in because the situations you found yourself in was never classless to begin with! It will always be the same classes making the decisions regardless of how you might invert your classless approach, and those classes will always be more interested in protecting their particular positions than whatever it is they claim to be focusing on.
There was a lot of confusion in this period and numerous tendencies diverging from one another, the reason being is that in the wake of the Russian Revolution and the end of the First World War there was a period of revolutionary activity across the entire world. While Russia and Germany are often the most focused upon due to the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany being our core 20th century players and many seeing these revolutions as the origin points of these things with a compare and contrast analysis being done to understand why one failed and the other succeeded. In the light of understanding the world revolution as a wave or period, looking at just these two revolutions becomes parochial, as there was clearly one singular revolution going on across the world in the same way as during the Revolutions of 1848 when the Communist Manifesto was published.
Indeed Marx and Engels viewed 1848 as a singular revolution and would have viewed the similar wave of revolutions that peaked in 1919 but spanned from 1917-1923 as a singular revolution. Arguably they would have also viewed all revolutions dating back to the beginning of history as one singular revolution but while they would say things like that they were also capable of distinguishing particular revolutions from each other and would recognize revolutions as being global affairs composed of mutually supporting local revolutions.
While differing in severity there was revolutionary activity in numerous countries ranging from the Two Red Years in Italy to the much less impressive sounding Red Week) in the Netherlands. Even as far away as Canada, Australia, and South Africa there were labour revolts in this period. The case of Canada is a bit emblematic of the obscurity of the scale of these events in popular history, as while the Winnipeg General Strike of 1919 is well known, much like with only Russia and Germany being discussed the strike wave nature of the events in Canada just as in the world tends to fall out of discussion, as for instance this wave actually started with a general strike in Vancouver that was crushed by the military.
In the Preface to the 1882 Russian Edition of the Communist Manifesto, Marx and Engels even suggested in the wake of the assassination of the Tsar Liberator that the impending Russian (bourgeois) Revolution would serve as a signal for the Western proletariat to have their Revolution, and that the Russian Revolution could end up being communist alongside the West.

And now Russia! During the Revolution of 1848-9, not only the European princes, but the European bourgeois as well, found their only salvation from the proletariat just beginning to awaken in Russian intervention. The Tsar was proclaimed the chief of European reaction. Today, he is a prisoner of war of the revolution in Gatchina, and Russia forms the vanguard of revolutionary action in Europe.
The Communist Manifesto had, as its object, the proclamation of the inevitable impending dissolution of modern bourgeois property. But in Russia we find, face-to-face with the rapidly flowering capitalist swindle and bourgeois property, just beginning to develop, more than half the land owned in common by the peasants. Now the question is: can the Russian obshchina, though greatly undermined, yet a form of primeval common ownership of land, pass directly to the higher form of Communist common ownership? Or, on the contrary, must it first pass through the same process of dissolution such as constitutes the historical evolution of the West?
The only answer to that possible today is this: If the Russian Revolution becomes the signal for a proletarian revolution in the West, so that both complement each other, the present Russian common ownership of land may serve as the starting point for a communist development.

Now 1882 didn't turn into a revolution in Russia and there were several false starts like in 1905, but eventually it did finally happen. However seemingly with Lenin's New Economic Policy, both scenarios discussed ended up needing to happen. The Russian Revolution was both Communist and they felt it impossible to transition straight into Communism and thus had to allow some kind of bourgeois property relation to develop, and then later on had to eliminate this thing they created themselves in a rather unfortunate series of events. Additionally while the Russian Revolution did prove to be a signal for the Western proletariat to have their revolution, the proletariat revolution in this period failed.
In the spirit of this discussion I'm going to be argue that these were not separate incidents but rather the failure of the western proletariat's revolution is why Lenin implemented the NEP in 1922, in part because of internal rebellions calling for these things, and because the international revolution seemingly failed resulting in a loss of hope that the western proletariat would in some way save them, which had to result in some kind of proletarian vanguard party lead bourgeois state emerging on the fly. Stalin would later have to undo both these consequences in the events he is criticized most for, as in addition to reversing the NEP with collectivization, he also undid the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk when as Molotov said "One kick from the German army and another from the Soviet Army put an end to this ugly product of Versailles" in regards to Poland.
Polish independence being quite the unfortunate sacrifice here considering how supportive of it Engels was in the 1892 Polish Preface the the Communist Manifesto.

But the rapid development of Polish industry, outstripping that of Russia, is in its turn a new proof of the inexhaustible vitality of the Polish people and a new guarantee of its impending national restoration. And the restoration of an independent and strong Poland is a matter which concerns not only the Poles but all of us. A sincere international collaboration of the European nations is possible only if each of these nations is fully autonomous in its own house. The Revolution of 1848, which under the banner of the proletariat, after all, merely let the proletarian fighters do the work of the bourgeoisie, also secured the independence of Italy, Germany and Hungary through its testamentary executors, Louis Bonaparte and Bismarck; but Poland, which since 1792 had done more for the Revolution than all these three together, was left to its own resources when it succumbed in 1863 to a tenfold greater Russian force. The nobility could neither maintain nor regain Polish independence; today, to the bourgeoisie, this independence is, to say the last, immaterial. Nevertheless, it is a necessity for the harmonious collaboration of the European nations. It can be gained only by the young Polish proletariat, and in its hands it is secure. For the workers of all the rest of Europe need the independence of Poland just as much as the Polish workers themselves.

(The call for "full autonomy in a nation's own house" is probably worth explaining. Nations that should be autonomous are nations which can be autonomous all on their own without international meddling. Engels was notoriously against all the south slavs for their pan-slavism because their independence was necessitated by interference from Imperial Russia, in part because he was still mad about the revolutions of 1848 not working out where Russian intervened to supposedly rescue the south Slavs. He was even still mad at them 34 years later when he reaffirmed Polish independence alongside Irish independence as the most crucial national struggles to support. The reason being that Poland rejected pan-Slavism and was instead independently nationalist.
That Poland could stand alone (and more importantly that Polish agitation threatened three reactionary imperial monarchies in Germany, Austria, and Russia at the same time. Ireland being important to screw around with the bourgeois British Empire as Marx and Engels increasingly saw the absentee revenues the British ruling class generated for themselves in Ireland as being the key to their parliamentary political dominance in England against both lower class and anti-imperialist challenges which were often the same thing) is why Polish independence was so supported. Standing alone is important because autonomous nations can switch between the rule of various classes without the risk of foreign interference on the part of imperialist reactionaries putting things back the way they were to protect their sphere of influence. The issue is that Polish independence ended up being a thorn in the side of the revolution when Polish independence was granted through Wilsonian liberal internationalism and during the Russian Civil War the Red Army tried and failed to retaliate against Poland when they joined forces with the Entente Liberal Imperialists that were intervening in the civil war in what is called the Soviet-Poland War.
For you NATO fans the opposition to NATO comes from this concept of being against spheres of influence, with a preference for complete independence. The Soviets or even Russia joining NATO however transform the institution from an American sphere of influence into just some vague "nobody invade anybody else okay guys thanks bye" treaty which is what it is sold as. So long as Russia is not included in NATO it fails to fulfill its stated purpose of ensuring peace in europe, and it must be opposed because it does not protect the independence of the nations within it, rather it makes them subservient to the United States. The counter-balance of Russia inside the block is sufficient that the nations within it could seamlessly transfer between spheres of influence, or more importantly, not be in anyone's sphere of influence at all by successfully playing the US and Russia off each other, which puts each nation in a position to pursue development with little risk of the alliance being used to punish them.
If say Luxembourg decided to go rogue it could even use the NATO treaty to argue that anyone infringing upon them should be subjected to retaliation by all the other members, and now you can have a socialist Luxembourg in the middle of Europe and they can't do anything about it because the treaty guarantees their independence with multiple dozen moving parts who might not agree on punishing this Luxembourg so long as Luxembourg doesn't militarily invade anybody. However if the organization is nothing more that an American political block with US bases every where, clearly the US would be able to pressure countries into recognizing the socialist Luxembourg as illegitimate in some way and argue it can be invaded without requiring everyone come to its defense. So NATO is good if Russia is included and US bases removed, and an in NATO Russia still isn't a threat to even Estonia if dozens of European countries are required to defend it, and that isn't even considering a late arrival of the US and Canada when they finally cross the Atlantic. The problem with NATO is that it is clearly an unofficial loosely held US empire, it stops being a problem when it is no longer this)
This whole confused mess could have been avoided had the world revolution not failed. This circles back to the Russian and German revolutions and how they were not united. Therefore the position of those labelled Nazbol is attractive merely for the sake that it would have united these two disparate revolutions. The success of either was reliant on the success of the other. The prior Bolshevik position of Peace Without Annexations or Indemnities would permanently lock in the Russian and German revolutions together in a mutual opposition to the bourgeois treaties, a pact of blood to oppose the pacts signed in ink.
Additionally opposition to the indemnity aspect of the treaty of Versailles would have been in fidelity to the revolutionary history of the Paris Commune which inspired the notion of the dictatorship of the proletariat in 1871, which was prompted in part by opposition to the burden of the reparation payments imposed on France by Bismark in response to Napolean III's failed invasion being placed on the people of France by the bourgeois government that signed that treaty. On a global scale while the opportunity for revolution by the proletariat refusing to enter World War One was squandered by the Social Democrats granting their permission, the proletariat could instead refuse to exit World War One by not granting their permission for acceptance of the bourgeois treaties just as the Paris Commune refused to accept Bismark's treaty.
Indeed opposition to the bourgeois Treaty of Trianon served as the basis for cooperation between the Nationalists and the Communists in Hungary, who unlike the Luxembourgists in Germany, were internationally aligned with the Bolsheviks in Russia with the establishment of the Hungarian Soviet Republic. The alliance however broke down with the establishment of the Slovak Soviet Republic as the Hungarian nationalists questioned why they were participating in the Hungarian Red Army if they were just going to be liberating other countries, this ended up not even being that relevant of a dispute seeing as Slovakia was never fully captured and the Czechoslovak army ended up recapturing it in a month and so the issue only lasted from June 1919 to July 1919. However it exposed the core obvious problem with the alliance between nationalists and communists, as the full Petrograd formula was "peace without annexations or indemnities, on the basis of self-determination of the peoples" so the nationalists opposed to treaties were not going to like it when the second part got implemented later.
Lenin and Stalin ran into a similar issues when Stalin opposed Georgian self-determination in 1922 and wanted them to instead join Russia, with the comical situation of Stalin calling the Georgian Mensheviks "nationalist-socialists" and the Russian Lenin accusing the Georgian Stalin of being a Russian nationalist-socialist in response. We can clearly see that there are vastly differing views on the questions of nationality all over the place and there was no one line being taken, with Hungary and Germany taking vastly different views in regards to the treaties and cooperation with nationalists, to their own unique sets of problems later on with them.
The vastly different ways everyone was handling these issues is why I argue that the best principle would have been to have no principles at all. The only communist principle in regards to nationality is international cooperation. While you had Communist revolutions in German, Hungary, and Russia, the common thread linking them together could have been opposition to the bourgeois treaties, which also would have also united them with the liberal Kemalist revolution in Turkey, thus completing the alignment of all revolutionaries in the central powers and Imperial Russia against the rest of the entente attempting to impose the bourgeois treaties, in effect adding Russia to the central powers after the imperialist war had turned into a civil war in all four imperial monarchies. That Turkey was in a vastly different stage of revolution than the other three would be irrelevant as these revolutions would still be mutually supporting of each other, and the Communists could rest assured safely knowing that while differing countries might be in different stages of revolution, they had the advantage over all others in knowing the ultimate end result of all their revolutions even if the people operating in them might not know it themselves.

The Communists, therefore, are on the one hand, practically, the most advanced and resolute section of the working-class parties of every country, that section which pushes forward all others; on the other hand, theoretically, they have over the great mass of the proletariat the advantage of clearly understanding the line of march, the conditions, and the ultimate general results of the proletarian movement.

As such the notion that one needs to be politically Communist to participate in the revolution is false. So long as a state of revolution remained, the stages of the revolution could continue moving forward. If Turkey was not materially ready for it, that need not matter so long as the Kemalists were willing to join in an anti-imperialist block in the mean time, which they were willing to do until the Soviets later started looking at the straights with desire which eventually pushed Turkey into the arms of NATO where it remains to this day. However at the time the Soviets and Turkey were quite friendly despite their obvious ideological differences merely based on this mutual geopolitical interest in so-called anti-imperialism. This anti-imperialism was selective however, with the "Mountain Turks" and "Mountain Russians" being sacrificed for it, but the benefits of not having principles means you don't exactly have to care about that. Ataturk can make poutine out of the Kurds all he wants if he remains staunchly anti-imperialist on an international level.
This gross cynical realism while obviously questionable is still consistent with Revolutionary History as all prior revolutions do not stand up to moral scrutiny when they are viewed in this way. In fact at the twilight of the 1848 revolutions Engels himself called for the Hungarians to wipeout the "counter-revolutionary" Slavs, while this is obviously not something we should want to have happened, and we definitely should not ever do this if we ever find ourselves in a position to make those decisions, it is important to understand the reasoning behind why he was saying those things, that it is the continuance of the revolution itself is both the most important thing, and something that is largely out of anyone's control in the Hegelian sense of Historicism.

The Magyar cause is not in such a bad way as mercenary black-and-yellow [colours of the Austrian flag] enthusiasm would have us believe. The Magyars are not yet defeated. But if they fall, they will fall gloriously, as the last heroes of the 1848 revolution, and only for a short time. Then for a time the Slav counter-revolution will sweep down on the Austrian monarchy with all its barbarity, and the camarilla will see what sort of allies it has. But at the first victorious uprising of the French proletariat, which Louis Napoleon is striving with all his might to conjure up, the Austrian Germans and Magyars will be set free and wreak a bloody revenge on the Slav barbarians. The general war which will then break out will smash this Slav Sonderbund and wipe out all these petty hidebound nations, down to their very names.
The next world war will result in the disappearance from the face of the earth not only of reactionary classes and dynasties, but also of entire reactionary peoples. And that, too, is a step forward.

A key fact you will observe is that they are often quite over eager in announcing the impending revolution. For instance The Magyar Struggle was published in January of 1849 in Marx's Newspaper, and Louis Napoleon was elected President of France in December of 1848. It seems as if they might have thought that this would have been more significant than it actually turned out to be. This kind of made sense though because Louis Napoleon's main opponent in the election was Louis-Eugene Cavagnac who lead the army to suppress a worker's uprising in Paris back in the "June Days" of 1848. Additionally the Hungarians did not do what Engels said they would, instead they adopted cultural assimilation policies called Magyarization, and late in the revolution into 1849 while the Russian and Austria Imperial armies were barring down on them they adopted minority right protections to try to win them back. However they were ultimately unsuccessful in repelling the Russian invasion regardless of any attempts at outreach.
What I find notable about this is that Engels essentially predicted the sides of the "next world war" (albeit there was a world war in between) that would wipeout entire peoples, but somehow ended up reversing the reactionary and revolutionary sides, as an Austrian German and the Hungarians did engage in a war against the Slavs, but because somehow the "poles of revolution" did somehow invert and head outwards from Russia like Engels said the Slavs supposedly wanted, that war was against the revolution instead of for it.

There is no country in Europe which does not have in some corner or other one or several ruined fragments of peoples, the remnant of a former population that was suppressed and held in bondage by the nation which later became the main vehicle of historical development. These relics of a nation mercilessly trampled under foot in the course of history, as Hegel says, these residual fragments of peoples always become fanatical standard-bearers of counter-revolution and remain so until their complete extirpation or loss of their national character, just as their whole existence in general is itself a protest against a great historical revolution.
Such, in Scotland, are the Gaels, the supporters of the Stuarts from 1640 to 1745.
Such, in France, are the Bretons, the supporters of the Bourbons from 1792 to 1800.
Such, in Spain, are the Basques, the supporters of Don Carlos.
Such, in Austria, are the pan-Slavist Southern Slavs, who are nothing but the residual fragment of peoples, resulting from an extremely confused thousand years of development. That this residual fragment, which is likewise extremely confused, sees its salvation only in a reversal of the whole European movement, which in its view ought to go not from west to east, but from east to west, and that for it the instrument of liberation and the bond of unity is the Russian knout — that is the most natural thing in the world.

However a lot can apparently change in almost 100 years. Russia was once seen as the bastion of reaction celebrated by the reactionaries everywhere for having invaded Hungary to put down the 1848-9 revolution, but then became the center of revolution, taking that spot from France which didn't really participate in the Revolutions despite the 1917 mutinies defused in June by Philip Petain by reassuring the soldiers by calling off the offensives that were intended to try to reassure the Provision Russian Government from the February Revolution to stay in the war and who launched the "Kerensky Offensive" in July which prompted the unsuccessful "July Days" Bolshevik uprising before the later successful October Revolution.
The absence of French participation beyond this is remarkable given how much they played a role in other revolutions and also remarkable how it was later Vichy leader Petain himself who basically defused the situation by giving the soldiers what they wanted and ending the suicidal offensives. The difference between Petain and Kerensky here and that the Russian revolution had not yet gone proletariat at this point while France was dealing with its own situation coming up from the soldiers and that the Russian version of this happened only a month afterwards should probably be focused on more here, in addition to how the differing approaches countries took on simultaneous and similar events from 1917-1923 should be analyzed like how I am suggesting
Since the Russian Revolution the apparent "pole of reaction" where global reactionaries collect as their refuge that Russia represented seemingly shifted to the United States for the Cold War after the pole reversal and global political magnetic field collapse manifesting in the out of place auroral borealis of the inter-war period and world war 2. It would be reasonable to assume that it would be just as possible for the United States to become a new center of revolution in the way Russia took that position from France despite Russia being the most reactionary power of anyone before that happened.

This month is going to fly by, here’s some things to make sure you do now so you don’t wish you did when it’s too late:
-If you need stuff from online stores - buy it no later than next week. - If you bought new shoes, start breaking those puppies in now - try on all your outfits asap so you know what’s missing - if you don’t have a packing spreadsheet, I highly recommend one… make it asap. coordinate with your group - make sure you have all your travel docs and transportation checkups done now. -locate your Passport for those who need it. -EZ pass or other toll passes - make sure your registration, inspection, insurance etc is clean and renewed (where necessary) -oil change, tires are good and full, coolant, windshield wipers fluid - get your tent out and make sure you have all the pieces - (women) if you’re on bc that you control, plan your month so that you don’t have your period during forest
1 week out:
-get out cash while you’re out and about. easier than making a last minute bank trip on your drive. There are also not many banks nearby except local ones (chase is 1+ hour away)
-do a test pack of car if you’re worried about space
2 days out from your leave date:
-plug in all your power banks & chargers
-put water bottles in freezer if you’re doing that

• put travel docs, wristbands, cash etc either in your (locked) glovebox or inside the thing you never leave home without (backpack, purse, etc) make sure it’s super easy accessible once you’re en route

A few miscellaneous things I wish I’d done sooner that I don’t see mentioned here often:

• remove all unnecessary packaging at home. all tags, boxes, plastic wraps. Saves you packing room and reduces waste on site.
  
• (for women) bring a tshirt dress / towel dress or something super easy to wear to and from showers. also hair towel. it’s incredibly humid and wet in there. not ideal dressing conditions. Plus it makes the line move faster for everyone
  
• weather is unpredictable but it’s gonna be hot most likely. it’s also the longest days of the year and there is not a lot of shade at the stages. please wear sun protection. also those cooling towels are legit. highly recommend
  
• bring multiple pairs of PJs. I regret not doing this every year by day 3
  
• camp shoes. I have those foam slides 10/10
  

see y’all there xoxo

1. What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games (ex: resolution, FPS, settings) or programs you will be using.

I'll be doing some 3D modeling (Blender) and digital art (Clip Studio, Rebelle 5). I will also be doing a little gaming (mostly simple games like Stardew Valley, but others like Phasmophobia, Sons of the Forest, Outer Wilds, Minecraft, etc).

2. What is your maximum PRE-TAX budget before rebates and shipping?

Somewhere from $1500-$2000 is my ideal range.

3. When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.

I want to start buying components asap.

4. What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ex: toweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)

PC parts, OS.

5. If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? How old are they? Brands and models are appreciated.

I have a monitor, mouse, and a keyboard already.

6. Will you be overclocking (ex: CPU/GPU/RAM)? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line?

No intention of overclocking.

7. Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, Wi-Fi/Bluetooth, VR, VirtualLink, tensor cores, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)

Need SSD storage due to rogue washer. Maybe a good shock pad too haha. Would prefer at least 1tb of storage. Wifi/Bluetooth definitely. Not sure about anything else, open to suggestions.

8. Do you have any specific case preferences (ex: mITX/mATX/mid-towefull-tower sizes, styles, colours, window or not, LED lighting, etc.), or a particular color theme preference for the components?

Not hugely picky here. I just need something that cools decently well. Open to any suggestions.

9. Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? Note: some post-secondary students can get Windows 10 for free.

I don't have a license for windows

10. Will you be upgrading this PC in the future (ie: will you swap out better parts later on or will you build an entirely new tower later)? If so, when?

I would like to have this machine for a long time. Being able to upgrade parts as needed would be good.

11. Do you have a brand preference? (ex: AMD/Intel for CPUs, AMD/NVIDIA for video cards, etc)

I'm open to any and all suggestions.

12. What are the specs of your old PC / laptop? Do you want to see if it can be upgraded instead? If so, paste its build from PCPartPicker here.

n/a

13. Extra info or particulars:

n/a

So the closest dealer for me is 90 miles from my house. The same gentleman who owns Harley owns Indian. I bought a 2018 scout bobber 2 years ago and have always went to the dealer to have any maintenance done. The break in service cost me $750 2years ago. In the beginning of may I traded my bobber for a 2023 Springfield dark horse. Had the break in service done last week and it was 800$. I got a quote from them to do have them do my exhaust and it was 1900$. Bought a windshield from them for 600$ of which I installed myself only to find that the black trim on it I originally ordered was only black because it was painted. The heads were painted black… like with a paint marker. Also, during the $800 oil change they scratched my bike and put a decent size scrape in the plastic fairing. They also did not line up the tank cover and when they took the impact to it to tighten it down they broke the paint off… This is just some of issues that I have had since paying cash for my new bike.
Just wondering if anyone else has had issues with there dealer. Or any suggestions on what I should do?
Thanks in advance

Looking to shed as many keys here as I can, make offers! I'm only interested in trading for the three games I listed in the title or paypal funds. Thanks!
April 2023 Choice Bundle
Death Stranding Director's Cut
Aliens: Fireteam Elite
Rollerdome
Life is Strange 2: Complete Season
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Revita
Founders' Fortune
March 2023 Choice Bundle
Biomutant
Edge of Eternity
Hero's Hour
Rogue Lords
Demon Turf
Golden Light
Monster Crown
February 2023 Choice Bundle
PathFinder: Wrath of the Righetous
Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales
Othercide
Shady Part of Me
Scourgebringer
Forbia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Five Dates
January 2023 Choice Bundle
Doom Eternal
Tribes of Midgard
Encased
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Conan Chop Chop
Hokko Life
The Serpent Rogue
December 2022 Choice Bundle
Wasterland 3
Greedfall
First Class Trouble
BackBone
Toem
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
Blade Assault
Super Magbot
November 2022 Choice Bundle
Shadow Tactics: Aiko's Choice
Eldest Souls
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
October 2022 Choice Bundle
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope
Maid of Sker
Epic Chef
Golf Gang
September 2022 Choice Bundle
The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos
Crown Trick
Descenders
Industria
Shapez and Puzzle DLC
August 2022 Choice Bundle
In Sound Mind
Mind Scanners
Emily is Away <3
Omno
July 2022 Choice Bundle
Legion TD 2- Multiplayer Tower Defense
Legend of Keepers
Banners of ruin
Atom RPG Trudograd
June 2022 Choice Bundle
Call of the Sea
Game Dec
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
I Am Fish
May 2022 Choice Bundle
Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom Rehydrated
Spellcaster University
Surviving the Aftermath
Genesis Noir
Embr
April 2022 Choice Bundle
Killsquad
Suzerain
Chicken Police
Naruto to Boruto
March 2022 Choice Bundle
Red Solstice 2: Survivors
Nebuchadnezzar
Police Stories
Evan's Remains
February 2022 Choice Bundle
Black Book
Per Aspera
Before We Leave
Paradise Lost
Everhood
Calico
January 2022 Choice Bundle
Rebel Cops
The Henry Stickmin Collection
Farmer's Dynasty
Between the Stars
Midnight Protocol
December 2021 Choice Bundle
Beyond The Wire
The Survivalists
Lacuna- A Sci-Fi Noir Adventure
8 Doors
Fling to the Finish
Tohu
November 2021 Choice Bundle
Due Process
Turnip Boy Commits TAx Evasion
SimpleRockets 2
Timelie
May 2021 Choice Bundle
Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3
Levelhead
Fury Unleashed
Size Matters
Morkredd
Relicta
Retimed
Family Man
Vane
March 2020 Choice Bundle
198X
Niffelheim
AI War 2
Etherborn
December 2019 Choice Bundle
Dark Future: Blood Red States
X-Morph: Defense
Aegis Defenders
Desert Child
Best of Boomer Shooters
Hellbound
Project Warlock
Stand with Ukraine Bundle
This War of Mine
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Monaco
Supraland
Ring of Pain
Popup Dungeon
Wandersong
Expeditions: Viking
Vagante
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
Pathway
Rustler
Drawful 2
112 Operator
911 Operator
Amnesia: The Dark Descent + Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
SUPERHOT
Kingdom Two Crowns
West of Dead
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Driftland: The Magic Revival
Book of Demons
Fury Unleashed
X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
DV: Rings of Saturn
Pixplode[fixed][/fixed]
EarthX
Neverout
Say No! More
NecroWorm
Hexologic
Post Void
Moon Hunters
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
The Amazing American Circus
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
Corridor Z
Draw Slasher
Shing!
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
Go Home Dinosaurs
Dagon: by H. P. Lovecraft - The Eldritch Box DLC
We Are Alright
Going Under
Yoku's Island Express
Nex Machina
Soulblight
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Orbital Racer
Lust for Darkness
GameGuru
Broken Age
RPG Maker VX

I have a 2007 Dodge Nitro T with 170k miles (excess on highway) on it in “clean” condition. I’ve owned it for over 10 years now and it’s been very reliable. Nothing but routine maintenance and the occasional alternator (or like thing) needing a replacement which I did myself.
I have a job now that provides me a company truck with all expenses covered (gas, maintenance, insurance). My SAH wife hauls the 2 kids under 2 around in a Nissan Rogue paid off.
We don’t need the Nitro anymore, so I’m asking y’all: should I sell a paid off, reliable compact SUV for $4k or hang onto it collecting dust in the garage? It seems like getting rid of a paid off vehicle for that little of cash is a dumb idea but maybe not?
Financial snapshot: We have a $230k mortgage (purchase price $320k) 2.75% interest so 1500$ in payments that is appraised at $425k currently. No debt. Had an emergency fund but it got eaten up in a remodel that went over budget. We’re currently at $2k in savings. Last two years my income was at 72k, but January I switched careers and am at $115k.
Should I sell it and start my emergency fund with it? Should I keep it around “just in case”? Should we trade in both vehicles and get a used Yukon XL or Toyota Sienna for the growing family?
Thanks!
EDIT: there is talks of a third kiddo in the 3-5 year timeframe, so we talk about upgrading from the Nissan to either a van (Sienna) or SUV (Yukon XL).