Oval extendable dining table seats 12

I’m going to be on the east coast for a few weeks so I checked to see if the restaurant Buddha works for had reopened. I go to their IG page, click the Tock link in their bio, and read THIS (I was going to include the screenshot but was worried there would be a preview of the photo on the homepage and didn’t want to ruin the finale for anyone that hasn’t watched yet) -
“HUSO located on 81st and Madison Avenue, is a fine casual caviar restaurant located inside Marky’s Caviar retail shop. Chef Buddha Lo, winner of Top Chef season 19 and Top Chef World All Star is at the helm of Huso an intimate, 12-seat dining room behind the retail Shop of Marky’s Caviar.”
This was on Tuesday! Why the hell would they include that he won All Stars in the description when the finale hadn’t aired?! Also, they’re not even open, making it even less necessary to include! Anyway, I’m still very salty about this (I hate spoilers!) and felt like ya’ll would understand lol.

So ever since I've gotten to college(I'm a freshman btw) I constantly face this dilemma of who to hang out with and who to eat food with. Now many people say that people don't care whether you're alone or if you're with lots of people because everyone has their own thing going on in college and it's different from the social hierarchy thing of high school. And for the first quarter of my freshman year in college, I really loved that. I didn't mind eating by myself and appreciated the times I could eat with my friends. But the thing is, the more people I meet and the more friends I make, the more scared I get to be seen alone. Now that I'm in my final quarter of freshman year, I literally cannot make myself go to the dining halls by alone anymore because I don't want to run into friends or people I know and have them think that I'm a loner. For example, If I'm eating alone, I really don't like it when people I know come up to my table and say things like "Omg [my name] are you eating by yourself? You should've texted me blah blah blah. Can we eat with you?" Idk, I feel fine eating alone but when things like this happens, it sort of hurts my pride to be seen as someone who's eating alone BECAUSE they're a loner. Does it make sense? Like I don't think I'm loaner bc I have a good amount of friends and I'm very social for an introvert but I like to charge my social battery while I eat bc i don't have to worry about other people. Yet most people jump to the conclusion that I'm eating alone because I have no choice and again, I hate how it feels because I feel like I'm being pitied and/or looked down upon, even if it's not true. Bc of this, I find myself trying to post on instagram often for when I'm with people so that people know that I have friends. I've been reflecting a lot recently on why I feel so strongly like this and I know I have to deal with this pride but idk how.
Just today, I went down for dinner(at a super late time where I hoped that no normal person would be eating) but I somehow ran into my friend and her friend who I also know. I didn't really want to join them(it was also just a 2 people seating table) and I was perfectly fine eating by myself. But about 10 minutes later as I started eating, one of my friend came up to me and asked if they could join me. I really really appreciated that! It was very kind of them. But at the same time, because of my pride, I felt kind of sad and annoyed to be pitied(even if it's not actually pity) and to be seen as someone who's "lonely" and needs company. So because of that, I told them "if you want to" and in a way rejected them saying that I planned to eat really quickly and go back to my dorm. I thanked them of course but I realized I came off a bit rude and very obviously prideful in my response. To make that up, I did stop by their table to say bye before leaving but it's been weighing on me so much.
So to recap or TLDR, I'm quite prideful in myself so I can't stand being seen as a loner by my friends or people I know and be pitied yet I'm quite comfortable of being alone as long as no one I know sees me.
I wonder if others feel similarly to me and if so, how you guys have overcome or are trying to overcome this sense of pride?

I know the title sounds bad, but here me out.
I (21M) disagreed with my disabled, atheist, non binary, black, vegan, high functioning autistic, half deaf, colorblind, paralyzed on the left leg, prosthetic leg on the right leg, broken thumb on the left hand, humerus fracture on the right arm (transverse), high blood pressure (140/90mmHg) clinically depressed, legally blind (20/400 vision), childfree, ADHD (impulsive/hyperactive), obese (356lbs) (BMI 52.6), socially anxious, left handed, gay, type 2 diabetic, below average looking (2.5/10), poor ($7.25 hourly), schizophrenic (paranoid), Bipolar I disorder, stage 2 lung cancer, erectile dysfunctional brother (18 AMAB NB)
We were at the dinner table. Everything's going great. Our mom (41F) asks "How are my kids doing?"
Then I told my mom the special news. Last week, I found out my muslim, ADHD (inattentive), 20/20 vision, skinny (100lbs) (BMI 19.5), gender fluid (female on Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, male on Thursday and Friday, non binary on Monday and Saturday), smart (IQ 110), B cup sized girlfriend (Bust size 30, band size 28) (20F) was pregnant (8.2 weeks).
I go, “Mom, I’m proud to announce my wife and I are expecting a baby!”
My mom’s face lit up with enjoyment. My brother, on the other hand, saw red. He goes, "Having kids is immoral under Capitalism and will lead to environmental destruction."
I turn and look at him. I respond, “You’re entitled to your own opinion. My wife and I are happy to have a baby.”
He gets pissed. He tells me “You’re inherently immoral for bringing a child into this destructive world. By having a child, you are indirectly forcing a human being to suffer the consequences of life.”
He points at the chicken on my dinner plate. “And by eating meat, you are supporting animal cruelty, making you comparable to Hitler!”
I calmly explain to him that I am entitled to my lifestyle choices. And he’s entitled to his.
Suddenly, my dad (43M) walks in, takes a seat at the dining table, and says “Alright now, whose turn is it to say grace before dinner?”
Before I could answer, my brother gets up from his seat, and shouts “Your little skydaddy is not real! You’ve been brainwashed! God didn’t make your meal! You did, you Christian cunt!”
At that moment, I started fuming. I yell, “Maybe if you didn’t smoke crack, you wouldn’t be a little dick with stage 2 lung cancer. My wife and I make six figures combined and own a beautiful two story house in the suburbs. Meanwhile you’re working a minimum wage job while on food stamps with no insurance to cover your broken humerus and prosthetic leg. And you can barely afford your ADHD, Schizophrenia, and Bipolar medication. Get a fucking life, man.”
He throws a butter knife at me, and says "I'm not a man! I'm non binary, you fucking asshole! If you misgender me one more time, I will throw a sharp knife next time!" He bursts into tears and storms outta the dining room.
Shortly afterwards, my 4th cousin on my dad’s side (24F), my 8th cousin’s older step-brother (33M), my second cousin twice removed (19M), my great aunt (79F), my maternal grandma’s ex-boyfriend (76M), my uncle’s (51M) parents (85F, 88M/deceased since November 14, 2015), my uncle’s parents grandkids (38M, 33M, 28F, 26F, 22M, 18M, 20F/20F twins, 14M, 12F), my maternal grandpa (68M/deceased since July 10, 2017), my brothers best friend (18M) and his little brother (7M), his great-grandma and her husband (97F/deceased since December 18, 2003, 104M/deceased since July 26, 2001) his mom (47F), and his moms manager (61M) started blowing up my phone. They claimed I’m a “natalist” “breeder” “animal killer”, and “skydaddy dick sucker.”
My dad’s asking me to apologize to my brother. He claims I should go easy on him ‘cause he’s autistic and can’t read the room. I said no, being autistic is not an excuse to be shitty. Reddit, AITA for having a different opinion from my brother?

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/Dr5XV0t
Big house cleaning. Pricing includes domestic shipping in lower 48 + Paypal fees. Paypal only. If I have the box, it's in the photo.
Note - I shot everything individually last night, so the single photos have a 6/7 timestamp for each. See the above link for everything together with today's timestamp.
Please include item number in any dibs + DM to me. Thanks!
EDIT - Just noticed on mobile app the table scrolls way far to the right. Sorry about that - first time using a table on one of these. It is a lot easier to view on desktop or mobile browser.

Item	Price (shipped)	Notes	Photos
1) Scalarworks LEAP/01 - 1.93cm	$85 - SOLD	Some use, just moved to Unity.	https://imgur.com/a/2kXY4PZ
2) Scalarworks LEAP/01 - 1.93cm	$85 - SOLD	Some use, just moved to Unity.	https://imgur.com/a/2kXY4PZ
3) Scalarworks LEAP/06 Aimpoint Magnifier - 1.93cm	$150 - SOLD	Believe never used.	https://imgur.com/a/2kXY4PZ
4) Scalarworks LEAP/06 Aimpoint Magnifier - 1.93cm	$120	Painted green, some use. Done my best to remove paint but a few minor spots left in nooks.	https://imgur.com/a/2kXY4PZ
5) Aimpoint 3X-C Magnifier	$200 - SOLD	Some use and corresponding scuffs (visible in photos) but glass is good to go.	https://imgur.com/a/2kXY4PZ
6) Holoson EPS Red 2 MOA	$275 - SOLD	Brand New	https://imgur.com/a/475LvW7
7) Holosun 507C X2	$200 - SOLD	Run on 45 offset on a 14.5. Some marks on the body, but fully functional and no damage to glass.	https://imgur.com/a/R7s1UWq
8) EOTech EXPS3-0	$575 - SOLD	Brand New	https://imgur.com/a/wtRdX5B
9) Vortex Strike Eagle 5-25 EBR-7C MRAD	$550	~60 rounds on 308 bolt. Some signs of wear (visible in photos) but glass is pristine.	https://imgur.com/a/eq8S9Z6
10) Magpul Bipod - M-Lok	$75 - SOLD	Coyote	https://imgur.com/a/nxsCtq7
11) Kagwerks Slimline Extended Slide Release	$40	Brand new.	https://imgur.com/a/nxsCtq7
12) Cloud Rein 1.0	$175 - SOLD	A bit of wear on the button. Otherwise a tank. Just replaced with the 2.0.	https://imgur.com/a/nxsCtq7
13) Surefire Warcomp	$90 - SOLD	Never used, but don't have the washers or box anymore. Some scuffs just from being around in my tool kit.	https://imgur.com/a/nxsCtq7
14) 7.5" Upper (Build Below)	$500	Never used - just not moving forward with the build. Aero M4E1 Upper, BA 7.5" Modern Barrel with Pinned Gas Block, Noveske PIG, Steamlight HLX in Cloud Defensive on Arisaka Mount, 9" BCM MCMR Rail, Emissary Handbrake + Magpul Rail Covers, 45 Offset QD Mount, and Strike Industries Dust Cover. Still needs a forward assist.	https://imgur.com/a/jo7wBtr
15) Sangin Professional - DLC / Black / Divers	$600	Find myself just wearing my Atlas all the time. Worn less than 10 times, great shape.	https://imgur.com/a/wZGKeMT
16) Sangin Kinetic II Limited Edition - Midnight	$600	Same as above.	https://imgur.com/a/tKaz1rO
17) Sangin Overlord - DLC	$450 - SOLD	Same as above.	https://imgur.com/a/qyueb5d
18) Spiritus Systems LV-119 Black + MK4 + Back Panel	$550	Worn a handful of times with Hesco SAPI-M plates. Includes: Front + Rear Overt Plate Bags, Size 1 Elastic Cummerbund, Trifold Shoulder Cover, Back Panel Core, GP & Flashbang Back Panel, Sack, MK4 with Triple 556 and double pistol + half flap	https://imgur.com/a/od7fDtF
19) Spiritus Systems Multicam MK4 Chest Rig + Accessories	$125 - SOLD	MK4 + Sack + Fat Strap + Triple Mag + Double Pistol + Half Flap + BLACK Backstrap	https://imgur.com/a/2gcualw
20) Spiritus Systems Black Thing 2 + Sack	$125 - SOLD	Thing 2 + Fat Strap + Back Strap + Sack	https://imgur.com/a/4QDXH3a
21) Spiritus Systems MK4 Black	$75 - SOLD	MK4 with Triple 556 and double pistol + half flap	https://imgur.com/a/WPQOHIj
22) Spiritus Systems Bank Robber Black	$50 - SOLD	Bank Robber + Skinny Stap + Back Strap	https://imgur.com/a/WWQepEM
23) Spiritus Systems MCB Molle Back Panel	$50	Brand New	https://imgur.com/a/u1M1b1v
24) Spiritus Systems MCB Spud Pouch	$40	Brand New	https://imgur.com/a/l9evnjf
25) Spiritus Systems MCB Flash Bang Pouch	$25	Brand New	https://imgur.com/a/l9evnjf
26) Spiritus Systems Black Placard	$40	Brand New	https://imgur.com/a/p3aD4Qc
27) Spiritus Systems Black Small Pouch	$30	Brand New	https://imgur.com/a/p3aD4Qc
28) Trex Arms Orion Belt - Multicam + Accessories	$150	Trex Orion Outer (L) + Inner (L) + Esstac Rifle + Double Pistol + Blue Force Boo Boo	https://imgur.com/a/07BjhYo
29) WRMFZY Rhodesian Woobie - XL	$65	Rains here too much, just never wore.	https://imgur.com/a/u9nDPaL

​

First off, let me say that this is very much inspired by The Reaper with a little bit of the Dark Knight as well classes in Final Fantasy 14 online by Square Enix, all credit goes to them for the ideas and such.
I want to say that this is my first ever homebrew content, I spent about 1 to 2 months creating it and somewhat polishing the balance aspect. I want to state that I know some things are a little strong, but I am trying to see where the boundary of what is acceptable or not before asking a DM. I am aware that the decision to accept homebrew or any type of content, even from the official source books, is always up to the DM.
Anyway, I am looking for constructive criticism on how to improve this class to make it more fun and more balanced and I already have some ideas.
Without further ado, take a look:
Reaper (Class)
A reaper is a simple mortal who came in contact with an entity known as an Avatar of Death. When these 2 connect, they bond and develop sort of a symbiotic, mutualistic relationship. The mortal gains powers that a regular mortal could only dream of utilizing without the stabilization the avatar provides and said avatar gets a host to influence and use, because without it, the avatar doesn’t have much power.
Class Features:
Hit Points:
Hit Dice: 1d8 per Reaper level.
Hit Points at 1st Level: 8 plus your Constitution modifier.
Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d8 (or 5) plus your constitution modifier per Reaper level after 1st.
Proficiencies:
Armor: Light and Medium Armor, Shields
Weapons: Simple weapons, martial weapons
Tools: None
Saving Throws: Dexterity, Constitution
Skills: Choose two skills from Acrobatics, Stealth, Arcana, History, Insight, Perception and Intimidation.
Equipment:
You start with the following equipment in addition to the equipment granted by your background:

• (a) Scale Mail or (b) Chain Mail
• (a) a scythe (just a greatsword but with a different appearance for RP) or (b) a martial weapon and a shield
• (a) a dungeoneer’s pack or (b) an explorer’s pack

​

Level	Proficiency Bonus	Features	Maximum # of Soul Reaver Stacks
1st	+2	Death’s Design, Bloody Critical	-
2nd	+2	Fighting Style	-
3rd	+2	Avatar of Death	3
4th	+2	Ability Score Improvement	3
5th	+3	-	3
6th	+3	Mended Avatar Link	5
7th	+3	-	5
8th	+3	Ability Score Improvement	5
9th	+4	Improved Avatar Link	7
10th	+4	-	7
11th	+4	Extra Attack	7
12th	+4	Refined Avatar Link	9
13th	+5	-	9
14th	+5	Ability Score Improvement	9
15th	+5	Perfected Avatar Link	12
16th	+5	2nd Fighting Style	12
17th	+6	Bloody F*cking Critical	12
18th	+6	-	12
19th	+6	Ability Score Improvement	12
20th	+6	Reaper God	15

Death’s Design (1st Level):
Your studies of the art of death grant you the ability to curse your enemies.

• Death’s Design: As a bonus action, you can curse a single target, 2 targets at 3rd level, 3 at 9th level, 4 at 15th level and 5 at 20th level. This affliction doesn’t take your concentration and lasts indefinitely. All affected targets lose the affliction when they become incapacitated or when you take a short or long rest. You can also remove it yourself as a bonus action. You can apply the affliction to another target and the target you first debuffed loses the debuff.

Bloody Critical (1st Level):
You know where to strike to make it hurt.

• You score a critical hit on a roll of a 19 as well as a 20 on a d20. This only applies to targets affected by Death’s Design.

​
Fighting Style (2nd Level):You realize that you’re going to need to know how to fight if you want to utilize an avatar of death’s full power

• You learn a fighting style of your choice from the Fighter fighting style list.

​
Avatar of Death (3rd Level):
Your search for them has piqued their interest.

• Your vital essence and his are what fuels your powers and you have learned to use it: You can now use your constitution modifier instead of strength or dexterity for the attack bonus on weapons and their bonus damage (this only affects targets affected by Death’s Design). You can also use your constitution modifier for charisma (intimidation) checks instead of your charisma. This feature grants you proficiency in said skill or expertise if you are already proficient.
• When incapacitated, you can consume 2 Soul Reaver stacks to guarantee a successful death saving throw. This can only be used once per turn.
• The avatar’s eyes grant you improved darkvision and proficiency in the perception skill or expertise if you are already proficient.
• This feature allows you to accumulate stacks of Soul Reaver. You cannot accumulate an amount of stacks superior to the maximum at your level shown in the class table.

The sheer presence of the avatar in your body inspires a feeling of unease and fear to all people you interact with

• You now have disadvantage on all charisma ability checks, but you have advantage on intimidation checks.

Ways to gain stacks:

• Dealing damage via a melee attack against a target affected by the Death’s Design debuff gets you 1 stack. If the attack is a critical hit, you instead gain 2 stacks.
• Killing a target debuffed by Death’s Design gets you 3 stacks.

Ways to use stacks:

• Blood Stalk: When making a melee attack roll, you can consume 1 stack of Soul Reaver to call for your avatar to enhance your damage by 1d8 necrotic damage, 2d8 at 5th level, 3d8 at 11th level and 4d8 at 17th level. You can use this feature only once for each attack roll but multiple times if you can attack multiple times with 1 action. If a Blood Stalk attack lands, it does not grant you a Soul Reaver stack.
• Enshroud: As an action you can consume 3 stacks to Enshroud. Enshrouding allows your avatar to take over your body enhancing all your abilities. Unfortunately this is very difficult and takes some time so you start concentrating on it and until the start of your next turn you are totally immobile, cannot take actions, bonus actions or reactions and are vulnerable to radiant and psychic damage since you have to focus on the transformation. If your enemies manage to break your concentration while you are transforming, you exit this state and you do not regain your stacks of Soul Reaver and if they break it while you are Enshrouded, you exit Enshroud. At the start of your next turn you gain the following benefits for 1 minute:

1. You gain an extra attack every time you take the attack action.
2. Your speed is doubled and you don’t provoke opportunity attacks. You don’t gain this benefit when wearing heavy armor.
3. You gain a bonus of +3 to your armor class.
4. You have advantage on dexterity saving throws.
5. You gain an additional action to use 1 weapon attack, Dash, Hide or use an Object Action.
6. Blood Stalk applies to all your melee weapon attacks.
7. You also cannot gain nor lose Soul Reaver stacks unless you use said stacks for abilities, then you still use them.

• You exit Enshroud automatically after the duration ends or if you get incapacitated. When exiting Enshroud, you gain a level of exhaustion.

Ways to lose stacks:

• You lose all stacks when you become incapacitated.
• You lose all stacks when taking a long rest.
• Everytime you get hit, you must make a concentration check as if you were concentrating, on a failed save, you lose 1 stack, 2 if the hit is a critical. This doesn’t apply when Enshrouded.

​
Ability Score Improvement (4th, 8th, 14th and 19th Level):

• When you reach 4th level and again at 8th, 14th and 19th level, you can increase 1 ability score of your choice by 2 or you can increase 2 ability scores of your choice by 1. As normal, you can’t increase an ability score above 20 using this feature.

​
Mended Avatar Link (6th Level):
Your relationship with your avatar has improved and it is willing to put its life at risk for you.

• While Enshrouded, you gain resistance to slashing, bludgeoning, piercing and force damage.
• Soulsow: As an action, you can sacrifice hit points to remove a level of exhaustion equal to an amount of d10 equal to your proficiency bonus minus 1.You can use these powers outside or inside Enshroud, but while in Enshroud, reduce the Soul Reaver stack costs by 1 stack:
• The Blackest Night: At the cost of your action and 3 Soul Reaver stacks, your avatar protects you giving 2d10 plus your constitution modifier temporary hit points, the number of dice changes to 3d10 at 9th level, 4d10 at 12th level, 5d10 at 15th level and 6d10 at 20th. This lasts for 2 turns. If a creature reduces these temporary hit points to 0, your next melee weapon attack is a guaranteed critical hit.
• Unveiled Potential: At the cost of 2 Soul Reaver stacks and your reaction you can half the damage, rounded down, you receive from an attack or spell, you can see coming or being cast.

​
Improved Avatar Link (9th Level):
Your link with your avatar of death is growing stronger.

• You can now move an additional 10 feet of movement.
• You now have advantage on concentration checks you make to stay Enshrouded.

You can use these powers outside or inside Enshroud, but while in Enshroud, reduce the Soul Reaver stack costs by 1 stack:

• Delirium: As an action and at the cost of 2 Soul Reaver stacks, you choose a single target that you can see within 60 feet of you and you show them your true visage. They must succeed on a wisdom saving throw with a DC of 8 + your constitution modifier + your proficiency bonus. If they fail, they become frightened of you for 1 minute. The affected targets can cleanse this condition by making a wisdom saving throw with the same DC as Delirium at the start of each of their turns.

​
Extra Attack (11th Level):

• You can make an additional attack every time you take the attack action on your turn.

​
Refined Avatar Link (12th Level):Your relationship with your avatar has improved and your connection grows stronger and it will now use its own vital essence to keep you alive and to buff yourself and nearby party members.

• All your attacks deal an additional 1d8 necrotic damage.
• Enshroud no longer requires your concentration.

You can use these powers outside or inside Enshroud, but while in Enshroud, reduce the Soul Reaver stack costs by 1 stack:

1. Arcane Crest: As a bonus action, you can consume 2 Soul Reaver stack to make it so, this turn, the next attack roll that targets you must roll with disadvantage.
2. Arcane Circle: As an action, you can consume 4 Soul Reaver stacks to grant you and all other friendly creatures within 60 feet of you that you can see a bonus to their attack rolls and saving throws. This bonus is 1d4 plus your constitution modifier and the dice changes to 1d8 at 15th level and to 1d12 at 20th level. This buff lasts for 5 minutes or until the affected creature uses its bonus on a roll.
3. Bloodbath: While in Enshroud, once per attack action, you recover the damage your Blood Stalk deals, you call this ability before rolling the damage dice.

​
Perfected Avatar Link (15th Level):
Now that you have mastered the arts of the avatar to buff yourself and allies, it’s time to make your enemies pay.

• The transformation is no longer time consuming, as an action you instantly transform and when exiting Enshroud by any means, you no longer gain a stack of exhaustion.
• When using Blood Stalk, an additional enemy, 2 at 17th level and 3 at 20th level, of your choice within 10 feet of the target of your Blood Stalk, takes half the damage, rounded up.

You can use these powers inside Enshroud:

1. Gallows: As a bonus action, you consume 3 Soul Reaver stacks to gain an additional action for this turn.
2. Gibbet: As an action, you consume 1 Soul Reaver stack to gain an additional bonus action for this turn.
3. Guillotine: As an action, you can consume 2 Soul Reaver stacks to extend your Enshroud by an additional minute.
4. Gluttony: For 1 Soul Reaver stack, you can use your reaction to target an enemy as it is moving within 30 feet of you that you can see to pull them towards you by 30 feet.

​
2nd Fighting Style (16th Level):

• You learn an additional fighting style on top of the one you already have from 2nd level. You cannot learn the same one that you learned at 2nd level, once again from the Fighter fighting style list.

​
Bloody F*cking Critical (17th Level):
Your avatar has taught you a lot of things over time and he made you an expert at hitting just the right spot to make them bleed!

• You score a critical hit on a roll of an 18 as well as a 19 and a 20 on a d20. This only applies on targets affected by Death’s Design.

​
Reaper God (20th Level):
You have become an absolute force to be reckoned with and the connection with the Avatar of Death has ascended you to godhood levels of power.

• While in Enshroud, you gain resistance to all damage except radiant.
• Communio: You can end your Enshroud by using Communio; consuming all remaining stacks of Soul Reaver (minimum of 5) as an action to expand all your remaining energy outwards. Any hostile creature you can see within 120 feet of you without total cover must make a dexterity and constitution saving throw with a DC of 8 plus your constitution modifier plus your proficiency bonus. If they fail the dexterity save, they take 15d6 necrotic damage and 15d6 force damage. If they fail the constitution save, they become paralyzed for 1 minute. If they succeed the dexterity save, they take half damage, rounded down and if they succeed the constitution save, they don’t get paralyzed. Even with a perfect connection with the entity, this is still extremely demanding on the body so you gain 2 levels of exhaustion.

For context, I was having a conversation with one of my friends about this guy I had an unofficial relationship/friendship with about a year and a half ago. I was also talking to her about how being bullied affected me, but more specifically affected my gpa from sophomore year (we're both currently juniors). At some point during the conversation she said to me; "you were being abused." and I kind of laughed about it, I said something like it really isn't that serious like people do shitty things to each other all the time, but I wouldn't call it abuse. And she said, "No, you were being verbally abused." And I was kind of like that's a little dramatic but okay. In these last few weeks, I did a lot of research about abuse and trauma and honestly I was kind of shocked. I resonated with almost every single article I found and I even took quizzes or screenings about abuse and every single one told that it was emotional abuse. It seems wrong to call the relationship I was in and the way I was treated abusive because than I have to accept that that person didn't genuinely love me and honestly could care less about me or if they did love or care for me at all they wouldn't treat me like that. But it's so complicated because there's always room for discussion. I made mistakes too. The guy was a teenager, so was I. I did things wrong too and I didn't always know how to communicate properly. Who knows maybe deep down he did care but didn't express it properly or was too immature to show it. But truthfully I remember during the course of that friendship/relationship I just remember I was in a lot of emotional pain and under a lot of stress but I never really knew why. No one ever told me that someone telling you no one loves or cares about you is wrong, or being told that you're stupid is wrong, or being blamed for everything is wrong, being told that you're selfish or that you overreact about everything, saying one thing and doing the exact opposite etc, is wrong and someone who loves you shouldn't do those things (romantically, platonically, etc).
I was thinking about it for a long time and I came to realize that the reason I could not accept that maybe this person I loved and cared about so deeply did actually emotionally abuse me was because that would mean accepting that my parents did as well. And it made me realize that I never questioned it or just assumed it was normal or that eventually he would stop or things would work out was because that's what I'd known my entire life. I always assumed that the problems I had with my parents or strained relationships were just normal, and a part of growing up and my parents were just strict and it was something I had to deal with. And yeah, to an extent there were things that were simply normal and parts of growing up, but I only recently remembered a shit ton of things from my childhood that I kind of repressed as well as things that happened recently, and I never once reconsidered the fact that it might've actually been fucked up. It's weird because it's so easy to brush everything under the carpet because they're my parents, and I just have to assume that everything they're doing is well-meaning, even if I don't like all of it. And because they're my parents they're family and it's kind of a loyalty thing that no one should disown or estrange themselves from their parents because they're trying their best unless of course, in extreme cases. Recently for my own processing of things I started writing down in a bullet point kind of format things from my childhood or things that happened that make me upset or uneasy, but I'm not sure still if I overreacted or misremembered these things or it was actually bad. Disclaimer: I understand that I have a lot to be grateful for, both my parents are alive and living in the same household, not addicted to anything, don't physically hurt me. I have friends and I know several people with really unfortunate living situations or family problems and I'm sure that is the case for many people here as well so I truly don't mean to come across as an ungrateful brat but I just need some kind of closure or understanding about my life.

• I have a lot of good memories with my siblings and general/extended family but yet when I try to think of good memories with my mom or dad I honestly blank. I know that they loved me but I never really felt loved and I always doubted whether they genuinely loved me or felt like there was something wrong with me.
• I remember my mom used to take my brother on these adventures around the city on weekends, sometimes just him, sometimes him and his friend, and I'd beg to come along but my mom refused and I just remember feeling so left out all the time and trying so hard to be included with my mom and brother
• I remember my mom would constantly compare me to my brother or unintentionally put me down. for example during an online parent teacher conference for math, in which I had been struggling in, (this was about a year ago) My mom spent so much time talking about how my brother is so smart and strong at math to the point where my math teacher said, "I didn't like being compared to my siblings growing up so I don't comparison is really helping" in which my mom went on to say she wasn't comparing us at all. On other occasions, during family dinnegrace, my mom would say something she's thankful for about my brother and younger sister and a lot of times just simply forget to include me-or she couldn't think of anything to be proud of me for? i'm not sure tbh
• I remember on many occasions I would start crying or asking my parents (but specifically my mom) just genuinely confused and hurt as to why they loved my brother and sister more. They would always tell me I was being crazy or ridiculous and that wasn't true but they treated me much differently than them and honestly I just remember feeling like everything I did even as a child was wrong.
• I remember my mom would constantly accuse me of stuff, sometimes small, sometimes bigger things, but a lot of the times it wouldn't even make sense. One time before a family vacation a few years ago, they were bringing a white wine to my grandparent's house as a gift. They found when they took the wine from the wine cooler to put in the car I guess the seal had broken or some of the wine was gone? I'm not 100% sure. They started screaming at me and accusing me of drinking the wine that was a gift for my grandparents, saying how I ruined the trip and how I always create problems. I was about 13 at the time and never had a drop of alcohol in my life, the thought had never even crossed my mine. I think i was crying in the car during the drive to my grandparent's house because my parents were mad at me, and my dad kept screaming at me to shut up and stop crying, I remember my siblings were upset as well because of this, I think I got punished for it too. My mom would also accuse me of taking her clothes and hiding them, money, etc, which almost 100 percent of the time I didn't do. It wasn't even just the accusing it just felt like my mom would blame me for a lot of obscure things or just pin everything on me. If the counter had a stain-must've been from me. A glass left on the counter? Laundry fell off the rack? My mom's coat fell off the hanger? Just things that seem unimportant my mom would get mad at me for or automatically blame me for things that weren't necessarily my fault or having to do with me at all.
• When my mom would get mad I could always tell. I'm not sure if this is common or not but I became very good at listening to footsteps around the house. I could tell whose footsteps were my moms, dads, brothers, sisters. And I could also tell if someone was mad by listening to their footsteps. When my dad was mad he was more upfront about it, angry yelling and aggressive but he'd calm down and than he'd be fine and pleasant to be around. But with my mom it was more complicated. It was like walking on eggshells because one second I'd feel like okay and even comfortable around my mother but it never lasted because all it took was me saying one wrong thing or doing one wrong thing or something unrelated to me entirely for that to change her entire mood. If I heard my mom's "angry footsteps" I immediately would try to clean up my room, hide my phone, computer, anything that would make her mad, or provoke her in the slightest. If she was in a bad mood she didn't hold back from yelling and insulting everyone, but I probably got the worst of it out of everyone. At times for no reason at all she stomp into my room screaming at me for being lazy, irresponsible, how I ruin the family or I don't contribute or help her at all, how I waste my time, or how I'm selfish or how I'm stupid and I don't work hard or try at anything. Sometimes she'd straight up insult me or other times she would mock me or kind of make fun of me for something random.
• I remember one time my mom got so mad at me and my brother when we shared a room for making a mess in the room (we were probably like 6 and 8) that she threw a chair across the room and it broke my favorite toy horse. I remember crying about it because I loved that horse and when I brought it up days later she’d claim she’d never broken it and I must’ve. I remember the horse was hot pink and plastic. She broke one of it’s legs so it couldn’t stand up on it’s own anymore.
• A few months ago my school had what they called regents week. A week where most students have off in ny high schools, unless, obviously, they have to take regents, in which they would come into the building at a set time during the week for their exam. My school additionally offers office hours during regents week where students can come in for extra help or to make up assignments, or if they're failing a course to do extra credit work. The only thing I was required to go in for that week was an Algebra regents I had never taken in middle school and had to do now. I wasn't failing any courses and most my grades were over 90, with the exception of my math grade which was in the 70s. My mom wanted to know the previous night what my schedule was that week for school. I explained to her (this was a monday night) that I had regents wednesday afternoon so I planned on spending all day studying for it at home tuesday, and after my regents, I had the rest of the week off. She seemed to understand and went to bed. I'm woken up at 6 am to my dad yelling at me saying I have to go to school and my mom as well. I'm so confused and I'm trying to explain to my parents that they're mistaken and I'm not supposed to go to school at all. They're screaming at me how I'm failing math and I'm failing at everything and I'm a joke and I'm so tired and confused and than I'm half asleep arguing with my mom about something we had already discussed the night before. My dad leaves for work, my mom spends the entire morning screaming at me until my head is pounding. She doesn't believe me, she doesn't believe I'm not failing math or I'm not supposed to go to school, she thinks I am trying to skip school and my friend (who has nothing to do with this in the slightest) is influencing me to do so. Meanwhile I just want to study for my exam. At some point I have a breakdown on the floor of my closet and my mom comes in to take my laptop (she already took my phone), and I'm sobbing on my closet floor and I'm exhausted and she starts dumping out my schoolbag and purse and throwing all my stuff around my room. She yanks open the closet door and starts yelling about how I'm a freak and how if I dont go to school I can't live here and she wants me out of her house and essentially kicks me out and says she doesn't want to see me. She storms out o the house, at this point, I can't even reference the study materials without my laptop or prep for my exam the next day. I get dressed and start packing up my stuff to stay at a friends house and while folding clothes on my bed I fall asleep because I'm genuinely so tired. My dad comes home from work at some point trying to negotiate with me and than when starts yelling at me and than leaves again. I finally finish packing up my stuff. My mom comes home, I realize I have to babysit that afternoon. I tell my mom I need my phone to babysit. I tell her to give me my phone when I need to leave, at 3:45. She winds up giving me my phone at 3:51, and I;m late for babysitting. I ask her how I am supposed to study for my regents without my computer, and she throws a book at me. I leave for babysitting, meet up with the friend I was going to stay with,where I'm talking to them about the situation. We get food and i'm planning to pick up my stuff from the hallway of my apartment and head to my friend's house, but my mom is emailing back and forth with my teacher, where he essentially confirms they made an error and I can come into school if I want to but I'm not close to failing the course nor am I required to. I text my mom teling her I'm staying at my friends, and she tells me I "cant run away from my problems," even though she literally kicked me out. My mom texts my friends mom angirly and tells her how I am "running away" and how I'm "not allowed to stay there." Eventually I text my mom and I tell her I will do whatever she wants and attend these office hours for the rest of the week if she lets me stay at my friend's house and leaves me alone. She eventually gets me to come home because I started to feel bad and she says she made chili for me. She never wound up apologizing for that entire situation and continued to do similar things.
• My mom also last night got mad at me for not finishing my dinner, as I'm trying to sleep, storms into my room and takes my gum from my nightstand, accusing me of eating "junk" in my room instead of dinner meanwhile it's literally just gum, gets mad at me for moving my nightstand closer to my bed, leaves my room. Comes back into my room 10 minutes later as I'm about to fall asleep and says "You just hate everyone!" "Why do you hate everyone?" meanwhile I haven't done anything except not finish my dinner because i genuinely wasn't hungry. Than she says "Oh-except your little friends!!" and leaves my room.
• My mom also has a habit of constantly taking my phone and reading all my texts and messages and looking at my recent phone calls and just overrall invading my privacy. She'll also block people or friends of mine (without even telling me) she doesn't like or doesn't want me talking to and downright stop me from hanging out with people unless she likes them. I've lost several friendships with people because of her doing this.
• My mom constantly calls me things like a "drama queen or cry baby" anytime I cry in front of her. Or she'll just roll her eyes at me when I've been upset. She says how I find a problem with everything and how I'm ungrateful or negative or full of hate. She'll tell me things like how I'm not good enough or doing good enough in school, tell me no one likes me because of certain things. When I try to talk to her genuinely she'll ignore me or put her radio on full blast or lock herself in her room. She'll mock me for my interests like theater or make me feel about being excited about a song or a lipstick. She'll tell me how I don't work hard or I'm going to fail or not get into any good colleges.
• At some point I was pretty mad at my mom and I texted my friend why I was upset at her. (I also told almost everything I texted my friend, to my mom directly, and she didn't care) and later that day, my mom takes my phone, reads these texts. Tells me how I'm full of hatred and I'm a bad person and disrespectful to my family. At dinner it comes up and she disowns me saying how "she doesnt have a daughter" and I treat her so badly so she has no respect for me. She gave me the silent treatment for 2 weeks after that point, telling me I'm only allowed to contact my dad but than got annoyed at me at some point for not responding to her text?
• On my 16th birthday her and my dad kind of slut shamed me for the dress I was wearing, it was a black loose mini dress with white lace at the top. However, i was wearing a cardigan over it and tights and boots. I had been really excited to wear the dress and go to dinner for my birthday, and my dad sayts "you can't wear that, show your mother." my mom says my dress is "so inappropriate" for a family restaruant and basically implies I will embarrass the family. The entire birthday dinner I felt really shitty and my parents spent the majority of it talking about my brother
• Whenever I did something wrong as a child my parents would threaten to put me in foster care, tell me I have psychological problems, or that something was wrong with me, that i was ruining the family, or that they were calling the police or having someone come take me away if I didn't stop crying. They would say how they couldn't handle me or how I embarrased them or I needed to stay away from my siblings like I was some kind of monster. I just remember I would be sobbing as a child and like truly feeling like I wanted to die and that's probably the reason I feel so unlovable and worthless and like a burden to this day. I remember I would tell my parents I could live somewhere else or with another family member and maybe they would love me and they would basically tell me that no one would want to have me in their family and that I would get harrassed or abused in foster care. Obviously this terrified me as a child so I would do everything I could to get them to love me or be apart of my family. I remember so many nights I would fall asleep as a child not knowing if one day they might actually get rid of me for good or wondering if I could be loved by anyone in the world at all. (My siblings loved me very much but this was just how I felt)
• My dad was especially mean to me on family vacations for whatever reason, maybe he would feel stressed being at his parents house. One time we all stayed up watching a movie and we were eating candy on the couch. I didn't realize I had dropped a raisinet and it smudged on the side of the couch. Obviously I felt horrible and I immediately got up to fix it when I noticed, unfortunately my dad noticed as well. He was screaming at me for hours while I was hiding behind a table sobbing apologizing. He was saying how I was never going to be allowed to see my grandparents again, how I ruined everything, how I cost thousands of dollars, how the stain was never coming off, how I needed to shut up and be quiet because my grandparents were asleep (meanwhile h ewas the person screaming at me). I kept apologizing over and over again and saying how I don't have thousands of dollars (I was a child) but I would fix it. The stain wound up coming off after a few minutes of scrubbing. my dad never apologized in the slightest and i'm pretty sure he was still mad at me days following that event.
• I remember one time my parents threatened to kick me out of the house, I honestly can't even remember why, and my dad threw my suitcase at my head. I don't think it was aimed to hit me but it did hit me.
• When I was younger and my dad got mad at me he used to drag me around the house if I didn't sit where he wanted me to or do exactly as he wanted. He would drag me around the house by my wrist/arm or sometimes ankles and I would scream that he was hurting me or to let go of me and he didn't stop until I started crying usually. I would scream for my mom to help me or to get my dad to stop and she usually didn't do anything. I feel horrible looking back because I remember a lot of times my little sister would witness this and start crying because of how my dad was acting or because she saw me crying or in pain.
• My dad also used to sometimes squeeze my brother or I's noses or ears when we did something he didn;t like. It became a joke between my brother and I as a child but it was really weird.
• I remember one time a few years ago my dad barged into my room around 10pm yelling at me about how I needed to go to bed. He turned the lights off and slammed the door to my room. I got up to turn the lights back on because I still had to finish my schoolwork and than before I even got back across the room to sit down he stormed back into my room to grab me my wrist and yank me out of my room and tried to drag me out of the apartment by my wrist because I turned the lights back on and wasn't listening to him.
• my mom also made a lot of empty promises to me as a child, like places she would take me or things she'd do. she never fullfilled any of those promises and a lot of times when I brought them up she'd straight up deny she ever said that.
• At some point during the pandemic, I was really struggling with eating as well as some kind of social anxiety.I was sitting on my parent's bed and I was trying to tell my dad how sad I felt seeing all these friends and friendgroups while on vacation, because, truth to be told, I lost a lot of my friends over the pandemic due to the circumstances and just anxiety I guess. While I was talking to my dad I started crying because I realized how truly lonely I felt and like I had no one there for me or no one liked me, a lot of this was self esteem issues as well and I hated a lot of things about my appearance and so struggling with eating was related. My dad started screaming at me calling me stupid and saying how I don't know how friendships work and I expect things without putting the work in.
• When I was 12 I was being bullied and going through a difficult time at school and I cut myself, not because I truly wanted to but honestly I was in a lot of stress and pain and no one ever really taught me how to cope with emotions or who I could turn to and I just wanted to see if I'd feel better. A few weeks after I wound up going to the hospital (a one day trip) because of it. I remember afterwards my mom asking me what are you going to tell people when they ask? What are you going to tell people about your arm? And i remember telling her I’d tell them I’d fell on a grate while running on the sidewalk. And I think she was satisfied with that answer because I couldn’t really think of anything better. I remember the school or guidance counselor? I think) called my mom that monday after school and apparently she needed to take me to the hospital or they’d call the police because I told my friends at the time that I wanted to die, who told my counselor. I remember my mom sister and I taking an uber to the hospital. I remember sitting in the uber in dead silence. I remember my mom telling me at some point that she needed to do her work and that I was wasting her time. I remember asking her why couldn’t we go to a regular doctors because I didn’t want to be taken to a hospital and I didn’t mean to drag everyone into this mess of mine. I remember my mom rolling her eyes when she told me she had to take me to the hospital like I was just some nuisance to her. I remember my mom was referred to a bunch of therapists and specialists I remember weeks had passed with no mention of the incident like nothing had happened at all. I remember asking my mom why she hadn’t gotten me a therapist or if I was going to see a therapist soon and she just told me I didn’t need one and that I was fine. At some point she told me I was just seeking for attention. On the counter someone left out a medical bill for the ambulance from the visit and it was over 5,000 dollars. I remember telling my mom I saw the bill and that I didn’t realize it was so expensive and I felt horrible. I remember her saying yeah. You see how expensive it is now? I think after that it was never brought up again. For a few months after my mom hid all the razors and stuff in the house and I wasn’t allowed to be left home alone for a month or two. But other than that it was never mentioned again.
  
• At some point I started cutting myself again. I was very very careful about hiding this from family and friends especially my mother. I didn't want to be a burden to anyone and I especially didn't want her to view me more as a monster or have more reason to dislike me or look down on me. At some point she saw my shoulder in the bathroom of a hotel as I left the door unlocked and was putting on my jacket. My sister saw as well. I didn't realize in that lighting how noticeable it was but even so i tried to play it off. My sister had a disgusted expression and asked what happened to my arm. I laughed and said it was because I picked at my skin but my mom saw and I could tell she didn't buy it. She said it was really weird and gross and I felt honestly horrendous. In the drive home, she brought it up again out of blue during an argument and said "why is your skin all cut up" and i was like what are you talking about I just pick at my skin-and my dad was driving but he said "you need to rtake her to a doctor." my mom just ignored this and was picking at her nails the entire time, not caring
  

If you read all the way to the bottom just let me know your honest opinions and thoughts or if I'm overreacting about everything. It's strange because while I'm not particulary close with either one of my parents, I feel closer and more loved by my dad than my mom. I kind of accepted that my dad has some anger issues and a bad temper but he does genuinely care about me and love me he just can't always control himself. With my mom I hold much more resentment because I feel like she intentionally manipulates me and makes no efforts to change her behavior. I love my siblings very much and I plan on keeping close contact with them while in college but I don't know if I want to contact my parents after I move out, or how to even go about that. I don't even know what to talk to them about and it feels unnatural because they know so little about me as I don't trust them at all. I just want to know if I am being dramatic about this-like are these normal conflicts in every family or was I truly mistreated? I have a lot of self esteem issues and other issues about my self worth and the way I view myself and I never really considered until it now it might be because of the way I was treated by people my entire life.
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​

She was malice and hatred, her efforts to undermine the Empire's efforts for peace- in spite of everything the Humans had done- had culminated in her attempting to simply raze everything and force the issue.
Brave and Noble Kurtulmak, God of Kobolds, had roared with all of the ferocity of a Dragon, sacrificing himself to ensure Bahamut, the Justicemaker, could strike Tiamat's heart, and in his final breath, begged Bahamut to protect his people.
"That's a load of fucking bullshit!" I yapped.
The Priests of Bahamut recoiled at my words, clearly not anticipating that I- who miraculously returned, whose resurrection was clearly a divine miracle, and was thus also clearly a sign of Bahamut's favor- would be pissed.
"There is absolutely zero fucking way that actually happened!" I snapped.
It was a full day since my resurrection, and I'd been exhausted. I was still exhausted, but I absolutely was not having any fuckery. So I calmly asked them for the account of what had happened, after overhearing them talking about how Bahamut had clearly brought me back and pushing the holy vestments on me.
Which I did wear, because I wasn't going to go around naked.
This of course was the wrong choice because it gave their story some implicit weight.
"Alright, so first off, Asgorath was the one who brought me back, not Bahamut." I said, shutting down that narrative immediately. "Second, the only reason he did that was because I guess I impressed him? Third, he brought me to Bahamut's palace, Bahamut didn't bring me there, and fourth-" I paused, my anger at the situation briefly giving way to a pang of grief. "And fourth, Kurtulmak was already dead when Bahamut arrived."
"Imperator, clearly you must still be exhausted and confused from-"
I flung Magic Missiles at him, he was sturdier than Humans, but he still died. "Bring him back!" I ordered. "I though he'd survive."
This of course terrified the priests, who did bring him back immediately.
I stood up and walked over to the window overlooking the area. The town had been eradicated, it was only thanks to our efforts to get Darastrixthurhi livable that the nursery survived.
"Do any of you remember what Christianity was like?" I asked.
"Y-yes, Imperator." One of the Priests stated.
"Stop acting like a Christian, and start following your God's tenets, or I swear upon mine I will kill you and leave him to deal with you."
"Ruuk, that's enough." Tallyn warned. "We lost most of our family, we didn't know what to think of what happened, we went with what made sense."
"I can understand that." I said. "Mistakes happen, and sometimes things are misunderstood." I shot a glare at the Priest. "I will not tolerate attempts at gaslighting me into believing your story. Bahamut is ashamed of you."
He looked away, then looked back at me before bowing. "I am sorry, Imperator. Please forgive my transgression."
"I've already killed you once." I said. "You don't need forgiveness, you only need to do better. Make your actions your apology, words are meaningless before Bahamut." The way he stared at me with such profundity indicated that he had absolutely not considered that before.
"Tallyn, what the fuck is going on when something that basic escapes your notice?"
"Times have been difficult." Tallyn replied. "Galax was killed on that day, he gave his life protecting us from Tiamat's breath weapon."
"A shame. He was a dick, but he was at least on the right path. Who's in charge of the Temple?"
"That would be Mitne, the Dragonborn." Tallyn replied. "We've been quarantined since the attack, except this time, it's for a good reason."
"Yeah, Kurtulmak's divine essence is causing Humans to turn into Kobolds, but without his guidance." I said. "Have they at least let anyone out?"
"No. It extends to anyone we touch, anyone we try to heal. We chose to be quarantined."
This wasn't even square one. This was the table being flipped by an irate player who didn't get their way.
"Any negative effects on our people?" I asked. He shook his head. "Good, there's that, at least. Did any worshipers of Kurtulmak remain?"
"There were some holdouts, but..."
"But?" I pressed.
"We converted them." Tallyn said. "Not by force, I know you would never forgive us for that, but since Kurtulmak is dead... There's no point in worshiping a dead god."
"I see." I said. "I want everyone who was affiliated with Kurtulmak's Temple brought to me immediately."
They hesitated, but complied.
There were only fifty of them, all dressed in Bahamut's vestments.
"I'm going to give you all a choice." I said. "Remain in Bahamut's Temple, or join me in a fool's errand to worship a dead God." They looked at each other. "Until yesterday, not a single one of you made any efforts to worship him, I am currently the only one stubborn enough to do so. Now, make your choice. If you will join me, cast aside your vestments, and pledge your service to my God. If Bahamut complains, he can bother me about it."
The way they removed the vestments indicated they only went with Bahamut's Temple because they were convinced to, or maybe even forced to, I couldn't trust that Tallyn knew everything.
"Tonight." I said, looking at them critically. "We will be performing a public ritual in Kurtulmak's honor. If the Temple of Bahamut deigns to strike against us, do not kill them if you can help it, but make them suffer, for they act against their God's wishes."
Maybe. I wasn't entirely certain why he searched for me, or why Asgorath brought me back- the latter, at least, I could think as doing it just for the sake of doing it, maybe there was some sort of balance my being brought back would achieve, or maybe he wanted Kurtulmak's story to have a more satisfying ending, I wasn't certain, nor would I ever really be certain.
All I knew was, if there was some way to bring him back, I would most certainly do it, and the first thing that came to mind was worship, there was a reason why Gods needed followers,
In spite of my exhaustion, keeping my resurrection a secret was a Bad Idea. If the Temple of Bahamut's new High Priest was a problem, he'd try to do more than a little gaslighting,
I looked at the Priests of Bahamut, who observed this all with disappointment in their eyes.
"Gather the people." I said. "Tell them their Imperator has words that must be heard."
One of them scowled, I walked up to her. "Is there going to be a problem?" I asked in a low tone. "Do not think for a second I did not see that look you gave me. A year may have passed, but do not forget the antagonism the Temple brought me under better leadership. I was the one Bahamut directed when platinum was needed for your Temple, I was the one who had the platinum sword forged."
I paused, bending over to keep her looking at me as she tried to look away. "Your actions now dictate whether I return as a benevolent leader, or a cruel tyrant, I will happily go either way as long as what needs to get done gets done. I am electing to do good, in honor of your God's pact with mine. I do not need to be. Is this understood?"
"Yes, Imperator." She said.
"Direct your High Priest here." I said. "Tell him his Imperator wants him for words."
"Imperator, the High Priest does not answer to anyone other than Bahamut." Another spoke.
"He will, if he understands what's good for him." I said. "Last I recall, Mitne is not a Kobold, he was Human before he was reborn, and unless he has proven he understands what is necessary for the Warren, and not just his God's glory, I cannot trust that the very concerning actions I've seen today are not indicative of a more systemic problem."
"We serve Bahamut's will." The third Priest stated.
"Your names, tell me them." I said. They blinked, confused. "Are you disobeying a direct order from one whom Bahamut sought out in death, whom Asgorath saw fit to return to life?" I asked. "Or am I only a convenience if I am compliant to the machinations of the Temple?"
"Rahmut." The Priestess spoke, her gaze turned downward.
"Kuudra." The first spoke, his gaze meeting mine evenly.
"Farin, Imperator." The third spoke with slightly more respect.
"This one gets it." I said. "The people gathered now, the High Priest brought in here immediately. Failure to do either will be considered treason. Is this understood?"
"What, may I ask, is the punishment for treason?" Kuudra asked.
"For the time being, a sharp slap to the face. I'll move up to the death penalty if it gets particularly egregious."
They bowed.
"Fuck's sake, did you forget our salute?" I asked. They froze. "Out."
They left.
"Imperator." I looked toward the fifty, all saluted. I smiled and nodded.
Slowly, the people below gathered, Tallyn returned, and for a moment, there was a moment of tension between us.
"Does my manner of addressing your Temple displease you, Tallyn?" I asked.
"I'd be lying if I said it didn't." He replied. He held out a bundle of cloth, and I took it. My eyes widened as I saw the crimson sheen of the leather armor Kurtulmak had made for me.
"I thought I was incinerated?" I asked.
"Our Artificers classify it as a legendary item, unsurprising considering it was created by a God." He said. "It takes more than a solid blast to destroy an item like that. I may have needed to punch a few Priests to get it out, Bahamut will take it out of my hide at his discretion.
My once-blind eye ached. "He will not." The words came unbidden from my own lips, I held hands grasping my shoulders firmly. Tallyn's eyes widened, he knelt immediately. "I speak through your Imperator, and shall only reveal myself when necessary. Tallyn is, and always has been since that day two and one half years ago, my claimed agent upon this world." The chuckle I heard did not come from my own mouth, yet it reverberated throughout the room. "He has made me almost regret giving him my regard many times."
"What is your wisdom, my God?" Tallyn asked.
"Justice and Good above all else, yet even Evil may be paid unto Evil. So long as justice is served, so long as Good is preserved, the means to achieve that Justice may be forgiven. Ruuk understands what I need*, I will tolerate his indiscretions so long as it achieves that ultimate goal."*
I felt those hands loosen, for a moment, I felt like I was going to faint.
'I am here, Ruuk, as I always have been. Do what needs done.' Bahamut's voice echoed in my mind, and the aching in my eye faded.
"The people are gathered." Tallyn spoke. "Let them know their Imperator has returned."
I put on my armor, finding comfort in its presence, and I strode toward the balcony. It was dead silent before I showed up, and the only indication that anyone realized who I was, was a few startled gasps.
'We have imbued you with further power.' Bahamut spoke. 'A year is a long time to be gone, this gift will ensure the people understand who has advocated for your return.'
I climbed onto the balcony. "Altiuiri thran hansa tairais." My words reverberated with power, and I stepped off of the balcony. The screams were short lived, once the spectral wings burst out from my back. I descended such that everyone could clearly see me.
"By the effort of Bahamut, and the grace of Asgorath, your Imperator has returned." I spoke. "I am very, very disappointed, I am gone for one year, and everything goes to shit."
I made it obvious that, in spite of my clear disapproval with things, I was trying to be humorous. A handful of people laughed. Good, I didn't need fear quite yet. Everyone was dressed in some kind of vestment, which told me a lot about how the prior administration ran. I could feel Bahamut's anger burning within my heart.
'They are required by law to show fealty to me.' He spoke. 'I grant you permission to destroy this mockery of my will.'
"To those who do not feel the need to pledge your fealty to Bahamut, disrobe immediately. Those vestments are nothing but a mark of slavery to a faith you do not follow."
I could see palpable relief in the eyes of most of the people, who didn't even hesitate to undress. "To the rest, may your faith to your God be respected, you are the ones who have use for such things- even so, you are not required to show your devotion in such a way. Disrobe, if it is your desire."
A handful of Kobolds undressed. "Place the vestments over there." I said, pointing at an empty spot. They did so.
'Now, burn this mockery against me.'
I pointed my finger at the pile, each vestment folded with respect. "Docar ethim nil'gnos." I spoke, and the firebolt streaked toward the pile, setting it ablaze instantly. There were a few shocked gasps.
"May this affront to Bahamut's ideals be burned away, zyak qe coi."
"Tomorrow." I said. "I want each of you to write any complaints or criticisms you may have had in the preceding year. If for whatever reason you do not have access to paper or writing implements, I will ensure you have something, if only to ensure clear communication. You will write your name, as well as anything that comes to mind, no matter how petty, no matter how insignificant. And if anyone bars your way toward delivering these to me personally, you have every right to strike them down, as they will be a traitor to the Empire."
'Call out the name of Kova, have her approach.'
"Kova." I spoke, "You are within this crowd, approach."
A female Kobold slowly made her way over to me. she was bruised, her eyes downcast. "What has happened to you?" I asked, lowering myself to stand before her.
"I- spoke out against the Temple." She said. "They beat me for blasphemy."
'This is my gift to you, it is your own power, you do not need to pray to me for this.' Bahamut spoke.
I gently rest my hand on her, guided by Bahamut, but not controlled. I spoke, "Irisv itov erlelee." I felt a rush of power completely unlike Sorcery, the bruises healed, her dull scales regained their luster, she looked up at me with wide eyes.
"Brutality to our own is evil." I spoke. "Speak freely, your voice is the voice of the Empire, as are the voices of your fellow Kobolds. In benevolence or tyranny, I would never silence you."
I had some very sharp words for Mitna.
I pulled away from her and flew up again. "Tomorrow." I spoke. "Though I work within the gifts given to me by Bahamut, I will be leading a ritual in honor of Kurtulmak." A quote came to mind. "That is not dead which can eternal lie; and with strange aeons even death may die. Until the day I die, I will not give up on my God, our Emperor. Go in peace."
I flew back up to the throne room. "Tallyn." I said. "Why have beatings occurred under your leadership?" I asked.
"Wait, beatings?" He asked.
Footsteps echoed as one of the Priests returned. "Imperator." Farin stated, he started to bow, caught himself, and then saluted. "The High Priest has refused to see you." He said.
​
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Hey guys! I just wanted to put up my own experience moving through this year’s Canadian Resident Matching Service or CaRMS cycle so that others have a bit more clarity into what to prepare/focus on for future cycles. Here’s a bit of my background in a nutshell below to give some context:
I am currently a 27M Vietnamese-Canadian studying abroad (CSA originally born in Winnipeg, MB but spent the majority of my life in Ottawa, ON) awaiting to start family medicine residency on July 1 in Brandon, Manitoba but started this journey back in 2015.
I originally did 1.5 years of my undergraduate degree in Biochemistry at the University of Ottawa before seriously deciding on medicine as my career path. During my 1st university year, I applied to different medical schools in the UK (I think only Cardiff + Bristol considered me briefly but still turned down in the end) but got rejected from them. I was only invited + accepted to the MBChB programme at the University of Buckingham Medical School which lasted for about 4.5 years starting from January 2015. I had also done 2 electives in Ottawa (one under neurosurgery and the other in orthopaedics) during my final year of medical school prior to graduation in June 2019.
From there, I entered into the Foundation Programme in August 2019 (equivalent of medical internship in the US/Canada), which I did under the West Midlands South Foundation School, with pretty much all my time being in Worcestershire county. I did my FY1 rotations at the Alexandra Hospital, Redditch and my FY2 rotations at the Worcestershire Royal Hospital, Worcester. During this time, I had attempted the MCCQE1 exam twice (failed at 202 in January 2020, passed at 236 in October 2020) and attempted the NAC exam once (failed at 390 in March 2020). Ultimately, I withdrew early before my last FY2 rotation in April 2021 to focus on my 2nd NAC exam attempt, gain some clinical experience/connections on Canadian ground, and sort out other personal issues. I attempted the NAC exam again in October 2021 but failed at 1364. After taking a mixture of time off to mentally recover with family support and studying for the USMLE step I via UWorld as a distraction from November 2021 to April 2022, I took up a few different private NAC courses in the following chronological order from then onward to figure out where I was lacking at up until my third NAC attempt (passed with superior performance at 1452 on September 17, 2022):

1. BeMo’s OSCE Preparation Platinum (all done virtually over Zoom; first session on April 11, 2022 and last session on August 28, 2022 for a total of 13 sessions).
2. TutorIMG NAC OSCE Live Online Course (all done virtually over Zoom; first session on July 21, 2022 and last session on August 30, 2022 for a total of 11 sessions over).
3. Medical Training Express Live Online OSCE Course (all done virtually over Zoom on July 28, 2022 and last session on September 10, 2022 for a total of 12 sessions).
4. Mark’s MedSckool Reviews (technically took last year in person from August 30 - September 3, 2021 and again virtually over Zoom from August 22 – 26, 2022).

After I received notification of my NAC exam result on November 3, 2022, things were pretty hectic as I was busy entering into this year’s CaRMS cycle preparing different things:

1. CaRMS documents (e.g. personal CV, personal letters, letters of reference/LOR’s, MSPE/MSPR, post-graduate internship regarding Foundation training, university & high school transcripts).

In total, I applied to about 105 different programs and 76 unique, personal letters to go along with them.

1. Additional exams (FMProC and CASPer) – wrote my FMProC exam on December 12, 2022 and CASPer exam on December 15, 2022 after registering for them separately.

I primarily used a combination of the PasTest SJT question bank (went with 6 month subscription for £4) and free, online practice SJT’s provided for Foundation Programme Applicants as per the UKFPO website while I signed up for BeMo’s CASPerSIM Gold (3x mock CASPer sessions with feedback from different assessors).

1. USMLE Step I (wrote on November 29, 2022 but had been revising for it again since my 3rd NAC wrapped up; was originally a backup plan in case I had failed the NAC for a 3rd time as you’re only allowed a maximum of 3 attempts).
   
2. F2 Standalone application – the application window was opening on January 16 this year and was preparing evidence of my previous Foundation training + securing my Reapplication to Foundation Training form from my previous Foundation School director.
   
3. Volunteer shadowing at local family medicine practice (managed to shadow a GP in Ottawa for both Canadian experience and fortunately an LOR in the end).
   
4. Mock interview scenarios – did not have any previous formal/professional interview experience so I practiced with a combination of family members, my previous NAC study partner, and BeMo’s Residency Interview Gold Program (3x mock interview sessions with feedback from different assessors).
   

I recall having my joint FM ON interview first on February 3 followed by my FM MB interview second on February 13 (both were around midday/noon).

1. USMLE Step II CK (after passing the USMLE step I around early December, I was intermittently studying for the USMLE Step II CK until Match Day on March 22, 2023).

I have already been in contact with a mix of people from both inside and outside Reddit regarding NAC practice and general info/advice around the CaRMS process. A good starting point about common, high-yield complaints to prepare for can be found on the MCC website under the “Medical Expert” tab. Outside of private NAC courses, I primarily used a mix of Dr. Basil’s notes (for focusing my history-taking approach), Geeky Medics/Macleod’s Clinical Examination (for structuring my physical examinations; focusing it down for NAC’s time limits came through practice), and the USMLE First Aid Step II CS mini-cases (for inspiration of mock NAC scenarios to do). I personally never used much of other mentioned NAC resources so can’t really say too much as to how useful they are:

1. Edmonton Manual, “Master the NAC” by Dr. Bryce Lowry
2. “NAC OSCE – A Comprehensive Review” by Canadaprep
3. “OSCE and Clinical Skills Handbook” by Dr. Katrina F. Hurley
4. “Canadian IMG’s Guide to OSCE and Practice” by Dr. Hanan Ahmed

The most important thing other than the following tips below would be to find ~1-2 regular, dedicated NAC partners you can study with and exchange honest feedback to each other with (nicely organized NAC partner spreadsheet (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10Kk6YJtFKKn9IY3g96cC-rIWBQGyxtMUB9YQkAfND1g/edit#gid=0) with NAC partners made originally by u/MarinatedinPeace). Other specifics (ex. what can I bring?) around the NAC exam can be found on the MCC website but I generally recommend that ~3-4 months of time practicing 1-2x/week then ramping up to every other day (ideally everyday but I understand everyone has different backgrounds and recency of studying/practice) in the last 1-2 months seems to be a good time frame.
During my time giving advice about both, these were the most important points in terms of approaching preparation for the NAC exam that I've encountered:
​

1. Make sure you exhaust the presenting complaint(s) as that will ensure your following questions into the systems review (mostly for ruling in/out the 3-5 differentials on your list) + associated risk factors (i.e. PMedHx, PSurgHx, medications, allergies, smoking, alcohol, drugs, social living/financial conditions, occupational history, travel/immigration history) will be focused on what's relevant as not every section of a mnemonic needs to be asked (ex. SOCRATES, OCD PQRST AAA, COCA OCDCS, PM BINDE, MGOS, DIGFAST/MSIGECAPS).
   
2. If a patient is acting in pain, acknowledge it and try to address it on the spot if you can by offering pain relief with a follow-up question about allergies to ensure it's safe to give.
   
3. Counselling can be difficult as it's not a format many people are used to but you still need to take a focused history regardless so that your management options are personalized/tailored to the person in front of you (ex. do not discuss smoking cessation/NRT as a long term management option for someone you're counselling about asthma for if they told you clearly they are a non-smoker; do discuss changing to hypoallergenic soaps/shampoos if they have an asthma exacerbation triggered by a new shampoo they tried out 3 days ago).
   
4. Be wary that you're expected to rule in/out differentials (you should have ~3-5 by the time you enter after knocking) that you have considered outside the door within the time given (ex. don't stop asking other questions about PE, pneumothorax, GERD, or costochondritis even if the case sounds dead on for acute congestive cardiac failure).
   
5. Do not try to track the time on the timer in the room because it can be anywhere (the side, top of a wall, behind the SP/examiner) and your focus should be on the SP/examiner anyways.
   
6. Make good use of transitioning statements when moving between different sections of your consultation whether it's the history or physical exam (ex. after exhausting the presenting complaint, you could say "There is a list of other symptoms we look for in patients experiencing [insert their presenting complaint/issue if applicable] and I just want you to give me a yes or no answer, OK?" to transition to the systems review).
   
7. PLEASE show empathy and kindness when the SP is acting/says something unusual ex. SP appears visibly down in mood, poor eye contact, and slow in speech so acknowledge it, "Mr. Anderson, I see that you appear quite down in yourself. I want to assure you that everything we discuss between us will remain confidential unless required by law." This also applies to situations where the patient's most pressing issue is different from what's on the door (ex. door vignette suggestive of abdominal pain hinting appendicitis but the patient abruptly drops that they're pregnant).
   
8. Make good use of the time (about 1.5 minutes) outside the door to write your ~3-5 differentials along with any relevant investigations, management/counselling, and follow-up.
   
9. Don't forget to ask about vital signs and any pending lab work/investigations if a station has a physical exam component (ex. highly relevant to ask if vital signs are available and if a FAST USS + routine bloods have been done in a patient you suspect with a dissecting AAA just before you're about to start your physical exam).
   
10. The SP cannot lie to you however they can be vague or provide a different answer other than a clear, "No." ex. You ask the SP, "Have you ever smoked any tobacco or cigarettes in the past? and the SP responds, "Well, not recently that I know of, doctor." This is your cue to probe further about what they mean by "not recently".
    
11. Some NAC stations can be mean by giving you normal investigations in what seems like a highly suggestive history/physical in an attempt to mislead you ex. You complete your history/physical exam and your working diagnosis in a 3 year old child with 4-day history of fever, SOB, and purulent sputum production is bacterial pneumonia but you're handed a normal CXR (treat based on the clinical evidence gathered/known not on your gut feeling).
    

Same is true vice-versa where a patient presentation seems benign but then the examiner hands you an alarming investigation ex. 35F in ED has symptoms consistent with likely viral URTI but the examiner hands you an EKG that shows saddle shaped ST elevation in line with acute pericarditis.

1. Avoid repeating or leading questions as it wastes time, unless it’s to clarify something a patient says that you may not understand, and looks unprofessional (remember the CANMEDS framework expected for CMG's in your clinical approach; these are some ways I practiced phrasing my intro, "How would you like to be addressed today?" or "How would you like me to address you?" or "What name do you usually go by?").
   
2. You can place the exam sticky labels you get on the back of your hand prior to entering a station so you don't fumble/experience difficulty handing it to the examiner (?unless the MCC decides you can just verbalize your candidate code for the NAC this year).
   
3. Introduce yourself as a doctor not a medical student (you're assuming the role of a family/ED physician or PGY-1 resident on exam day depending on the scenario).
   
4. Don't assume a patient's mode of address/pronouns used. Ask them first how they would like to be addressed today.
   
5. Make sure to clearly wash your hands AT THE START of BOTH your history-taking AND physical examination.
   
6. Even if you feel like you messed up the previous station, try as hard as you can to push it out of your mind until the NAC is over. You can cry, vent, or get frustrated AFTERWARD but not in the stations themselves.
   

​
These next points are more towards preparing for upcoming CaRMS cycles from what I've gathered reading/listening around:
​

1. High MCCQE1 & NAC scores (most people who were invited for interviews, if not matched, to ON FM from the CaRMS 2024 Discord server and the CaRMS stats spreadsheet set up by Carms#5615 (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1HAtnmyfCIAxKIux2akj8-hgWGvPgOVejVlfEHXuUa-8) had QE1 scores > 250-260 and NAC scores well above 1420-1430.
   
2. Research into how CaRMS works to really have a careful look at the general overview, current year timelines, program descriptions, past trending data (may need to scroll down page further) in previous cycles. This will give you a good idea into what to have ready in time for the CaRMS file submission opening.
   

For reference, the rates of matching in R-1 as a current-year IMG was about 72.3% and 30.1% as a previous-year IMG according to the table on slide 11 of the CaRMS 2023 forum presentation. This goes down further in R-2 as a current-year IMG to about 39.0% and 12.5% as a previous-year IMG (about 751 went unmatched after R-1 and 822 went unmatched after R-2 for previous-year IMG’s).

1. Recent practice or graduation (my last time practicing clinically was in April 2021 as an FY2 doc at the time which was only 2 years back at the time of my application (my year of graduation/YOG was 2019 but I know that time since YOG or gaps in studying/training are scrutinized especially if they're big like >5 years so it'd be worthwhile having an explanation ready if this applies to you).
   
2. At least one Canadian LOreferee (seems a lot of university programs prefer applicants who have had clinical exposure in the form of shadowing/electives/observership with a Canadian doctor related to their field that you're applying to; mine happened to be a GP in Ottawa I connected to via family friends).
   
3. Personal research around First Nation/Indigenous Peoples of Canada (this one is very specific particularly to Manitoba as they had several questions around ethnic minorities + Indigenous peoples; ex. smudging as a common Indigenous practice that even I only became aware of via the IMG/IEHP resources provided by Ontario Health Force or [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])).
   
4. Canadian research and electives - at the time of application, I was involved in a systematic review around women's health issues (had not been published at time of application) and I had done two electives under neurosurgery + orthopedics (heard that observerships don't count as formal clinical experience relative to electives so this was important too).
   
5. High CASPer + FMProC scores (had 4th quartile score for CASPer and 516/4th quartile for FMProC which I know a lot of FM and some psych/pediatric programs look at).
   
6. Try to secure as many Canadian LOR's/referees as they're favoured over international ones (ideally 3 but even 1 seems to be good), shadowing Canadian doctors depending on where you're applying to (ex. FM has the biggest seat pool so reach out to Canadian GP's around you to see who's willing to take you on).
   
7. If you have the time and money for it, try to apply to as many programs and attend their relevant socials/events (can be found on CANPREPP closer to the opening of CaRMS) that you think you may have a chance at as you'll never know who might invite you later on for interviews!
   
8. Really rank by your TRUE preference as CaRMS will prioritize your rank order first BEFORE considering how other programs ranked you (Rural Brandon was my 13th choice out of 22 programs I ranked across FM ON + FM MB). Even if you ranked a program at the bottom of your ROL, as long as that particular program has ranked you and they still have an available spot, you will match to them in the end!
   

There's a YouTube video regarding the CaRMS Match algorithm which clears things up nicely.

1. Make sure to check your main email’s spam/junk inbox during the period where interview invitations/rejections are sent out as they can end up here sometimes (my joint FM ON interview invitation ended up in my spam and it is time sensitive to take it up).

In terms of the QE1, I think a lot of other people on Reddit have covered that much better than I have in terms of approaching it as I agree that a combination of UWorld Step II CK question bank (personally found Canada QBank questions and explanations to be lacking relative to UWorld in retrospect even if the price was much friendlier) and the Toronto Notes are the way to go. I also used Sketchy videos as a nice support for pharmacology/microbiology related topics.
Overall, I was glad to have had the opportunity to try for FM ON in the first iteration even if it didn't work out as I understand they only invite the top 300 applicants for interviews and even fewer of those 300 match (only ~80-90 from I heard but could be wrong so feel free to correct me). I understood the possibility my poor QE1 score and 2-year gap from formal clinical training may filter me despite my other scores being good.
I’m sure there are other things in this that I didn’t quite cover or explore (ex. the F2 Standalone process, IELTS/OETS, BC CAP/AIMG requirements, gaining permanent residency/PR, clinical/physician/medical assistant positions, CV/PL structure, thoughts around the different private programs/courses I took etc.) but I’m more than happy to discussing finemiscellaneous points via Reddit, Discord (herrdok#6944), email ([[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])), text, or virtual/phone call. For the time being though, I’m not taking on any new, regular NAC practice partners but would consider it once I figure out things more.
Otherwise, thanks to anyone reading this wall of text (if anything is incorrect/inconsistent, do let me know and I can have a look), looking forward to giving advice where I can, and best of luck to everyone moving through what is an extremely vague, challenging, and unforgiving process for matching into Canadian residency!😊

“I’ll have a number four meal with extra cheese, two big macs with a large fry, three apple pies, and shamrock shake.”
“Alright Stan, your total comes out to forty-six fifty.”
The land whale grunted approvingly as he shoved a greasy wad of crumpled bills into Gary’s outstretched palm.
“Here’s your change. I’ll call your number when it’s ready.”
Stan trundled away to await his late night snack as Gary and I prepared the food.
“Geez, man. Does he have a family waiting at home or something?” I whispered as Gary shoveled fries into a red and yellow box.
“Blair, does that man look like he’s got a wife and kids? Stan is one of our regulars. You’ll see him pretty often if you stick with the night shift.”
I grimaced as I prepared the shake.
“Great. Lucky me.”
“Hey, it could be a lot worse. Honestly, Stan is the least of your worries,” he said as a shudder rippled through his body.
We processed the remainder of the food in silence. Gary and I then shuffled to the counter, each donning a full tray.
“Stan, order’s up!” Gary exclaimed as the boulder of a man darted at an alarming speed to retrieve his sodium-rich smorgasbord.
He snatched the trays from us, hurriedly ambling back to his corner table. I watched in astonishment as the man inhaled his meal.
“Hey, could you help me sweep in the back? Best to do it now before any more customers-”
Gary was interrupted by an obnoxiously loud alarm blaring from his pocket. Stan looked up at him, glowering at the unwelcome ringing.
“Sorry. Gotta take this,” he said, darting to the kitchen and out of view.
He returned a moment later. All the color had drained from his face. He appeared sickly, like he’d suddenly caught a nasty case of the flu.
“That was my aunt, Norma. She said my parents were in a car wreck. Apparently my mom is in critical condition.”
He stared off into space, his brain slowly processing the tragic information it had just received.
“Gary, I’m so sorry. Do you need me to call someone?”
He snapped out of his trance, tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. He quickly wiped them away.
“No, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay. But with all due respect, what are you still doing here? Go be with your family, dude. I can handle closing up on my own.”
He locked eyes with me, a stern determination creeping over his countenance.
“You’re right. I need to go. Here, take my key to the restaurant. There’s a list of rules in Dave’s office. Go read them the first chance you get. You need to follow them to a tee, no matter how ridiculous they sound, got it?”
“Yep, I’ll take care of it. Now go!” I said as Gary handed me a small silver object. He sprinted out the front door, letting it slam shut behind him.
I fashioned Gary’s drive thru headset below my hat and headed to the back to familiarize myself with the nighttime protocols. I laboriously pushed open the door to Dave’s office. You’d think that thing was made from solid gold with how heavy it was. I surveyed my surroundings, my eyes immediately falling to the life-sized portrait beaming back at me.
“Really, Dave? Even I’m not that self-absorbed,” I muttered, continuing my search.
I defaulted to the pockmarked bulletin board to my right. There they were, posted clear as day. I swiftly scanned over them.
Rules for the Night Shift

1. You are allowed a seven minute grace period. No exceptions.
2. If a hooded figure knocks at the drive thru window, DO NOT answer it. Stay out of its direct line of sight and it will leave.
3. If Stan claims that you forgot his pickles, offer him a free complimentary chocolate shake. If he refuses, lock yourself in the office and call Dave.
4. No outside food or drink.
5. If a blood-like substance begins seeping from under the grill, mop it up until it stops. No, it is not blood.
6. An old woman in a shawl will come in exactly ten minutes past one. Avoid looking at her for too long. She will not leave until you ask her where Tony is.
7. If a small child appears telling you he lost his mother, ignore him. He does not have good intentions.
8. You are required to comply with the employee dress code. Speak to management if you need clarification on what is acceptable.
9. If you are alone and you feel the undeniable sensation of being watched, lock yourself in the office immediately and wait for it to dissipate.
10. The store closes at two A.M. Before you clock out, place two packages of raw burgers on the stove.
11. ALWAYS leave the restaurant by 2:37 A.M. The Hamburglar doesn’t like company.
12. Failure to adhere to these rules will result in immediate termination. Do not hesitate to call Dave if you have any questions or concerns.

Dave’s phone number was hastily scrawled at the bottom of the page. I stared at the list, unsure of what to make of it. Was this some sort of cruel prank on the newbie? Maybe Gary was in on it. I resolved to wait and find out for myself, and I made my way back to the counter. Upon seeing me approach, Stan rapidly stood from his seat and sidled up to me.
“Uh, can I help you with something?”
“Yeah. You forgot my pickles.”
I mentally rolled my eyes. Gary hadn’t been gone for ten minutes and the fun was already ramping up.
“Look, I watched my coworker make those. I know he didn’t-” I began, before rule three crept into my head, “I mean, I’m sorry. I can offer you a free shake for the inconvenience?”
His four chins flapped as he fervently shook his head.
“No, I don’t want any more food. There is another way you could make it up to me though.”
A malicious grin inched across his face. A blanket of fear sent adrenaline bursting through my veins.
“I’m sixteen, sir. If you really think-”
“That’s not what I meant, you dumb broad. I want a refund.”
“What? No, you already ate it all.”
“Fine. If you won’t give me my money back, I’ll have to take it from you.”
The massive mound of flesh began waddling to meet me behind the counter. I fled to the back, praying he wouldn’t catch me. I glanced behind me as I struggled to push open the absurdly heavy office door. Stan was barreling toward me, sending shelves of product crashing to the ground. My heart thumped against my ribcage so hard that it hurt. I had just managed to slip through the door and slam it shut when he reached it.
Thud.
He pounded his ape-like fists against the sturdy metal frame, shouting obscenities at me all the while.
“I’ll get you, you little whore. You can’t stay in there forever.”
He was right. I instantly ripped the yellowing piece of paper from the board and punched in Dave’s number. He picked up after an agonizingly long minute of waiting.
“Hello? This had better be good. I value my beauty sleep.”
“Dave, it’s Stan. The free shake didn’t work. I’m trapped in the office.”
Dave sighed.
“Alright, put it on speaker and hold your phone up to the door so he can hear me.”
I obliged, clenching my cracked iPhone 7 with a vice grip and sticking it close to the rattling door.
“Stan? Stan, can you hear me? It’s Dave.”
The room fell eerily silent.
“Oh yeah, what’s up, Davey?”
“Stan, are you harassing one of my employees again? I don’t need to get Mrs. Barret on the phone, do I?”
“No, no, please. I’ll behave, I swear. Please, just don’t call her!”
His voice trembled as he spoke.
“I don’t know. That’s what you said the last time.”
“I promise I’ll never bother her again. Come on Davey, show a little compassion.”
Dave took a moment to respond.
“Alright. But I need you to go home and you need to apologize to Mrs. Blake for scaring her.”
“Blair,” I interjected, facepalming myself.
“Right. Apologize to Blair and I’ll let you off the hook.”
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Sorry, Blaze… so, um, can I take you up on that free shake?”
“No, Stan. No free shake tonight. I need you to leave,” Dave said, a stern finality in his statement.
Without another word, Stan angrily tromped through the kitchen and out the front door. I didn’t release my breath until I heard it shut behind him.
“Th-thanks, Dave.”
“Any time, kid. In my experience, threatening to call his mother is a decent deterrent for any overgrown man-baby.”
I chuckled, sensing the tension disperse.
“I’m gonna get back to bed now. Good luck tonight.”
And with that, he abruptly hung up. I sat for a moment, controlling my breathing in order to steady my palpitating heart, before returning to my duties. I trudged into the kitchen and begrudgingly got to work cleaning the mess of boxes and condiments that Stan had strewn throughout the area. I had just put the final ketchup bottle in its place, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. A figure was standing at the drive thru window.
I immediately tensed up, every muscle in my body freezing in place. It glared at me, yellow glowing eyes piercing the darkness. It raised a gloved fist and knocked lightly on the thin glass. The sound freed me from my stupor. Rule two. I dashed to the counter and crouched behind it, hugging my knees to my chest. Ice flooded my veins as the knocking grew louder.
The window shook in its frame as the light knocks soon escalated to rapid pounding. I squeezed my eyes shut, terrified at the notion that the slim barrier to the outside world wouldn’t hold. The constant noise assaulted my eardrums, crashing against them like thunder during a storm. The knocking crescendoed into a fever pitch of resounding slams. Just when I thought that I might lose my sanity, it stopped.
I glanced up in the midst of the unsettling silence I found myself in. It was gone. As if the entity had never appeared in the first place. I gradually stood, and took my time getting my bearings. I hesitantly peeked around the corner at the drive thru. Nothing. Not so much as a scratch on the glass. I glanced down at my phone. 12:15 A.M. Less than two hours. I could handle it, right?
I began sweeping like Gary was beginning to ask me to do prior to receiving his unfortunate news. I was thankful for a break in the action. I didn’t know how much more I could take. Apparently I could take a lot more, as I came to find out.
​
SR

Imagine a world staggering beneath the weight of over eight billion souls, most leaving behind a unique scar of cruelty and neglect. It's a burden too heavy for our Earth to bear. And I, a mere blip, found myself on the precipice of non-existence. A Tuesday etched into memory, the second-to-last day of school, and the prelude to my abrupt end. I offer you, reader, not just a recounting of my last week and the only proof of my existence, but also a stark warning.
At fifteen, I was awkwardly wading through the stormy seas of adolescence, complete with the scourge of hormonal surges and the unfortunate sprinkling of acne dotting my face. My world was wonderfully wrapped up in a corner of our high school cafeteria, a realm presided over by Emila. The dazzling subject of my dreams, she held me under her spell with her enchanting beauty. Her hair, a river of glistening platinum, formed a comforting canopy around me, filling my senses with a tantalizing mix of coconut-scented shampoo and the memorable reminder of our gym sessions.
“Alex. ALEX!”
My Emila-infused daydream was interrupted by Elijah, my only friend in a table full of acquaintances.
“Did you see the TikTok I sent?”
He asked, a twinkle of devilish delight dancing in his eyes. I fumbled for my phone, eager for a dose of Elijah’s promised comedy, only to find the video was no longer available with unsurprising speed.
“Man, it was comedy gold! Imagine Thanos, asscheeks and all, telling the most offensive shit. Legendary stuff”
Elijah chuckled heartily, his laughter echoing around the room.
“Sure sounds like it”
I muttered, my gaze returning to Emila. Her attention was stolen by my older brother, the infamous Mikey, whose joke had her laughing. Mikey, a final year student with a solid record of academic underachievement and a proclivity for marijuana, was a walking, talking, stoner stereotype. What was unsettling was his inexplicable charm with the wide-eyed freshman girls, a twisted hobby that gave him an unusual sense of satisfaction.
As the bell shrilled, signaling the end of the school day, Mikey abruptly stood up, the metal chair beneath him screeching. His next words, a slurred mix of slangs and contemporary cuss words, were aimed at summoning his freshman fan club. At the same time, he requested for Emila to join their quest for illicit pleasures. Emila's reaction was a fusion of disgust and amusement, an expression I decided to commit to memory for my poetry. She gracefully declined his offer with a well-rehearsed flip of her hair and a disdainful wave of her hand, then she returned to her conversation, laughter pealing from her like sweet music, completely oblivious to my heart hammering in my chest.
Around me, chaos broke loose as the cafeteria, now released from the clutches of academic torture, transitioned into a war zone of wild whoops, boisterous laughter. The last sight that graced my eyes as I exited the cafeteria was the bewildered expression on the face of our school janitor, as he stood paralyzed amidst the storm, mop in hand It was a fittingly ludicrous end to another thrillingly mundane school day. With that, I picked up my bag, donned my headphones, and began my solitary trek home.
The burden of unrequited love weighed heavily upon my weary shoulders as I trudged homeward. In dire need of a hit, I fumbled for my go-to vape, only to be met with the light show of a dead battery. As I hit the 7-Eleven on my route, I was looking forward to seeing Antonio, this dude who seemed more interested in cracking jokes than caring about checking IDs. But instead of Antonio's playful smirk, I came face-to-face with a new character, with wrinkles that told stories of time gone by. A wave of disappointment washed over me as I nabbed a bottle of Dr. Pepper and headed for the cash register.
"What happened to Antonio?"
I asked, putting my drink on the counter for the mystery guy.
"Who?"
He muttered, his focus on the soda can he was sliding under the scanner.
"Antonio, the guy who's usually here in the evenings"
I explained, a hint of irritation in my voice.
"Dunno. I only started here last week. I just know the young girl who takes over when my shift ends"
He responded, his words leaving a gap in my world, like a punch in the gut of my usual routine.
Taking a bubbly swig of my Dr. Pepper, I tried to swallow the truth of teenage life. It was like walking into my favorite cozy room, only to find the furniture rearranged haphazardly. The change was unexpected, and unwelcome.
Finally trekking my way home after sitting on a bench listening to music for what Must've been hours. I walked under a sky that seemed to be experimenting with shades of orange and purple, I felt a strange kind of solitude sneaking in. My thoughts kept playing a merry-go-round with Mikey, Emila, and now absent Antonio - the trio that had become the stars of my high school drama.
My front door protested loudly under my foot's frustrated kick, and a slurred
"WHAT THE FUCK!"
Bellowed from the living room. My mother, ensnared in an alcoholic haze, lounged over the couch, her shaking finger accusingly pointed in my direction.
"Did you forget that I get migraines?"
The smell of tequila permeated the air, filling my nostrils as soon as I crossed the threshold. I sighed, hoping for a lifeline.
"Is dad home?"
My mother sank back onto the couch, her voice a whisper
"No."
My father, the only one who occasionally lent an ear when I complained about Mikey, was perpetually chained to his cubicle, another cog in the corporate machine.
I ascended the stairs, each creaking step a harmony to the melancholic rhythm of the dark. The silent house held the weight of my unease, my chest tightening with an indescribable yearning. Tucked away in the solitude of my room, I pulled out my phone, the screen's glow illuminating my apprehensive features. I typed out a tentative message to Emilia, a small confession of the feelings that had long been gnawing at my insides.
"Hey, Emilia, I..."
First message sent. But before I could finish my second text, the dreaded words - 'Message Failed to Send' stared back at me. My heart sank. Was it a sign? Maybe the universe was intervening, telling me it wasn't the right time, or perhaps, it never would be. Disheartened, I slung my phone aside, letting the unsent feelings hover in the digital void. Slipping under the comforting shroud of my blanket, I drifted off into a sleep, with dreams tinted in hues of Emilia and unspoken words.
The next morning started out ordinary until it was splattered with the color of angst when I pleaded with Mikey that morning to stay away from Emila. His response?
"Amelia, the freshman? Didn't know you had a thing for her."
His nonchalance was maddening.
"Emila. As your brother, I'm asking you to back off"
I clarified, hoping it would penetrate his stubborn exterior.
His perplexed expression turned into a nonchalant shrug.
"Damn, been saying her name wrong the few times we spoke, and she never bothered to correct me."
Mikey shrugged and walked away, leaving me feeling dismissed and unheard.
Feeling a mix of frustration and confusion, I left for school and shook off the encounter with my brother and headed to my first-period class. As I stepped into the room, I expected to see my usual teacher, Ms. Thompson, waiting at her desk. However, to my surprise, it was someone else entirely—a teacher I had never seen before. I had really liked Ms. Thompson too so to see she got a substitute on the last day was dissapointing. Yet his resemblance to Ms. Thompson was uncanny, from the way he held himself to the tone of his voice. I knew something was off.
I glanced around the classroom, taking in the unfamiliar arrangement of notes and papers hanging on the walls. The subjects and diagrams were foreign to me, not matching the usual decor that adorned this space. It was as if I had entered an alternate dimension, where everything seemed the same yet completely different.
As the class went on, the new teacher droned on with the same monotony I had grown accustomed to, but it felt hollow, lacking the genuine concern and passion that Ms. Thompson always displayed. The other students seemed oblivious to the change, talking and cutting up as if nothing was amiss. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.
Throughout the rest of class, my mind wandered, retracing the events of the past few days. Antonios unexpected absence, the failed text to Emila, Mikey's nonchalant reaction to my warning about Emila, the strange teacher in place of Ms. Thompson—it all felt like pieces of a puzzle that didn't quite fit together. For the first time, I realized how little attention I had paid to the details of my daily routine. But now, with this subtle shift in my surroundings, I couldn't help but question everything.
As the class finally came to an end, I gathered my things and made my way out.
The unfolding of the remaining classes before lunch did nothing to alleviate the paranoia that was steadily creeping over me. In my second-period class, usually dedicated to cleaning out the science lab, I noticed a set of instruments that we'd never used before. My peers didn't bat an eyelid, but to me, the incongruity was unsettling. Then in English, our final class reading didn't correspond to the assigned book. The text seemed different, as though it had been subtly altered.
Physical education, typically a free play session on the last day, was different too. Coach Peters was blowing a whistle I'd never seen before, its pitch more grating than the usual. And just before lunch, during the end-of-year assembly, the principal's speech, usually so predictable, seemed off. It contained references to events and achievements that didn't match my memories.
As lunchtime arrived, a mix of anticipation and anxiety filled the air. Even with my world falling apart I found time to worry about Mikey's presence around Emila. However, Emila was nowhere to be found. When I mentioned this to the group as I took my seat, my words were met with silence, as if I had become invisible.
Sitting alone at the edge of the table, I sought solace in our group pictures, hoping to catch a glimpse of Emila. I opened Snapchat and scrolled through my camera roll until I found my favorite picture of her. But to my surprise, Emila was inexplicably absent from the image. I blinked in disbelief, rubbed my eyes, and questioned my own perception. How could she have vanished? In the photo, my arm had once embraced her, but now it hung empty at my side.
"Guys, where's Emila?"
I asked, passing my phone to Elijah. He stared at the screen for a long moment, as if emerging from a trance.
"Who?"
He finally responded absentmindedly, his attention quickly diverted by a video shared by another friend.
Taking back my phone, I desperately searched for more pictures, only to find that they had vanished—her Instagram, Snapchat, even her parents' Facebook profiles. Panic gripped me, and I screamed
"WHERE IS EMILA!?"
My voice resonating through the cafeteria, reverberating off the walls. The entire room fell into an eerie silence, and all eyes turned to me, their gazes fixed with a mix of curiosity and concern.
"Her social media is gone. I feel like I'm going insane, and none of you even acknowledge me!"
My voice cracked with desperation as I pleaded for answers.
Mikey and Elijah rose from their seats, their expressions filled with compassion, ready to console me. But I couldn't bear their pity, their feeble attempts to calm my tormented mind. Their words would be meaningless. With a surge of frantic energy, I pushed my chair back and fled the suffocating atmosphere of the cafeteria.
As I stumbled out of the school, my surroundings blurred in a whirlwind of confusion and distress. The world itself seemed to warp and twist, mocking my feeble attempts to comprehend the inexplicable. Thoughts tumbled through my mind, colliding and fragmenting like shattered glass. Where had Emila gone? How could she vanish so completely, leaving no trace behind? Was I losing my grip on reality?
A light drizzle began peppering the surroundings, setting a somber atmosphere. Hours slipped away as I aimlessly wandered, searching for answers. Maybe someone had slipped me acid-laced food, or perhaps I was crazy like my mother. The thought of my brother's affinity for drugs crossed my mind, but I had never dabbled. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to find a sense of respite in my vape once again.
Entering the 7-Eleven, a chilling sensation overcame me as I discovered the same elderly man behind the counter. Without uttering a word, I hopped over the counter, desperate to find any clue.
"Kid, you can't be back there!"
The man exclaimed, attempting to restrain me. Swiftly, I pushed him away, unearthing the work schedule from the wall.
"Where's Antonio?" I stammered.
The old man, seemed to recognize me.
"I asked about that. Antonio doesn't work here"
He said, struggling to regain his footing. Overwhelmed with a sense of paranoia, I bolted out of the gas station, gasping for breath only when I reached the safety of my home.
In the dim light of the early evening, I found myself sprawled on the unkempt grass of the front yard. The recent rain had left the ground sodden, but I barely noticed the wetness seeping into my clothes. As the rain mingled with my silent tears, I heard the familiar rumble of my older brother Mikey's truck pulling into the driveway.
"Hey pussy"
He exclaimed, pushing his rain-soaked hair back from his forehead. His voice carried a light-hearted jest that felt foreign amidst the somber atmosphere. He was always like this, quick to crack a joke even in the gloomiest of moments. It was his way of diffusing tension, I suppose. He reached out, pulling me up and leading me towards the house. Once inside and in his room, an aroma filled my nose – a peculiar mix of stale pizza and mildewy old books – that somehow comforted me in a strange, indescribable way. It was an olfactory reminder of a time before things got so complicated.
Catching my eye, Mikey reached into his drawer and withdrew an intricately designed glass bong. I had seen it before, on one of those rare occasions when Mikey would let me into his private world. Now, he was extending the invitation again. He passed me the bong, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
I hesitated for a moment, my mind flashing back to times when mom would sit us down in front of the TV after school, her kind and comforting presence a strong reassurance of love and security. That was before the alcohol took over, before the comforting light in her eyes had been replaced by a glassy, distant look. The thought of her brought an odd sense of calmness, as if her spirit was there with me, in Mikey, guiding me through this haze.
Taking the bong from Mikey, I let out a nervous chuckle, matching his playful demeanor. As I took a hit, we fell into a comfortable laughter, punctuated only by the deafening theme song of Family Guy playing on the large TV in the corner of his room. The memory of our shared laughter resonated deeply within me, a balm to the churning unrest I had been feeling.
"It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and -"
Suddenly, the television vanished, replaced by a weathered dresser that had been stored in the attic.
Mikey's phone suddenly blared a familiar jingle.
"Ah, man. One sec, bro,"
"-sex on TV." My brother's phone blared at maximum volume.
"Sorry, bro, my friend texted me"
He explained, placing the phone between us.
"Where's the TV?"
I muttered, the words hardly audible. As the high intensified, the room started to spin, the comfort of Mickey's presence fading away. I reached out in a futile attempt to steady myself but fell onto the cold, hardwood floor. The room seemed to swirl around me, familiar objects distorting into unrecognizable shapes and colors.
Pulling myself up, I lurched out of the room, navigating the labyrinthine house as fragments of memories flooded my mind. It felt like I was walking through a dream – a vivid, disorienting journey through time and space. Stepping outside, I saw the lawn had morphed into a neatly trimmed landscape, A new 'For Sale' sign swaying gently in the evening breeze, dissolved away as quickly as I noticed it.
The sounds of laughter drew my attention to the house. The windows were aglow with warm, inviting light, revealing an unfamiliar family engrossed in their game night. Their joy was a stark contrast to my growing desolation.
As days rolled on, my world reshaped, transforming from the familiar to an enigmatic panorama. Faces blurred, places mutated, my identity itself seemed to wane, fading into oblivion.
Caught in this mutating reality, I felt a quiet observer, my existence phasing out into the ether. Friends, family, Emila - all were doomed to be memories of a boy who will soon be gone.
Then, amidst the dissolving haze, clarity dawned, presenting a profound revelation. Our Earth was yearning for equilibrium, burdened with the weight of 8 billion souls, a possibly infinite and cruel humanity, now quickly seeking balance before it was too late.
We had pushed our home to her brink. Now, a beautiful transformation is underway. Smiling strangers began to color my world, their joy reflecting the Earth's newfound harmony. Merchandise, once an extravagant luxury, now seemed accessible to all. The battlefield in Ukraine had given way to peace, a testament to the world healing its wounds.
As I type this out in a clean and rather nicely lit alleyway. I find myself blending into the cosmic expanse, my hands and arms fading away before returning as if the universe wants me to finish. As I turn from a solid entity into an echo of existence. The world moves on, its stride unperturbed by my fading presence. Yet, in my diminishing, I realize my contribution to Earth's balance.
Earth is in the midst of achieving perfection. Many of you won't make it and will be gutted like myself, some of you will stay. The rest of you, I catch glimpses of as I fade, timeliness unaffected and left to die without God.
My final thoughts are not of sorrow, but of serene acceptance and profound understanding. As I phase into the ether, I became a cosmic whisper, a gentle reminder of the necessity for balance and respect for our fragile planet.

I just started at a new spot and the tip pool is really odd. It's a cocktail bar, centered around the cocktails (we are an award winning bar, with lots of recognition), but everything is shared between our cocktail servers and the bartenders equally. There is a 12 seat bar top, which stays full and busy, and table seating for around 50 other guests in the rest of the bar. The cocktail servers take care of these tables. I was open to this tip split because hey, it might be a good thing, but so far I make so little money because of it. I know we are in a recession, but I feel like this tip split doesn't reflect the amount of work the bartenders do for the shift versus everyone else. Does anyone have any success stories with this split? Am I just being frivolous? Obv I know I can find another spot if I don't like it. But wanted to hear!

Hello all!
26 yr old mom. Received the “pre-approval for Cap1 Quicksilver” offer on the app. Should I go for it? Or just ask for an increase/upgrade? Looking to advance my very empty and sad credit profile. Reading these posts I realize I am not as good off as I thought I was. Turns out not using your credit is worse than over using. I’m not sure why my credit is considered “fair” when I have never missed a payment (in good standing on all thing on my credit report), and only have one credit card. The only things currently on my CR are student loans, and one charge off. A few hard inquiries as I purchased a car almost two years ago. Never missed , always early on payments.
TEMPLATE:
• * Current credit cards : Cap1 Plat Secured CC- Opened 9/22 200$ Limit , Never gone over 40% on statements and always paid IF before Due Date. Asked for a limit increase last month and was denied.
Told these were the best starter cards since I never had one and ran with it bc I didn’t wanna hurt my credit by applying for others.
• * FICO Scores): : Experian 673 (Their website) , Transunion 603 (CapOne Vantage Score)(, Equifax 627 Credit Karma)
• * Oldest credit card account age with you as primary name on the account: Only have the CapOne Secured. Always stayed away from CCs because of the bad stories
• * Number of personal credit cards approved for in the past 6 months: n/a
• * Number of personal credit cards approved for in the past 12 months:n/a
• * Number of personal credit cards approved for in the past 24 months:n/a
• * Annual income $: 64,800.00 Household. I hold 24000 approx of that
CATEGORIES
• * OK with category-specific cards?: Open to advice
• * OK with rotating category cards?: Open to advice
• * Estimate average monthly spend in the categories below. Only include what you can pay by credit card.
• * Dining $: 100
• * Groceries $: Groceries are being provided by state via SNAP on partners account
• * Gas $: Tend to get gas at Walmart twice a month so 45-50?
• * Travel $: None. Biggest travel expense is taking my 5yr old to daycare during working hours. Adds an extra 20 miles a day. I am also VFD so I leave my tank on full in case of calls etc
• * Do you plan on using this card abroad for a significant length of time (study abroad, digital nomad, expat, extended travel)?: No
• * Any other categories : Amazon regularly maybe 80$ a month on the CC; Hobbys I sometimes put on it so 50$ ; Phone bill 35$ ---- Total: 165$? ish
• * Any other significant, regular credit card spend you didn't include above?: $ Not really. I tend to only use the card if I have the amount in checking or savings. All with Cap1
• * Can you pay rent by credit card? If yes, list rent amount and if there's a fee for paying by credit card: $ No. I pay in cash.
MEMBERSHIPS & SUBSCRIPTIONS (delete lines that don't apply)
• * Current member of Amazon Prime?: Use Parents account
• * Current Verizon postpaid customer?: No , Straighttalk
• * Current member of Costco or Sam's Club? Use friends/families
• * Currently paying $13.99/month or more for Disney Bundle (Disney+ / Hulu / EPSN+) or other Hulu services? I do pay for Netflix, Peacock, Youtube and Spotify but they come out of my PP account.
• * Current member of Chase, US Bank or any other big bank?: No, just Cap1
• * Active US military?: No
• * Are you open to Business Cards?: (these are an option if you have any kind of side gig, such as selling on eBay or Etsy) Possibly ? I am due to inherit a Masonry Company that I currently run full time.
PURPOSE
• * What's the purpose of your next card (choose ONE)?: To build a better credit profile honestly. The only one I have ever had is Secured. And I would like the rewards
• * If you answered "first credit card", are you an authorized user on any other cards? Would be my first unsecured, so yeah. And no, contemplating asking my Dad to add me. He has about 200-300 Thousand in available credit between big banks and store cards.
• * Do you have any cards you've been looking at?
Yes. Just got the email for the “pre-approval” for being a loyal CapOne customer. I have never carried a balance over 40% and used the card responsibly. My credit profile as a whole consists of several student loans equating to about 25k and one charge of for 71$ from an old bank account that was literally stolen and charged halfway across my state. Bank refused to do anything about it and I was 18.
Will answer any questions you have so feel free if I left info out !

So… This is a different one – kinda hard because the terrible MIL and FIL are my parents. Let’s back up. This was my and my then-wife’s (now ex) first marriage for both of us. We divorced about five years into our marriage. She is a wonderful person. However, I am a water sign, she is an earth sign – so together we made mud. She is now happily married with beautiful children. As I am. So, no hard feelings. Which surprises me, because my ex was treated like shit by my mum and dad.
To note, I live in Canada. There are Canadian references to this story.
Now my mum and dad, in hindsight, are a handful. They lie, twist facts and blame everyone else. I was raised in this and did not have much ‘outside’ context to compare to. This was my normal. Please – do not judge. I should have, could have and now, today would have said something to stand up for what was right. You think I kid…. Read on.
So, build up to the wedding. I proposed and Tara accepted. I told my mum and dad the next day. The first words were (and I quote): Okay, but we are not paying for anything because if we do, we feel we should have a say in the wedding and we do not want to. It is your wedding. Wow! Now I am not into monetary stuff, but I was brought up in a home that was lower-middle income. Tara was from a fairly wealthy family. To be honest, such early days into our engagement (day one!) I never really thought about the cost. But my expectations for the wedding were small, elegant, and intimate. But (this is important), my parents said to me that they will not pay for anything, because then they get a ‘say’ in the wedding planning. Weird – because really, you could do what my ex’s parents did which was help (about 95%) to pay with 0% influence.
Wedding plans have not been made – but perhaps the event in 6-8 months.
First event: Spring. Parents meet the Parents. My mum and dad are invited to my ex’s parents' for dinner. Very lovely, conservative setting. Large house on an acreage with a lake. Very nice. About 15 minutes into the evening, we are having hors d’oeuvres, my dad says (out of the blue) we will not pay for anything, because if we do, we get a say in the wedding. Wow, okay. Everyone was silent. Then my ex’s parents state they had always intended to pay for the wedding. I was shocked. I had started to save money. But okay. Now dinner time. Future MIL asks me if my family have any food allergies or likes or dislikes. Nope, all good - or so I thought. At the dinner table my mum tells my future MIL that she cannot eat dinner – as she has an asparagus allergy. WHAT! I knew this was a lie. So, my MIL quickly makes a whole new meal for my mum because if asparagus touches anything my mum will be violently ill. OMG. My mum then said she hated the wine. So, 3 new bottles of wine and finally one was okay and would do. The night ended, whatever.
The next day, my mum and dad stated that all my in-laws wanted to do was show off their money. This went on and on.
Second event: Bridal shower. My mum is invited. She tells me that she is giving us a wedding gift. Thus, there is no bridal shower gift. Okay. I tell my fiancé. She is fine with it. Again, we have no expectations and are just thankful for the love and support. Again, my ex is a lovely person. Word from the bridal shower got back to me like: is my mother okay? She seemed upset, etc., etc.
Third event: Bachelor party. I am not a ‘get drunk till your fucked up’ type of person. Nice restaurant, friends, good wine, a glass of great scotch, etc. I wanted my father to join. My best man asked everyone attending the bachelor party to put some money in to pay and he would pay the outstanding balance and tip. My father states – I will not pay anything, because if I do, I get a say in the wedding and bachelor party – which I do not want to have a say in. Okay – awkward. My father then says that there is nothing on the menu he can eat because he has irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). Fucking news to me. So, he hums and haws and pouts, to the point it was making a scene in the restaurant. The manager comes over (the manager knows the reasons for the event) and asks my father if he can do anything for him. Top-tier restaurant, mind you. My dad asks if they could bring in some food from ‘Timmy’s’. Now you ask: Timmy’s? Yes, this is a Canadian short form for Tim Hortons – think Star Bucks but shitty. The manager gets my dad’s order for Tim Hortons and has it brought to my dad, on a plate. I gave a $200 tip on top of the generous tip. But lesson learned – so I thought!
Fourth event: Bridal party dinner. A nice restaurant was chosen. I show the menu to my mum and dad prior – just to be sure. Great, everyone is good. French restaurant. My in-laws are paying because – yes, my mum and dad stated to everyone, including the restaurant staff (the waitress looked at me, and rolled her eyes) that they will not be paying as they do not want a say in the wedding. Fuck! Stop saying this shit already. Well, no, nothing on the menu for my mum and dad to eat. Off the menu, the restaurant made a sandwich and salad for them. My mum orders a bottle of wine and does this ridiculous thing – dips her tongue into the glass and smells the cork. States this wine is horrible and has gone bad. The second bottle is the same thing. The manager comes over and states if the next bottle is bad, we have to pay for all of it. She pouts and says the third bottle is okay.
I am so humiliated.
Fifth event: Wedding. The bridal party is having a rehearsal, including seating arrangements. The Venue is small (50 people), a historical landmark, beautiful and intimate. As we are discussing who is sitting where my dad pulls me aside and is upset. He says that more tables are needed. Really, for who? He invited (unbeknownst to my or my fiancé) extended family I have not seen in 25-30(?) years, their children (my cousins, one was in jail at the time), and kids (oh, forgot to mention, this is a no children event and had to be this way for the liquor licence – it was a weird policy). Oh right – they also invited their neighbours – some who I never met – including (hold on to your fucking socks) a refugee family and their kids that arrived in the country about 3 months prior. My parents felt sorry for them as they had no family/friends in the country. So, in total about 50 more people. The maximum number of people for the venue – 50. We are now at 100!!!!
I asked the venue manager what flexibility we have. Nice enough person and said the chances of the fire department showing up on a Saturday evening are nil. But only 15 more people. My mum and dad refused to contact the individuals that could not attend because this was a mean thing for me not to allow them to attend. But!!! True to their words: My mum and dad refused to pay for the additional food/alcohol costs. Why? Surprise – because they do not want to have a say in the wedding.
One final point. The wedding gifts????? Right, I fucking kid you not. I KID YOU NOT A FUCKING BIT: A $25.00 gift certificate to Zellers (think K-mart), broom, mop, bucket and cleaning supplies, and a book…. You think I am joking. This is a link to the book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1181039.The_Queen_of_Clean
There is more. These are only the highlights. Everyone reading this… please realize that growing up in a shitty, dysfunctional family is tough. We do not know what ‘normal’ is.
True story. Amen.

Hey, folks! Chapter 6 is here! Sorry for such a long wait—I decided to go ahead and give myself some extra time to write and edit (and deal with irl shenanigans). This is my longest chapter yet—nearly 4.4k words! o_O
Anyway, thanks to u/CruisingNW for the title, and of course, thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for this wonderful universe! Well, without further adieu, let's get into it!
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Memory Transcription Subject: Meyra Yeirel, Spacecraft Engineer Apprentice
Location: Veyr, Veyrian Homeworld. Outer Orion Spur.
Date: September 11, 2182.
I pushed myself away from the table, staring at the unconscious Veyrian. In my hysteria, I hadn’t been able to process much aside from what she had said. But her golden eyes… there had been something wrong with them, but I hadn’t caught precisely what it was. I glanced around at the trio. I wasn’t an expert at reading predators’ expressions, but they were undeniably shocked. Galya as well. She sat frozen in her seat, her blue eyes staring into space. I couldn’t fathom why they were so shocked. Was it what I had told them? They should’ve known everything already. Did the Veyrian say something particularly important? If so, why was it so important?
The predators snapping into action derailed my train of thought, causing me to flinch. My heart seized up as I saw they were going for the Veyrian.
Oh, Myern, they’ve snapped, haven’t they? I thought frantically as they crouched next to the Veyrian. I closed my eyes and grimaced, preparing to hear the horrid sound of flesh ripping and the pain-filled screams of the Veyrian.
. . .
. . .
I opened my eyes. To my surprise, the predators had flipped over the Veyrian and were apparently checking if she was alive. I put my paw on my chest, trying to calm my breathing. At every turn, these predators subverted my expectations. Not killing me on sight—both last night and today, not killing me in my sleep, preventing the house from burning down, and remaining calm despite me apparently rocking their entire worldview. Next thing I knew the gray would tell me that it was a herbivore.
“Connor,” the gray growled, “help me out here.”
The ape moved to the other side of the Veyrian and helped the gray. They hauled the Veyrian to her feet and dragged her to the couch. I tried to catch a glimpse of her face, but I couldn’t see anything since her head hung low. They laid her on the couch. The gray tucked a pillow under her neck.
“Go get some water,” the gray commanded, swatting the primate’s arm. It obeyed, hurrying away to the kitchen. “Hey, Galya.” It snapped its claws. Galya flinched and looked at the gray. “Get some pillows.”
Galya put a paw to her head. “Y-yeah. Alright, then.” She stood and got the gray the pillows it wanted. She sat down as the gray tucked the pillows underneath the Veyrian’s legs.
“Thanks, by the way,” the gray added, glancing at Galya.
“You’re w-welcome.” The Venlil stared into space, obviously perturbed by something.
I couldn't believe the brainwashing on Venlil Prime was so overbearing that the Venlil were completely unaware of the galaxy around them. Same for the Terrans and the Arxur. I shuddered to imagine what sort of techniques their governments used to subjugate their populace.
The ape returned with a glass of water and handed it to the gray. The gray took it and stared down at the Veyrian, apparently watching for something. From my place at the table, I couldn’t the Veyrian’s face. The gray didn’t seem to be particularly disturbed by anything, so maybe I had just been imagining things. But… my mind still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
I shook my head and gathered my nerves. “H-how did you learn to do all that?” I shuddered as the gray laid its eyes on me.
“My mom was a nurse,” it growled. “She taught me how to handle this sort of situation. In case of emergencies, you know?”
The ape made a strange, sharp chuffing as if something was caught in its throat. I stared at the ape, trying to guess what that sound meant. It was baring its teeth—was it angry? Did the gray say something wrong?
“Looks like it paid off, eh?” The primate swatted the gray’s shoulder. “You always complained about your mom lecturing you on how to perform CPR or how to do the Heimlich m—”
The Veyrian bolted upright, gasping for air. Everyone in the room flinched in unison. The gray acted immediately and handed the Veyrian the glass of water. She took it and began drinking with reckless abandon, spilling the majority of the water on herself. She breathed deeply and put her arm over her eyes. The ape sped away to the kitchen once more.
The thought of a gray possessing medical knowledge shocked me. They only knew how to maim, maul, and murder. They weeded out the weak, making no allowances for undesirables. No amount of UN and Dominion propaganda could change the fact that the gray were bloodthirsty monsters. And yet… here one was in my home. No one was dead. The walls weren’t painted red and orange with the blood of Veyrian and Venlil alike.
The primate returned once again and sat in front of the Veyrian. It gave the glass to her and leaned forward, steepling its long, gangly fingers in front of its face. It looked like it was struggling for words as the Veyrian drank—much slower this time. As the Veyrian finished, the ape lowered its paws.
“So, uh, how are you doing?”
Despite not understanding primate body language, I could tell it had just died inside.
“I mean uh… damnit.” The ape’s head hung low.
The Veyrian removed her arm from her face. “I have not… have not been d-doing well.” Her voice was raspy as if she hadn’t used it in a very long time.
“You uh, you don’t look the best either,” the ape commented. It gestured toward the Veyrian as a whole.
It was right. The Veyrian’s fur in the morning light looked even worse than it had the night before. The Veyrian coughed and turned her head to look around the room. That’s when I realized. I stared at her head, expecting to see her eye appear on the side of her head, yet it never came.
Not until she had turned to look
right
at
me.
I felt a bolt of terror through my chest. I staggered backward, knocking my chair down. A scream built in my throat as I stumbled and fell against the wall. They all stared at me, a mixture of shock and confusion scrawled across their faces.
But they were all a blur. Those two golden eyes stared right into my soul, delving into my psyche and shattering it.
I sunk to the floor, tucking my head between my legs. I hyperventilated, my heart racing. All outside sounds were faint. I barely registered them. Calm down, Meyra, it’s ok. You’re ok. I thought frantically. No, you’re not ok. You have several predators in your home, and she has something extremely wrong with her. They must’ve been torturing her. Changing her DNA. I should’ve snuck out in the middle of the night and run down to the exterminator’s office. Oh, Myern, I’m next aren’t I? I started rocking, unable to control myself. You’re fine, it’s fine, I’m fine. It’s all just a dream. It’s all just a dream. It’s all just a dream it’s all just a dream it’s all just a dreamit’salljustadre—
I flinched as a paw touched my shoulder. I looked up, shaking.
“H-hey, ma’am, are you alright?” Galya asked gently. “What’s wrong?”
I pointed at the twisted Veyrian and curled back into a ball. “Her—her eyes. Wh-what did you d-do to her?”
Galya’s ears drooped in confusion. “Her eyes? What’s wrong with—” she glanced at the Veyrian and back at me. She took a step backward, her eyes widening. “W-wait, what’s wrong with your eyes?”
“Galya, can’t you see that she’s pani—wait, what?” The primate growled inquisitively.
I took a glance around the room. Fear had dawned on their faces. They stood in a semi-circle, stuck in a state of tension. I couldn’t understand why.
But those eyes.
Those two golden eyes.
They stared at me, echoing the horrors of the cruelty of the UN and the Dominion. Myern knows how they had done it. And I was sure I was about to find out. To my horror, she stood slowly, baring her teeth as she went.
Oh, Myern, I thought helplessly. They’ve brainwashed her, too.
“I apologize for thy situation,” she rasped. The trio snapped to look at her, causing me to flinch. “I know… I know this must be quite a shock. To all of thee.”
I breathed shallowly, listening as she spoke. She had a strange accent, alongside her deeper, raspier voice. I had never heard her accent before. Despite my sheer terror, I was intrigued.
“I am Xertalis, goddess of time and space,” she proclaimed. “The former goddess, I should say.” Her head hung low as she stared at the ground.
The trio glanced at each other. The ape closed its eyes and waved its paws around. “Woah, woah woah—hold on. Let’s take this one step at a time. First off, what the ffffffuck? You’re saying all that back in the library really… really happened?”
Xertalis’ silence was enough of an answer for the primate.
“And so… and so all the stuff on TV is real?” It glanced at me. “And that I’m not imagining things?”
“You sure as hell aren’t imagining things,” the gray growled. “I’m seeing this shit.”
Their lack of disturbance surrounding Xertalis and her eye placement was almost more terrifying than the situation I was in. I mustered the courage to speak, despite the voices in my head screaming for me to shut up. “Wh-what the farrik is wrong with you?!” My voice faltered as three pairs of binocular eyes stared at me. “Why are you s-so concerned about my eyes? What about hers?” I waved an indignant paw at Xertalis.
“There’s nothing wrong with her eyes!” The gray roared, causing me to flinch. It put its claws on its head and paced back and forth. “This is fucking insane! What the fuck happened last night? Did our drinks get spiked? No, we didn’t bring drinks. Was it the snacks?” It sat down heavily on the couch, holding its head in its claws. Its knee bounced erratically as it sat.
Nothing the gray had said made sense to me. What drinks? What snacks? Did Galya feed them in the middle of the night?
Galya put her paws in front of her in a placating gesture. “Guys, let’s—let’s just eat some food, and then talk about this. I get that this is pretty insane, b-but yelling isn’t gonna get anything done.” Galya glanced at me. “Besides, I’m sure we’re all starving. Right?”
“Y-yeah,” the ape said. “Let’s do that. Maybe a hot bowl of oimal will help clear our minds.”
Galya put her paw on the gray’s shoulder. It looked up at her, its eyes glossy. “I’m sorry to interrupt you, Kiile. You’re the only one who knows how to cook, and well, you saw how well it went when Connor tried.” She bared her teeth. “How about it?”
The gray took a shuddering breath and bobbed its head. “A-alright. Okay.” It stood and closed its eyes for a moment, breathing deeply. “Let’s g-get this.” And with that, it headed towards the kitchen. As it left, it wiped its eyes.
I stared at Galya, completely floored. A gray. Crying. No, grays can’t cry. They don’t have emotions. They have two modes. Murder, and Stalking. They don’t feel panic or sadness or fear, I thought. But a small, creeping voice asked, Then what was that? I shook my head, trying to shake it off. That was fake. Manufactured. The apes must’ve been teaching the gray how to fake emotions. And yet, the voice persisted.
Galya didn’t notice me staring and instead walked up to Xertalis. Her snout scrunched up as she approached the filthy Veyrian, yet still attempted to speak to her.
“We uh, you should probably get showered,” Galya said. She stood as if she were uncomfortable.
Xertalis didn’t pick up on her discomfort. She flicked her ear inquisitively. “I know not what a… shower is. But I shall dine, for I am quite starved. My long slumber has taken all my energy.” As if to accentuate her plight, Xertalis swayed on her feet.
“Okay, then,” Galya muttered. “Um, well, let’s get you some clothes? Or a blanket at least?”
Xertalis tilted her head at Galya. “What are clothes?” She echoed my thoughts exactly.
“You know what? It’s fine. I’ll just go get a blanket.” Galya grabbed the primate’s paw. “Connor, c’mon.”
Xertalis sat down and watched as the two sped down the hallway. She looked around the room, her ear flicking as she laid her eyes on something new. She seemed particularly interested in the analog clock hanging on the wall. It wasn’t anything special. The numbers and the claws glowed faintly. The [seconds] claw ticked constantly. I swore I could almost hear it over the sound of the gray cooking in the kitchen.
The gray cooking in the kitchen, I thought, amused. I chuckled. The gray cooking in the kitchen. I let out a short laugh. The gray cooking in the kitchen! I started laughing uncontrollably. The absurdity of the whole situation finally got to me. I rocked back and forth, gesturing helplessly with my paws. At some point, my laughter turned to sobs. I put my head in my paws and cried, my tears running down my snout. The gray cooking in the kitchen. Oh, Myern, what am I going to do?
I looked up, and Xertalis was staring at me, perplexed. “What is thy sorrow? Why dost thou act in such a way?”
I gestured vaguely at everything in the room. “Wh-what can I say? I… I’m fucked! I have two p-predators—three predators—in m-my home, and I sure as Xyek c-can’t call the exterminators, otherwise I’ll b-be accused of harboring pr-predators!” I splayed my paws in front of me helplessly. “H-how in the ever living fuck did they g-get here?! The closest UN planet is-is-is—” I gesticulated wildly “—I d-don’t even know how far. Did they u-use FTL? But how did they g-get planetside?” I put my paws on my face and screamed. The sound came out muffled.
I looked up at Xertalis. I could barely hold her gaze, yet her eyes held undeniable sorrow and guilt… and an odd hint of fear. “I will explain,” she said quietly. “Everything. Just… wait.”
I put my paws on my chest and breathed deeply. I tried to calm my mind, yet it was near impossible. All these thoughts bouncing around in my brain like stray bullets. The voices telling me to run away screaming, and the voices telling me to stay and learn. Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay or should I go? Back and forth, back and forth! I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could just wake up, and wake up to a nice, hot bowl of oimal. I wish I wasn’t alone. I wish they were still here.
My thoughts were interrupted by Galya and the ape returning. The primate was carrying a blanket—one of the blankets from the guest room. It approached Xertalis and held it out.
“Sorry we took so long,” Galya apologized. “We sorta had to dig around for it, and we didn’t figure she’d like us going into her room.”
I cringed internally as Xertalis took the blanket and wrapped it around herself. That’s not going to wash out very well, is it?
“Thou are fine,” Xertalis said, taking the blanket. “I thank thou, for it is quite cold in here.”
The gray came around the countertop with a steaming pot in its claws. “You guys came back right in time,” it growled. It placed a pad on the table and set the pot on top of it. “I found some [brown sugar], thankfully, so it’s not gonna be too bland.” It hurried into the kitchen and returned with a bowl. “There were also some [apples], but there wasn’t any milk, so we’ll just have to do with water.”
The ape stopped Galya in her tracks. “You go and sit down, alright? I’ll help get the bowls and stuff.”
Galya stared at the primate for a moment. “Are you sure? This whole thing has been pretty stressful for you, I imagine.”
The ape made the same, strange chuffing noise. Except it somehow sounded… sadder? I tilted my head. “I’m fine. Just almost became a human flambe last night. At least the mattress downstairs was comfortable.” The primate glanced at me before moving into the kitchen.
Galya took a seat at the table. Xertalis sat across from her. “So you weren’t uncomfortable?” Galya asked.
I pushed myself up and leaned so I could see into the kitchen.
The primate shrugged and glanced at the gray. “Well, as comfortable as I could be while sharing a mattress with Godzilla over here.”
“Ha!” The gray barked, causing me to flinch. “That’s rich, coming from King Kong, Lord of Mattresses.”
My gaze bounced between the two nervously. Their words didn’t seem friendly. But… their tones. I didn’t know ape or gray social cues, but they almost sounded friendly. Yet another piece of a constantly shifting puzzle. Their moods seemed to have gotten better while I was having my breakdown, which struck me as oddly ironic. Slowly, I moved to the table and took a seat at the far end. The primate and the gray returned with bowls, spoons, and cups full of water, which were being transported on a tray.
I watched in surprise at how deftly the gray moved the cups to the table. I had only ever known gray to be clumsy and brutish. But there was almost an artistry to its movements.
“How did you do that?” I blurted. I cringed as everyone turned to look at me.
“Put the cups on the table?” It shrugged its shoulders. “I don’t know. Practice? I’m a waiter at the Toreros on main street.”
Toreros? That’s not a real restaurant, I thought, perplexed.
I watched as they passed the oimal around themselves. Galya, who was closest, pushed the pot and [apples] toward me. I sniffed it suspiciously. It didn’t smell any different, but I knew some drugs didn’t have a smell. But… I was hungry. Reluctantly, I served myself and pushed the pot away. Everyone began eating—aside from the gray. The fact that an ape was eating oats and fruit surprised me. I almost couldn’t believe it. And yet, there it was, right in front of me.
Xertalis scooped up some oimal daintily and blew steam off it. “I suppose I shall tell thou my story, and explain thy plight.”
The change of mood was palatable. The entire table stared at Xertalis, prepared for what she had to say.
“As I have said, I am Xertalis, the former goddess of time and space.” She raised her paw as the gray opened its mouth. “Many centuries ago, mortals believed in gods. They believed that they could bestow miracles, rend mountains and valleys to pieces, and offer enlightenment. Alas, those beliefs have faltered. That is why I am so weak.”
She took a slow sip of water.
“My powers have waned as mortals’ beliefs have waned.” She held an [apple] slice between her paws and turned it over. “I could not even age this fruit if I desired. If I tried to open a portal to your universe, it would kill me.”
The primate steepled its paws in front of it. “So how did we get here? Why did that book teleport us to… wherever the hell this is?”
Xertalis pondered the [apple] slice for a moment before popping it in her mouth. Once she had chewed, she spoke. “I would not rule out the fact there might be other forces at work. I might have been the goddess of time and space, but I am not the only deity with the ability to twist reality.”
The trio glanced at each other. “That’s not concerning at all,” The ape stated. “So… what do we do?”
“There is not much,” Xertalis said quietly.
“So we’re stuck here?” The primate cried. “Stuck in a universe where humans and gray are being genocided? Where the police shoot at innocent people? Where crazy bastards with flamethrowers run around?!”
“Wait,” Galya butted in, “what if we like, spread word of your existence?”
Xertalis stared at Galya. “And who would believe? Who would believe that a god walks amongst mortals?”
Galya tapped the table with her claw. “Uhhh… shit.”
“Well, there’s gotta be some sort of religious group somewhere, right?” The gray asked. “There’s the Church of Myern just down the street if I remember correctly.”
I flicked my ear affirmatively. “Yes, there’s a church. But… they might not be t-too fond of her eyes.” My voice faltered as they all looked at me. “Her eye placement? It’s abnormal.”
“So you’re telling me that normal Veyrians in this universe look like you?” The gray growled.
“Y-yes…?”
The gray rubbed its eyes. “Holy shit.” It held its claws up. “Look at this. I’m shaking.”
As the trio was processing what Xertalis had told them, she ate her oimal. Despite the fact she must’ve been starving, she ate slow and daintily, as if she had practiced eating in such a way for years and years. The fact she was eating calmed my nerves a little. But she’s a goddess—apparently—she might be immune to drugs. Or was she a goddess? Xertalis’ monologue confused me.
Nevertheless, I was hungry, and I didn’t function properly when I was hungry. I lifted a spoonful of oimal and ate it. The flavor caught me off guard. It was sweet and perfectly cooked; masterfully put together. I hadn’t ever expected oimal to taste as good as this. I found myself taking bite after bite.
The table was silent as everyone mulled over the information that Xertalis had disclosed. I glanced around the table. I felt a pang of bittersweet nostalgia as I watched the four of them eat. I physically recoiled in surprise. Galya glanced at me, perplexed, but I ignored her.
I turned over the feeling of nostalgia in my mind. It was strange. I shouldn’t be feeling this way about my literal enemies. And yet…
I looked at the wall opposite me. Among the paintings was a frame. And inside that frame, a family portrait. I stared at it for a long moment, emotions boiling in my chest.
You shouldn’t be feeling like this, Meyra, I thought half-heartedly. These are your enemies. They’d gladly rip you to shreds or stab you in the back if given a chance.
I glanced between the portrait and the small group at my table. It’s been so long… surely I could…? No. I took another bite of oimal, burning my mouth. I sipped my water quickly. No. That would be a death sentence. But the way Galya elbowed the gray and the primate playfully, and how they talked as if they were good friends…
Lost in my train of thought, I hadn’t noticed Xertalis had finished her food until she had stood up. “That was a most delicious meal,” she said. “I thank thee for thy culinary skills.” Xertalis bowed her head to the gray, who bowed its head in return.
“You’re welcome,” it growled. “It’s the least I could do.”
“I must now bathe myself. Where might your bathing room be?”
I pointed down the hallway. “Last door on the right. You can’t miss it.”
“Most appreciated.” And with that, Xertalis left the table.
I noticed the trio watching her as she left. I felt another pang of nostalgia in my chest. I immediately quelled it. Now wasn’t the time to be feeling sentimental.
The primate turned around. “She’s got an interesting way of talking, huh?”
The gray bobbed its head. “Yeah. But she’s a goddess apparently.” I tilted my head as I recognized the sound of skepticism in its grating voice.
Galya furrowed her brow and flicked her tail. Before she had a chance to speak, she was interrupted by Xertalis.
“I require assistance,” she said. “This bathing room lacks water.” She tilted her head slightly. “I know not how to draw it. Perhaps the girl could help me?”
Galya choked as she was taking a sip of water. Water dribbled down her chin. She recovered and turned to Xertalis, her cheeks tinted orange. “Uh—I’m sorry, b-but that’s like, not um… that—I don’t…”
Xertalis looked at the predators. “Perhaps one of the boys, then?”
I gawked as the primate’s face turned a bright shade of red. The gray’s face had grown noticeably darker as well. They glanced at each other and exchanged a silent conversation.
“Um, couldn’t—couldn’t she d-do it instead?” The primate pointed a long, gangly claw at me.
I stiffened. Me? I thought. “I-I can’t,” I blurted. “There’s, uh—I hurt my leg when I fell.”
“Your leg’s fine,” Galya said. She squinted at me. “It’s not really appropriate for kids to help an adult, anyway.”
“She just wants someone to help her figure out how the bath works!” I said indignantly. “That’s hardly inappropriate.”
“You’ll know how your bath works better than we do,” the ape interjected. “Besides, it is a little, uh, odd to make us do it.”
“But—” I began.
“I do not care who assists me,” Xertalis said in a low, steely voice. “Stop thy bickering and make thy choice.”
The trio stared at me. I stared back in disbelief. Did they want my heart to fail? Galya flicked her tail, indicating for me to hurry up. It was obvious that they weren’t going to move.
So it was all up to me.
I took a deep breath and clenched my paws. With great effort, I pushed myself away from the table. I tried to keep my breathing stable as I walked over to Xertalis. I avoided her eyes and motioned down the hallway.
“J-just this way,” I muttered. I glanced at the trio. Galya swished her tail supportively. The primate displayed its thumbs and bared its teeth. The gray whipped its tail across the floor erratically and flashed its razor-sharp fangs.
Suddenly dealing with Xertalis’ eyes didn’t seem like such a bad deal. Without another word, I speed-walked down the hallway.
Meyra, how in Xyek did you get yourself into this situation? I thought helplessly.
[Next]

OK, time to sit up straight because I am going to spill some tough love on the men in the community.
This is regarding online dating. This is supposed to serve as a compass for you to navigate yourself correctly through the journey.
This piece is based on three things:
- My own experience with online dating.
- Insights uncovered while helping three cis-gendered, male friends with their dating-app profiles to understand the 'why'(s) and 'how'(s) of Communication and Perception in dating.
- Over a decade of being a Communication and Strategy professional in the corporate sector.
​
(However, if you use dating apps for one-night stands and casual relationships, you can stop here. This post may end up wasting your time.)
​
1) First of all — treat yourself like a 'product' and position yourself accordingly in the market.
Take time to:
- Understand your SWOT.
- Understand your competitor (it is not who you think it is).
- Understand your consumer.
I will elaborate on each one of these later.
​
2) Understand your SWOT:
SWOT stands for Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat.
Map it out for yourself, and then...
Work on actually having a personality.
What does not count as 'Personality'?
Going to the gym is not your whole personality.
Your bike/car, or your love for them cannot be your whole personality.
Your height, colour of your eyes etc are not your personality.
BladerunneRPG is not your whole personality.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. cannot be your whole personality.
And your job, definitely, is not your whole personality.
Therefore, when you put 3 out of 5 pictures from your gym, it puts you in a very crowded room that is jam-packed with other gym-goers, lumping your whole personality as a 'Gym Bro'.
When you lack personality, then it is not that you aren't 6'3" tall and hence women aren't choosing you. Learn to see things for what they are.
Ok, but what is Personality then?
Personality is a combination of goals, fears, aspirations, dreams, hopes, likes, dislikes, beliefs etc — attributes that make you 'you'.
Capitalize on each one of these.
Learn to leverage even your weakness by leaning into it.
For example, if you are a guy who is not a fan of English language, and can't for the life of you understand why people don't speak in Hindi, then why are you writing your profile in English, and slogging your posterior off to attract a Starbucks-sipping chica who may not value what you bring to the table?
Instead, channel your inner Harishankar Parsai and write your profile in Hindi.
When you do that, you will have automatically sifted out anyone who is judgmental about your preferred language, and in fact, you may end up attracting someone who will help you paint the town red over this shared interest!
So, keeping everything aside, understand who you are. The better you understand yourself, the easier the dynamics are going to be.
​
3) Learn. To. Write. Sentences.
Complete sentences. With commas, em dashes, and colons.
Do not put five pictures on your profile with one or two words answers to prompts. Learn to put together coherent thoughts.
It shows your ability to express yourself.
Also, expressing yourself is cool.
Stoicism is fine but Zeno of Citium and Marcus Aurelius did not have to spend their life getting left-swiped in the era that is striving to ensure gender equality. Nor were they fighting battles in a hyper-individualistic world.
They had armies to keep them together. Remember this.
​

Language was invented for one reason, boys--- to woo women---and in that endeavor, laziness will not do.
Dead Poet Society

​
4) Re-evaluate your brand-messaging. (Understand your consumer)
Do all/most of your pictures have you posing next to a Merc/BMW etc, and then you cry about attracting gold-diggers?
If you are not looking to attract gold-diggers, tell us what do you bring to the table? Do you have skills required for 'adulting' like keeping a house, planning a meal and ordering for grocery? Do you know basic cooking? If your mom (or someone else) does it all for you, pause dating for a while and contribute to unpaid efforts that go in keeping you alive.
What does it do, you ask?
It softens rough edges of your personality, develops emotional maturity and an ability to estimate and take on the impact of silent mental load. It gives you something real to talk about. It gives the other person something relatable to benchmark you against.
Relationships are much more than booking OYO for a few hours.
(There is a reason your cool collection of Legos cannot be a part of this 'what you bring to the table' exercise. I will explain it later.) Assess if you actually have a personality or are you a humanoid who can code (or whatever else it is that you do), and otherwise bring very little to the table.
​
5) Speaking of Gold Diggers...
Some of you men disintegrate and combust into flames the minute a girl tells you that she is looking for someone who is better off financially (or has a benchmark that requires money).
Why?
Do you not switch your job for better prospects?
Do you not look for someone way hotteprettie smarter than you are?
How are women not allowed to have a richer partner? Please explain.
(I am not asking whether she is a student, banking on dad's money, or hustling at work herself in this case. It does not matter. If you have a wishlist, she too has one. Can you match up? No? Move on then. What is the logic behind becoming bitter about it?)
​
6) To attract the right mate, you need to become the right mate.
For some weird reason, one of the friends I was helping said something that meant something like he will straighten up for the right girl.
Bro, what.
This is not how it works. It, in fact, works the other way round.
You focus on becoming the right person and that takes you one step closer to finding 'the one'. If you are a mess when the right one comes along, they are likely to walk right past you.
You dress up and then go to the bus-stop, wait for the right bus, and board it when it reaches the bus-stop you are at. You don't show up at the bus stop nude and start dressing up the minute your bus pulls up.
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7) "bUt dOn't wOMEn waNt eQuality?"
They do.
Plus, nobody is trying to rip you off of the four pennies you have saved after 5 years of grind and hustle. Last of all women who have worked their *ss off and fought centuries of patriarchy to get a seat at the table.
Women like to pay for their meals happily, at least the ones I know. However, there will be some who will expect you to foot the bill. It is possible that she is looking for a mate who can afford to take her out for dates totally on his own. She is well within her rights to have this expectation. And you are well within yours to refuse to meet it.
If such is the case, do not let this make you salty and call her a 'gold-digger'.
It is indicative of a poverty-mindset towards money. Instead, use it as marker to understand your relationship with money.
But that aside, if you cannot afford to take both of you out for a coffee/desserts date, take a break from dating and work on your financial health first, because it will keep you stressed and while you cry about having to pay for coffee, another dude would sweep her off her feet because...
...most women may not be looking for you to have 10 billion dollars in your bank account, but in case you both intend on getting married and having a family together, they have a right to assess if you can afford the fact that she can take some time off her work and look after herself (after the delivery) and the baby without your family getting driven to poverty. I understand Maternity leaves and all, but women's brains are prepared to deal with the worst, and they factor in everything and more, even if subconsciously. It contributes to them feeling 'safe' regarding the future. (Not all women, but many. And this is no sin.)
(I am talking about an average scenario. If you are a person whose dynamics worked out in a circumstance different from this, good for you. I have approximated this basis what my guy friends came across in the dating pool. This depends on the privileges, level of education, upbringing, mindset etc, and sometimes varies from person to person within the same family.)
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8) Speaking of Equality...
... I hope your house-keeping, care-taking, and cooking skills are in alignment with the kind of contribution you are expecting from your partner in terms of finances.
Equality is not a one-way street. And no, I 'let her' drink is not Equality.
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9) If you are looking for a one-night-stand, state it upfront, the first thing. For some weird reason, the max amount of respect is garnered by guys who mention this right in the beginning. Or, better still, mention it on your profile itself, saves everyone the hassle.
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10) Emotional Intelligence
There will be m-a-n-y things, in life and on the internet, that you may not like. If at all, this is where you need to practice Stoicism.
Don't believe that there should be more genders than two? Cool, keep scrolling.
Don't understand what is this 'they/them' business in pronouns of individuals? No problem. Put forth your point in a civilized manner and move on. You don't have to dunk on people.
See a 43-year-old unmarried woman asking for advice regarding her love-life? Do you have something constructive to contribute? No? Keep scrolling.
Some lady wore sleeveless to the office? Unless you have something positive to say, keep your opinion to yourself.
See a 63 YO 'aunty' on a dating app? Are you interested? No? Keep Swiping.
Understand that the world does not need your permission exist. (Yes! I know! I am equally baffled!)
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Your inherent need to straighten the World does two horrible things to you:

• You end up focusing on things that should be none of your business, thereby adding no value to your own life. At worst, you become an outdated version of your parents (who, by the way, might have still been relevant in their times) in a world that needs you to be hyper-agile in your mindset (and regarding your ability to change your opinion and understand the other person's perspective). But I understand that this may be quite a tall order for the majority of the people.

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• Every time you hyper-fixate on fixing things outside of you, you lose the opportunity that could have either given you a better understanding of something you don't have the first-hand understanding of, or helped you focus on yourself.

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There is no magic wand to becoming an emotionally intelligent person. In the era of tech and ChatGPTs, your EQ is what will make you stand out. Period.
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11) Self-worth.
Pause, and understand your worth, (or the lack of it). Don't just randomly hope to be swiped right by anyone. If you are marred by low self-worth, it reflects in every aspect of your life, including how you talk. Take a break from dating and work on your self-worth.
Building self-worth is an inside job.
There is a friend I have who is a Coder by the day and a Baker by the night. Once or twice every month, he invites us over for an evening of chilling around where we also get to sample the latest recipes of cake, quiches, pizzas, and breads he has tried.
The dude is 35YO, the most zen person I know, has never had to be on dating apps because his hobby has everyone chasing him for recipes, 'let's bake together?' (s), ingredients etc. Not a one-night-stand sort of guy, so the street-cred works in his favor. When he dates, he sticks to a lady until things don't work out for whatever genuine reason there is. Once he and the lady part ways, both of them never bad-mouth each other.
Take from that what you will.
Working on your self-worth is stacking up of favorable actions, one after the other. There is no abra-ca-dabra to this.
Also,

• Refrain from becoming someone because of whom women have to close their DMs. Over time, you will lose respect for yourself, and that happens very silently.

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• There is a difference between speaking the truth and being harsh. Your ability to learn the difference and the art will single-handedly be responsible for success in your profession as well as your personal life.

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• For some weird reason, a 25 YO man from a Western country is far more emotionally evolved as compared to an Indian man. That is one part of it. The other part of it is that most Indian men are so surrounded by their own type, that they r-e-a-l-l-y will have to break a lot of cycles to even fathom what is expected of them. To break this cycle, educate yourself ruthlessly. Accounts like this may help you break the mould to some extent, but you will still need to break the cycle with respect to your surroundings. Hangout with men who see women in positive light.

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• The women you are trying to woo, have their standards constantly reset by content from all over the world. You have to understand what you are up against.

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12) Understand how Reticular Activating System works regarding attracting the right mate.
Reticular Activating System is explained the best here.
And how to hack it is explained here.
From Marketing and Communication stand-point, no brand spends h-o-u-r-s ridiculing and hating on the prospective consumer. Instead, they spare no efforts in getting to know their consumer and then tailoring their offerings to ensure that the consumer sticks around.
This is what I mean when I say know your Comsumer.
(Anyway, what is the point of hating on women throughout the day, and then crying here in the group at night asking for feedback on your dating profile to woo, drumrolls, those same women?)
When it comes to women, your competition is not another man. It is her peace of mind. This is what I mean when I say 'know your Competitor'.
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13) What makes dating difficult?
Not the process.
It is you hoping that it was easier.
But this is one aspect that demands ruthless growth. Just embrace the pain and hardships of getting left-swiped on and use it to upgrade your mindset and mentality. But all the while, be kind to yourself and know that you are doing your best.
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14) One last thing...
Analyze if any part of your childhood/teenage was chaotic or traumatic. What we experience in our childhood, if left untreated, goes on to become our 'normal' in adulthood.
So, if you grew up in chaos, peace would seem boring to you. You will constantly look for 'spark' instead of comfort and end up attracting damaged goods.
If your childhood was not peaceful, it may be worthwhile to consider therapy. Therapy is good, it brings out the gunk of the soul that you did not know you were carrying around, all the while stinking because of it.
If you are interested in understanding this better, read Letting Go and Attached.
The thing is, you attract your tribe.
If you are attracted to someone, something in them must have resonated with you. Surprisingly, many times, it is the toxity that binds two people together.
And toxity in oneself is the most difficult to accept.
To stop attracting damaged goods, you will have to heal yourself.
You will be surprised what a therapist can do. You may have to look around for a while before you chance upon a good one though. Twitter has two crowd-sourced list, in case you need: List 1, List 2.
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Notice how I haven't touched upon topics like what you should write in your bio/profile or what you should message her because these things are a direct manifestation of who you are. They can be 'manufactured' but only to some extent. The mind games last only for so long. After that, you will have to work on yourself.
I hope this makes sense to some extent and someone. Take time to read this. I don't expect anyone of you to get all of it in one go.
If you disagree, happy to hear your point of view.
Thank you for reading!
Have a lovely dating journey.