4000 dollar cars

I understand that this is an issue isolated only to the NW Minneapolis area so it doesn't affect most people in this sub. However, it does affect many people in a previous community of mine enough that I've been made aware of six or seven(?) years after my incident with said company.
My car was towed from my apartment complex for expired tabs (management rules were vague about this but still my bad). Tow companies or the entity requesting the tow are required by law to give notice beforehand... blah blah blah. They towed my car in the middle of the night when they and the apartment management were closed so no notice was given.
300 dollars later, my car has 400 dollars of damage that was caused by what the shop actually said was improper towing (not saying what to remain anonymous). When bringing this up to the company I was told to kick rocks. Afterwards I noticed they skulk around many low income apartment complex parking lots in the early hours of the morning almost daily/nightly.
Apparently this is STILL a major issue in this community and looking at their Google reviews, they're still targeting low income apartment complexes and minority areas.
For what it's worth, I just want to draw at least a couple eyes toward this company. Judge it for yourself and don't take my word for it.
It is Frankie's Towing of Plymouth, Minnesota.
So long greasy towing assholes, I'm a Canadian now! Can't touch me, dooo doo doo do do, do doot!

Long story short, I posted in January of last year that I came home on Friday evening and found a car from CPS on my door. After a full-fledged investigation where my daughter was in a room with strangers for 30 minutes answering questions (at five years old) and then an investigation into myself, it was found unsubstantiated. Turns out that my house was in fact not full of animal waste and there was plenty of food and my house was lived in, but more than clean enough.
Fast forward to December. The caseworker from CPS shows up at my door stating that another call came in over their hotline saying that I was selling my food stamps for beer and cigarettes and that my house was filthy and that I was not taking care of my child. All things that are definitely not true. After another investigation, they closed it as unsubstantiated and that was that.
Last month, an investigator from food stamps showed up at my apartment on a day that my daughter and I were both at home with the flu. Apparently someone called their hotline and said that I was selling my food stamps for $.50 on the dollar. Which is again completely not true. I now have an investigation for fraud on my food stamp record and now they are trying to not recertify me.
Is there anything at all that I can do to make this stop? I can’t keep putting my daughter through this, and I don’t know what else to do. I’m at a loss here, and I’m about to lose the one thing that ensures that my daughter always has plenty of food options in our home. While I can afford the majority of our food for the month, I do depend on them. Now I’m facing losing them because someone continues to call different DHS departments and make up lies about me. Please help if you have any suggestions at all.
Thank you,

Long post, I will summarize. I am an ENFP-T still in love with my ex who is INTJ. I believed he was THE ONE. But he hurt me.
Me F (28) and he M (38) started dating a year ago. Our differences were very obvious. I attract attention everywhere I go because of my looks and how I dress up. I’m also very chatty and easily make friends everywhere. He is on the quiet side, very observant and easy going. We both work in the same big tech. Different orgs and different locations in the same cities. I joined the company a few weeks after we started dating. He is an engineer and I work as a product manager.
When we initially started dating, it felt like he really liked me. We talked about the future pretty quickly and things moved very fast. He met my family and I met his. He wanted to do everything together and spend every minute together. Everyone thought he was heads over heels in love with me when we go out with friends. But I didn’t feel that way in the relationship. I constantly felt put down by him, he made fun of my life goals to build a multi billion dollar business. Indirectly called me one of the MBA airheads (I have an Ivy League MBA). I didn’t feel supported by him and sometimes I genuinely believed he disliked me or thought I was pretty stupid.
I once asked if he thought I was stupid and he didn’t respond. This was after he said he couldn’t believe we work for the same company and I make more money than him ‘doing nothing’ in his words. For reference he is an IC5 and I am an IC6 manager. Which was never an issue or anything I brought up or mentioned. He only used it to mock me whenever he felt the need to knock me a peg.
I don’t doubt that he is smarter than I am. I respect him for that more than anything else. He is really really smart and one of the best engineers on his team. Although we never said I love you to each other, but I assumed we both loved each other. Despite his pessimistic approach to life and constantly hating my optimism, he never said no to anything I wanted or asked. He would silently fix things for me or take my car to get serviced because I forgot or buy a ticket I forgot to buy.
I gave him space a lot because I am also very independent and like having my own space. I am only extroverted sometimes and even the test says I’m only 51% extroverted. So I do enjoy time alone.
He loves solo vacations and he had a few during the relationship. One time he traveled for 3 weeks and did not call me once during that period. Although we texted back and forth every few days. I was genuinely shocked how he could go that long without speaking to me. He got back from the trip and asked if I wanted to buy a house together? I said sure, let’s do it.
We reached out to a few realtors and started looking for a house to buy.
The tech layoffs started and we decided to put our house hunt on hold incase either or both of us lose our jobs.
I constantly cheered him up and gave him words of affirmation and gifts. He never did same to me despite knowing it was my love language. Initially he didn’t like the words of affirmation, but after a while, he genuinely started to laugh when I praised him and it was the best laughter I would see on his face. I enjoyed buying him new clothes and shoes and games.
He made ‘compliments’ about my body a few times. He said I sometimes make the ugliest dresses look beautiful because of my body. I took that as the best compliment I could ever get from him. However he hated it when people complimented me. He didn’t feel comfortable when stranger’s walked up to us and called us a cute couple a few times. But I wasn’t sure how to fix that as it wasn’t my fault. Then he said maybe if I wore better clothes, people might stop walking up to us. By better clothes, he meant ugly fitting because I never expose my skin.
A few months later, I told him I wasn’t feeling happy in the relationship and wanted us to fix it by taking a vacation. I asked him how he genuinely felt about the relationship and he said he was happy and didn’t feel like anything was wrong. At this point, I believed I was the problem. Maybe I didn’t love him enough? We went on vacation and on the trip he somehow completely ignored me and was working all through. We didn’t get to discuss our issues even once. I understand that work was important but I felt completely ignored and abandoned. And he completely dismissed my feelings. On our way back, I told him I wanted to break up as I wasn’t feeling fulfilled in the relationship. He didn’t respond to me. When our flight landed, I told him I changed my mind about breaking up and would like to work things out again. This time he responded and said he wanted to try again too. One week later, he breaks up with me out of the blue and says I’m too superficial and obsessed with myself, I have too many friends and I use social media too much for his comfort. He said I am an attention seeker and it’s the reason why I have so many followers on IG and tiktok. He hardly uses social media and he knows the reason I have so many followers on tiktok is because I talk about my journey to tech as a product manager. I am a minority woman working a high level job, I have so many younger women who love me on social media and look up to me. I don’t know how he went from ‘loving’ me to resenting me. I know I wasn’t perfect but I kept the relationship going. And I constantly asked him to tell me when things were bad.
He says we are very compatible but he can not get over my flaws. And here was I trying to work through his own flaws.
I felt judged, unappreciated and disrespected. I love him but maybe he wants someone who is more like him. I have been in therapy and working through my issues. I am superficial and that is something I’m working through in therapy. I just wish he gave a chance to fix things together than pull the rug on me. I find it hard to date anyone else. I have deleted all my social media accounts since we broke up 3 months ago. I feel like he broke something permanently in me. I am no longer my cheerful happy self, I don’t think I’m smart and I think he was right and I only got into Ivy League and got my job because I am a minority female. Maybe I do think too highly of myself.

I need help deciding on a car. I'm looking to buy new. I've narrowed it down to either an Elantra or a Tucson.
I have a 15 mile commute about once or twice a week and a couple road trips w/ friends throughout the year. But most of my miles come locally, as I make short (but daily) trips around the area for family, so one or two usually get in the back at a time. And this can get taxing with poor fuel efficiency. All totaled, I top out at just 4000 miles a year, and I don't expect that to dramatically increase any time soon.
The Elantra has everything I need + it's cheaper. The Tucson is at the upper end of my budget, but it's safer and seated higher as an suv.
So any words of advice?

This is going to be somewhat of a long post, but bare with me. I just made a reddit account for THIS reason because I really need to get this off my chest.
I live with a 34 year old brother who is completely selfish. Ever since the passing of my late-brother (oldest one past away when he was 31), I have been taking responsibility roles after him for my parents (I am the youngest child and only daughter). Being a full-time STEM student and unemployed, I have time to accommodate my parents needs to get tasks done: everything from running errands, to the bank, making sure rent and utilities are due on time, groceries, scheduling doctor's appointments for my father, and picking up prescriptions. Life has been a train-wreck for me since 2018. My parents are immigrants with little to no English and helpless in navigating modernized, western culture. Since my oldest brother is gone, I have to take on the unspoken position to make sure everything is okay for my parents.
Second brother, he is the most selfish person I have ever encountered; definitely self-righteous and paints a picture for everyone to see that he is this humanitarian or philanthrope in person, but behind closed doors he emotionally and physically abuses my parents. Everyone who meets him, loves him, but I know his true colors.
My dad had fallen ill of last year, and I was his caregiver for some time while juggling with challenging STEM classes at my community college. It wasn't easy taking care of my father due to his condition without the help of my second older brother. (He help sometimes to take him to dialysis), but when it came to the important stuff, it was expected of me. I have cried, had mental breakdowns, and often thought about suicide because of the pressure I was being put in.
My father's retirement funds kick in every month (about $1k a month). When my dad was bed-ridden last summer, and I was too busy with college, my dad asked my second older brother to withdrawal money from my dad's account for bills, giving him access to the PIN number. Ever since then, my brother kept my father's debit card and had pocketed $300 every month without my dad's knowledge or consent. Found out, that was $3600 my brother stole from our sick, disabled father. He did this for a year. My second older brother does not pitch anything for rent even though he works full-time, taking about $4000 a month with a bonus from his VA benefits.
He cranks up the air conditioning unit really low during the summer, so my mother has to pay $200 or so during the time. He asks my mom for money so he can go to the local laundromat (how does he not have at least $20 to spare for clothes to be washed and dried as an employed man??), and he is always asking money from my uncle and aunt. All he cares about is money and cares little about helping the family. He even skipped my oldest brother's funeral because he was too "afraid" to see his brother lying in the casket (I was the only one organizing my oldest brother's funeral, by the way; that week was emotionally and mentally exhausting).
My brother has physically pushed my dad out of his bed one time during a family argument, poured cold water over my mom's head, whipped her with a belt, and when he is really angry, he brings out his guns and creates this threatening aura in the room, showing everybody how "powerful" he is with guns (he was in the army and is a huge gun collector).
A part of me fears for my parents livelihood with him here, leeching off mom and dad; disrespecting them even though they let him do anything. Both of my parents are too scared to confront him because he gets violent with the potential threat that he can pull a gun out on them. I have confronted him a few times, but it ends up pretty disordered and horrific (my head bumped pretty badly against the window one time, because we were in a car, and I was arguing with him, so he decided to drive violently on the highway).
Part of me wished that he was gone instead of my oldest brother; my oldest brother was the opposite of him despite his autism and social dilemmas. He was empathetic and cared for the family.
My brother, I feel like he is the bane of my parent's existence and will bleed my parents out to dry when it comes to finances. He refuses to move out because he wants to leech off of my parents, so that he can freely uses his paycheck however he wishes to.
Is there anything I can do? He is my blood brother and a part of me cares for him, still, but I honestly wish he was gone sometimes. This seems like a fatalistic thing to say, but things would be peaceful around the house if he was not around. I am too stressed about family life, my dad's illness, STEM degree that I am working on, and our financial issue to be dealing with my brother's rampage.
Any advice?

Posting in legaladviceCanada:
I am posting this to seek help for my sister, whom I will refer to as Hanna. Hanna married a man named (let's say) Mark in December 2013 when she was 22 years old. For the first two years, they lived overseas while waiting for Mark's application to be processed to move to Canada. They eventually relocated to Ontario in 2015 and had a daughter in 2019. In 2021, they purchased a house together. Unfortunately, the relationship has been consistently abusive from Mark's side right from the beginning. Hanna has always been afraid to leave or even involve the police, and there is no documented evidence of this abuse. It seems that this abuse may not have much impact on the divorce proceedings in Canada, based on our research. Mark contributes nothing to the household and doesn't help raise their daughter at all. Hanna takes care of everything—from cooking and cleaning to childcare, household maintenance and bills. She even handles tasks like mowing the lawn and changing light bulbs while working two jobs, while Mark does nothing. He has had a history of job instability, getting fired from multiple positions. Currently, he has been in a job for the past two years that pays around 30K per year. He spends most of his money on himself and contributes very little to the house money-wise. On the other hand, Hanna works in the US and teaches at college level in Canada. Although I don't now the exact income it is around 110K per year in Canadian dollars. Hanna has finally decided to proceed with a divorce, but Mark has been making her life miserable ever since. The issue is that although Hanna has a good income, she can't afford a lawyer at the moment. I am posting this to seek suggestions on how she can approach this divorce. Initially, Mark did not want custody, but now he wants shared custody. Hanna has 50K in student loans, 2/3 of which were acquired after their marriage. When they bought the house, they had to combine smaller (non-student) loans into one, totaling 70K, which includes a car loan that he uses and a maxed-out credit card in Mark's name, as well as other miscellaneous expenses. After deducting the mortgage and realtor fees, the house is expected to yield a profit of 100K. Hanna has some savings in RRSP (Canada) and 401K (US), but the amount is not substantial. Our parents help take care of the daughter when Hanna is working, and she pays them 2-2.5K monthly to assist them.
Here are the concerns I have for Hanna:
​

1. The house is currently up for sale, but I am worried that Mark may find a way to access the remaining money from the sale before Hanna can settle the outstanding loans. Is there a way to ensure the money doesn't go directly to him? Perhaps it can be transferred to a lawyer to settle the loans first, but I am unsure how this can be arranged.
   
2. Mark is asking for alimony and proposing that both incomes be split in half, which doesn't seem reasonable. Do you have any idea of what he may be entitled to?
   
3. Is there a way to ensure that he cannot take the daughter out of the country?
   
4. If Mark continues to give her a hard time and refuses to meet with a mediator, is filing for divorce through the court her only option? Will it be expensive for her?
   

I posted an item for sale on Facebook marketplace for a couple hundred dollars, got a few hits for it and there was one person interested. Fast forward yesterday, we agreed to meet outside of my home for pickup of the item.
I met the buyer face to face and all seemed okay. I helped load the item into the buyer's car and they said they would e-transfer me. I gave them my email and they went through the whole process (sending the e-transfer on EQ bank app).
I was watching the buyer at every step. I have Autodeposit set up so my full name appeared and it showed on the app that "Contact has has Autodeposit. Funds will go directly to their registered account". I watched him click send and we waited together outside my place. A few minutes go by but I still have not yet received the funds. I ask the buyer instead to send me a screenshot of that payment confirmation and felt fairly safe that because I had Autodeposit set up. The buyer leaves. 30 mins, hours and then finally the next day, but still no money has appeared.
The person's FB account cannot be contacted any more, they're not picking up the phone or replying to texts. I've called both their bank and mine (TD) and they both say to contact the buyer for recourse. My bank's fraud department said they see an Interac E-Transfer initiated on the other person's account, but then it was cancelled. The money never reached my account. At this point I'm reeling...WHAT? Everywhere that I've looked or read upon, once an E-Transfer has been initiated to an Autodeposit account, it was supposed to be finalized. The only explanation they said, was that there was already a block on their account preventing them from sending, so even though on the app it shows that the money was sent, the money never actually went through. So I've been scammed.
I've filed a police report, and the officer said this was not a criminal matter, but instead a contractual/civil one and to pursue it in Small Claims. I have his phone number and the officer assisting me has told me that there was a hit on the number given.
Now, given that the amount was only a couple hundred dollars and the cost to file small claims in BC is $100, is it still worth it to pursue? I want to say it's just for the money but at this point, it's just rather knowing that this "buyer" is getting served and will be taught a lesson to. Is there any other possible recourse in this situation?

My wife and I have separate bank accounts. She makes double what I make. (This is important later).
My car was repossessed today and the fault was completely mine. Financially, I am a disaster. I left the military, got a job that pays less than what I used to make, and I enrolled in college. My bills outweigh my income, but due to an overinflated ego I failed to ask for help from either my wife or my loved ones. I will have the money to pay off the overdue fees, however, I need to submit some documentation for the bank to review to approve me to get the vehicle back. I understand that there will be an additional charge for the repo as the collections rep at the bank stated it can range from 300-700 dollars. This is all my fault and moving forward I will not turn away from help. After getting an earful from my father and my wife I realize now they're not handouts. It's help.
I can answer questions as I can in the comments, but I would like to know from those who have encountered/heard of this scenario: If worst case scenario I lose the car how screwed am I?

I am posting this to seek help for my sister, whom I will refer to as Hanna. Hanna married a man named (let's say) Mark in December 2013 when she was 22 years old. For the first two years, they lived overseas while waiting for Mark's application to be processed to move to Canada. They eventually relocated to Ontario in 2015 and had a daughter in 2019. In 2021, they purchased a house together. Unfortunately, the relationship has been consistently abusive from Mark's side right from the beginning. Hanna has always been afraid to leave or even involve the police, and there is no documented evidence of this abuse. It seems that this abuse may not have much impact on the divorce proceedings in Canada, based on our research. Mark contributes nothing to the household and doesn't help raise their daughter at all. Hanna takes care of everything—from cooking and cleaning to childcare, household maintenance and bills. She even handles tasks like mowing the lawn and changing light bulbs while working two jobs, while Mark does nothing. He has had a history of job instability, getting fired from multiple positions. Currently, he has been in a job for the past two years that pays around 30K per year. He spends most of his money on himself and contributes very little to the house money-wise. On the other hand, Hanna works in the US and teaches at college level in Canada. Although I don't now the exact income it is around 110K per year in Canadian dollars. Hanna has finally decided to proceed with a divorce, but Mark has been making her life miserable ever since. The issue is that although Hanna has a good income, she can't afford a lawyer at the moment. I am posting this to seek suggestions on how she can approach this divorce. Initially, Mark did not want custody, but now he wants shared custody. Hanna has 50K in student loans, 2/3 of which were acquired after their marriage. When they bought the house, they had to combine smaller (non-student) loans into one, totaling 70K, which includes a car loan that he uses and a maxed-out credit card in Mark's name, as well as other miscellaneous expenses. After deducting the mortgage and realtor fees, the house is expected to yield a profit of 100K. Hanna has some savings in RRSP (Canada) and 401K (US), but the amount is not substantial. Our parents help take care of the daughter when Hanna is working, and she pays them 2-2.5K monthly to assist them.
Here are the concerns I have for Hanna:

1. The house is currently up for sale, but I am worried that Mark may find a way to access the remaining money from the sale before Hanna can settle the outstanding loans. Is there a way to ensure the money doesn't go directly to him? Perhaps it can be transferred to a lawyer to settle the loans first, but I am unsure how this can be arranged.
   
2. Mark is asking for alimony and proposing that both incomes be split in half, which doesn't seem reasonable. Do you have any idea of what he may be entitled to?
   
3. Is there a way to ensure that he cannot take the daughter out of the country?
   
4. If Mark continues to give her a hard time and refuses to meet with a mediator, is filing for divorce through the court her only option? Will it be expensive for her?
   

A few years ago, half the Armenia was looking to buy a junk car from international car auctions for a few hundred dollars due to a strange tariff benefits (maybe someone can explain). A car has been a dream for Armenian guys as a proof of status, toughness, self determination.
What do we have today? Yerevan streets are suffocating from the exhaust gases, super nervous drivers cursing and honking at each other and passengers, ‘tough’ guys who turn on loud rabis and drive at crazy speed risk everyone’s lives. Junk cars that are not roadworthy and almost falling apart are parked at every possible and impossible spots. In my opinion, we are facing a major ecological and healthcare issue unless introducing tough technical tests to remove half the cars from streets. But instead, what I hear from the taxi drivers, new requirements are introduced to just collect more money from the car owners.

Recently broke my windshield, and had it replaced and boy what a journey. I have a 2021 Volkswagen Arteon, tons of safety features in the car so I needed to also have it calibrated. I asked a nearby Volkswagen dealer if the windshield needed to be calibrated at the dealership. Tech said yes it takes a few hours but we can get it done. My insurance said to work with safelite as a recommendation. Safelite assured me they could calibrate my car. They successfully replace the windshield, and calibrate it. Off I go, 45 minutes later, I’m driving down the road and turn into a parking lot. All my assist lights came on. 7 lights in total. My locks unlocked and my windows went down half way. Had them redo it, I waited in the waiting room for what they told me 45 minutes took several hours. Only for them to say we tried both systems we have and we were unsuccessful. We can’t get passed the airbag light. The dealer will have to do it. I end up breaking my windshield on the same highway 2 days later before I can get it calibrated. Had windshield replaced again, hood was dented in the process, and they scratched the mirror during installation. Whatever it happens and their insurance took care of it. Went to the dealership and they said during calibration they found the ABS module was faulty, and it was connected to the windshield replacement, and that it would cost almost 600 dollars to fix. I sent the repair order to safelite and I’m awaiting the claim.
Should I be going through this much trouble for a windshield? Thank you

Parent has become disabled (including cognitively) without a will or power of attorney.
Mortgage is NOT affordable without parent working. My other parent is retired and elderly.
Several months of unpaid health insurance which could affect benefits needed to treat my disabled parent.
Several storage units of hoarding has gone unpaid (disabled parent is a hoarder)
Cars could be sold but we don't know where the titles are, they are lemons, and we don't have POA set up anyway.
My family has already paid several thousands of dollars for the situation (won't go into detail to remain anonymous, but this wasn't my disabled parents fault)
Family was already dysfunctional pre-disabling event, and communication and problem-solving has been a nightmare.
I'm frustrated that my parent could have been saving the thousands of dollars that went toward storage unit fees, and could have paid for health insurance, but I know this is a mental disorder.
As far as I know, this parent does not have savings for emergencies or retirement, so we are left to figure it out.
Are there any resources or suggestions for us?

Sister and I landed a house. I’m going to be now living an hour away from my job. Going to be living with her, boyfriend, and kid. And now I’m going to have a huge debt over my head for fucking decades when I’m about to finally pay off my car. I don’t like being in debt and I don’t want to be in debt…especially for hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I honestly hoped we never landed a house. I hope we kept getting rejected and rejected. Right now the rates are so high but she insisted despite me telling her many times. Why the fuck do you think it’s a good idea to get a house at 7%+ rate when everybody else is literally below 3%? Eventually rates will fall.
We’re now in the process of getting a home appraisal to make sure the house is worth said amount. I really home it isn’t. I hope the house fucking turns out to be shit and we keep “looking”.
Shit is so dumb. But I’m even more dumb because I’m going through with it. Most people would be happy to be a homeowner. But I’m not. If the house wasn’t in my name then I would be fine moving. But her boyfriends credit is so shit they used mine along with hers to score a good amount loan.

I (30f) am in the second year of my career after graduating University in 2021. I moved to the Lower Mainland from ON last summer and lucked out in finding an affordable housing situation with a roommate. My roommate signed her current lease a few years ago, and so collectively we pay WAY below market value for her 2 bedroom place as legally the landlord can only raise rent a certain percentage each year. Currently my cost of housing (utilities/wifi and everything included) is only 15% of my take home salary each month. I have been able to tuck away at least 40-50% of my pay check each month into my savings as a result. I have minimal student debt (10k interest-free OSAP loan after 7 years of Uni) but have no other debts (car is paid off, no credit card debt etc).
The only issue is that my roommate is the only one with her name on the lease. Each month, I etransfer half of the total rent to my roommate, which she forwards to the landlord with her half of the rent. The landlord is aware that she has a roommate and is renting out the other room. I’ve asked to be added to the lease but she has made it clear that she does not want this as she hopes to one day have the place to herself and use both bedrooms after having paid off some debt herself.
Obviously this is not ideal for a number of reasons as I am not covered for any tenant insurance and am not protected legally by the RTB. The past year I have lived here there has two incidences of minor accidental damage to the apartment which I have covered out of pocket or we have split between the two of us. However, even with a couple hundred dollars to cover these costs, my cost of living has been significantly lower than if I lived elsewhere.
I have been looking at the possibility of moving out and having my own place recently. I am single and would like to date/have people over and would also like my own space. I also am a bit worried about not being covered by the RTB and the ramifications of being evicted etc.
However, studio apartments in my town are now going for the same price that we pay for her 2 bedroom place, with most 1 bedroom apartments now costing about 40% of my take home salary. I am also worried that as the cost of housing continues to rise, that it is better to sign a new lease of my own elsewhere as soon as possible because the cost of housing is only going to continue to rise the longer I wait.
TLDR; Should I stay at my current below-market value rental for as long as I can and continue to save? Or should I get a place of my own ASAP in order to get into the rental market to “lock in” a rental rate (as landlords can legally only raise rental costs a certain percentage per year).

Landed a position in a field I have been studying towards in college and I am so excited! I only have a couple more shifts left at Tim Hortons and then I am finally done. I'm going from 15.50 an hour to 25.00 dollars an hour as a starting wage! No more customers treating me like I'm lesser, no more managers pressuring us for 25 seconds a car, no more feeling absolutely awful about myself at the end of a shift. I can't wait to be doing what I love. So long, Timmies, I won't miss you!

When I first started dating "Tim", tim lived with his mom. His mom kicked him out, about 3 months into our relationship (him and his step dad got into a fight, it got physical). Tim was homeless for maybe 3ish months, sleeping on the floor of a friend's place, I was buying his food. My understanding is that his mom and sister weren't helping him with food or gas money or anything, like I did.
Me and Tim have been together for almost 2 years now. I still buy a decent amount of his groceries (about a third now). Ive bought so many things for his dog. He has a dog now and drives a fancier car with a 1k a month car payment. This past weekend I asked him if we could go out for a date somewhere, maybe for brunch, or lunch or dinner. His response was that he didn't have the money for it, and he can't be spending $20 for an omelet. He said that we can go out to eat in like 3 weeks once he has more money in the bank. We don't go out very often on dates. So when tim mentioned today that he has like 4.5k a month in bills, and I asked him what was adding to that, I was surprised to hear him say that he pays like $100 a month for his families cell phone plan and $200 to help his older sister's car payment. (His parents live in a half million dollar house and bought a new truck last year though?)
I'm close with my family and love my family, so I understand wanting to take care of your family, but I can't help but feel upset, like it's unfair. I know life isn't fair, but I'm feeling like he's spending money on everyone and everything except for me, the person who helped him when he didn't have money. And to be clear, I can pay for my own meal or movie ticket on a date, but he's not willing to pay for his own to have a date with me.
I want to bring this up to him, would it be a bad idea to point out how his family didn't support him though? I don't want to like bash his family but at the same time do I need to remind him about it, since that's kinda why I'm feeling like I deserve for him to spend $20 a month on some food/movie ticket/activity to do with me?

I'm not concerned about after expenses cost like maintenance, insurance, car loan, depreciation, gas etc. Just want the raw gross earning if you do Uber every day for 12 hours a day.
3000 a month? 4000? 5000?

For context, I was having a conversation with one of my friends about this guy I had an unofficial relationship/friendship with about a year and a half ago. I was also talking to her about how being bullied affected me, but more specifically affected my gpa from sophomore year (we're both currently juniors). At some point during the conversation she said to me; "you were being abused." and I kind of laughed about it, I said something like it really isn't that serious like people do shitty things to each other all the time, but I wouldn't call it abuse. And she said, "No, you were being verbally abused." And I was kind of like that's a little dramatic but okay. In these last few weeks, I did a lot of research about abuse and trauma and honestly I was kind of shocked. I resonated with almost every single article I found and I even took quizzes or screenings about abuse and every single one told that it was emotional abuse. It seems wrong to call the relationship I was in and the way I was treated abusive because than I have to accept that that person didn't genuinely love me and honestly could care less about me or if they did love or care for me at all they wouldn't treat me like that. But it's so complicated because there's always room for discussion. I made mistakes too. The guy was a teenager, so was I. I did things wrong too and I didn't always know how to communicate properly. Who knows maybe deep down he did care but didn't express it properly or was too immature to show it. But truthfully I remember during the course of that friendship/relationship I just remember I was in a lot of emotional pain and under a lot of stress but I never really knew why. No one ever told me that someone telling you no one loves or cares about you is wrong, or being told that you're stupid is wrong, or being blamed for everything is wrong, being told that you're selfish or that you overreact about everything, saying one thing and doing the exact opposite etc, is wrong and someone who loves you shouldn't do those things (romantically, platonically, etc).
I was thinking about it for a long time and I came to realize that the reason I could not accept that maybe this person I loved and cared about so deeply did actually emotionally abuse me was because that would mean accepting that my parents did as well. And it made me realize that I never questioned it or just assumed it was normal or that eventually he would stop or things would work out was because that's what I'd known my entire life. I always assumed that the problems I had with my parents or strained relationships were just normal, and a part of growing up and my parents were just strict and it was something I had to deal with. And yeah, to an extent there were things that were simply normal and parts of growing up, but I only recently remembered a shit ton of things from my childhood that I kind of repressed as well as things that happened recently, and I never once reconsidered the fact that it might've actually been fucked up. It's weird because it's so easy to brush everything under the carpet because they're my parents, and I just have to assume that everything they're doing is well-meaning, even if I don't like all of it. And because they're my parents they're family and it's kind of a loyalty thing that no one should disown or estrange themselves from their parents because they're trying their best unless of course, in extreme cases. Recently for my own processing of things I started writing down in a bullet point kind of format things from my childhood or things that happened that make me upset or uneasy, but I'm not sure still if I overreacted or misremembered these things or it was actually bad. Disclaimer: I understand that I have a lot to be grateful for, both my parents are alive and living in the same household, not addicted to anything, don't physically hurt me. I have friends and I know several people with really unfortunate living situations or family problems and I'm sure that is the case for many people here as well so I truly don't mean to come across as an ungrateful brat but I just need some kind of closure or understanding about my life.

• I have a lot of good memories with my siblings and general/extended family but yet when I try to think of good memories with my mom or dad I honestly blank. I know that they loved me but I never really felt loved and I always doubted whether they genuinely loved me or felt like there was something wrong with me.
• I remember my mom used to take my brother on these adventures around the city on weekends, sometimes just him, sometimes him and his friend, and I'd beg to come along but my mom refused and I just remember feeling so left out all the time and trying so hard to be included with my mom and brother
• I remember my mom would constantly compare me to my brother or unintentionally put me down. for example during an online parent teacher conference for math, in which I had been struggling in, (this was about a year ago) My mom spent so much time talking about how my brother is so smart and strong at math to the point where my math teacher said, "I didn't like being compared to my siblings growing up so I don't comparison is really helping" in which my mom went on to say she wasn't comparing us at all. On other occasions, during family dinnegrace, my mom would say something she's thankful for about my brother and younger sister and a lot of times just simply forget to include me-or she couldn't think of anything to be proud of me for? i'm not sure tbh
• I remember on many occasions I would start crying or asking my parents (but specifically my mom) just genuinely confused and hurt as to why they loved my brother and sister more. They would always tell me I was being crazy or ridiculous and that wasn't true but they treated me much differently than them and honestly I just remember feeling like everything I did even as a child was wrong.
• I remember my mom would constantly accuse me of stuff, sometimes small, sometimes bigger things, but a lot of the times it wouldn't even make sense. One time before a family vacation a few years ago, they were bringing a white wine to my grandparent's house as a gift. They found when they took the wine from the wine cooler to put in the car I guess the seal had broken or some of the wine was gone? I'm not 100% sure. They started screaming at me and accusing me of drinking the wine that was a gift for my grandparents, saying how I ruined the trip and how I always create problems. I was about 13 at the time and never had a drop of alcohol in my life, the thought had never even crossed my mine. I think i was crying in the car during the drive to my grandparent's house because my parents were mad at me, and my dad kept screaming at me to shut up and stop crying, I remember my siblings were upset as well because of this, I think I got punished for it too. My mom would also accuse me of taking her clothes and hiding them, money, etc, which almost 100 percent of the time I didn't do. It wasn't even just the accusing it just felt like my mom would blame me for a lot of obscure things or just pin everything on me. If the counter had a stain-must've been from me. A glass left on the counter? Laundry fell off the rack? My mom's coat fell off the hanger? Just things that seem unimportant my mom would get mad at me for or automatically blame me for things that weren't necessarily my fault or having to do with me at all.
• When my mom would get mad I could always tell. I'm not sure if this is common or not but I became very good at listening to footsteps around the house. I could tell whose footsteps were my moms, dads, brothers, sisters. And I could also tell if someone was mad by listening to their footsteps. When my dad was mad he was more upfront about it, angry yelling and aggressive but he'd calm down and than he'd be fine and pleasant to be around. But with my mom it was more complicated. It was like walking on eggshells because one second I'd feel like okay and even comfortable around my mother but it never lasted because all it took was me saying one wrong thing or doing one wrong thing or something unrelated to me entirely for that to change her entire mood. If I heard my mom's "angry footsteps" I immediately would try to clean up my room, hide my phone, computer, anything that would make her mad, or provoke her in the slightest. If she was in a bad mood she didn't hold back from yelling and insulting everyone, but I probably got the worst of it out of everyone. At times for no reason at all she stomp into my room screaming at me for being lazy, irresponsible, how I ruin the family or I don't contribute or help her at all, how I waste my time, or how I'm selfish or how I'm stupid and I don't work hard or try at anything. Sometimes she'd straight up insult me or other times she would mock me or kind of make fun of me for something random.
• I remember one time my mom got so mad at me and my brother when we shared a room for making a mess in the room (we were probably like 6 and 8) that she threw a chair across the room and it broke my favorite toy horse. I remember crying about it because I loved that horse and when I brought it up days later she’d claim she’d never broken it and I must’ve. I remember the horse was hot pink and plastic. She broke one of it’s legs so it couldn’t stand up on it’s own anymore.
• A few months ago my school had what they called regents week. A week where most students have off in ny high schools, unless, obviously, they have to take regents, in which they would come into the building at a set time during the week for their exam. My school additionally offers office hours during regents week where students can come in for extra help or to make up assignments, or if they're failing a course to do extra credit work. The only thing I was required to go in for that week was an Algebra regents I had never taken in middle school and had to do now. I wasn't failing any courses and most my grades were over 90, with the exception of my math grade which was in the 70s. My mom wanted to know the previous night what my schedule was that week for school. I explained to her (this was a monday night) that I had regents wednesday afternoon so I planned on spending all day studying for it at home tuesday, and after my regents, I had the rest of the week off. She seemed to understand and went to bed. I'm woken up at 6 am to my dad yelling at me saying I have to go to school and my mom as well. I'm so confused and I'm trying to explain to my parents that they're mistaken and I'm not supposed to go to school at all. They're screaming at me how I'm failing math and I'm failing at everything and I'm a joke and I'm so tired and confused and than I'm half asleep arguing with my mom about something we had already discussed the night before. My dad leaves for work, my mom spends the entire morning screaming at me until my head is pounding. She doesn't believe me, she doesn't believe I'm not failing math or I'm not supposed to go to school, she thinks I am trying to skip school and my friend (who has nothing to do with this in the slightest) is influencing me to do so. Meanwhile I just want to study for my exam. At some point I have a breakdown on the floor of my closet and my mom comes in to take my laptop (she already took my phone), and I'm sobbing on my closet floor and I'm exhausted and she starts dumping out my schoolbag and purse and throwing all my stuff around my room. She yanks open the closet door and starts yelling about how I'm a freak and how if I dont go to school I can't live here and she wants me out of her house and essentially kicks me out and says she doesn't want to see me. She storms out o the house, at this point, I can't even reference the study materials without my laptop or prep for my exam the next day. I get dressed and start packing up my stuff to stay at a friends house and while folding clothes on my bed I fall asleep because I'm genuinely so tired. My dad comes home from work at some point trying to negotiate with me and than when starts yelling at me and than leaves again. I finally finish packing up my stuff. My mom comes home, I realize I have to babysit that afternoon. I tell my mom I need my phone to babysit. I tell her to give me my phone when I need to leave, at 3:45. She winds up giving me my phone at 3:51, and I;m late for babysitting. I ask her how I am supposed to study for my regents without my computer, and she throws a book at me. I leave for babysitting, meet up with the friend I was going to stay with,where I'm talking to them about the situation. We get food and i'm planning to pick up my stuff from the hallway of my apartment and head to my friend's house, but my mom is emailing back and forth with my teacher, where he essentially confirms they made an error and I can come into school if I want to but I'm not close to failing the course nor am I required to. I text my mom teling her I'm staying at my friends, and she tells me I "cant run away from my problems," even though she literally kicked me out. My mom texts my friends mom angirly and tells her how I am "running away" and how I'm "not allowed to stay there." Eventually I text my mom and I tell her I will do whatever she wants and attend these office hours for the rest of the week if she lets me stay at my friend's house and leaves me alone. She eventually gets me to come home because I started to feel bad and she says she made chili for me. She never wound up apologizing for that entire situation and continued to do similar things.
• My mom also last night got mad at me for not finishing my dinner, as I'm trying to sleep, storms into my room and takes my gum from my nightstand, accusing me of eating "junk" in my room instead of dinner meanwhile it's literally just gum, gets mad at me for moving my nightstand closer to my bed, leaves my room. Comes back into my room 10 minutes later as I'm about to fall asleep and says "You just hate everyone!" "Why do you hate everyone?" meanwhile I haven't done anything except not finish my dinner because i genuinely wasn't hungry. Than she says "Oh-except your little friends!!" and leaves my room.
• My mom also has a habit of constantly taking my phone and reading all my texts and messages and looking at my recent phone calls and just overrall invading my privacy. She'll also block people or friends of mine (without even telling me) she doesn't like or doesn't want me talking to and downright stop me from hanging out with people unless she likes them. I've lost several friendships with people because of her doing this.
• My mom constantly calls me things like a "drama queen or cry baby" anytime I cry in front of her. Or she'll just roll her eyes at me when I've been upset. She says how I find a problem with everything and how I'm ungrateful or negative or full of hate. She'll tell me things like how I'm not good enough or doing good enough in school, tell me no one likes me because of certain things. When I try to talk to her genuinely she'll ignore me or put her radio on full blast or lock herself in her room. She'll mock me for my interests like theater or make me feel about being excited about a song or a lipstick. She'll tell me how I don't work hard or I'm going to fail or not get into any good colleges.
• At some point I was pretty mad at my mom and I texted my friend why I was upset at her. (I also told almost everything I texted my friend, to my mom directly, and she didn't care) and later that day, my mom takes my phone, reads these texts. Tells me how I'm full of hatred and I'm a bad person and disrespectful to my family. At dinner it comes up and she disowns me saying how "she doesnt have a daughter" and I treat her so badly so she has no respect for me. She gave me the silent treatment for 2 weeks after that point, telling me I'm only allowed to contact my dad but than got annoyed at me at some point for not responding to her text?
• On my 16th birthday her and my dad kind of slut shamed me for the dress I was wearing, it was a black loose mini dress with white lace at the top. However, i was wearing a cardigan over it and tights and boots. I had been really excited to wear the dress and go to dinner for my birthday, and my dad sayts "you can't wear that, show your mother." my mom says my dress is "so inappropriate" for a family restaruant and basically implies I will embarrass the family. The entire birthday dinner I felt really shitty and my parents spent the majority of it talking about my brother
• Whenever I did something wrong as a child my parents would threaten to put me in foster care, tell me I have psychological problems, or that something was wrong with me, that i was ruining the family, or that they were calling the police or having someone come take me away if I didn't stop crying. They would say how they couldn't handle me or how I embarrased them or I needed to stay away from my siblings like I was some kind of monster. I just remember I would be sobbing as a child and like truly feeling like I wanted to die and that's probably the reason I feel so unlovable and worthless and like a burden to this day. I remember I would tell my parents I could live somewhere else or with another family member and maybe they would love me and they would basically tell me that no one would want to have me in their family and that I would get harrassed or abused in foster care. Obviously this terrified me as a child so I would do everything I could to get them to love me or be apart of my family. I remember so many nights I would fall asleep as a child not knowing if one day they might actually get rid of me for good or wondering if I could be loved by anyone in the world at all. (My siblings loved me very much but this was just how I felt)
• My dad was especially mean to me on family vacations for whatever reason, maybe he would feel stressed being at his parents house. One time we all stayed up watching a movie and we were eating candy on the couch. I didn't realize I had dropped a raisinet and it smudged on the side of the couch. Obviously I felt horrible and I immediately got up to fix it when I noticed, unfortunately my dad noticed as well. He was screaming at me for hours while I was hiding behind a table sobbing apologizing. He was saying how I was never going to be allowed to see my grandparents again, how I ruined everything, how I cost thousands of dollars, how the stain was never coming off, how I needed to shut up and be quiet because my grandparents were asleep (meanwhile h ewas the person screaming at me). I kept apologizing over and over again and saying how I don't have thousands of dollars (I was a child) but I would fix it. The stain wound up coming off after a few minutes of scrubbing. my dad never apologized in the slightest and i'm pretty sure he was still mad at me days following that event.
• I remember one time my parents threatened to kick me out of the house, I honestly can't even remember why, and my dad threw my suitcase at my head. I don't think it was aimed to hit me but it did hit me.
• When I was younger and my dad got mad at me he used to drag me around the house if I didn't sit where he wanted me to or do exactly as he wanted. He would drag me around the house by my wrist/arm or sometimes ankles and I would scream that he was hurting me or to let go of me and he didn't stop until I started crying usually. I would scream for my mom to help me or to get my dad to stop and she usually didn't do anything. I feel horrible looking back because I remember a lot of times my little sister would witness this and start crying because of how my dad was acting or because she saw me crying or in pain.
• My dad also used to sometimes squeeze my brother or I's noses or ears when we did something he didn;t like. It became a joke between my brother and I as a child but it was really weird.
• I remember one time a few years ago my dad barged into my room around 10pm yelling at me about how I needed to go to bed. He turned the lights off and slammed the door to my room. I got up to turn the lights back on because I still had to finish my schoolwork and than before I even got back across the room to sit down he stormed back into my room to grab me my wrist and yank me out of my room and tried to drag me out of the apartment by my wrist because I turned the lights back on and wasn't listening to him.
• my mom also made a lot of empty promises to me as a child, like places she would take me or things she'd do. she never fullfilled any of those promises and a lot of times when I brought them up she'd straight up deny she ever said that.
• At some point during the pandemic, I was really struggling with eating as well as some kind of social anxiety.I was sitting on my parent's bed and I was trying to tell my dad how sad I felt seeing all these friends and friendgroups while on vacation, because, truth to be told, I lost a lot of my friends over the pandemic due to the circumstances and just anxiety I guess. While I was talking to my dad I started crying because I realized how truly lonely I felt and like I had no one there for me or no one liked me, a lot of this was self esteem issues as well and I hated a lot of things about my appearance and so struggling with eating was related. My dad started screaming at me calling me stupid and saying how I don't know how friendships work and I expect things without putting the work in.
• When I was 12 I was being bullied and going through a difficult time at school and I cut myself, not because I truly wanted to but honestly I was in a lot of stress and pain and no one ever really taught me how to cope with emotions or who I could turn to and I just wanted to see if I'd feel better. A few weeks after I wound up going to the hospital (a one day trip) because of it. I remember afterwards my mom asking me what are you going to tell people when they ask? What are you going to tell people about your arm? And i remember telling her I’d tell them I’d fell on a grate while running on the sidewalk. And I think she was satisfied with that answer because I couldn’t really think of anything better. I remember the school or guidance counselor? I think) called my mom that monday after school and apparently she needed to take me to the hospital or they’d call the police because I told my friends at the time that I wanted to die, who told my counselor. I remember my mom sister and I taking an uber to the hospital. I remember sitting in the uber in dead silence. I remember my mom telling me at some point that she needed to do her work and that I was wasting her time. I remember asking her why couldn’t we go to a regular doctors because I didn’t want to be taken to a hospital and I didn’t mean to drag everyone into this mess of mine. I remember my mom rolling her eyes when she told me she had to take me to the hospital like I was just some nuisance to her. I remember my mom was referred to a bunch of therapists and specialists I remember weeks had passed with no mention of the incident like nothing had happened at all. I remember asking my mom why she hadn’t gotten me a therapist or if I was going to see a therapist soon and she just told me I didn’t need one and that I was fine. At some point she told me I was just seeking for attention. On the counter someone left out a medical bill for the ambulance from the visit and it was over 5,000 dollars. I remember telling my mom I saw the bill and that I didn’t realize it was so expensive and I felt horrible. I remember her saying yeah. You see how expensive it is now? I think after that it was never brought up again. For a few months after my mom hid all the razors and stuff in the house and I wasn’t allowed to be left home alone for a month or two. But other than that it was never mentioned again.
  
• At some point I started cutting myself again. I was very very careful about hiding this from family and friends especially my mother. I didn't want to be a burden to anyone and I especially didn't want her to view me more as a monster or have more reason to dislike me or look down on me. At some point she saw my shoulder in the bathroom of a hotel as I left the door unlocked and was putting on my jacket. My sister saw as well. I didn't realize in that lighting how noticeable it was but even so i tried to play it off. My sister had a disgusted expression and asked what happened to my arm. I laughed and said it was because I picked at my skin but my mom saw and I could tell she didn't buy it. She said it was really weird and gross and I felt honestly horrendous. In the drive home, she brought it up again out of blue during an argument and said "why is your skin all cut up" and i was like what are you talking about I just pick at my skin-and my dad was driving but he said "you need to rtake her to a doctor." my mom just ignored this and was picking at her nails the entire time, not caring
  

If you read all the way to the bottom just let me know your honest opinions and thoughts or if I'm overreacting about everything. It's strange because while I'm not particulary close with either one of my parents, I feel closer and more loved by my dad than my mom. I kind of accepted that my dad has some anger issues and a bad temper but he does genuinely care about me and love me he just can't always control himself. With my mom I hold much more resentment because I feel like she intentionally manipulates me and makes no efforts to change her behavior. I love my siblings very much and I plan on keeping close contact with them while in college but I don't know if I want to contact my parents after I move out, or how to even go about that. I don't even know what to talk to them about and it feels unnatural because they know so little about me as I don't trust them at all. I just want to know if I am being dramatic about this-like are these normal conflicts in every family or was I truly mistreated? I have a lot of self esteem issues and other issues about my self worth and the way I view myself and I never really considered until it now it might be because of the way I was treated by people my entire life.
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A little bit about me, I’m a single mom of one three year old!
My child’s father is incredibly abusive financially, physically and emotionally. I was able to get into away with the help of a local shelter, but as you can imagine he did everything in his power to hurt me. He hired a super expensive lawyer and took me to court for full custody, and told the judge that I was a drug addict. I was ordered to take a drug test and obviously passed it, and that just seemed to piss him off even more.
He was ordered to pay child support 1500 dollars a month and he wouldn’t pay it, and the child support office wouldn’t enforce it because in my state they won’t start to enforce unless there’s been six weeks or more of no payment at all, and he was making payments of like 5 dollars every four weeks. When they finally started garnishing his wages (after literally a year of me calling them and trying to get them to do this) he quit his job almost immediately.
He’s currently been unemployed for months now and getting away with it because he’s paying me 20 dollars a month. I couldn’t continue to pay for my sons daycare because it was taking literally all the money I made from work so I had to pull him out. There was Nothing left over to pay rent or utilities or my car note or insurance and definitely not groceries. I’ve applied for state benefits and gotten denied every single time because they’re counting his child support as a substantial part of my income even though I’ve proven to them that he’s not paying it. With nobody to watch my son anymore and no family or friends to help support me I had to ask him to watch our son while I worked. He would show up hours late or not at all, and he would turn his phone off so I couldn’t reach him. I lost my job two months ago and have been struggling heavily ever since.
DTE is due, we have an eviction notice, my phone bill is due tonight at midnight and I have to go to court tomorrow on zoom for that, I’m just really struggling to keep my head above the water. Today I finally broke down and told him how far behind I am and begged him to pay something which was a huge mistake, because he told me he’s going to take me to court to get full custody of our son. He’s been posting on social media about how I’m a deadbeat mother and can’t afford to pay my bills without his help. I had a free attorney through the family law project but I don’t have one anymore, and I know his parents can help him get another big shot expensive lawyer. Im at my wits end and really trying not to give up but I’m wondering if just letting our son go live with his dad would be the best thing. I just am worried that he would start to abuse him as well. I’m just so frustrated with this system and all of the ways it’s failing right now. Why is he allowed to just get away with this. Nobody can do anything? Seriously?
Any advice would be so greatly appreciated!

A little bit about me, I’m a single mom of one three year old! I also had full custody of my niece for almost 8 months, but recently an estranged grandparent came forward and asked for visitation and then after a few months custody. She was very wealthy and seems like a very sweet lady and I’m really struggling financially right now, so I unfortunately had to let her go.
My child’s father is incredibly abusive financially, physically and emotionally. I was able to get into away with the help of a local shelter, but as you can imagine he did everything in his power to hurt me. He hired a super expensive lawyer and took me to court for full custody, and told the judge that I was a drug addict. I was ordered to take a drug test and obviously passed it, and that just seemed to piss him off even more.
He was ordered to pay child support 1500 dollars a month and he wouldn’t pay it, and the child support office wouldn’t enforce it because in my state they won’t start to enforce unless there’s been six weeks or more of no payment at all, and he was making payments of like 5 dollars every four weeks. When they finally started garnishing his wages (after literally a year of me calling them and trying to get them to do this) he quit his job almost immediately.
He’s currently been unemployed for months now and getting away with it because he’s paying me 20 dollars a month. I couldn’t continue to pay for my sons daycare because it was taking literally all the money I made from work so I had to pull him out. There was Nothing left over to pay rent or utilities or my car note or insurance and definitely not groceries. I’ve applied for state benefits and gotten denied every single time because they’re counting his child support as a substantial part of my income even though I’ve proven to them that he’s not paying it. With nobody to watch my son anymore and no family or friends to help support me I had to ask him to watch our son while I worked. He would show up hours late or not at all, and he would turn his phone off so I couldn’t reach him. I lost my job two months ago and have been struggling heavily ever since.
DTE is due, we have an eviction notice, my phone bill is due tonight at midnight and I have to go to court tomorrow on zoom for that, I’m just really struggling to keep my head above the water. Today I finally broke down and told him how far behind I am and begged him to pay something which was a huge mistake, because he told me he’s going to take me to court to get full custody of our son. He’s been posting on social media about how I’m a deadbeat mother and can’t afford to pay my bills without his help. I had a free attorney through the family law project but I don’t have one anymore, and I know his parents can help him get another big shot expensive lawyer. Im at my wits end and really trying not to give up but I’m wondering if just letting our son go live with his dad would be the best thing. I just am worried that he would start to abuse him as well. I’m just so frustrated with this system and all of the ways it’s failing right now. Why is he allowed to just get away with this. Nobody can do anything? Seriously?
Any advice would be so greatly appreciated! It would also be very very helpful if someone could help me get my phone bill paid at least, so I can go to zoom court tomorrow! I owe 70 dollars and I could provide proof/it can be paid directly to the carrier! Thank you so much for reading!

CRAWLING
LIBRARY INTERACTION: “That’ll be ten days.” “I’ll try to be a good Samaritan and bring it back.”
The phone rings and I answer it. “Quick”, he says, “What’s the capital of South Dakota?” This is another test from TLN (The Library Network). I hear his stopwatch click and I rush to the computer. I type: WHAT Is THGE COAITOK F SOUTH DOIKAS (caps lock was on). I rewrite my search to simply just “SOUTH DAKOTA”. I knew Google would give me that little box guy off to the side. It did, I read: Pierre, and I say that to the TLN Man on the phone.
He tells me that if I took any longer, I would be fired. The agents would come in and I would find myself in the snow, red hands from the cold and red ears from the embarrassment.
I listen to Apple Music’s “80s Dancehall Essentials” playlist. It has a clear Jamaican influence, every song so far at least. I stand at the front counter when the phone rings. “No grooving!” the TLN Man says. He hangs up before I can apologize I stare outside and if I squint really hard I can see someone hiding behind the middle bar of the doors. A skinny man, or person, maybe a woman, like Maris from the acclaimed sitcom “Frasier”.
We have a fan in the – who is we? – front lobby to reduce harmful particles in the air. I want to stomp on it. I know if I turn it off the TLN Man would call and instruct me to turn it back on. I would too, since I am a slave to authority, or so they tell me.
I’ve stopped listening to 80s Essential Dancehall Essentials so I don’t start grooving again. I get a text from my Dad: We had McDonald’s for dinner. I say: Sounds good. LIBRARY INTERACTION #2: A man whose daughter is hiding check out the Blu-Ray of “Knives Out” and “The Revenant”. I say, “Good variety in movies here.” He says, “There we go. Have a good night.”
TLN Man can see me through every camera. I cannot see him; I never have. The phone rings: “What were you just thinking about?” I hesitate. “Every second is five dollars deducted from your pay!” I say, “I was thinking about how I can’t see you.” He hangs up. My phone beeps I have had thirty dollars deducted from my pay.
I’ve switched to 70s light rock Apple Music Essentials. My co-worker comes up from the back – We aren’t supposed to learn each other’s names. She smiles at me and I feel furry like someone just shoved feathers into my stomach through my belly button. I attempt to smile but I think I look like a monster. She scurries away. I have struck fear in her.
My face feels funny and I call TLN Man. I ask to go to the bathroom and he tells me I’ll get no lunch of I do but my face is squirming and I only get a five minute lunch anyway. I go to the nearest bathroom, the public one, and I look at my face. The feeling is emanating from a mole on the left side of my face, the mole that I have a hair growing out of. Every time that I pluck the dang thing it grows back in days. It’s a thick hair, so it always is a little uncomfortable. I always scratch and itch at it until TLN Man calls and tells me to stop and that I am disgusting and will drive customers away. I want to tell him they are called patrons not customers or at least they used to until now I guess. Everyone is a customer and everything is a business.
TLN Man doesn’t know that I can access the cameras. I managed to get the software by sending myself an email from my boss’ computer. I use the cameras to write this journal. I watch Her as She walks. I am enthralled. My mole throbs. I try to ignore it. MY home is small and sad but the camera feed brings me light and brings my joy. I can be God for a moment too.
I am back at work and sometimes I worry my thoughts are projected above my head and I get scared because I think inappropriate things about Her and TLN Man. Different things but both bad. A patron customer comes up to the desk and asks me if I know anything about some apartment buildings down the street. I say no and she spits at me, claiming I shouldn’t keep information from the public. Another man comes over and asks if he can put real mail in our Santa mailbox. I tell him no and he turns on his heel as quickly as he can and steps outside and he pours his coffee into the letters to Santa mailbox.
The more my mole twitches the more I wish I had the money to pay a dermatologist to remove it entirely. If there even is a dermatologist around here. Maybe if I didn’t talk so much at work or slack off. They money I was docked could’ve been used to drive out to see a dermatologist in the town over. Nobody has cars here since nobody can afford to leave for an extended period of time. I’ve been here for six years now, they only place I’ve lived since my parents died. A man came into our house and shot them along with my siblings. They were nine years old. He came into my room and pointed the gun at me but he didn’t pull the trigger. I’ve always wondered why.
At work She makes a joke to me but I’m too nervous to respond. I just laugh and look down as my hands search for something to do. They find some rubber bands and I try to take a big rubber band and wrap the other ones around up in it but it snaps back at me and hits me in the face. My glasses fly off and she chuckles and hands them to me. In my head she leaps into my arms and saves me from this job. I hope the TLN Man cannot see this.
The last thing I remember about my parents was them fighting while making dinner. Mostaccioli. They didn’t fight often, so it was jarring when they did. I can’t remember what the fight was about either. We ate dinner quietly and when we were done we all went into our separate places. Nobody said goodnight to me that night.
I never know how old people are at work. A woman comes in and I guess she is nineteen but she is forty-three. Married, with kids, two kids, Joey and Marko. She lives at 14432 Cumberland Avenue. Her husband is fifty-four, John. I can find this very quickly at work as long as everything is up to date. I’m not a stalker but I could be.
I left my journal in my work bad on accident. I hope nobody finds it especially Her. Good thing TLN Man is never here, I bet he’d sniff it out. I tried to bury it in my bad, hopefully nobody knocks it over on accident. The page that works knocks the cart into the wall and I jump. The phone rings. TLN Man asks me why I did that and I shrug. He tells me never to shrug, answer with your words, like a man! My fists become tight and I hope he doesn’t notice. I’ve never hit anyone but I would hit him. My mole twitches abnormally, it feels like it’s pulling me in a direction. I let it guide me, I follow it, briefly, and it takes me face to face with Her. She smiles and I blush and walk by Her. The mole stops guiding me and throbs once, hard. Almost feeling like a punishment. I get a drink of water which’ll dock my pay but I don’t care I’ve embarrassed myself and needed and excuse after nearly running Her over. Not that I would ever hurt Her. I barely know Her, what reason would I have to hurt Her?
I believe the man is standing in front of the doors again. I envision him hurling the doors open and lunging at Her over the counter. I save Her, everyone cheers. My boss (not TLN Man) comes in and tell me I have a piece of tape stuck to my jacket. I try to grab it and can’t reach. Double embarrassment. I tried to take the jacket off and she walks by and I worry she can see slash smell my armpits. Every patron customer that has come in has been able to see the tape. They never forget it, I bet, I’ll be the tape guy forever.
Sometimes when I get home from work I daydream about how work should’ve been, how I wanted work to go. I have a dog – Bailee. She barks and barks and I’ve given up trying to stop her. She sees something I don’t, clearly. I sit and I think and I stare at the empty television. I wish TLN wasn’t there, or, I guess he isn’t there but he is present. I am his empty television, waiting for the static, maybe a picture someday. I search dirty things on my computer to take my mind off all this and I feel the one haired mole throbbing.
I am back at work and I see a text from my Dad. Usually I try not to check it at work to avoid TLN Man’s rage, but the phone is quicker than I am and my face opens the phone and I see the text. “Hi. Marla passed away”. She was an old across the street neighbor. TLN Man calls he’s so mad the words sound animalistic, guttural. I tell him my neighbor died and he tells me he can make one phone call and get another neighbor killed the next time I go on my phone at the desk. Phone at desk = lazy = no customers = no $$$. I’m not even sure how we make money but I don’t say that I just hang up. My dad should’ve known better than to text me while I was at work. He’s done this on purpose I bet. Jealous I have a job and he doesn’t. My head throbs, the pain crawling up and around the top of my skull. Fuck him.
I’m home and I go back in the camera feed to see the moment I took my phone out. As TLN Man is yelling at me I see Her behind me laughing at me. How can such an empty television feel so many things at once? I am ashamed and angry, ready to run and ready to gage Her eyes out, rip her tongue out, biblical punishment – thou shalt not laugh at me. I could be better than her, I could be the authority. She’d bow down to me if I had the strength to make her. The headache has moved back into my mole. I storm into my filthy bathroom and rip the cabinet door of the henges; I didn’t know it was broken. The tweezers are in my hand and I’m yanking at the mole hair, mostly missing. My face is bleeding from the poking and prodding and I finally grasp the hair. I yank hard and my face both throbs and tingles. Pins and needles shoot into my face by way of the mole. It feels explosive, volcanic. What’s the lava, I wonder. I feel movement and the hair comes loose, thick, mangey, twitching in the light breeze. I stare hard at the cause of my pain, is this my inhibitor? Is this the reason I am who I am? Maybe now I can be free. I will be the authority. Maybe I can be the TLN Man. My mole throbs – my head whips to the mirror. I watch the hair regrow: longer, thicker than before. I’m on the ground and my mouth is open and I’m wailing. My fists hit the floor and my eyes bleed tears. I remember my childhood exercise. “Weezer, Dolly Parton, Elton John, Dodie, Avett Brothers, Metallica, Disturbed, Bobby Darin.” All musicians whose music has been devoid of all meaning to me. It doesn’t even exist anymore. I sit alone.
TLN Man calls me and tells me my facial injuries are too gruesome for the customers. I notice She is looking at me while I am on the phone. She is stifling a laugh; not obviously, but I just know it. She brought Her friend up to the desk to watch me suffer. The phone has left my hand and has gone flying towards her face. The cord pulls it back and it hits me. She and Her friend laugh. TLN Man is screaming. Suddenly I am home. I do not look at the cameras.
Rejoice! The library is out of power. What a joyous occasion. Alas – I will not see her today, in person or on camera. Or perhaps ever. Tis a shame, although the pain I feel in my face as I think this overcomes the shame. It grips my attention. I turn on my 80s ballads Apple Music station – “Forever Young” plays. Alphabetville? The band name escapes me. I twirl and twirl, attempting to enjoy this lucky day and dismiss my facial pain. My arms were flailing and my brain was quiet. Then, horror! My music changes! I did not request this. MY joy is sucked out of my body; I can feel it leaving, dispensing through my pores. How dare my moment be ruined? I walk over to my phone and to my behest it stands up tall, sprouting two legs! “Ugly mole!” it says to me. I head to my kitchen and I slide one of my dull knives out of the slot and I go walk into my tiny bathroom when I hear a knock at the door. I freeze – who would be here? Must be a vagrant; a burglar; murderer; rapist. I keep the knife behind my back when I answer. Two police officers stand right outside the door, sternly. “Sir, we regret to inform you that there’s been a murder in the building. We have police stationed at all exits and we are doing our best to blah blah blah”. He went on for too long and I managed a weak, “Thanks, officer” and they left. I hope they don’t think I did it. I don’t think they saw the knife. And I was so careful about it all too.
I am back at work. I go home. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.
It has been a week since the police came by. They still haven’t found who killed Her.
It has been two weeks since She was killed probably with a knife and my mole the mole on my face (not my mole, I do not own this, I do not condone this) has made me cry every single day. I can barely work, so I have been yelled at by TLN Man every day until he quit.
TLN Man has been reported as a missing person. Work is closed in remembrance. Not that I could forget him – I see him every day.
I cannot move. My mole The Pain on my face has spread, parasitically. I can feel it moving through my brain, down into my arms, all the way to the tips of my fingers. I am rigid with crawling pain. I cannot handle this. I am through. I grab my tweezers – removing the eight hairs might make the mole removal easier. I pull and pull on some of the hairs, then I get them into the grasp of the tweezers. I hear my skin rip apart, I can barely feel it, I’m already in so much pain. I yank and rip the hairs out and I look at the tweezers. In their grasp is a spider. Our eyes meet, the pain is fading, but so is my vision. The pain moves from all over my body back towards my face. Another spider rips its way out, then another, and another, and another. Then a swarm of them. The pain fades, and the pain fades, and the pain fades, and
BREAKING NEWS: The murder of two local people, both employees of the district library, has been found dead in his apartment along with the two bodies. More at six.
The end.