Huffy women's beach cruiser

WW* - Outside India.
https://i.imgur.com/kfCZCtC.jpg
Cards

1. Carlo Carra - The Metaphysical Muse
   
2. Harmen Meurs - Portrait of a Woman
   
3. Alphonse Mucha - West End Review
   
4. Paul Gauguin - Two Women on the Beach
   

I have four art cards to share with the community. These will most likely come with poetry I've been reading, random thoughts, or a random doodle.
To claim:
-Leave a comment below saying which card you'd like(1,2,3,4) and your favourite piece of art.
I will leave this offer open for 24 hours and choose people at random.
​

I am not the Original Poster. That is u/CuteUniversity1043. She posted in AmItheAsshole.
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse
Mood Spoiler: Trash takes itself out
Original Post: June 1, 2023
For context, I am a 31F living with my boyfriend "Mike" who is 34. Mike has a friend "Victor" who comes over a lot. Yesterday, Victor came over to watch baseball with Mike. Victor asked me to pass him a beer so I passed one over but I dropped it. It didn't crack open or anything, but he said "Nice one, bitch." I was honestly shocked and said excuse me? He started laughing and Mike joined in. I was very uncomfortable and genuinely didn't know what to say. I told Victor that I didn't appreciate him calling me a bitch. He got super defensive and said he was saying it "jokingly". I said it doesn't matter how you were trying to say it, I am uncomfortable. He got very huffy and said I was just being "sensitive" and then he said "and you're probably going to accuse me of being a sexist now aren't you. Can't say anything these days." This was wild because A) I didn't say anything about sexism and B) What do you mean "can't say anything"? Can't call women "bitches" unsolicited anymore? What even was his point here?
Mike hadn't said anything during this interaction until I called him out. I asked why he wasn't defending me and he said "idk babe you're being a bit dramatic." At this point I'd had enough so I told them to leave and they went to Victor's to watch the game. Up until this point I thought I was in the right until Mike texted me angrily. He said I'd embarrassed him in front of a friend by being so melodramatic and SJW-y. He said Victor didn't mean any harm, and it was like how my friends call me bitch lovingly/jokingly. He also said it was uncalled for for me to kick him and Victor out of the house when Mike literally lives there. I said it's completely different because my friends make sure I'm okay with it and don't say it in a derogatory manner like Victor did. Plus, my friends are wonderful women who have supported me for years, not some friend of my boyfriend's who I barely know. And I was supposed to just let myself be disrespected in my own home? He called me annoying again and then turned notifications off.
He slept over last night (Victor lives alone) and hasn't come home yet. I think I might be the asshole because it's true that my friends call me bitch, and although it's different as I said above, it's possible that it confused Victor and made him think that was ok. I also didn't mean to make Victor uncomfortable/put him in the hot seat as a guest in my house. AITA?
Relevant Comments:
Can you stay anywhere else for the time being? Or break up with him and live elsewhere?
"I can move in with my sister and her girlfriend if needed. I'm seriously considering it after this. Thanks for your input xo"
It may have started as a joke, but as soon as you were uncomfortable they should have apologized:
"that's a good point, I was excusing him by thinking maybe he heard my friend calling me it and thought it was fine, but once I said it wasn't he should have just said "oh sorry i heard [friend] say it so i thought it was alright". Thanks for the help"
"Yeah if he had just said sorry, won't do it again I would have been ok with it and that would be the end but he got so unnecessarily defensive and weird."
EDIT: Accidentally referred to "Victor" as "Lucas" (these are fake names and I changed my mind halfway through making the post lol)
OOP is voted NTA
EDIT 2: Early next morning
oh my god. I was not expecting this to blow up like it did. I am so incredibly grateful for every single one of you who commented and I feel so supported. It’s impossible for me to respond to everyone but know that I’m reading your comments and I’m so thankful. I’m working things out right now, but I am safe, thank you so much for the concern. I’ll add a longer explanation and update later today when everything gets settled. A lot has happened since I made this post so I want to be able to update properly. Much love to you all, I am so overwhelmed with your kindness 💖
Update (Same Post): June 2, 2023 (Next day)
UPDATE: This will probably be my final update considering the thread is now locked (which is sad). Firstly, thank you all so, so much for all the support. It means so much to me. I'm so overwhelmed reading all the comments telling me that I deserve better, that I haven't wasted my time with Mike, that I'm worth more. It truly means the world. Also, thanks for all the lovely PMs I've been receiving. Reading these comments have made me realize that I'm still young and have my life ahead of me, and I am sure I don't want to spend it with a man like Mike especially after what happened today.
Today has been wild. To start, Mike didn't come home last night, meaning he has now spent two nights over there instead of confronting the issue like a mature adult. He didn't even text me to let me know that he was alive. So I texted him saying that I didn't appreciate at all what happened and that we should talk about it if there is any chance of saving this relationship. He sent me these wild paragraphs that basically said "fine, leave me. good luck finding someone else who will want to fuck you, you'll never find another man because you're just another annoying crazy bitch, victor was right, you're a c*nt, etc." He basically typed an entire essay, it was pretty funny but also disturbing. I couldn't believe a man I thought I loved was saying such nasty and disrespectful things to me. I texted back: "lol alright. have fun calling me whatever the fuck you want with victor, i won't be around to take it. we're done." His text truly was the last straw for me because he didn't apologize or even try to talk it out, he just immediately jumped to calling me names and saying really horrible things. I took my stuff (luckily it wasn't much to pack because all the furniture was Mike's) and drove to my sister's, where I'm currently living with her and her girlfriend. I hope I can find a permanent living arrangement soon.
Once again, thank you so much for all the support. I wouldn't have had the courage to end things without all the kind words and promises that things will get better, and that I deserve more than this. I was scared to leave because for some reason, people seem to think that women lose their "value" after turning 30. Looking back, Mike made this message clear to me as well during our relationship. I felt like I was undesirable because of my age and that I was lucky to even have a guy who could stand me. But reading your comments made me realize: I'm still young and there's plenty of time to find someone who will treat me right. Again, I am so incredibly grateful. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 💜

So my boyfriend of 5 years is causing me to plummet into a plethora of self-doubt because of his extreme POV to me asking him to NOT like half naked bikini pictures of girls on Instagram. I made my point how I don’t like to see his likes when I scroll on Insta on bikini/provocative pictures of girls in bikinis….even if it’s someone we both know. I explain to him how it’s just embarrassing for me and makes me feel uncomfortable because I know the way us girls think. Me not wanting him to like half naked pictures of girls on Instagram it’s not about insecurities or trust issues. No woman wants to hear “he liked my Instagram picture” from another woman about their own man. Now these women think they’ve got a spot and it just makes me look stupid as fuck. you don’t think these girls take screenshots and send them into their little group chats talking about how your boyfriend likes their pictures.
The worst part is the was he defends himself. Not respecting my boundaries and gaslights me into thinking there’s something wrong with me. Telling me to grow up, you’re insecure, u don’t trust me “yada yada yada..”
Take a look for yourself and tell me what I should seriously do. I love this man but is he fighting a fight that truly isn’t worth my time or do I got it all right?
Context to texts: 1. he’s comparing me to his Christian mother who blocked me on Insta because I posted an innocent beach kini pic in 2019. 2. He also backs his claims by stating how I post bikini pics, but truly have not since 2020. 3. I’m from Europe but that doesn’t mean I don’t have boundaries in the relationship. What? just bc I’m European means I’m comfortable w my man likeing naked pics.. ya sure.ok

So I've been thinking for a while if I should document some of the history I had with my ex who I was with for almost 10 years. Partially to shed a light on warning signs that I was too naive to notice and also to ask advice on how others got over their experiences and deal with any problems in new relationships that bring back those feelings.
For record I did go to my GP who referred me to counseling sessions. Unfortunately those were only 12 free sessions on the NHS and the therapist I was assigned just kept referring me books to read and "homework" such as saying out loud 3 things I'm happy about in my life before bed... Often she just talked about the lack of funding from the government and such.
So I finally left my ex in 2016 ish, I was on antidepressants, occasionally beta blockers for the panic attacks and birth control, all of which made my mood go up and down like a rollercoaster. I was absolutely miserable and one day it just kind of hit me that I have to leave, it's me or this forever?
We started dating when I was 20/21 and he was 5 years older than me. We met because of an online game and he worked with my older brother. My brother gave me his in game character name incase I needed help. I started chatting to him in the game and he came to see my character, he showed me around and it started like that. I was going away for a weekend to a youth group camping event and he joked wasn't I going to ask for his number to keep talking and so I did. During the weekend I met someone my age at some of the events and had a lot of fun with, we had similar jokes and I thought he was really attractive. We added eachothers emails to keep in touch and so I texted the game friend to say I was sorry but I met a really nice person I was interested in. He instantly replied some comments about how it was just a crush, did I even know if they liked me back. Was I just going to throw away what we had for a guy I met over 3 days. I thought about it and I felt so guilty. I decided to stick with him and have minimal contact with the other via email. Years later when Facebook became a thing he did add me there and I accepted thinking nothing of it. We still didn't message or anything. One year he wrote "Happy Birthday Hope you are well!" To which my guy wrote a very rude/sarcastic response something like "she's great I'll tell her you said hi", so he deleted his post didn't message again.
When I got back from camp we arranged to meet up in person for the first time ever and we went for food/coffee the usual. I will mention that I was pre warned by my brother and wasn't really supposed to be talking to this guy outside of the game, so for the first few months of our dating we kept it hidden until I was found out resulting at an angry brother waiting at the train station for me and telling off my guy in public saying he should know better and was told to stay away from me.
I told my mum about it later that day and honestly she didn't really care, and said it's normal for my age, and so we began to date properly not hidden. This guy was my first proper boyfriend and my first everything really.
In the beginning it was fine, we had good times. I did have to deal with his ex who was trying to become my best friend and go out shopping/partying with which I thought was too strange so obviously never did. I then found out she was calling him in the middle of the night crying asking him to take her back. So he ended up telling me that they used to be Engaged and how she cheated on him and so he broke everything off. Now the first red flag, he told me for his revenge everytime she would start dating a new guy he would get in contact with her, ask how she is, act really caring and charming. He would convince her to come over and then sleep with her so that she would feel so guilty she would tell/end her relationship. She thought they would get back together but instead he laughed in her face and tell her to get lost. Apparently this happened multiple times before we met.
Over time I came to realise because of this he could be very jealous, paranoid and had a bad temper, he would throw and smash plates, punch walls. Second red flag he "accidentally" locked me in his house while he went to work one day. I didn't really have anything to do or eat. In the past he did joke with me that if it was allowed he would lock me in his house and never let me leave. I never was sure if this was some sort of joke or a genuine accident.
His ex lived in the countryside and enjoyed the thrill of outdoor sex because no one was really around. Because of that he also enjoyed it. And so when we started getting a bit more serious he would force that on me. Once he met me early in the morning before I had work, it was a nice walk but then he got very handsy. It was ok as we were behind a lot of trees, but then he brought me to a bench and got me to sit on his lap with his hands down my trousers/pants, all while people were passing by. I kept my eyes closed the entire time and thought for sure someone would tell us off. A few times he would touch me on busy trains/buses, we went to an abandoned warehouse and a house. Sometimes there were kids hanging around spray painting or breaking things. In the house he told me to give him a blow job, I tried to laugh it off and say no thinking he must be joking. Instantly this made him angry, he didn't talk to me for a few minutes and then started to tell me things like "a good girlfriend would do this for her boyfriend" and so I ended up absolutely sobbing but doing what he wanted. A different time in the warehouse he wanted to do anal, and again I said I didn't want to, and again the guilt tripping and saying he would be really quick and no one would see, and feeling guilted I gave in. He finished inside and we left. I didn't realise till I had a shower later that day that because of being outside and not having access to lube I was very tender and sore in the area. This basically went on, and sometimes I would lie and say that I really needed to pee just to get out of having sex in public. Even at home he would often pressure me to doing things I didn't like, I have a bad gag reflex so honestly didn't enjoy going down on him, plus often I didn't like his smell or taste. If I asked him to wash it he got very angry at me and would say how it loses sensitivity and doesn't feel as good. Over time he withdrew going down on me because I wasn't "being a good girlfriend" and honestly I didn't mind.
Around 4 years or so into the relationship I made a new friend in work and she invited us to her birthday in a room booked in a night club. It was supposed to be couples and masquerade themed. My guy didn't want to go with me because it seemed boring and he had no interest in meeting my friends. He went out of his way to arrange our gay friend to go with me so I wouldn't be alone and would have a guy with me. On the night of the party the friend came over while I was getting ready and we had some drinks, my ex then changed his mind and decided to come. This wouldn't be a problem but he also said it was ok that his scummy brother comes along (that's another story) he had promised me that the brother wouldn't be in the booked room and he would stay downstairs in the main club with him. But in they came. I was annoyed because his brother was being really inappropriate with my friend, saying he would take her in the bathroom and show her a good time. He was taking photo's up girls dresses/skirts and asking for girls numbers everywhere (he had a gf and I was also warned by my ex not to be alone with him) my guy ended up not speaking to me for the night because I was annoyed that he wouldn't remove him. When we got back to his house he wouldn't let me go home and told me to shut up and go to bed. I sat on the bed sobbing that I just wanted to go home and he laughed and laughed in my face pointing at me. When I tried to leave he lifted me by my coat, breaking the buttons and my necklace and threw me against the wall. In anger I lifted a photo frame of us and smashed him over the head, in retaliation he punched the wardrobe right beside my head and broke his little finger, I ran out of the apartment. I sat on the curb outside crying because I didn't know how to get home. After maybe half an hour he came out and took me back inside. He told me to please go to sleep and just leave in the morning. After that event we broke up for maybe 5/6 months. I started to feel lonely and stupidly started talking to him again.
After this we moved in together. We rented a house where he was originally from but was much further for me. It resulted in me having to get a train and bus to work everyday or come home. His reasoning was there were no houses for rent where I lived. At this time I worked a pretty crap sales job, I made minimum wage and only worked 16 hours a week. So giving half of my money to him to cover rent/food etc and buying my train and bus ticket left me with £10 a week to my name. I was further away from my friends (who he didn't like me spending time with, they were bad influences) I had a male friend that I grew up with and I viewed him like a brother. He told me I had to cut contact with him as I wouldn't like it if the role was reversed (even though he had several close female friends) he spent his time trying to get me to be friends with his friends, and I didn't get them, they were all older and we had nothing in common. Once he asked one girl to spend the day with me shopping or just anything because I had no friend's. I was so embarrassed when he told me. The fact I couldn't go see my actual friends when I wanted and was alone already made me feel sensitive. It also didn't help that early in our relationship he told me he had only ever slept with his ex before me, I then found out he had actually slept with a few of these other female friends for various reasons. One had a fight with her bf and got into his bed wanting a hug and crying which apparently escalated. One apparently climbed ontop of him while he was sleeping when his house mate had a house party etc. One was single at the same time as he was and they thought why not see. That's what I was told anyway.
The town where he lived was dying and had very little going for it. Apart from the nice scenery walking my dog I had nothing to do. With this going on I began to fall into a slump. I worked, came home and slept. He began getting irritated if was sitting/sleeping on the sofa after work as his pc was in the living room and he said he felt like I was always watching him. I made the small room upstairs into my own little space with my computer to play games on and sometimes he would sneak really quietly into the room to try and see if/who I was talking to online. I ended up going to my GP to talk to someone and that turned to my first experience of antidepressants and beta blockers for my panic attacks. This cut down my sex drive immensely, and he would often argue that I "just lay there" or wouldn't do anything for him. I was applying for jobs with no luck. I went to speak to an advisor and they actually said "have you ever considered getting pregnant?" I ended up taking 2 weeks holiday in my job so I could adjust to the pills as I was feeling ill. I temporarily moved back home to learn to drive as maybe that would help me. I ended up getting a new job in a kitchen in the city centre, meaning I was getting my first full time job and would only have to get a train now. My ex told me to stop the driving lessons as I no longer needed them, and just move back as I had money now. And I did.
In my previous job all women worked in the store. In this new job it was a lot more mixed, I was the only female chef but I got a long with mostly everyone. I met my best friend here and we were in a small friend group of 4, our manager jokingly named us the breakfast club because we were all so different. My female best friend, our gay friend and a Romanian guy who was still learning English. We became really inseparable and would often plan day trips, cinema, dinner's and nights out. We had a group chat and constantly talked and sent memes. I felt happy having friends again. Over time my guy became extremely paranoid, he didn't want me working or spending time around other guys. He told me men are like hungry wolves and you can't trust them, and how he had worked in McDonald's when he was young and everyone slept with everyone etc. I finally had money and friends and he wanted me to quit. I loved the job and the people and often if anyone had to go home sick/hurt I always offered to stay to close. This also didn't help with the paranoia. It got to a point that I had to send him my new work schedule every week and had to have a "good reason" for doing overtime.
As time went on he started to accuse me of cheating on him. If I went out with my friends or even to visit my parents he would tell me (if you're fucking anyone tonight then don't bother coming home). This got more and more frequent and he began smoking and drinking a lot more. Often I would come home from work late at night and instantly be yelled at. There was another incident where he punched the wall again re breaking the finger, he couldn't play guitar anymore and said it was my fault. At this point he was roughly 31 in our relationship and began a friendship with a work colleague who was 18. I never met her once, and he would often go on nights out with her and her friends. The few times I woke up in the night and he wasn't home I rang him panicked thinking is he ok. He would answer "what?" When he came home that would be another argument that he's a grown ass man and can look after himself and I shouldn't be worried about his safety. This continued and some nights I began sleeping on the sofa because I couldn't stand the smell of the smoke and I was afraid to be yelled at while he was drunk. He came home once with every button on his shirt broken that I bought him for a birthday and said a guy did it for a joke and leave it at that. One night he blew up at me resulting in me having a panic attack and I actually felt like I would die. I couldn't breath and my face started to change colour. When he noticed he finally stopped yelling and started slapping my back and squeezing me. I sat on the floor and sobbed and said I was going back home. We didn't talk again properly for about a month, and then he sent a message saying he needed to talk/apologize. I went back to listen to what he had to say and somehow by the end he was saying he loved me and I need to come home. I didn't get a word in before it turned to him taking off my clothes to have "make up sex" and before I knew it I was back. We planned a holiday away for a week, to reconnect and try and have some dates again. It was mostly really great. We did have a minor argument because he was actively telling me how hot this very young looking Spanish girl was, and during one of the days he made me have sex by the glass doors leading out to the pool at our apartment. But when we returned home it was just as aweful. In our time together I learned he hated having his photo taken and put on social media. So I only took 3/4 photos, a few nice ones of him standing looking out at the beach etc. But that was suddenly an issue that I hadn't plastered his holiday pictures all over my Facebook etc. We went straight back to the old routine, being accused of cheating.
At this point we'd been together a long time. Constantly family members asking when we would marry and all my friends starting families. Maybe it was the fear of missing out but suddenly I wanted the same. I spoke to him about marriage and he was very clear it's something he doesn't ever want (you don't need a piece of paper with permission to be with someone) one night I got home from work and he had hand written and framed his own wedding certificate saying Mr and Mrs such and such and said "there you go!". The talk of a baby was also quickly shut down with the reason being "if you have a kid then you always have to be a part of that person's life if it doesn't work out".
At this point I don't even think it was entirely the antidepressants. I didn't even want to touch him. He made me uncomfortable, always walking on eggshells. He stank of cigarettes and beer. I constantly had to clean the house. Around his desk there would be piles of beer tins and used tissues... We were eating take out everyday apart from my 2 days off work. I started putting on weight and he was wanting more money towards rent and food etc. He was still going out with 18/19 year old girls to parties etc. This went on for another 5 months until one day it hit me that "this is it" and if I don't leave something bad will happen . My friend group at work generally noticed I wasn't ok. My best friend started to tell me that I'm being gas lit among other things. And that I needed out, and finally I was able to tell him it was over. We cried a lot and parted ways. It was hard because I had to go back to gather my stuff in multiple taxis or a van. Sometimes I needed his help as I had given the key back or items were heavy. On one occasion he asked how I was and then touched my belly saying I had lost a lot of weight...His eyes started watering and he went to the garden to smoke. About 20 minutes after this as I was gathering my stuff the younger work colleague came by (apparently they had plans to order pizza and watch a movie) this is also the first time I ever saw her and didn't even get a hello or anything, I guess it was an awkward first meeting.
He didn't tell his family I left him. Some months later his brother saw me at a club with my work friends and text him along the lines of he'd finally caught me cheating. He then told the family and his mother was apparently very disappointed. I doubt they know how everything went though. He did also message me to tell me this and asked me to tell him truthfully had I cheated/had I slept with any of the work guys since breaking up..
He moved to live in another country. Sold all of his items on gumtree etc, including some of mine. I had a large gas BBQ that my mum gifted for our house, when I asked for it back he tried to say I already had it, then said it must have been stolen.
He also messaged me a year afterwards trying to say he had made a huge mistake and would I be willing to move in and try again... Of course I said no. Again in 2020 ish he messaged saying he had a weird request. He wanted to become friends again as apparently no one knew him like I and he stupidly pushed me, his best friend away. He didn't want me to remain angry at how he treated me etc. Again I declined saying I don't know if that would ever be something I would feel comfortable with and also that I'm dating someone and that's not fair on him.
I haven't had any contact since then.
I'll never truly know but I honestly feel like he cheated on me because of how hellbent he was that I was doing so to him. The whole thing has left me with some bad trust issues. I don't want to be the paranoid girlfriend not allowing partners to go out or have female friends etc.
Apologies for the lengthy post and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read. I do feel like I've forgotten some things, or a bit too personal for here and I feel like this is so long already!

So I had this dream last night. For context, I usually have pretty elaborate dreams, so it's not like I'm unused to this. They mostly have to do with stuff I'm going through, and I mostly only remember dreams when I'm having a paticularly rough time all over. I usually tell all about them to my mom, who's pretty interested in these sort of things, but this time all she said was that 'it's probably just stress'. I don't really think about my dreams all that much, but this one just keeps haunting me. I haven't been able to think about anything else this whole day.
So as I said, the dream itself is pretty elaborate. I'm not sure from where on it starts being relevant regarding the way it ended up, but it started with a shorter scene, where I had to pay for a very expensive family dinner, which we ended up having to eat on some stairs in front of the building of my old high school. I was feeling very anxious about how much it was already costing, and people kept ordering more. (this was probably because I've just recently been to a very expensive wedding, and it's still on my mind.) That feeling prevailed, but the scene itself changed to a beach. It was a pretty normal, retro-looking beach, and I was sitting by a small, floating building that was a bakery. I knew that the reason why I was there was because we were celebrating my birthday, and that there was supposed to be a jacht somewhere waiting for us with a lot of my friends on it. Then something happened, something important I can't recall, and me and a couple others were drowning in the sea. I remember seeing a very tall boy with dark hair in our group, and he looked almost helpless. we finally found shelter around what looked like a public phonebooth sticking out of the water, but we couldn't call for help, because the only thing you could use those for was to order cakes from the bakery. then the water became shallow, and we walked towards the shore. there were now lifeguards with whistles waving around for people not to go deeper, but I knew that I had to, since I had to find the jacht and my friends. so when the guy wasn't looking, I snuck around him. just before him, there was a class of middle aged asian women doing water gymnastics (I study chinese in my free time, so probably something from an educational vid stuck.) and I suddenly saw a rosary floating by me in the water. I picked it up, and saw that where the beads met and the cross was, there was a piece of porcelain decoration, about a quarter of a palm in size. it was shaped like a rounded triangle, and on one side, it had two snakes in the shape of an infinity sign, in gorgeous shades of green, and on the other, an almost black ouroboros. a couple of the women came walking towards me, but they never looked me in the eye. I gave it to them because I didn't know whose it was, and then walked around the guard. by then, the sea around us had changed into a big swimming pool, and there were dirtroads cornering it with a lot of green plants everywhere. I kept walking, and reached a small group of trees, behind which I could see water. there was a small set of stairs to the side, along a wrought iron gate leading to an old fashioned building (the sort with tube flats.). as I walked down, I saw a young girl sitting in the grass on the other side of the closed gate, looking at me and taking photos of me. she showed them to me, but all of them were blurry, and on the last one, the only one where my face was entirely visible, it looked as if a whirlpool was about to swallow me. we agreed that she'd take some more, and I turned my back to walk further to pose, but from the corner of my eye I saw her mouth widen, her smile too wide and too sharp, like in those movies, but not as cringe, and honestly just. scary enough, and I saw her nails sharpen (she had beautiful nails, whitish-see through, with vine patterns on them, and I saw that she was raising it, about to swipe at me or get me. and I looked at her in disappointment, and the grinned almost sheepishly, seeing that she couldn't get me. after that, I walked deeper into the water, and saw three or four other people, all middle aged. one of them was a fat, balding man, and another a curly, frizzy-haired woman with audible speech issues, who asked me if I "wanted some" of whatever she had in her coffee mug. all of them were completely dressed, even though they were sitting in the greenest water ever, submerged to the shoulders. I politely declined and she nodded at me, saying that maybe that was the right choice, since it had spiders in it anyway. she then spat something back into her mug. (once, I almost drank a spider that was drowning in a cup of milk. I still remember the wild movements of its legs in my mug.) she started walking alongside me, and we soon reached the other side of the small lake, no bigger than a block. we walked on asphalt now, and she was telling me about something important, but I was looking back at the girl's house,and wasn't paying attention. I could very dimly see through a window the vague outlines of a kitchen. it looked very sad, in a british way. I looked away. I asked the woman if she knew where the jachts were, and she pointed in a direction, where there really seemed to be water. I walked alone. I entered a building that was all too-dim lights and gilded furniture. I walked through empty halls and corridors. a relatively short corridor was filled with mirrors. they were hanging everywhere. everywhere. I looked in them as I walked by, and my own face looked back at me. it was horrifying. it was me, but my worst features were amplified. the way the dark circles look underneath my eyes, and the way one of my eyes is bigger than the other, the way one of my cheeks is softer than the other. I knew what I was seeing was It. the thing. I walked along, knowing that it was only a part of me, and that it couldn't hurt me. I walked into a salon, all dark wallpaper and ebony furniture, and a half-set-up funeral in the middle. where the urn was supposed to stand, there was a headless dummy dressed in black velvet and a white lace collar around its neck. the room had three doors both from the side I'd come from and the direction I was headed. going forward, all thre led to the same smaller hall. eventually, I made my way out, and I found the jacht, although from closer up it became a huge catamaran, with up to five boats passengers had to sit in in single rows, almost like on airplanes. by then I knew that I was looking for a particular friend, and there she was, in all her glory. a girl I knew from school was sitting in the boat closest to me, and she tried to explain that there was much more space inside than it seemed. we said goodbye, and left to go back. this sea seemed much bluer, much colder than both the previous ones. while on out way back towards the scwry building, I was starting to suspect that my friend wasn't my friend at all, but much rather an alternate version of 'It'. I didn't say anything, but I was getting more anxious, and I picked up my pace. I was in a hurry, and didn't pay attention to go back through the same doors that I initially came through. I missed a door when entering the funeral scene, which by then looked almost completed, and I knew that was when I fucked up. I felt as my body was posessed by 'it'. we walked back to the mirror hall, and I knew that it had been with me ever since I left there, clung to me, waiting for me to make a mistake. it looked into each of the mirrors, grimacing, and I grimaced back at it. it looked horrible, disfigured almost, and I knew all it was was the worst version of my subconscious. my own worst version. now its image was a constant in the reflections, not just resurfacing from time to time. I felt like I was drowning in my own head. I could feel that it was thinking of doing things I would never do, planning things - and then I realised, that I could also cling. I could also wait until 'it' made a mistake. and then I could--- before I could think it through, I felt like drowning. then darkness. for a long time. then I woke up.
what could this mean?

I’m back again! Unfortunately, I didn’t find anything except ghosts and people who don’t really know what they want. I can’t believe I have to say this but I am not here to just dirty talk with you so if you are looking to just flirt with someone please move along, I’m looking for a real connection! I have not had excellent luck with love, I’ve been single for a very long time searching for that one who ticks most or even just some of the boxes and I am seriously looking for long-term rest of my-life type thing... So please only reply if you are SERIOUS about dating and know what you want. Where I live everyone is super outdoors oriented and I am quite an introverted homebody who likes video games and cozy nights at home. Online dating apps have been a complete bust due to this, so here I am on Reddit. If you don’t have a good post history on your account you will have to make sure you write a great intro message telling me about yourself or I probably won’t reply. I was almost catfished a while ago so please also send a picture.
​

• 36, just shy of 5"11, short brown hair, blue eyes, trimmed beard. Kinda like a big ol' bear. Or at least I have been told I have a Papa Bear look whatever that means. This is me
• BC, Canada - I won’t give too much away about my location yet but I am in The Okanagan in BC. Seattle is about 6 hours away from me and Vancouver is about 4 hours away.
• No kids - I'm not sure if I want them but open to it if my future partner doesLoves animals, especially big doggos - I had to put down my German Shepherd of 12 years in December and it was the toughest thing I've ever had to do. I have a new puppy! 4-month-old Golden Retriever, expect pics and videos of him!
• Super nerdy - Most of what I do is play video games so if you could join me in that, that would be great especially if we are unable to hang out in person often. I love talking about gaming and gaming-related news.
• Dad bod - Maybe a little bit more than that but I am working on getting it down. I understand that’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it is what it is!
• My taste in music is all over the place. From Video Game Soundtracks & Remixes, Lo-fi, 80's, Rap, Country, Rock, I like pretty much all of it but if I had to pick my top ones I would say Melodic Metal (Amaranthe, Ad Infinitum, Follow the Cypher), and Rock.
• I will always be respectful and treat you kindly.
• Homebody - I don’t really like going out all the time or being outdoors a lot. An issue I’m having is finding someone whose whole identity isn’t hiking, camping, & fishing. I like taking my puppy for walks and to the dog beach though.
• Depression & Anxiety! - Yup me too! Seems to be common among gamers and most people on the internet. Maybe the internet is the problem hmmm... Anyway, support of mental health awareness is a must, and non-judginess (that's not a word) is a must.
• No drugs! - I don’t do any drugs and do not even smoke weed. I don’t care if you smoke weed just don’t let it be your personality lol
• Rarely drink - the last drink I had was over a year ago, I don’t care for it but I will have a drink rarely.
• Non-religious - I don't really believe in any one thing and don't really like it when people are too religious. Religious usually means judgemental. I would really prefer it if religion was not an important factor in your life.
• Supportive - I will be your personal hype man and emotionally support you for almost anything!
• Hopeless romantic - I like to say cheesy things and I probably fall a little too easily.

Now, what about you? What am I looking for? Well...

• 25-40 years old - I don’t think I’d go more than that age range. I have a silly joke book of "The Bro Code" from How I Met Your Mother and in there, it says the youngest you should date is half your age + 7 so I tend to go by that. I have a sister whos 23 so too young would be weird.
• Nerdy - At least even a little bit? I’d love to play video games together, even if you aren't super into them as long as it's something we can sometimes do together. Even if it's just Mario. I would really like it if you also play Diablo 4 since that is what I am mainly playing at the moment and would love to be able to play together.
• Tattooed - obviously, this isn’t actually needed, it’s just really attractive
• Effort - This one is huge. I don’t like to be the one to send the first message all the time. Please be able to hold a conversation. I don’t want to be the one asking all the questions and keeping the conversation going. I just wanna feel like I matter. I want someone that wants to put time and effort into me and I will return it. I like waking up to cute messages you have left or just something that tells me you’ve been thinking about me. Go ahead and be needy, just don’t be controlling.
• Kind - Treat people kindly in general. Not just me. So much negativity in the world I would really like someone that likes to spread kindness and smiles. Also as I said, don't be judgy.
• This one is difficult to explain because I don’t want to seem mean but I don’t find myself attracted to big women. I always hate saying that but there are people who like big women or small women and everything in between. My attraction ranges from petite to curvy. You don’t have to be a gym rat. In fact, I would prefer it if you weren’t a gym rat. I try to keep telling myself it’s okay to have preferences because I do feel bad for ever mentioning it.
• I don’t care how much you have or make and you really shouldn’t care how much I have either.
• Open - I want us to be able to talk about EVERYTHING together. Obviously, this takes time but I have anxiety and don't want to be constantly thinking something is wrong because you are always vague.

It probably seems like I am looking for something a little TOO specific but as I said before you don’t have to check all the boxes. Sometimes you just click with someone and the attraction is just there but I have yet to find that.
I am not interested in anyone from another country! Unless it's pretty close like Seattle, Washington but I primarily want someone in BC, Canada, or at least within 6-8 hours of me like Alberta or something, and you must be willing to travel. I’m just not very good with long-distance unless we are constantly talking and doing things together, so I don't want anything further than that unless you have the resources to visit me often. I don’t really want to leave BC so hopefully if you aren’t within this area then you are willing to relocate in the future. I just want someone who will talk to me every day, send each other memes and music, and do stuff together like best friends would.
This was a lot longer post than I thought and I hope that doesn’t scare people away. I’m just really exhausted with online dating. Thanks for reading my long post! If any of this sounds good to you please feel free to message me and tell me a little about yourself. I’d like you to include a picture too since I’m so cautious now.

I’m back again! Unfortunately, I didn’t find anything except ghosts and people who don’t really know what they want. I can’t believe I have to say this but I am not here to just dirty talk with you so if you are looking to just flirt with someone please move along, I’m looking for a real connection! I have not had excellent luck with love, I’ve been single for a very long time searching for that one who ticks most or even just some of the boxes and I am seriously looking for long-term rest of my-life type thing... So please only reply if you are SERIOUS about dating and know what you want. Where I live everyone is super outdoors oriented and I am quite an introverted homebody who likes video games and cozy nights at home. Online dating apps have been a complete bust due to this, so here I am on Reddit. If you don’t have a good post history on your account you will have to make sure you write a great intro message telling me about yourself or I probably won’t reply. I was almost catfished a while ago so please also send a picture.
​

• 36, just shy of 5"11, short brown hair, blue eyes, trimmed beard. Kinda like a big ol' bear. Or at least I have been told I have a Papa Bear look whatever that means. This is me
• BC, Canada - I won’t give too much away about my location yet but I am in The Okanagan in BC. Seattle is about 6 hours away from me and Vancouver is about 4 hours away.
• No kids - I'm not sure if I want them but open to it if my future partner doesLoves animals, especially big doggos - I had to put down my German Shepherd of 12 years in December and it was the toughest thing I've ever had to do. I have a new puppy! 4-month-old Golden Retriever, expect pics and videos of him!
• Super nerdy - Most of what I do is play video games so if you could join me in that, that would be great especially if we are unable to hang out in person often. I love talking about gaming and gaming-related news.
• Dad bod - Maybe a little bit more than that but I am working on getting it down. I understand that’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it is what it is!
• My taste in music is all over the place. From Video Game Soundtracks & Remixes, Lo-fi, 80's, Rap, Country, Rock, I like pretty much all of it but if I had to pick my top ones I would say Melodic Metal (Amaranthe, Ad Infinitum, Follow the Cypher), and Rock.I will always be respectful and treat you kindly.
• Homebody - I don’t really like going out all the time or being outdoors a lot. An issue I’m having is finding someone whose whole identity isn’t hiking, camping, & fishing. I like taking my puppy for walks and to the dog beach though.
• Depression & Anxiety! - Yup me too! Seems to be common among gamers and most people on the internet. Maybe the internet is the problem hmmm... Anyway, support of mental health awareness is a must, and non-judginess (that's not a word) is a must.
• No drugs! - I don’t do any drugs and do not even smoke weed. I don’t care if you smoke weed just don’t let it be your personality lol
• Rarely drink - the last drink I had was over a year ago, I don’t care for it but I will have a drink rarely.
• Non-religious - I don't really believe in any one thing and don't really like it when people are too religious. Religious usually means judgemental. I would really prefer it if religion was not an important factor in your life.
• Supportive - I will be your personal hype man and emotionally support you for almost anything!
• Hopeless romantic - I like to say cheesy things and I probably fall a little too easily.

Now, what about you? What am I looking for? Well...

• 25-40 years old - I don’t think I’d go more than that age range. I have a silly joke book of "The Bro Code" from How I Met Your Mother and in there, it says the youngest you should date is half your age + 7 so I tend to go by that. I have a sister whos 23 so too young would be weird.
• Nerdy - At least even a little bit? I’d love to play video games together, even if you aren't super into them as long as it's something we can sometimes do together. Even if it's just Mario. I would really like it if you also play Diablo 4 since that is what I am mainly playing at the moment and would love to be able to play together.
• Tattooed - obviously, this isn’t actually needed, it’s just really attractive
• Effort - This one is huge. I don’t like to be the one to send the first message all the time. Please be able to hold a conversation. I don’t want to be the one asking all the questions and keeping the conversation going. I just wanna feel like I matter. I want someone that wants to put time and effort into me and I will return it. I like waking up to cute messages you have left or just something that tells me you’ve been thinking about me. Go ahead and be needy, just don’t be controlling.
• Kind - Treat people kindly in general. Not just me. So much negativity in the world I would really like someone that likes to spread kindness and smiles. Also as I said, don't be judgy.
• This one is difficult to explain because I don’t want to seem mean but I don’t find myself attracted to big women. I always hate saying that but there are people who like big women or small women and everything in between. My attraction ranges from petite to curvy. You don’t have to be a gym rat. In fact, I would prefer it if you weren’t a gym rat. I try to keep telling myself it’s okay to have preferences because I do feel bad for ever mentioning it.
• I don’t care how much you have or make and you really shouldn’t care how much I have either.
• Open - I want us to be able to talk about EVERYTHING together. Obviously, this takes time but I have anxiety and don't want to be constantly thinking something is wrong because you are always vague.

It probably seems like I am looking for something a little TOO specific but as I said before you don’t have to check all the boxes. Sometimes you just click with someone and the attraction is just there but I have yet to find that.
I am not interested in anyone from another country! I want someone in BC, Canada, or at least within 6-8 hours of me like Alberta or something, and you must be willing to travel. I’m just not very good with long-distance unless we are constantly talking and doing things together, so I don't want anything further than that unless you have the resources to visit me often. I don’t really want to leave BC so hopefully if you aren’t within this area then you are willing to relocate in the future. I just want someone who will talk to me every day, send each other memes and music, and do stuff together like best friends would.
This was a lot longer post than I thought and I hope that doesn’t scare people away. I’m just really exhausted with online dating. Thanks for reading my long post! If any of this sounds good to you please feel free to message me and tell me a little about yourself. I’d like you to include a picture too since I’m so cautious now.

My grandma died the day before my moms birthday, January 28th, 2023. We spent Christmas in the hospital.
I'm struggling. We all are. I love my Nanno. She was too young but ya know.. not. Old people get sick but I was really thinking she would get better. She did for a short while but then it was back in the hospital. First the room with no windows. That was horrible. Then the big room with the windows. that was nice but her bed was facing the wrong way so she couldn't look out the window. I really hated that she couldn't look out the window. They (nanno/papa) built a whole addition to their house so that everything was windows. At the end, in hospice, we moved again. This room had windows and we would wave to her window even though she was stuck in bed. By then, she was sleeping most of the days.
I really cannot be left alone with my thoughts, they always manage to drift to nanno. I lived six minutes from their house. I would just pop over, she was always home.
Everyone was there, in the hospital, when she left us. What's wild is the whole day was crazy. Cousins flying in, picking up someone, dropping them off. Hushed conversations. I should have known. They were talking about at home hospice and only being on hospice for a couple of weeks before she got better. I was planning on her coming home. I was planning on her opening her eyes one more time. I was planning but I should have known. I had to go pick up my sister and literally the moment we walked into the room, she left. I think she was waiting on us.
I hate being old enough to know all the details. Heart attack, sepsis, hearts beating too slow or too fast, bed sores.. I'm old enough to need to comfort my mom and my grandpa and my sister. My sister (22), she says, sometimes I forget, ya know, why i'm sad, why the emotions are so high. I just nod because it's always on the back of my mind. Everything reminds me of my nanno. I spent the majority of my childhood raised by that women and now her phone number is disconnected. All the memories I have are of my nanno and I miss her so much.
She's been the one constant person through out my entire life (I'm 29). I've lived in all these places but she is what I would call home and when I would call home. Visiting from my adventures to regal her of my stories, the good and the bad. It wasn't always smiles but that's just life. and now she's gone. I hope she's in heaven, or where ever she wants to be.
We played Song on the Beach and tezeta (nostalgia) at her memorial.
I just want to hug my nanno.

Dear people,
I'm addressing this to people who feel like they're stuck mentally. Whether you started out with getting help or not, I hope this piece gives you insight in what to do, but especially.. in what order. Looking on the internet there are 1001 ways of therapy, but it can feel a mess. I've experienced that some things are better before other. Take this account from someone who has tried 101 things, picked the useful ones, who got stuck multiple times, but ultimately can tell you my best experiences. But who am I, except for just another random dude on the intenet?
I've been insecure, depressed and suffering from general anxiety disorder for most my life, at least until some time ago. After I tasted the first moments of happiness I made it my mission to keep moving forward, every day possibly better than yesterday. Nine years, a lot of therapy and many hours of psychology self-study later, I want to share with you what I've learned in a condenced form. I'll start off with a little background information. Then I'll follow up with a listed summary followed by why I think doing it in that order is important. Lastly, I'll list a bunch of my sources that helped tremendously. I don't want to make this a feel-sorry story about me so I'll keep it short just for context. If you believe me for my word you can skip one paragraph.
I come from a family with an ISTJ dad and ISFJ mom, both horribly emotionally immature, unavailable, unpredictable and very suspicious of other people. They love me and my brother but were the worst in showing it. My dad hardly talked and stopped playing with us after a motor cycle accident. My mom was burned out most of the time and ready to explode. Now, what kind of things would that teach your kids? They had their own terrible experiences and upbringing, into which I won't go. Not to mention I was born 10 weeks early, lay alone in a machine much time with cordasol basically already coursing through my veins. All in all, me (the quiet good boy) and my brother (the ADHD ESTJ rebel) had completely different lives. He went all out in the rebel behaviour with his gang, vandalism and drugs, whereas I found out about Maplestory and built up an alternate life there, eventually also with drugs. (Real) friends, what are those? Getting beat up twice as freshman, who cares. The Fight/Flight/Freeze response was strong and consistent already at 15 y/o. I didn't know it at the time but the result was a near-permanent pressure on the Solar Plexus, always being tired and having burst of sweat when I came in social situations. The sweat didn't particulatly make it better. You want to try that new thing? Ah better not, you hurt yourself once as a kid so now everything is too dangerous. The result is what you may expect. A very quiet, badly nail biting, skitterish mommy-child ' adult' who bursts into tears on random moments when alone, never knowing exactly what causes the pain.
But now? What good is my story without a testimony? Now I'm finally starting a career, regardless of some obstacles. I don't nail bite anymore and handle stress way more easily. I was the star waiter of our restaurant and I'm having my first stand up comedy gig next week as well as acting school. Right now I work as the "very likeable" office manager at a sustainability company. Not everything is perfect, e.g. attachment to a partner and my ability in decision making, but it's all a process. Step by step. Keep your target (happiness?!) in mind and keep going.
(Step one and two are not processes but rather state of mind from which to work on. Let it sink in but don't get stuck on it.)
Step one: Acceptance of your own imperfection. It's okay.
This step sounds obvious but I don't think it is in practice. Too many people I've talked to are ready to talk about the bad things that happen in their life but as soon as you start about their OWN role in the situation, they will get all defensive and maybe even antagonized. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has bad experiences that colour their judgement of things and the way they act. Only if you accept this and what you have done in the past as fact, only then you are open minded enough to change. Otherwise, whatever you'll learn what could've helped you, you'll dismiss from your mind as soon as you leave the therapist, either from stubbornness or as a unconscious selfdefence reflex because you don't accept that yes, also you have weaknesses. This counts especially for people whose insecurity is being percieved as weak, dumb or unlikable. You see, if your insecurity is that you're not good enough, then how painful is it to accept that yes, you have inherent flaws? LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE? That's what keeps people from learning. That's what's keeping people from changing. Accept that you're not perfect and have things to change. Why else are you looking for help? It's like an addiction where you don't like the addiction but the alternative seems worse.
Lastly, know that your perception of others is probably not true. Only you know you because you know your thoughts. You don't see the mind of other people. If only you knew. Other people may seem saint-like but they aren't. Even the nicest people have some dark(er) characteristics and their own insecurities. Once you recognize this you may not feel so crazy anymore. Guess what, the battle between your little devil and angel is a human thing. The difference, though, is that you're open to change. The difference is that you are not in denial or oblivious of your mistakes like your aunt Hilda.
Step two: Accept your own agency and so reject victimhood.
Let me introduce you to my ex-roommate Petrus (pseudonym), who always talked about his troubles in life and how life failed him. The thing is, he'd always go on and on about how it was the effing police who fired him, how it was the effing insurance company who effed him over, how it is the effing women who are all whores and bitches anyway so why bother. His near-exact words. Never him, though! Oh no, that would receive a "yea sure.... but..!" with a scowl. While deep down all this talk is fueled by deep rooted insecurities and pain. You think you're not like that, and you're probably right. At least not to the same degree as he. Be ready to take responsibility for your own (re)actions.
I understand that doing step one and two are actually quite hard. I just mean to point out that as long as you are aware of them, you can change. You'll find out along the way in what ways your own behaviour has shaped your life so far, and what you can do in turn to change it. Life is like a beach, it is up to you to make your sand castle with upcoming waves and running kids. Like everybody else. The roommate mentioned above never accepted his agency and so did NOT have any results from the same therapist that I had. And whom he quit after one session. Scary, I know.
I cannot stress enough that self-reflection is key for anyone who's willing to change !!!
Step three: What do I feel and why?
Or in other words: the popular phenomena called Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. What it boils down to is the focus on self-awareness, to get a good insight into your own emotions and how it subconsciously affects your daily life. Before you quit reading: this is only the start. It is the difference between your mask and your underlying feeling. For instance, I would have the emotional 'mask' of being the joker and pleaser, only because WITHOUT doing that, I'd feel... well, uncomfortable. Now this uncomfortable feeling is important to figure out. For me I could summarize it with "I am not enough" and "I am not likeable". God it sounds so simple in a few sentences but this is a process of trying and trialing, where you'll think it was one thing, but it was something deeper, or they could all be summarized in one overarching insecurity. Finding out your mask personas is an important but scary step. Without your mask you'll feel remarkably vulnerable.
A good therapist will help you decipher your insecurities and underlying sadness. Understanding what you feel and why is step 3. You will NOT get here just through talking about your day unless the other specialist knows what they're doing, for the simple reason that many people are unaware of many of their reactions in daily life and what childhood trauma's they may have surpressed. Otherwise you'll just repeat the lines you tell yourself without going deeper. Such therapists should have their license revoked ffs.
Step three 'n half: grounding a.k.a. to get into contact with your feelings
There's much to be found online about grounding so by all means find other technique if mine doesn't work for you. I'd suggest you first try the most common way. Don't sweat it, the more you do it the faster you can do this. It takes me 20 seconds tops. Anyway: sit up on a chair without distractions nearby, eyes closed, hands on lap, feet on the ground. Take a couple of deep breaths. 4 seconds in, hold 4 seconds, 4 seconds out. Blow out like you blow out a candle. While you do this you repeat to yourself 'relax' or 'calm' or 'it's okay, you're safe' or whichever works for you. Then, take all your attention to your left foot. Feel the contact with the ground. Feel any (dis)comfort, any pain, itch, whether its cold, warm. Observe it, don't analyze it. It's not wrong, it's not good. It's just.. there. After you're ready you go to the left calf. Same thing. Feel the cold, warmth, the pressure, an itch, anything. It's just.. there. It's you. Hold your attention before going to your left thigh. Keep this process throghout your body. In the end, after your face is calm. Forehead is smooth. Eyes are relaxed. Jaw is loose. Deep breath and turn your attention to what you're feeling. Where is it? In your head? In your stomach? For me it's the solar plexus but it differs. Feel the emotion. It's not wrong, it's not good. It's just.. there. Accept it. Name it.
Side note: you may get distracted often. This is fine. Don't get mad at yourself as this only works negatively. Accept it, see it happen like a cloud drifting by and gently return your attention.
Side note 2: Accepting the emotion is very important. I had issues with that but getting mad at yourself for feeling something will only make things worse and is counter productive. Anyway why would you? Think of a friend. Can he feel lonely sometimes? Of course. So why not you?
Congratulations, now you are what we call in contact with your feeling. This is DIFFERENT than the self-pitying saddness that's more common. THIS is the emotion that you can process. THIS is the emotion you can write down, cry out, talk about, whatever works for you. Also at the therapist. Especially at the therapist. It may feel redundant to do it with the little steps but believe me, if you're not used to grounding yourself then this is how to start. Sometimes it's harder than other, depending on your state-of-mind at the moment. Later you'll be used to it and 'go to your feeling' faster and more naturally than doing a detailed body scan. You're right if you think it's akin to meditation. Trust me. It's a human thing. You can do it too. Some people have put away their emotions deep down in order to protect themselves and for them it may be harder.
IMPORTANT: learning to ground may also mean you're nearer to your emotions. This is a good thing, as long as your work with them! Depending on the severity of your repressed traumas, it is highly advised to involve a therapist. You don't want to open up a well of misery only to do nothing with it. More on that in the next paragraph.
Step four: Accept your past hurtful experiences. Process the associated emotions
It is not to be underestimated how much internal conflicts will colour your perspective on yourself and the outside world. When you're so convinced of your own insecurities, working on them felt like mopping the floor with the faucet opened. For this reason this step is really important. It caused by far the most change in me. It would have saved me maybe three years.
Okay so see it like this. Two things to remember. First: emotions that you experience but were unable to express will STAY in your body. Your body is like an emotional hard drive and somewhere there's tension building up. Second: this system you can compare to a hydrolic dam. Imagine: when there's a bit of water in the reservoir, there's no problem. When there's more water in the reservoir it's also okay, but the force on the dam builds up. Still more water all kind of okay, except that the dam is under a lot of pressure. A relatively small damage has to happen for cracks to appear and water to escape. This is exactly how it works with emotions. This is how people have sudden burts of rage, sudden burst of sadness, over relatively small incidents. They just... burst. This tension in addition with perfectionism are root causes for burn out as well. Just how much energy must it take? Anyway, as for the actual processing, I have a few tips.
The major one is a therapy called Somatic Experiencing. This is specialized in bringing up past emotions, even from when you were just a baby (I can tell..). I can't much talk about how a therapist helps you because it will work ruin the effect when you can mentally prepare for them. Don't worry, it's not something crazy I promise. It's just very simple things that sound out of place here. All the stored up emotions will affect your daily life, likely without you noticing. It literally changes the way you react to things. E.g. how you react to some kinds of jokes, to how you may be very sensitive to situations, may feel angry or sad all the time, but also your attachment style in relationships. For me, processing all my fears and feelings of loneliness and betrayal on my innocense has given room for love, compassion, joy/playfulness and a general peace of body.
Another thing is the fact that our bodies can go into survival mode. Imagine you're 50.000 years in the past in the wild. You had dangerous encounters, nearly costing your life. You'll subconsciously be more alert than usual. The same happens with us still, even when you're in fact safe. It's the flight/fight/freeze response that's meant to protect you, that has lost control. This causes racing thoughts, this causes distractions (hey you, are you sure you have ADHD?), this causes you to feel like you can never relax. Why many of us turn to weed. Because you're like a whipped dog. That's not an insult. In fact I mean to say there's nothing is wrong with you. I mean yes there is, but you're not crazy! It's 'basically', complex psychology and survival instinct! This means one thing! It can change! First through somatic experiencing for the related emotions and later through step five for training your subconscious.
All in all, therapists are highly recommended for this. If you bring something up and don't know how to handle it it will work against you
I'd suggest journaling too. Or rather, emotion analyzing and bring them up while writing. Especially when you had a busy day and feel like your insides are all jumbled. Ground yourself first. The goal is to FEEL the emotion and so process it without storing it up again. Cry about it if you need to. You know when children are sad, then cry a lot, then are running around happily again? Same with us adults. INFP or no. Except that we, with a little training, can actually name what we're feeling. Warning: this should only be really possible after some mindfulness. Firstly, because how else are you going to identify your own emotions? And secondly, you need to learn to 'ground' yourself, go into 'feeling mode'. Without it, it'll just be feeling sad because you feel sorry for yourself, instead of addressing the emotion itself. Wallowing in your sadness (this case: own victimhood) will only make things WORSE in an vicious cycle of negative affirmation. This happened to me. It's not pretty.
Another tip: Ground yourself and write a letter to someone who hurt you. Pour in all the hurt, the anger, betrayal in all the words. No need to actually send it, just ritually burn the letter. Let the dam break, accept tears if you have to cry. It's all okay.
Step Five: self improvement. Learn by doing. Train your subconsciousness by experience.
It may feel like this step is late in the cycle, however it is not for nothing. To use the metaphor, Would it be easier to upgrade your dam into a hydraulic energy generating dam while the reservoir is still full, or while the water level is low? When all the body could think about was how to keep the dam in tact?
Self-Improvement really means to use your self reflection to not just see what you do, but mainly what do you want to do with it? Let's say hypothetically you feel like you don't speak up enough. You've found out this is because of an underlying insecurity, in this case maybe that you feel unimportant because your parents never acknowledged any idea that you put forward.
Look at yourself and the traits you want different. Maybe you want to be more orderly? Show love to people? Give a presentation without feeling like you're fainting? Write them down and what you would like instead. Don't push yourself by commiting to do everything. Just as much as you're comfortable with. Think of a dog for example. When a dog gets hit by a human he may just become aggressive or wimpering with his tail between his legs the next time he sees a human. Dogs are not aggressive or flightful from the start, but they learned that certain things are dangerous or scary. You teach an animal that something is not scary by slowly making it get used to the target. The same with humans, except that we're such complex creatures that sometimes it's hard to say exactly what makes you uncomfortable. This is literally what people mean with 'stepping outside your comfort zone'. It's not for nothing. It's not only for 'those bloody daredevils'. It's for a person to get used to situations. I had a fear in front of the class but I forced myself, after some proper therapy, to stand in front of a class to teach exams. Yes I was nervous. I had to calm myself several times, and I reflected on in afterwards. Well now, that actually went better than all the imaginative situations I had before! And even if it doesn't go well you can still write down WHAT you fked up and try to do better next time. Be mindful. Take steps.
Check out my sources for more useful tips on actual behavioural change.
Conclusion
It's a lot and I think I can add more but then it would be a book. I hope from this piece will bring structure to the whirlpool of information that's available. I'm not even sure 'regular' psychologists know this, as I've tried a bunch and they all start with something else. Every step is necessary, but some will work best only after the previous steps have been taken.
Now I'm tired. I'll write a proper summary after I see how this is recieved in the comments. Would love to hear feedback, questions, maybe even critique. Take care, you crazy diamond you.
Helpful sources:
Mindfulness training, meditation guides, Chakra healing (yes really)
Fysiotherapist on youtube to work on posture (you'll be surprised). I recommend Body Fix Exercises channel, to the point and effective.
Therapies: EMDR, Cognitive behavioural therapy, Somatic Experiencing
INFP guides on Personality Hacker
Books / audiobooks
J. Peterson's 12 rules for life + many lectures on having a meaningful life. (whatever your stance or opinion on politics, his psychological knowledge is undeniable)
Lindsay C Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
M. Gladwell's Talking to Strangers
Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now

Hi. I’m from Trinidad and Tobago and I’m new to putting myself out there on Reddit to meet someone who’d like to date me. I’m an aspiring urban planner who loves Sims, rabbits, going to the beach, drinking coconut water and doing yuppie things (to summarise).
Living in a small island and being tall means dating is a lot more challenging but I hope to meet someone who has shared interests. If you like being creative (fashion, art, food, design, architecture, graphic design, film, illustration, interior design, music) and playing Sims, are an advocate for empowerment of women and people with disabilities, let’s talk!
I’m a Christian so it’s easier to talk to someone who is of the same faith. I don’t mind if you’re agnostic but not strictly anti-Christian because there are a lot of unproblematic believers. I’m also fairly family oriented so if you have a strained relationship with your parents that’s of concern.
Do you like the Caribbean and are familiar with the reality of life of us Caribbean people? It’ll be nice to talk yo someone who is interested in knowing what life is genuinely like for people in the Caribbean and Trinidad and Tobago because a lot of non native push rhetoric that is baseless and I think it’s really unfortunate. It’ll be great to learn about where you’re from too because there only so much you can learn from the authentic resources about your country and gaining insight about a new culture is always exciting.
Hopefully you get to travel and visiting the Caribbean is on your wish list. It’s sunny for half of the year, the food is absolutely divine and we’re very funny, quick witted and enduring people.
Lastly, I’ll be honest and say I only consider talking to guys who are taller than me and older than me. I’m 5’10” and well, that’s something that won’t change anything soon.

EDIT: Wow, thanks everyone! I went out and bought some size 5s and some overnight diapers, too. Hopefully we will make it through the weekend leak-free, and I can get back to my fluffy cloth-bootied comfort zone.
SOS I need help choosing disposable diapers for my 2.5 year old son!! We have been using cloth diapers since he was a few months old, but we are about to spend a long weekend at the beach and I don't want to deal with the extra luggage and laundry while we are away. When he was little we used Pampers Swaddlers when we needed disposable diapers, but it's been a long time. I got Pampers Cruisers this time, and I put him in one today to test drive, and he woke up from his nap covered in pee 😩 I can't have him leaking all over the bed at the Airbnb.
He's always been pretty petite/skinny, if that makes a difference. He's maybe 25lbs if I had to guess, and wears 2T clothes. I got him Size 4s but I guess I need to size up? What diapers do you guys use for toddlers? Do you use different diapers overnight? I have no clue what I'm doing, we haven't ever dealt with leaks before and vacation is not the time lol

I recently found Weddingattireapproval and LOVE it. It’s almost exclusively women posting pics of dresses asking “is this appropriate cocktail attire?” or like “which option for a reception at a golf club?” It’s very much women-being-women, nicely identifying what might make a choice inappropriate for a particular venue and then offering links to similar styles that would work.
Question is - do you know a similar subreddit offering advice for swimsuits/beach coverups? Obviously y’all are supportive as hell on here, but I love scrolling for ideas. I’m plus sized and dread tankini/swim short season. I wanna be brave and transition to one pieces and even “bikinis” (like the ones that offer a decent bit of coverage), but it’s so hard to find something that actually fits and doesn’t make me look - old? Matronly? Like I just got out of the ‘80s with that awful flower print they always do. And like please don’t get me started on “ruching”.

Big price drop on what's left - some really sweet deals!
$5 shipping. VG+ unless noted. If buying more than 1 record - free shipping at $50, an extra $5 off at $100, etc. Happy to send detailed pics
Discogs list: https://www.discogs.com/useScottFForSale/collection?page=1&sort=artist%2Casc&folder=0
Bay Faction – S/T – 1st, white /250 – $94
The Beach Boys – Pet Sounds – 2016 mono, black – $16
The Casting Out (Nathan Gray of boysetsfire) – Go Crazy! Throw Fireworks! – 1st, black /750 – $27
Cee Lo Green – Fuck You! – 1st, yellow /2500 – $22
Focus Ring (Erik Paulson of Remo Drive) – Introduction – 1st, black /150 – $53
Glass Beach – The First Glass Beach Album 2x LP – 1st, clear w/ sky, ruby, and dark blue splatter /500 – $53
Grey Matter – Climbing Out – 1st, blue/silver smash /100 – $8
Loner Chic – Year Of The Goth – 1st, black – $6
Marc Maron – Thinky Pain 2x LP – black – $27
The Most – At Once – 1st, coke clear w/ opaque blue swirl – $11
Penelope Scott – Public Void – 1st, pink and black swirl /750 – $32
Perennial – In The Midnight Hour – 1st, black – $6
Perennial – The Symmetry Of Autumn Leaves – 1st, pink – $6
Pictoria Vark – The Parts I Dread – 1st, blue transparent – $11
Pinkshift – Saccharine – 1st, pink /200 – $94
Slint – Spiderland – 2004 reissue, black – $11
The Stonewall Vessels – Through The Weird & Wild – 1st, white – $6
Suicideyear – Remembrance – 1st, black /1000 – $6
Sum 41 – Chuck – 1st, black – $130
Tiny Stills – Laughing Into The Void – 1st, blue – $8
The Used – S/T 2x LP – 3rd, red & black smash /1000 – $53
Vinnie Caruana (of I Am The Avalanche) – Survivor’s Guilt – 1st, tour, baby blue /300 – $8
Virginity – I’m Expanding My Mind by Superdrag 7” – 1st, lathe cut picture disc – $6
Virginity – Popmortem – 1st, cloudy clear w/ red/dark blue/orange splatter /100 – $6
War On Women – Capture The Flag – 1st, teal /700 – $11
SOLD
The Beatles – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band 2x LP – 50th anniversary mix with outtakes, black – $OLD
The Beatles – White Album 2x LP – pressing of 2009 digital remaster, black – $OLD
Cuzco/Catholics – Split – 1st, blue w/ white splatter /300 – $OLD
Jack’s Mannequin – People And Things – 1st, black with full size bound lyric book – $OLD
Jets To Brazil – Orange Rhyming Dictionary 2x LP – 2017 reissue, clear - decent sized crease on the corner – $OLD
Sum 41 – Does This Look Infected? – 1st, orange marble /500 – $OLD

Hello.
My name is Kahzgul. You may know me from my shockingly above average conquest guide, the incredible seething hatred I hold for the Inquisitorus faction, or that one time I opened up photoshop just to shit on CG's art team underpaid and overworked intern.
But I'm not here to talk to you about that today.
No, I'm here to speak to all of the young men, women, and bith of the SWGoH community, and to help you help yourself when it comes to determining what to farm, when to farm it, and whether blue or green milk tastes better (it's green; I'll explain why later).
You see, every day, a little boy or girl posts something that asks the question, "should I farm this (endgame content)?" And I have been moved by their plight. There is no greater good than that of a good soldier following orders, and second to that, love of the empire, but third - a distant third - is raising the younglings to become powerful sand people, in their prime, ready to take on the OH GOD IT'S ANAKIN AND WHAT IS HE DOI---
I'm sorry about that. The previous writer has been sacked. Or, rather, diced into tiny barbecue squares by a bloodthirsty jedi master, who - despite his great acumen - was not granted a seat on the council. Quite unfair. If something like that were to happen to me, well, I'm quite sure I'd team up with the wrinkliest old fart I could find and straight murder everyone in one of those school lightsaberings you read about in the news. Can you believe we're up to nearly 2 lightsaberings per day? It's absurd. This entire republic is rotten to the core and you can just feel the need for a strong leader to step in, impose a military dictatorship, and start blowing up entire planets. Did you know my sister lives on Alderaan? I think that's where we should st---
Sorry about that. That writer has also been sacked. And the person responsible for the first sacking was also sacked. What we were trying to do was to answer the question: Should i farm this very expensive shiny new endgame content with my brand new account that doesn't even have CLS unlocked yet?
The answer to this question is, as you probably expect, a long winded parable about some nonsense or other that has nothing to do with anything and serves no purpose at all excepting to remind you that the author has recently been watching an awful lot of Monty Python and that this is, in fact, an ex-parrot.
Actually, the answer is another question:
Should you, who earns only $36,000 per year, buy your 15 year old with their learner's permit a ferrari as their first car?
Of course you should! N't. You shouldn't.
That joke works better if you say it out loud. Like that joke where the guy goes to the doctor and says he's got a penis stuck in his throat and the doctor says how do you know and the guy says well look and then you rub through adam's apple a bunch and spit on your friend to whom you're telling the joke. Text just doesn't do it justice.
So, and now we've finally arrived at the helpful guide portion of this ramble, how is one to determine for themselves whether or not they should farm something? The self-determination part is really important. I like to live by this age-old adage: If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a night, but if you set him on fire he's warm for the rest of his life.
The answer is that, much like an elderly politician of your choosing's undergarments, it depends.
CG has, over the years, released three type of shiny and new things:
- One is what I'll call the "Jedi Knight Revan" style of new thing. 5 brand new characters come out who are required to get a 6th brand new and powerful character. Darth Revan, Starkiller, Dr. Aphra, and the soon-to-be-arriving Jedi Cal Kestis are all good examples of this sort of release. You can go after these right away if you like. There's no real barrier to entry and you can get something shiny and new out of the investment.
- The second is the "The Solo Movie" style of thing. Sometimes CG just adds some shit and it sucks ass for a really long time. Rogue One (okay now thanks to AdRad but that was several years later), Young Han Solo and friends (nest was cool), the Inks when they first came out and really even still if you're not at the point where you can get GI or Reva... stuff like that.
- And the third is the "Jedi Master Luke" style of thing. MOST of the shiny and new things CG adds build off of other things that were, at one time, shiny and new all on their own. These things are pretty easy for older players to go after because they already have all of the earlier requirements completed, but new players are going to find that earning this sort of thing is nigh impossible. I mean you need JKL which means you need the Wampa... Sometimes the chains of requirements are quite long.
For example, Leviathan needs you to have the Fury-Class Interceptor, which needs Malgus to pilot it, both of which need you to have been near max-crating conquest for a long time, which means you're well over 4M GP and don't need this guide anyway (but if you read this far, please know that I appreciate you more than padme appreciated Keira Knightley).
So what I'm saying is, the journey guide isn't particularly good at telling you whether a farm is reasonable or not. Some farms require r8 and r9 characters, and those are hard to get for people who are in 300M GP guilds, let alone people who aren't sure if a 20M GP guild will take them (sorry, egnards; we're really looking for someone with a 7 star lobot for DS Hoth platoons).
This game is a game about patience, first and foremost. It's also a game about space lasers and butchering amazing music by changing the song every time a button is pressed (which de facto makes it a game about turning off the sound of the game entirely). And it's a game about investment.
Where do you get the best return on investment for your limited resources?
Almost never farm new and shiny things. I don't care how candy-like the red button looks, Ren and Stimpy absolutely will not - oh. He pressed it. Well, if you have the impulse control of an anthropomorphic cartoon cat drawn by an army of lunatics balls deep in LSD, you should call 1-800-GAMBLER and seek help. I've heard 1 in 10 people who calls that number wins a prize! Also I can sing the entire "Log™" song from memory, which probably tells you a lot about the sort of person I am.
Your best return is going to be going for things that were new and shiny about a year ago, and it will remain your best return right up until you start running out of things to farm that fit that description (several years from now). Now, even that description leaves a w i d e array of things you could be going after. So which to choose? Well, with an eye towards the distant future, I recommend going after characters and ships first, and gear second. A roster with every character at 7 stars and G1 is better in my mind than one with five characters at r9 and no one else unlocked (although if you had everyone at G1 and 7 stars you're certainly cheating so... grain of salt). Characters who unlock other characters should be prioritized over ones who just sit there looking stupid (or, in CUP's case, being a badass meme guy).
If you're slightly farther along, I'd say it's time to start thinking about how you catch up to the power curve of the game. Think of the curve as a wave you're trying to surf. You gotta paddle a bit to catch it, but once you do... you're golden. So you have to know where the wave is going to form, right? You can't just start surfing when you're still on the beach. That's lame. So you're going to want to get characters who get you more characters so you can hopefully get even more characters in the future.
There are two places to do that more than any other: Fleet Arena, where you earn daily crystals, which let you do more energy refreshes so you can earn more characters, and Conquest, where you earn new and shiny characters loooong before they're available to people who aren't maxing conquest every time. And the good news is that there's some overlap there - the fleet arena for newer players can be well handled by Executor, which needs Piett to pilot, and Piett is a key part of the Imp Trooper conquest team (Veers / Piett / Starck / Gideon / Range) which is all supports and runs a nasty turn meter train (and also can be used to complete not one but two Assault Battle events that reward relic mats and shards and stuff).
You'll need to buy one set of relic 8 materials with crystals, probably. So save up a few!
If you've got executor, then I recommend going after JML and Wat next. That combo (along with the reqs for JML) enables a LOT of cheese strategies in conquest. All of this will also help your GAC success.
If you've hit these benchmarks, then you've probably done enough that you have a sense of where your roster could benefit more. Remember to keep in mind "how does this help me get more characters" and you'll find you're doing very well.
TL;DR: Plan on being a year or more behind the release schedule of new characters, and you'll be able to stay astride of your fleet shard while climbing GAC ranks and prepping to dominate conquest when you get to 4M GP. Don't buy CG's marketing hype; take a "wait and see" approach to new characters and let the whales figure out who is good and who isn't before you spend time and energy on them.

S10E1 ; S10E2 ; Scores (provided by my shero bumblebutter123)
Yesterday I got a comment that I shouldn’t be calling George (barf) ugly, so I will now be referring to him as George (-187 points to the stinky producers). The point system will now wrap his scores into production scores because I Said So. Google is your friend. Hopefully he’ll be booted off the island before I have to type all of that out a couple hundred times
Onwards and Upwards my dudes:
The episode starts with the tail end of the first Bombshell Steal of the Season. CATHERINE all caps has just been freed from the grasp of Andre who is 21 and a business owner. Zachariah (not Zach) made the only correct decision and coupled up with her +23 points to Zachariah for appeasing the fanbase ! Zachariah gets a text- him and CATHERINE all caps have been pulled away from the grieving Andre because the stinky producers set them up on a date (Terrace Fruit Plate). +3 points to stinky producers! It’s your job but I appreciate it.
Andre looks shaken AND stirred because he really liked CATHERINE all caps! sad ! He’s with the boys and they’re #mensmentalhealth and supporting him which I Love! + 5 points to all the MEN except not George (-187 points to the stinky producers). The girlies chatter about CATHERINE all caps being picked, Molly (who owns a chicken) said she thought Zachariah (not Zach) would have picked Ella Rose Depp, but he didn’t! -1 point to Molly for being wrong, +3 points to ERD for the ponytail.
On the date (Terrace Fruit Plate), CATHERINE all caps and Zachariah do a little cheers cheers to the first date of the villa. +3 points for being deserving of that title. Also Zachariah pops the bottle in a very smooth way I swear the boy OOZES calm charm. They bond because they're both close with their moms.
CATHERINE all caps asks Zachariah (not Zach) if he knew who he was going to pick before he went up to pick her and he says yes! Very emphatically! +2 points for self assuredness - 2 points to balance my personal pro C&Z bias. They both talk about how “natural” it is when they’re together! cute! CATHERINE all caps is telling him that she’s moving closer to him but doesn’t want Andre to know??? -10 points for guarding her heart +2 points to Zachariah for being comfortable that she’ll come back to him.
Downstairs, Andre is laying in Ruchee's lap, the man is practically in FETAL POSITION and she is patting him on the head and back. They're not exactly cuddling but they're not NOT cuddling. Open your EYES Andre this girl is INTERESTED! Ruchee GET YOUR MAN !!
Back to the terrace: Zachariah is the happiest he’s been, but doesn’t mention if it’s the happiest he’s been all day all year or his entire life. - 2 points for vagueness. They are so cute I’m melting. CATHERINE all caps made Zachariah giggle !!!! She fed him a chocolate covered strawberry and then she ate the rest !! Incredible
George (-187 points to the stinky producers) corners Ruchee on an L couch in a desperate attempt to connect to literally anyone! He tells Ruchee that they vibe and she’s like ??? Where??? -23 points for lying in the pursuit of one more week +12 points to Ruchee for calling him out on it! Ruchee says “I didn’t realize I was like, your type” and George (-187 points to the stinky producers) stutters and tries to come up with any string of words to deny that his type is BHBE (Blonde Hair Blue Eyes) !!! George (-187 points to the stinky producers) accepts his reality and confirms the BHBE theory BUT says he has to be open - also that Ruchee looks very fit. Lame compliment? Ruchee says she is open to it therefore no points in either direction.
CATHERINE all caps and Zachariah (not Zach) come back from their date and everyone in the villa looks exhausted. Zachariah pulls Andre just to check in with him, and I hope this vibe lasts !! Drama is fun but I love a good bromance +20 points to both
Girlies pile onto the daybeds to debrief and discuss the date (Terrace Fruit Plate). CATHERINE all caps was both surprised AND not surprised? Switzerland neutrality we love it. They had a good chat and he reassured her. Allegedly she and Zachariah had good eye contact (I find this hard to believe). All the ladies gasp when they find out there were fruit platters ! I love that they’re genuinely impressed +7 points to the girls. Ella Rose Depp says that CATHERINE all caps looks so happy and she’s right! +1 point for being right. CATHERINE all caps says that she’s happy that she finds herself getting happy to talk about it !! AHHH
Tyrique and Ella Rose Depp are in the kitchen and we get the second cheese toasty of the season. Tyrique tells ERD that he would feel a type of way if Zachariah had picked her. Tyrique says that he’s “not in love” with her but seeds have been planted and the leaves are budding! +11 to both for a new connection.
Andre pulls CATHERINE all caps and they both have sleepy voices!! - 200 to the stinky producers for keeping them up past their bedtimes. He’s avoiding looking into her eyes until the end of their conversation. Very strange and unusual behavior from this man. He is SO 21 and a business owner. +2 points for meeting expectations. CATHERINE all caps is recounting this story to the girls in the dressing room, and she’s right when she says that he didn’t take it very well. The boys are in the bedroom and encouraging Andre to chat with Ruchee. I hope he does because CATHERINE all caps has left the lineup. Blah Blah why do girls take so long to get ready - 22 points to Tyrique !! Let them live !! Skincare takes time !!
Mitchell Red Bottoms doesn’t sing his Time for Bed song - 8 points for inconsistency. No bedtime footage but that’s probably for the best! Thank you stinky producers +2 points
Snoring accusations fly far and wide and YES it’s 6ft5 Zachariah - but CATHERINE all caps finds it cute - 1 point for lying. Andre tries to act chill but I’m not sure it worked. Gender Isolationism continues and they split up into smaller groups for the morning discussion, I appreciate this - bring on the secrets bring on the drama
Molly (who owns a chicken) calls the morning debrief a chin wag +4 points ! Ella Rose Depp, Molly (who owns a chicken), and CATHERINE all caps are on the balcony doing a quick recap of last night with CATHERINE all caps saying she wants to get to know both Zachariah AND also Andre. -9 points for lies and delusion. Also she won’t feel better until Andre moves on ? -20 points for communication style and strategy
Andre and Red Bottoms are on the covered couch outside. Red Bottoms tells Andre that he took last night really well, and checks in on his game plan. Andre is 21 and a business owner, which means he’s not giving up without a fight. Zachariah (not Zach) and Tyrique are on the day beds and Zachariah, once again, reiterates his interest in CATHERINE all caps. But he’s also saying he doesn’t want to close himself off. I think he’s smitten but MEN lie so who knows.
Molly (who has a chicken) speaks with CATHERINE all caps and Ella Rose Depp and confesses that she’s not as married off as she seems. -4 points for delusion. Molly (who owns a chicken) understands that her and Red Bottoms are moving quickly but isn’t opposed to speaking to other guys. Does Red Bottoms know this? Confusing!
Jess (Assistant Director of the Villa Bureau of Investigation) sits with Ruchee on the U couch. Jess (VBI) thinks that Tyrique and Red Bottoms are fit. Ruchee hypes her up and encourages her to switch it up because right now the boys can't tell the difference between intentional flirting and harmless banter. +3 points for Good Advice. Tyrique comes over and flops down next to Jess (VBI). RUCHEE TAKE A HINT! LEAVE THEM ALONE! - 22 points to Ruchee for not reading the room. Spoiler alert- Jess (VBI) does NOT switch it up and immediately falls back into the banter flirting that could be perceived as friends having a LAFF !! She is very witty though, I’ll give her +2 points. Jess (VBI) and Tyrique are legitimately cuddling with Ruchee right there. She’s got her arm around the back if his neck and his hand is on her THIGH!!!! HAND TO THIGH ALERT !!! Ella Rose Depp babes you better watch OUT. Ruchee leaves thank god.
Tyrique says that Ella is cool but he’s not closed off. Then he tells Jess (VBI) that she looks sexy this morning. EXCUSE ME - last night he told ERD that he would feel some type of way if she got chosen and now he’s calling Jess (VBI) sexy to her face !! Bring on the prophecy of the semi-professional footballer !! OMG he told her she’s a good kisser, this escalated quickly, what are the producers not showing us !?!! Jess (VBI) is a little bashful which is cute and fun! +8 to Jess (VBI) for opening her heart <3 Tyrique is in the beach hut saying she’s pretty and easy to talk to, I support this
As the unusually long morning pre-bikini segment of this episode continues, Red Bottoms announces that George (-187 points to the stinky producers) doesn’t miss a beat and he’s right. George (-187 points to the stinky producers) has once again cornered Ruchee, this time in the morning and on the daybeds. The girl is still in her PJs let her rest!! George (-187 points to the stinky producers) is showing interest again, looking for feelers. He tells Ruchee that he’s looking for something a bit serious, and when Ruchee mentions being feisty, George (-187 points to the stinky producers) latches on to that idea and runs with it! Ruchee compares herself to a Chihuahua. Strange ! Ruchee asks him if he’s ever been in love before. Again - everyone is STILL in PJs!! Why are we trying to have a Deep & Meaningful? George (-187 points to the stinky producers) says he is a “good man, I am”. -500 points for not being a "good man, I am". Ruchee decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. Sigh.
They’re in their bikinis now thank GOD. TEXT ALERT - Andre is heading out on a date (beach blanket) with the new bombshell, Whitney. Red Bottoms does a brief daily affirmation with Andres who is 21 and owns a business. We love to see it! +2 points Red Bottoms for #mensmentalhealth. The boys have a little huddle where they hype him up and boost his confidence for the date. +15 points to the boys for being supportive <3
We're introduced to Whitney, 25, a wig seller, which tracks because SHE'S WEARING AT LEAST 40 INCHES & THAT LENGTH DOES NOT COME CHEAP. It looks very good and very heavy. +4 points for bravery and valor. She hits us with the usual Bombshell pre-entry courage and delivers a very convincing "If your man can be stolen then was he really your man?" !!! I BELIEVE HER !! stinky producers you are SPOILING US with this cast + 10 points
At the date (beach blanket), Whitney is looking cute lounging at the bottom of the beach stairs and tells Andre who is 21 and owns a business that he better come down and give her a hug. She is NOT getting up for him. +10 points for MILF behavior. Jess (VBI) watch your back because I have a feeling Whitney is either gonna be your absolute Bestie or absolute Worstie !! She compliments his eyelashes and he calls her a very pretty lady and pronounces his name 3 different ways to remind us, once again, that he's Portuguese. He's into older women (respectfully). Blah Blah blah what's your type, Whitney says she's into chocolate, vanilla etc etc, "if they're giving they're giving" !!
Ella Rose Depp and CATHERINE all caps discuss Andre, CATHERINE all caps is NOT jealous that he's on a date but she's intrigued, because if Andre is Whitney's type then Zachariah might also be her type. Tyrique decides to pull Molly (who owns a chicken) for a chat on the L couch. The two of them realize they haven't spoken one-on-one at all. Molly (who owns a chicken) gets DTB (down to business) and asks him what he's up to/who he's feeling. SHOCKER the semi-pro athlete has lots of girls crushing on him. -10 points for being a semi-pro athlete. He proclaims that he's a flirty character and isn't closed off. Molly brings up Jess (VBI) but Tyrique is Not Into Her - just into the LAFFS.
Mehdi (world class muncher) and George (-187 points to the stinky producers) are on the day beds chit chatting about Whitney the bombshell. They are both excited for fresh girls !!
Back to the date (beach blanket). Whitney is exceeding expectations by roasting Andre and asking him why CATHERINE all caps dumped him LMAO. + 5 points for exceeding expectations. He laughs on the outside (but cries on the inside). Whitney gets the recap and finds out that she's the second bombshell and the first one (Zachariah) stole CATHERINE all caps from Andre who is 21 and a business owner. Whitney can smell the salt coming off of Andres hurt feelings which he denies. Won't dock him this time but sir you are on NOTICE!! Andre tells Whitney that he's feeling her & it looks reciprocated. She is NOT impressed by his age. Whitney is a fire cracker +80 points for being a firecracker.
Meanwhile at the villa- CATHERINE all caps walks over to Zachariah who is laying on a daybed. He greets her with "How ya doing beautiful" +5 points for saying the right thing. He then says that he's definitely happy with the way this is going. Zachariah tells CATHERINE all caps that he's not scared of bugs (he is) and they banter about who's in charge of killing large spiders. -4 points to each for killing spiders.
Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms are on the beanbags and she tells him that she choked on a jawbreaker one time. +11 points to the producers for slipping in random moments of connection !! It's your job but I appreciate it. Andre and Whitney return from their date and Molly is immediately obsessed with Whitney! We love to see it !! The girls seem to genuinely compliment her and the vibes look good (not weird or territorial) +12 points to the girls
Andre goes off with the boys and Whitney goes off with the girls. Andre is a STORYTELLER, he is acting out the walk, the way she was laying down, doing a full one man solo performance +16 points for creative writing. The boys eat it up it's very cute. Andre confirms that he's into her bubbly personality and the energy was reciprocal & they had chemistry. Andre says that Whitney is his new favorite which seems like a lie but OK
Whitney with the girls on the U couch- " it was giving beach, it was giving views" CATHERINE all caps is silent but not in a rude way. Blah Blah what's your type Blah blah personality Blah blah funny tall nice smile and then hits them with the "no belly" +5 points for radical honesty.
The Islanders are getting ready and chit chatting. Molly (who owns a chicken) tries to take a bubble bath but can't find any bubble bath so she uses body wash +7 points for making it work. Andre decides to live in reality and confesses that CATHERINE all caps is still his #1. +4 points to Tyrique for getting Andre out of his delusions. Zachariah encourages Andre to chat to CATHERINE all caps "as soon as possible" and YES Tyrique +1 point for being right, it IS because Zachariah wants her to himself for the rest of the night!! Andre & Tyrique pillow fight very fun vibes !!
Girls are getting ready and they all seem to really like Whitney. Mehdi Muncher and Andre are manifesting a good night and Jess (VBI) is yelling again. Andre and Ruchee are sitting on the covered couch talking about manicures, Ruchee is a nail tech and is IMPRESSED with MEN who take care of their cuticles. +6 points to Andre for self care. Ruchee is so funny joking about putting her initials on his ring finger nail +30 points girlie GET YOUR MAN. Unfortunately she is not being as clear as she thinks she is. Either that or Andre isn't interested
Whitney walks over and steals Andre from Ruchee. Queen ! She brings up the fact that he hasn't complimented her yet (banter) and Andre is picking up what she's putting down. "You know that I know that You know that I know that You look nice" This may just be one of the first times in recorded history where an interaction like this LANDS and doesn't FLOP. +4 points to each. Her only minor issue is his age but she's interested in him. Whitney and Andre are vibing but Whitney is NOT in a rush and very open about his age being a speedbump. +10 points to Whitney for radical honesty
Tyrique and Jess are kicking it on a couch and Tyrique mentions that he likes big personalities. Jess has a big personality but Tyrique only sees her as a friend. This man is going to break my poor Jess (VBI)'s heart in TWO. Jess (VBI) is doing what she does best (investigating). She opens up to him that he's the only guy she's interested in, and he's like what are you TALKING about you told me that your type was Joey Essex !! Spoiler alert: Tyrique is NOT Joey Essex. + 7 points for not being Joey Essex. She's like OK then we can be friends but I don't flirt w my friends the way that we flirt +15 points for setting boundaries and he looks a little sad and mopey. He apologizes for leading her on and looks genuinely concerned that he hurt her feelings ...... It's only episode three and he's worming his way into my anti-semi pro athlete bias... + 2 points for exceeding expectations.
Jess (VBI) and CATHERINE all caps sit on the couch and Jess (VBI) confirms that Tyrique friend zoned her. Very impressed that people genuinely like each other this season?? Loving it. Ella Rose Depp and Tyrique chat about Jess (VBI) and Tyrique tells ERD that he ended it w her and shockingly isn't lying? +1 point for not lying. ERD is glad that he made it clear to her and then they kissed. +12 points to both for PDA
CATHERINE all caps and Ruchee are very happy for them AND SO AM I!!! Mehdi Muncher and Whitney sit around the fire pit and they are laughing so hard. She asks Mehdi about Ruchee and gets the whole "she's great but we're not into each other" convo. Blah blah what are you looking for blah blah Mehdi loves a funny strong personality brunette with dark eyes and confidence. Whitney makes a joke about her wig and Mehdi's like "you can have it on you can have it off idgaf" and Whitney cackles. Then she asks him what her best feature is, and says "What's your favorite feature about me", he loves her eyes and smile. She also likes his eyes. In the Beach Hut Mehdi calls Whitney a Boss Lady +1 point for being right
Mitchell Red Bottoms and Molly (who owns a chicken) head to the terrace for a chat. Red Bottoms proposes (ew) in a joking but not joking way. -27 points for being weird and icky. However, Molly (who owns a chicken) is lapping up the attention! Red Bottoms kisses Molly (who owns a chicken) and she is (understandably) a little shocked at how fast he's moving but going with the flow. She is going to BREAK HIS HEART!!!
I refuse to recap the preview for tomorrow because they're BAITING US and STRESSING ME OUT
Thanks for sticking around xoxo cloud_mom